Wolfsbane

by Andrea Cremer

  “This is Pyralis, and we’re passing their Apothecary,” Adne said, gesturing to a set of double doors that resembled those of Haldis Tactical, only the triangles carved into the Apothecary’s doors were plain, with their tips pointing upward.

  “Sorry,” Connor muttered. “I didn’t realize it would affect you.”

  “Why isn’t it bothering you two?” I asked, taking shallow breaths though since we’d passed the doors, the acrid scents had begun to fade.

  “The Apothecary creates our enchantments—the compounds we use to make our weapons more effective against . . .” Adne winced when she looked at me.

  “Guardians.”

  I ran my tongue along sharpening canines.

  “Enchanted bolts; hope you’re enjoying the ride.” It was a good thing Ethan had stayed at Purgatory. Had he been walking alongside me, when memories of the Searchers’ venom snaking through my veins made my chest throb, I wouldn’t have been able to resist ripping a chunk out of his arm.

  “Yeah,” Connor added. “You should steer clear of Pyralis. It’s never going to be a pleasant place for you to visit.”

  “Thanks for the tip,” Shay muttered, releasing the collar of his shirt, which he’d pulled up like a tent over his nose.

  I knew we’d reached Haldis when the fiery shades ceased flickering in the walls and became the gently waving dark hues found only deep in the soil. The burning fumes of Pyralis had vanished. I took deep breaths, enjoying the way the clear air soothed my stinging chest. The itchiness subsided, though both Shay and I had red scratches running up and down our arms as souvenirs from our brief trip past the Apothecary.

  “So each of the wings reflects its elemental source?” I asked. “Earth, air, fire, and water?”

  Having seen the other three wings, I wondered what the water section of the Academy was like.

  “Yep,” Adne said.

  “Pretty, isn’t it?” Connor asked. “Nice place to call home.”

  “Thank you.” Adne grinned at him over her shoulder.

  “Huh?” I frowned.

  Connor laughed. “The Weavers pull the threads through the building. But Adne just decided to take all the credit.”

  The tension in my shoulders eased a bit at the sound of his laughter; I knew that Connor was returning to himself. The instant effect of his teasing made it obvious how much his fatalistic humor could be an asset to his allies. Even if it was often irritating.

  “Threads?” Shay asked.

  “It’s the key to how we move the Academy,” she said, rubbing her temples. “But honestly, my head is just pounding. Can I awe you with my mad skills another time?”

  She’d come to a stop in front of a door. “This is you, Calla.”

  Connor spared me a sly smile. “I’m right down the hall if you have nightmares, she-wolf. Bed’s big enough to share as long as you don’t bite . . . hard.”

  I grabbed Shay before he could lunge at Connor.

  “You really need to lighten up,” Connor growled, shaking his head at Shay’s balled fists.

  “God, Connor,” Adne groaned. “Headache, remember? Could you put the commentary on hold for tonight?”

  “Sorry.”

  I was stunned. He’d never apologized for his jokes before. Connor went to her, pushing wisps of hair away from her eyes. “You should get some sleep.”

  “It’s not late enough to go to bed.” I thought I saw her shudder. “Even if it was, I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

  “We can talk, then,” he said. All evidence of his puckish humor had vanished.

  She looked up at him, silent for several heartbeats, and then nodded.

  “You can find your room, Shay?” Connor asked, not taking his eyes off Adne.

  “I’m pretty sure I already said that,” Shay said. “Like ten minutes ago.”

  “Uh-huh.” Connor put his arm around Adne’s shoulders, leading her farther down the hall.

  I watched them walk away, puzzling over the roller-coaster ride of their interactions.

  The sound of Shay clearing his throat pulled my thoughts away from Connor and Adne’s strange relationship.

  “Where’s your room?” I asked.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing down the hall but not meeting my gaze. “It’s just next door, but I thought maybe . . .”

  My pulse jumped and then my cheeks flamed as Connor’s comment replayed in my head.

