Life Is Not a Fairy Tale

by Fantasia

  For those who think that I’m now livin’ large, this is an example of what happens to large sums of money, based on my own experience.

  You always have to begin with taxes and management fees, so now you’re looking at less than half of what you started with. I decided I wanted a house. My family has always rented houses, so it has always been my dream to own a house for us to live in, a house that we could really call our own. I also understood that buying a home was a better investment than spending my money on a luxury car that I couldn’t drive or diamonds that I probably wouldn’t wear. I liked the idea of spending my money on something I believe in and that is home! So now my whole family lives in a beautiful house that I bought in Charlotte, North Carolina. This is a great blessing for us and I love goin’ home every chance I get. I also love calling it “my home” because owning a home of my own was a dream that I couldn’t even imagine just a short while ago.

  Of course, I have monthly bills just like everybody else. We all have to pay the utility bills, put dinner on the table, pay for insurance, and pay for all those minutes that we spend talking on the phone. But when you’re in the public eye, you suddenly have expenses that you never even thought about like security, hairstylists, and assistants. And one of the blessings of having some money in my pocket is getting to do what I love best (next to singin’) and that is helpin’ people. I’ve helped my family by buying them new cars and givin’ them a place to live. I’ve paid off their bills and given them some things that they always wanted. And I’ve helped friends by giving them spending money to buy things they really want. I tithe every week, and I always have some money in my pocket so I can help those in need. I believe in givin’ back.

  It gives me a good feeling that I can do things for Mama and my brother Xavier. It makes me feel good that Xavier goes to a good school. I want him to have every advantage possible in life so he can go on to college. I want Xavier to be “cool,” handsome, andsmart —which he already is. I want him to be a workin’ man with a few dollars in his pocket. I don’t want him to be hustlin’ with the neighborhood boys hangin’ out at the gas station, waitin’ to make trouble. Xavier is better than that. He was raised right and for once, one of Mama’s kids will choose right, even if it is with a little help from me. It makes me smile to be able to give him the schoolin’ he needs to help himself become a good man who knows how to be productive and prosper. Because Mama takes care of Zion for me, I feel that I should help her with raising Xavier, because she can’t go out and make money on her own anymore. It’s like that saying: “Give a man a fish, and you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and you have fed him for a lifetime.” I would like to teach Xavier and my whole family to fish.

  So for all of you who think that I’m sittin’ around countin’ my millions just because I wonAmerican Idol, I’m here to tell ya livin’ large just means that you need more money and it brings bigger money worries. Y’all know I’m tellin’ it all, because I want to set the record straight. I’ve taken on a lot to take care of my family and I have to work every single day to continue to have enough for all of them.

  Also, because I didn’t write any of the songs on my first album, my income from the record sales is less than that of artists who do write their own songs. However, I look forward to collaborating on songs in the future. And all artists have to pay management-related fees. I don’t mean to tell my business like that, but people ask me about it all the time and everybody waits for me to pay when they are with me. I also need to understand the reality of the money situation for myself. I struggle every day with keeping my promise to my family and keeping my promise to myself, which was to make it with my music and not ever have to go without again.

  Since I wonAmerican Idol, nothing is the same. It seems like one day I was hanging out in High Point and the next day I was being taken around by a Realtor looking at houses that I never thought I would be able to see the inside of, much less be able to buy one and own it.

  I think my problem has always been thinking that having material things would make me happy. I think my whole family and all of the people from home have the same problem. What I’m realizing is that money and things don’t make you happy. All things really can do for you is make you more comfortable. And comfort isnot happiness.

  Now that I have a little money, I’m noticing that money seems to mean everything to almost everybody I know. I guess it always has been this way, but being involved with real money for the first time and seeing how it complicates things, I’m now standing back and appreciating the little things in life. The simplest and most important thing in my life is Zion. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to spend a lot of time with her since all of this has happened. So, just by being with her, having her fall asleep in my room or in my lap makes me feel like the richest and happiest woman in the world. It’s her deep need for me and my being there that makes priceless moments.

  Zion has taught me a lot about happiness. And even though I once believed that having material things would make us both happy, I learned from Zion’s deep brown eyes that when I would give her a new doll or a new toy or a pink canopy bed for her princess room, and then said I have to go away again, the canopy, the new dolls, and the new toys suddenly didn’t mean anything to her. Her eyes said it all. All she wanted was for me to stay with her. And when I saw that look in her eyes, I realized those material things really didn’t mean anything to me, either. I have to admit that I did spend money on Zion. I had a big need for Zion, and I wanted her to have new clothes, not hand-me-downs. I wanted her to have more than two pretty pink church dresses so she could choose from several. I wanted her to have shiny new patent leather shoes for church. I wanted her to have matching bows for her hair. I wanted my baby to have a winter coat like they have in the baby magazines. I wanted Zion to feel like a princess. I know I’m probably overdoing it with Zion, but what I want for her most above all else is pride, the one thing that I didn’t have when I was comin’ up. I wanted Zion to have all the things that I always wanted and never had. That may have been selfish in a way, but it just made me feel better that as a single parent I was trying to provide all the things that were missing. I see now that buying all those things for Zion was for me only. Now I’m much more aware of what to give Zion. I don’t buy her things every time I miss her or am feeling guilty about being away. Now I only give her what she needs, like a call every night to say good night. That makes her much happier and it makes me happier than anything I could buy.

