by Raven Scott
Hanging up on Oran before he had a chance to reply, I clutched my phone to my chest as Jackie crossed her arms over her chest and gazed steadily at me. I hadn’t talked to or seen her since I yelled at her, and now that I wasn’t upset, I felt really bad about it. My mouth dried the longer the silence buzzed in my ears, and I was going to force it open until she suddenly started giggling hysterically.
“Oh . . . oh man. You . . . you look so nervous, ah . . . ” Flames licked up my neck, and I let out an embarrassed squeak as Jackie reached to nudge my arm. “Relax, May. I don’t hold what happened last week against you. Honestly, I would yell at me too if I had to go through that circus bull. It’s not easy, working in such a toxic place.”
“You’re not mad?” Shaking her head as we went down, Jackie smiled fondly, and I scrunched my face in confusion. “Why? I said some really nasty stuff.”
“You were right, though. I didn’t do my job by not checking into those messages, and I knew there was no way you’d have a response because you didn’t write them. I knew you didn’t. And you were right, May— unless someone wanted me to have them, they would’ve never come across my desk.” Awkwardness clenched my gut, and I only nodded at that. At least, when I was angry, I didn’t resort to personal attacks and stuck to facts . . . sorta.
“I am. I’m sorry that I called you incompetent. I was just really mad and tired, and you were doing your job.” Jackie nodded, and relief slumped my shoulders as I sighed dramatically. “Okay, good. I actually am starting my own design company. If you don’t have any concrete job, maybe we could talk about working together?”
“I would be honored, May. Here . . . ” Digging in her purse, Jackie pulled out a business card and pen to scribble her personal number on the back. “Here’s my number. I don’t know how good a boss you’ll be, but you were a great employee. I’m actually on my way to an interview, but text me. I’ll answer.”
“Yeah, for sure.” Taking the card, I smiled at that very blatantly neutral answer, and the elevator stopped again. The doors slid open, and I gestured her out first before stepping into lobby. Our company only owned two floors of this twenty-story building, smack in the middle, but, pretty soon, those floors would be empty.
Jackie and I parted ways, and I quickly swiped around on my phone for Oran’s number to call him back. The line rang once, twice, three times before he picked up, and I heaved a massive sigh on my way onto the street.
“That was really awkward. I just had an elevator ride alone with the person from HR on my case. I actually asked for her number in case I wanted to hire her. That’s the weirdest . . . ” The wind nipped at my cheeks, and I held my light jacket tighter to my bust as I strode down the sidewalk. “Sorry for hanging up on you.”
“It’s alright. I have a meeting in a few minutes but have fun with your down time. I’ll see you later, May.” I offered a noncommittal response before we hung up again, mutually, this time, and I swept back my hair absently. Celebratory shopping, here I come!
37
Oran
“Malory, where the hell is my two o’clock?” Malory shook her head but didn’t lift her nose from her computer screen, and I tapped the lip of her desk. If she had those blonde curls hanging at her knees, she wouldn’t be visible, but my attention didn’t sit on that too long. “Do I have anything else to do today?”
“Uh-h, that was your last appointment. I actually didn’t schedule anything deliberately because I have a four o’clock at the nail salon, so dock me. It’s worth it.” Grunting absently, I shuffled to the elevator and ran my hands through my hair, taking a huge breath as I rocked back on my heels. Now what was I supposed to do with my day?
May was busy, and I didn’t exactly have friends. I could just go to the mall and browse, but what could I buy? Anything wasn’t a good enough answer.
Stepping into the elevator, I set my mind on that, and my mind turned to the possibilities. May had really enjoyed the gift I got her, and I held my breath as I dove down thirty-one floors.
“Oran.” I barely stepped out of the elevator when Sarah was all up in my face, and surprise dried my mouth. Her grey-green eyes were wide, and I automatically looked around through narrowed eyes when she grabbed my hand. “I need your help. This guy has been following me for, like, three blocks, and the security guard in here didn’t let him in, but I knew you worked here, so I asked the rec—”
“Shh-shh, relax, Sarah. You’re talking really fast. Who’s been following you for three blocks?” She wasn’t sweating or freaking out hyperventilating. The only indication she was scared was how she spewed out words a mile a minute. My chest tightened when she pointed at the doors, and I frowned as some creep practically had his face against the glass. “Okay, just breathe. We’re gonna walk out— you and me.”