  “You want to come in?” I asked.

  He smiled, raising hopeful eyes to meet mine.

  I took his hand, knowing he could feel my heartbeat racing through my veins the moment our fingers touched. My bedroom was dark, but I could make out the bed, a writing desk, and a few upholstered chairs. The room looked like a cross between a dormitory and a luxury hotel. Not bad.

  But where should I go? I’d stumbled into unfamiliar territory. Shay and I were alone and we didn’t have to hide. In this place there was no one to catch us. We were safe . . . in theory. My limbs were trembling, full of desire and the freedom of possibility.

  Do I lead him to the bed? Is that too fast? Should I be coy? Man, I suck at this.

  Shay stepped behind me. His arms encircled my waist and he drew me back against the curve of his body.

  The warmth that filled me when his kiss moved along my neck sent silken tendrils through my limbs. I leaned back against him, relief flooding me. My body eased, each muscle relaxing. We were alone, no longer under the scrutiny of the Searchers—who despite their welcome still left me uneasy. Even if I wasn’t completely comfortable with this new arrangement, at least I was still alive. Shay was still alive. I breathed in the realization that we were safe, for now.

  I closed my eyes as his hands moved slowly over my body. Even through his clothes I could feel the warmth of his skin. It was incredibly soothing.

  “So what do you think?” he asked. “About the Searchers? They’re the good guys from what I can tell.”

  “Looks like.” I shifted slightly in his arms. “It’s weird—but they kind of remind me of Guardians.”

  “That makes sense to me. You’re both warriors. And you make sacrifices because of the war.” He pulled back the collar of my shirt, and his lips touched the top of my shoulder.

  “Sacrifices.” I shivered at the light brush of his mouth on my skin, suddenly thinking of Lydia. Of Mr. Selby. What did they think they’d given their lives for? There was still so much I didn’t know about the Searchers.

  “They’re incredible fighters,” I said, my mind flashing back to the eastern slope. “Even if they aren’t wolves.”

  “Sometimes being human has advantages,” Shay said.

  “Like when?”

  “Like if we were both wolves right now, I’d only be able to lick you.”

  I laughed, trying to turn to face him, but he held me still.

  He kissed the underside of my jaw. “See, much better than licking.” The sudden speed of my heart and flood of heat through my veins told me it was much, much better.

  His lips brushed my ear once again while his hands slid over my hips, molding me against him. “I’m sure we could come up with other things that would be better too.”

  I turned before he could stop me, tilting my face toward his, eager for his lips to meet mine. When they did, it was like a flaming arrow scorched its path into the core of my body. He kept the kiss light, teasing. The gentle strokes of his mouth on mine made me ache, hungry for more of him. I twisted my fingers in the soft curls of his hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss. I took his lower lip between my teeth, and I heard a rumbling growl of pleasure in his chest. One of his hands pressed against the small of my back while the other slipped beneath my shirt, caressing, exploring.

  “I missed you,” he whispered, kissing me again. “So much.”

  “Me too,” I said, almost gasping as his lips moved along my jaw. My skin came alive under his fingers, every touch an electric crackle through my veins.

  He laughed, and I m
anaged to catch my breath long enough to ask, “This is funny to you?”

  “No,” he murmured against my lips. “It’s just that this outfit is much easier to deal with than that chastity contraption you had on the last time we were kissing.”

  I shivered as his fingers emphasized his observation.

  “You mean my wedding dress?” I tried to focus on getting coherent words out. “These are more comfortable, but it’s a little weird to be wearing my enemies’ clothes.”

  “They aren’t your enemies anymore. And it’s a good look for you.” He smiled against my mouth. “I especially like those tight leather pants.” His hands moved again and my legs threatened to give out.

  “Do you want to pick up where we left off in my room?” he asked. “I mean, where we left off before we had to run for our lives?”

  My heart fluttered, but another voice echoed in my mind. A voice from when we’d been running for our lives.