  Other little things in life, like walking on the beach and admiring the magnitude of the ocean, makes me see God’s power. The fact that I’m still breathing and waking up every day and being able to get myself up and moving is a blessing. I thank God for the financial rewards now, but I have so much more than that to be thankful for.

  Now I want to bewise so I can still take care of myself and not have to rely on just money to make everything happen. Wisdom is not what is expected from celebrities or recording artists who came from nothing. They expect us to get money and spend it all up on furs, cars, diamonds, and mansions. All that crazy stuff in the videos.

  People ask me what I spend my money on, and I tell them that it is important to me to take care of my family. I have been asked, “Why do you feel you have to do it?” It’s not that I have to do it, but I want to do it because it’s the promise that we made to each other on Montlieu Avenue just a few short years ago. I just happen to be the one who got blessed first. We were all in it together—my mama and daddy and brothers, we were all travelin’ and singin’. That’s all we did for most of my childhood. At times, we all slept in the same dark room together. We ate grits, bacon, eggs, bologna, and corned beef hash for days at a time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Westruggled together, and although we were young, my brothers and I had grown-folk struggles. When we had no hot water in the house, we used to yell down to the kitchen, “Boil me some water so I can bathe!” Everybody used to huddle up together to keep warm when there was
no heat. When I think back to those days, it brings tears to my eyes. My tears are tears of joy because we survived and we never have to be out of heat or water and now we all have our own rooms. I was the youngest, but I would always say, “Man, one day we’re going to make it! Watch when one of us gets somethin’ and we’re not going to have to go through this anymore.”I meant that. We were normal kids: We wanted to go places and we wanted to have things. All of those memories of growing up remind me ofwanting. That much wantinghurts.

  As crazy as it sounds, even if I hadn’t made that promise to my family, I would still be doing exactly the same thing I’m doing for them, because I would be lost without them. They are all that I have ever had. My house was meant to be filled with family. That’s why we all worked so hard to have something; it wasn’t only my efforts. It just turns out that I made it first. By giving the prize to me, it was really for all the Barrinos as a reward for all those years of strugglin’ together. My brothers missed out on basketball and football games, proms and nights out at the drive-in. I missed out on joining the cheerleading squad and track meets. We missed out on everything that most kids our age were able to do because we were out singin’ and performin’ and trying to satisfy our hunger for music.

  My situation with my family is not without problems. It is hard enough to be me, wanting so much that I never had before. Imagine a whole family that has never had anything and now being able to give them what they really want and need, in addition to my own wants and needs. I’m trying to get my family to see that it really ain’t about the bling, but that is a hard thing to show people when the bling is all that they have ever dreamed about.

  My family has very little formal education and only now are we starting to see the light about how important education is. My father is a certified truck driver. My grandmother’s husband, Ray, got him a job with his trucking company so that he could take care of his family. My mother started her nursing education, became a certified nursing technician (CNT) but never stayed in school so she could become a registered nurse. Because our family has such a passion and talent for music, it has always been that we are a little stubborn about working in other areas that don’t involve music. Of course my parents had to do other things because they had mouths to feed, but my father did manage to get us involved in music despite his trucking job, and despite the fact that we should have all been in school learnin’, but more than anything else, he just wanted us to sing. As the kids in my family have all have grown up, we honestly didn’t, and still don’t, have much interest in anything that doesn’t involve music.

  Whenever I come home to Charlotte or High Point, my cell phone constantly rings with people giving me a list of needs, wants, and loan requests. My problem is that I always end up giving what they ask for, but it stresses me out, because I can’t afford to do all the things that everyone wants for much longer. It seems no matter what I say, it continues to be the same thing, more calls asking for more things. I was trying to help them so that they could help themselves, but it isn’t working.

  I bought Tiny a small car so he wouldn’t have to ask people to take him to his job. I wanted him to feel independent and free of worry about beggin’ people to take him to work. Tiny and a lot of other people back home have a hard time keeping a job because they don’t have cars and it makes it hard to be reliable about getting to work. But Tiny has the music hunger and so he won’t get a job unless it is music related. Tiny is stubborn. You remember him, brushing his hair on stage when we were younger. That is the same man who won’t get a job because he believes that he has got to concentrate on his music to make it happen someday.