“What? We can’t go out there. That creep was practically breathing down my neck. I could feel him on my neck.” Clenching my jaw, I was suddenly glad I’d left my jacket upstairs, and I started rolling up my sleeves absently. Sarah squeaked in shock, and I caught her gaze to crack what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “Are you gonna fight him?”
“Did you call May?”
“She was in a changing room across downtown.” Jesus, at least today wasn’t going to be boring. “Oran, are you seriously gonna fight him?”
“Yes.” Grabbing her arm, I practically had to drag Sarah to the door, and agitation gorged my muscles. “Sarah, if you don’t trust me, someone’s going to call the cops on me and not that dick, alright?”
“A-alright. Okay.” She inhaled through flared nostrils, and I pursed my lips thinly as I turned back to the door. The guy loitering outside wasn’t creeping looking, per say, but following someone for three blocks in this part of town, it just didn’t happen coincidentally. He probably skated by on his solid six looks and slicked back brown hair but he reminded me of the creeps I’d met with under my father.
Pushing open the door, I silently debated my options as walked over to him. He had a good amount of confidence, enough not to run away, and rage blossomed in my chest.
“Are we going to have an issue?” For once in my life, I wished I got a little more of my dad in me, and this asshole actually smirked at me lightly. He slunk off down the wide steps and onto the sidewalk, and I took Sarah’s bicep again to glance at her. “If you ever see that guy again, call the cops.”
“Thank you, Oran.” We walked around the block before Sarah spoke up, and I glanced down to find her a lot more relaxed in the face. Her eyes were more grey than green, now, and she actually smiled gratefully up at me. “I appreciate it. Again.”
“Of course, Sarah. Do you want to go grab a bite to eat? We can go to Hansen’s.” Snorting a laugh, Sarah nodded happily, and I ran my hand through my hair as I let her arm go. “So, you’re seventeen now. Are you going to try for your license?”
This girl mattered so much to May, but I’d never even seen her aside from that one time at Hansen’s. Everything I knew about Sarah came from May, and she seemed so different, now. Maybe, it was just the situation, and she smiled so brightly now as she nodded excitedly.
“Yeah, yeah. May says she’ll go half on a beater for me, and insurance. I just have to pass the test on the first try. I took my permit test about six months ago so I could go for my license, and May is gonna pay for driving school- I already signed up.” Sarah talked and talked, and talked some more, and I nodded as I paid more attention to the excitement in her tone than her words. “I just need a job, now, so I can pay for everything else. I’ve been looking, but no luck yet.”
“I can always pull a string if you ever want to choose the easy way, Sarah.” I don’t know why I offered, but she shook her head before I even finished. “Determination doesn’t always pay out.”
“Yeah, but it feels damn good when it does.” Arching a brow curiously, I paused when Sarah stopped walking, and she stuffed her hands into her pockets to cock her head. “I told May I wasn’t going to tell on our parents, but I alrea
dy did. Right after they sent me to Seattle.”
“Ah, so, that’s why they were so uppity.” She shrugged, and I frowned as Sarah huffed softly. “Why did you lie to May?”
“Because I fuck up . . . a lot . . . and I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice. It’s like, the obvious things, they’re not obvious to me. My parents didn’t just argue about my mom’s hideous spending habits. She was trying to convince my dad to take ‘more jobs’ by someone from something called the Syndicate.” My heart sputtered at that, and I ground my teeth as Sarah trudged on with her story, not realizing the significance of what she’d said. “Even though I reported it, nothing ever happened to them. I don’t know if it’s because someone covered it up, or it just takes a long time to actually get to it.”
“Was that the first time you’ve ever heard of that name, Syndicate?” Sarah shook her head, and we started walking again as my mind worked furiously. “It’s a good thing you didn’t say anything, Sarah. That group is dangerous, and it’s even better that your parents forced you out. You won’t be targeted when they target your parents.”