  Do you love him? Ren’s words swirled around me, filling my ears. I had to close my eyes against the sound of it, struggling against the storm of feelings that assaulted me.

  This is only about love.

  His rich voice sounded so close, so real. My eyes snapped open and I almost expected to see the alpha standing there: espresso dark hair, sparkling charcoal eyes, teasing smile, lips parted to greet me.

  Hey, Lily.

  But only tall leaded windows stared back at me from the room’s outer wall.

  With some reluctance I pulled out of Shay’s embrace. Why does this keep happening? I couldn’t escape memories of Ren. They were only getting stronger.

  “I don’t think we should.” My voice was hoarse and my limbs still trembled, but I didn’t know if it was from the lingering effects of Shay’s touch or the unexpected vision of Ren that intruded on us.

  He sighed as he watched me move away from him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I didn’t want to tell him, so I grabbed for the other thought that nagged me. “The fight today was hard. Lydia died so I could make it back. She died for me. It’s hard to believe that the Searchers don’t hate me.”

  “I think Ethan hates you,” Shay offered with a grimace.

  “The feeling is mutual.” I smiled ruefully. “I meant the rest of them. Monroe’s reserved but never angry. Connor’s actually pretty great.”

  “I see.” Shay gritted his teeth.

  “Not like that,” I muttered. “Just funny and nice. You know, like Adne.”

  I let an edge accompany her name. Two could play the jealousy card.

  He either didn’t notice or ignored it. “Yeah, she is great. I spent the whole week with her.”

  “Doing what?” I asked, catching a growl before it left my throat.

  “Aw, you’re cute when you’re jealous.” He stroked my cheek, snatching his fingers away when I playfully snapped at them. “You know I only have eyes for you.”

  “Right.” I laughed, but a snarl still lingered in the sound.

  “Seriously.” The warmth in his voice drew my eyes to his. When he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, I melted, knowing he meant it.

  “Adne just showed me around,” he said. “We did some training. They’re really big on that here—the training.”

  “What kind of training?” I ran my fingers over his shoulder, along his arm, lingering on his taut muscles.

  “Combat,” he replied, his jaw tightening. I felt his biceps flex under my hand.

  “Oh,” I said. “What’s it like?”

  He laughed sharply. “I know how to fight better, I guess.”

  “You were already pretty good before,” I offered.

  “You should see me now, baby.” He grinned.

  “Don’t ever call me that again,” I said. “Or you’ll need those combat skills.”

  “Right,” he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “No belittling pet names. I’ve sort of been learning about the Academy and how Searchers are trained, but as far as the future or what I’m supposed to do, I’m still blind and dumb.”

  “Shay . . . why didn’t you show them Haldis until today?” Something about that secret bothered me, but I couldn’t quite pin down what.

  “I didn’t want to give them anything until I knew I could trust them. Until you came back,” he said, sending a spike of warmth beneath my skin that curled low in my body. “I think I do now.”

  “So you and the Searchers have been giving each other the silent treatment?”

  “Pretty much.” He laughed. “I wanted to be sure they meant it about the alliance with Guardians, that they weren’t going to hurt you once you woke up.”

  “Thanks for that,” I said, but it was still surprising that he’d deceived them. “Shay, you knew that we were going to try to find my pack. Why didn’t you stop us?”

  “You wanted to go,” he protested, but I knew he was dodging me.

  “All I could think about was getting to them,” I said. “It didn’t even occur to me that the patrols would have stopped . . . not until we couldn’t find them.”

  Shay didn’t manage to hide the twitch of a smile.

  “You knew,” I snarled. “You knew we wouldn’t find them.”

  “I didn’t know,” he said. “I guessed.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” My surprise became anger. Two people were dead. “My alpha instincts took over when I was hunting for Ansel and the others. I couldn’t think about anything else. You should have.”

  “I wanted you to be safe,” he said, his shoulders tensing. “I thought you could prove your worth to the Searchers without actually running into trouble.”