  That makes me look at this hunger for music that we all have. I think the hunger comes from a need to feel like we are succeedin’ at somethin’. With limited education and limited resources, music is the only thing that makes us feel like we’re a part of the world. It makes us feel worthy, because it comes to us so naturally. Music isour gift to the world. It’s what we do. That’s why I didn’t push Tiny much because his hunger for music is the same as mine. The only difference is that I got a shot before him and he hasn’t gotten his shot—yet.

  The truth is that I love my family more than anything in my life. But when I come home to North Carolina, there is sometimes a pressure I feel of having to make everyone happy.

  Helping the people who I grew up with in High Point is very important to me. If a few small moments in my life had gone differently, I could still be there in High Point, sitting next to my family on the couch and watching some other girl winAmerican Idol. But handing out money on the streets is not really a way to help anyone. I can only help those who want to help themselves. That is why I reached back and took my brother Rico and my homegirl Aseelah on the road with me as background singers. The experiences on the road with me are career-makin’ experiences that will take them into their own music careers. They are gaining experience performing and getting exposure to how the music business works. Because they have traveled the world with a signed artist, they will always get work with other signed artists. I wish I could do something thatreal for everyone.

  I have a lot of dreams that I want for myself and my family. I want the people in my family know how much I love them and how I remember those nights on Montlieu Avenue, when we didn’t have anything but the music. I keep working and doing shows so that we can have all the things that we deserve. I’m just hoping that soon the other hungers for those material things will wear off and we will soon be in plannin’ mode and notwantin’ mode.

  I’m saving money, but I haven’t invested yet other than buying a house. For now, I just want to save as much as I can, take care of my family, and learn more about how to manage money. One thing I know for sure is we are not going to look back. We’re not going back to where we started.

  One thing I do love is a bargain. I still shop at Target and Wal-Mart. If I could say anything to you, I would say be wise about how you spend your money. Don’t buy designer clothes and fancy cars that you can’t afford. Look for sales and look for bargains. If I could be at home more, you better believe that ’Tasia would be at yard sales. If I see a yard sale while on the road, I still stop if we have time. Going to yard sales reminds me that I am still a country girl and I don’t have to splurge and spend a lot of money to feel like I got something.

  I’m inspired by the bling-bling celebrities who have moved beyond the initial attraction of the bling and are now creating enough money to live comfortably without wasting money. I am inspired by Oprah Winfrey, who turned her broadcasting career into a television and publishing empire in addition to being an award-winning actress who always gives plenty of money to help other people. Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Halle Berry does great movies, acts, and is a major model and film producer. Jay-Z, Puff Daddy, and Will Smith are smart men who turned hip-hop into fashion, restaurants, sports ownership, sneaker design, endorsements, and TV production. Someday, I want ’Tasia to be on that list.

  Of course, I worry that I don’t have the smarts to do things in business like they did even though it’s what I want so much. All of these people at least finished high school, and I haven’t even got my GED. I pray and ask God to give me the time and patience to finish my education, and the guidance to spend my money wisely, so there is always money in the bank. I have dreams of starting businesses. I want to open up a beauty shop that also has nail services. I have always wanted a restaurant and a club with live music, a small dance floor, and an open-mic night where musicians and poets can do their “thang.” Sometimes, I even dream of a shoe store, because I love shoes so much. I would specialize in exotic European shoes. I also want to pay off my grandmother’s church mortgage, which would be another family asset. And, because my grandmother has a daycare center in her home, I would love to expand it. All of my businesses would make jobs for my friends and the other people in High Point, who say there is no work available.

  I have a lot of dreams. I must sound silly to you, bu
t three years ago if I had told you I would be writing a book, I had traveled the world, and was the 2004 American Idol you and I would both have said that I was crazy. Having dreams are the first part of making things happen. Dreaming big means that you can think you can. If you are not dreamin’ big, then you are just sleepin’ on life.

  MY MOMENT OF

  FAITH:WHAT I LEARNED

  The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

  PROVERBS 22:7

  It is the small things that matter most.

  The best things in life are free.

  Rich people can be unhappy, and poor people can be happy. Money ain’t everything!

  9.Don’t

  Be a Hootchie

  Mama

  What is a hootchie mama?I’m sure you’re wonderin’. And even though the term originated in the ghetto, it’s a term that can be used all over the world for women who use their bodies to get what they want from men. This is a world problem; it’s not a ghetto problem. It’s sad to say, but women are trained to use their bodies and their looks to get attention and love from men. It’s much easier for women who have no education or financial support to fall into this kind of thinking. The truth is, this is not a good place to be. And the reason that it’s not a good place to be is because being totally at the mercy of a man and dependent on him takes away any belief that you have in yourself. You start to believe that you can’t make it on your own. I felt like I had to be like that with J.B. until I went toAmerican Idol. Even though J.B. was a good man and he was good to me, I don’t want any of my sistas to ever have to feel like they can’t do it on their own.