Pushing my glasses up my nose, I glanced over at her as she frowned, her brows furrowing tightly. Sarah looked a lot like May, but a tiny bit more . . . ‘butch’, for lack of a better term. She had broader shoulders, was thicker around the waist and had a rounder face.
But Sarah was just a kid being punished for something she had no idea about. Actually, it was a lot like Mateo’s situation, but grossly simplified, of course.
“When they target my parents.” I kept my mouth shut on that, and Sarah’s frown saddened out of the corner of my eye. “Did you know that with my diagnosis, I lack empathy? Unless someone is right in front of me, they don’t matter at all. Even if they are in front of me, they still don’t matter much. I don’t think I’d be sad if my parents got some really hard karma, they made it pretty damn clear how they feel about me, you know?”
“Yeah, I do, actually. My father is a sociopath— he can’t feel empathy at all. He’s really selfish, really vein, really stubborn and strong headed, and he can’t feel anything nice. He can fake it really well, though. So well that we didn’t really know about it until a couple years ago.” Rubbing the back of my neck as we turned a corner, I gazed at the huge Hansen’s sign rising up above all the others. “You should call May and let her know where we’re going, Sarah.”
“Oh, yeah. Okay.” Sarah started patting her jean pockets to whip out her phone, and I paused our trek when she looked up at me with those same eyes as her sister. Warmth suffused my chest, and I reached to pat her shoulder as her nervousness finally seeped away completely. “Thank you, again. I . . . to be honest, I really don’t know this city all that well.”
“You’re welcome, again, Sarah.” She might’ve lacked empathy due to her mild autism, but Sarah wasn’t fucking stupid. There were plenty of ways for girls to just disappear, and Sarah was a very pretty girl. “Call your sister.”
Pulling my own phone out of my pants pocket, I swiveled my thumbs over the screen before navigating my way to my contacts.
38
May
“Is it true you covered my tab with the apartment and the tenants, and that’s why I’m not getting sued to hell and back?” The question rolled lazily off my tongue, but that was exactly what Oran would do, and he didn’t hesitate to nod absently. Crawling to sprawl across his lap, I pursed my lips thinly as I stared up at him, and his fingers burrowed in my hair to rub my scalp gingerly. Today hadn’t been too bad, my freak out in the women’s changing room at Ruffle’s aside, and I reached to take off his glasses before speaking up. Best Oran can’t see the embarrassment on my face. “I was wonder . . . hoping, really . . . that I could ask for a favor. I promise, I won’t make a habit of it, and I’ll pay you back once my business takes off-“
“Whatever it is, May, I’ll do it. No hesitation.” My lips quirked up as my cheeks flamed, and discomfort tightened my chest at Oran’s absolute determination. His eyes found my face, and I was really glad I’d taken his glasses off as I licked my lips nervously.
“Would you mind helping me put a down payment on a house? I have the bonus that you gave me during the audit, but I don’t want to be stuck with a massive mortgage.” Oran’s eyes narrowed, but I knew he still couldn’t see me, and I gulped harshly as fire engulfed my entire head. “I hate asking, but since we’re already essentially homeless, I figured why not. Apartments are cheaper than mortgages, but I have way more than just the twenty percent.”
“Are you asking me to move in with you, May?” His tone was so tender that I nodded stupidly, and Oran smirked lightly as he scratched my crown gingerly. “Sure, I would love to. What happened to creeping on apartments?”
For a long moment, I didn’t answer as firecrackers danced in ecstasy in my rib cage, and I rolled over to bury my face in Oran’s hard abs. The smell of him flooded my brain, and he caressed my face and neck as I wrapped my arms around his waist. In this scant few seconds of the day, things were just perfect, and my life wasn’t falling apart at the seams.
“I’m falling in love with you.” My eyelids fluttered closed as a huge weight I didn’t know I carried lifted from my chest, and Oran tensed at my murmur. Hugging him tighter as his hand froze on my cheek, I nuzzled his taut muscles through his shirt with a sigh. Seconds ticked by slowly before he palmed my cheek and took a deep breath, and colors popped behind my lids.