  “We ran into plenty of trouble,” I snarled, furious that he’d thought he could protect me and that he’d tried to do so by lying. “People died. Good people.”

  “I know,” he said quickly, and I could see he was becoming as angry as I was. “And I’m sorry for that. Calla, I didn’t say anything because I thought there wouldn’t be wolves near Haldis. How could I have known they’d be waiting for you?”

  Because it’s what we do best. I bit my tongue, not wanting to lash out at him anymore. Tears burned in my eyes and weariness settled deep in my bones, making them ache. I walked to the bed and sat down. It wasn’t just the Searchers’ losses that tore at me. My own disappointment pressed down on my chest, a painful, heavy weight. I’d barreled into that mission because I’d hoped so much to reunite with my pack. Now I didn’t know what would happen, how we’d ever find them.

  I slid down on the mattress, resting my head among pillows. A few lonely tears slipped along my cheeks as I closed my eyes. The bed caved beneath Shay’s weight when he stretched out beside me. His lips touched the back of my neck, but I wasn’t with him in the room anymore. I was back in Vail, with my pack. Facing Emile today hadn’t just shown me what I was up against—it had reminded me of what I’d lost. I despised the Bane alpha, but I didn’t hate his son.

  Come to beg forgiveness? I think you may find it’s too late.

  Running had granted me freedom, but Ren was still in Vail. And he’d lied to help us escape. How had Emile reacted to that betrayal? What kind of forgiveness would the Keepers offer Ren, if any? Was he even alive?

  Shay’s fingers slid over my hip, drawing me back against him.

  “Stop, Shay. Don’t.” My voice quaked as I rolled away from him. “I just . . . I can’t.”

  I wanted him, but the flood of emotions pouring into me made me restless, uneasy.

  He slid his arm around my waist. “Why not?”

  It took me a moment to speak. “You know why.”

  A low growl slithered from his throat. “He’s not here, you know. Your union, the alpha stuff, all of that—it’s over. You don’t have to keep acting like he has some kind of hold on you. I just wish you would—”

  Shay didn’t know how wrong he was. Ren was here; somehow he was still with me, haunting my every move. Union or no, as alphas we’d had a fierce bond. It had always been
there since the first day I’d met him and our union had been announced. That connection, that loyalty still tied me to Vail, and to him. The only thing that had made me question whether Ren and I were meant to be together was this boy who now lay beside me. And I wasn’t sure I knew what that meant.

  Shay was silent, but I could feel his angry eyes boring into the back of my head.

  “I don’t get it,” he said. “You’re free now, Cal. You want this.”

  He was right. I did want this, but my own desires weren’t the only thing that compelled me.

  “No, I’m not. Not really.” I sighed, flipping over to look at him. “I’m sorry, but until I know that my pack is safe, I don’t want to make any more choices that make me feel like I’ve abandoned them.”

  As soon as the words were out, I knew how true they were. It wasn’t just Ren haunting me; it was the choices I’d made.

  His mouth cut into a thin, sharp line. “Loving me is betraying your pack? Even after everything that’s happened, you’d still consider becoming Ren’s mate for their sakes?”

  “I—I don’t know.” And I realized that I really didn’t know what I was going to do. I tried to make my voice coaxing. “With everything that’s going on, don’t you think it’s better if we keep things neutral? We have more important stuff to deal with than you, me, and Ren. Right?”

  Even as I spoke, my fingers found Ren’s ring, tracing the shape of the band.

  Shay’s pale green eyes hardened into agates. “More important stuff?”

  “Like saving the world? This war we’re supposed to win for the Searchers? I’d call that important.” I’d tried to laugh along with the words but failed miserably.

  Shay wasn’t laughing either. “Completely. Separate. Issues.”

  “I know.” I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. “It’s just. Okay—you’re not going to like this.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I just want you to tell me the truth.”

  What if I don’t know the truth? What if my feelings slip through my fingers like water every time I try to grab hold of them?

  “It’s not over,” I barely managed to whisper.

  “What’s not over?”