“May.” Oran’s smile shone in his voice, and he stroked my cheek with his thumb as he relaxed against my forehead. “I was caught the moment we met when you hunted me down on the sidewalk. You’re the highlight of my day, but there’s something I should confess.”
That familiar lilt in his tone gyrated painfully against my ears, and I stilled as Oran threaded his fingers through my hair. Oran went quiet, as if he was working up the courage to just say it and be over with whatever it was. Anxiety flooded my veins- what he was married or something? What if he confessed something I couldn’t get over?
What if he lied at some point about something unforgivable?
“I never saw a future with Kara. She came to me for protection, and I protected her. I’ve been in a few relationships in my life, but none of them were true, truly pleasurable just being what they were. Kara was different, worse, I suppose, because she was innocent. She’d told me on several occasions that Roquelle was bad news, but I was the one who didn’t listen.” Holding my breath, my heart thundered against the bars of its cage as I waited for the ball to drop. I already knew all of this, but Oran took a shuddering breath in preparation. His palm on my cheek was cold and clammy, and blood drummed in my ears, muted by his voice when he continued. “I couldn’t protect her from the worst threat— me. It was the most devastating event I’ve ever caused. All because, when it was said and done, I had two options— Kara could suffer cripplingly for the rest of her life or it could be quick and gentle. She didn’t say it out loud, but it was the merciful thing to do. I strangled her with my own two hands.”
My heart almost stopped completely at the grave confession, and Oran’s palms left me cold and confused and, honestly, kinda scared. So shocked, my mind couldn’t even conjure questions, force my muscles to recoil, make me scream and run out, and he flung his head back against the sofa with a noticeable thump when it hit the wooden support.
“She wouldn’t have lived long, anyway— a week or two at most— what was I supposed to do? I let that happen, and she was going to keep suffering for it? When I could just . . . just end it? Kara and I had been together so long that I j-just couldn’t . . . ” His voice crackled harshly, and my lungs screamed for air as flames shriveled and burned me up inside. “If I had listened to her about Roquelle, Kara and her friends would still be alive. I betrayed her trust. Everything I did up until that point, it was all for nothing. In the end, she ended up just like she would’ve with her husband. And I looked into her eyes as I wrapped my hands around her neck, and she . . . she was s-so happy.”
<
br /> Oran, this force that seemed so rock solid, trailed off with a croak, and I cracked an eye open as my brain puttered into action. I didn’t dare look at his face, and he turned away from me when I sat up to straddle his waist. His apartment faded into white, and I hugged him to bury my face deep in the crook of his neck. The furiousness of his pulse beat against my forehead, and his breath shuddered against my chest as his heat seared through his shirt and mine.
“How could I have been so ignorant? Why wasn’t she angry? Why didn’t she fight? She was just happy . . . happy that it was me. How?” Oran’s jaw ticked wildly against my temple, and the fine hairs on my face bristled painfully when something wet dripped onto my cheek. “How could I tell her I was sorry . . . when I wasn’t? I was so, so, so angry at myself for being such a pompous dick that I . . . I ignored someone whose opinion should’ve mattered. I didn’t have the room to feel bad for her when I felt so disgusting about myself.”
He shook his head, reaching over my arms to wipe his face with a massive bluster of a sigh, and Oran sunk deep into the sofa. When it became clear he was done talking, I tried to get my mind organized, but nowhere in the dense fog did my groping reveal horror. Of course, it was a horrible event, but I personally didn’t relate. Obviously, Oran was so damn torn up about what happened, and his Adam’s apple bobbed sharply before he suddenly spoke up again.
“My therapist asked me a few weeks ago why I talk like my problems aren’t my problems. And I think that’s because I’m not the same man that I was when that happened. In that moment, watching Kara’s eyes go red and her face and feeling that . . . her . . . ” His chest stuttered as he cut himself off, and he inhaled a ragged breath, as if trying to use air to hold down his sobs. My heart ached for him, and I tightened my grip on him as his arms fell on either side of me. “I stopped being that person. I don’t want to be that person. I killed that person when I killed Roquelle. But it haunts me, May, and there’s times when I’m so, so, so ashamed.”