by Raven Scott
“That’s the important thing, Oran.” My voice scratched my throat painfully, and tears pricked my eyes as I squeezed him between my knees. Slithering my arms under his head, I held the back of Oran’s head and ran my hands through his hair soothingly, and his own crept up my back to lock me against him. “You’re ashamed. That means something to me.”
“You should run and not look back.” Even as he said that, Oran’s grip on me turned to iron, stiff and unyielding, and I arched to press flush against him. Even through our clothes, he was so hot, and I shook my head as words failed me. “I could kill you, too. You should run away.”
The strangest, most calming sensation possible flooded every nerve in my body at that when any sane girl would high tail it out of here. Oran wasn’t telling me this as a warning, no matter what he said, and I couldn’t take it as one. He wasn’t telling me to expose how awful he was, how many red flags he owned, or trying to drive me away.
No . . . he was trying to draw me closer the only way he knew how. Oran was sharing with me the most traumatic experience of his life, telling me things he didn’t even tell his therapist, I’d bet. He was laying it all bare and giving me the choice, the reasons I should leave him. If he could kill someone else, he could kill me, too.
“No, you can’t, Oran.” The assuredness with which I spoke, the absolute rock-solid certainty in my tone, was his breaking point, and Oran quietly began to cry as my heart tore to shreds.
39
May
Cracking my eyes open, I rolled heavily onto my side only to hit more bed, and my heart leaped into my throat. Sitting up sharply, panic slammed against my eye sockets, and I threw off the blanket to rush down the stairs. My brain only caught up with my body when I skid to a stop in the kitchen, and Oran frowned at me as he and his brother stood by the coffee maker.
“Oh, my God, you scared me.” Relief forced the air from my lungs, and I rubbed my face with both my palms and sniffed hard. “Why are you up so early? What time is it?”
“It’s past noon. I thought you deserved to sleep in. May . . . ” Clearing his throat, Oran tilted his head at me, and I frowned. Glancing down under furrowed brows, I sucked a sharp breath at the nothing currently covering my body, and I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. At least I’m wearing panties . . . nude-colored panties.
“Wait, it’s past noon?” My head snapped up, eyes narrowing on the clock on the stove, and I scrunched up my face in distaste. “Shit- I have to get to the hotel- why didn’t you wake me up, Oran?”
“I texted Sarah from your phone. She’s on her way here. We’re going out to eat with Natasha and Erik.”
“Oh.” Awkwardness warmed my cheeks, and I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth as the events of last night rushed into my head. I didn’t even remember falling asleep, and I surely didn’t remember taking off my clothes. Gnawing on my lip diligently, I rocked back on my heels as my thoughts got away from me.
I couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for Oran to talk to me about what he was feeling and not just ignoring it like it was some minor, inconvenient event. What happened to him really tore him apart, and I reached to rub my neck and shoulder as his admission echoed in my ears.
Whatever accident must’ve happened to Kara, he gave her mercy and retribution. Two things, there— Oran must really believe in our relationship, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, and I’m insane.
When someone confesses to murder, two of them, a sane person would run away and not look back, just like he’d said.
“May . . . ” The deep timber that filled my ears wasn’t Oran’s, and I snapped to attention to find his brother just two feet from me. His intense eyes displayed no emotion at all, and I sucked on my bottom lip as the bridge of my nose tingled wildly and uncomfortably. “I want to apologize for the way we met. I thought you at least suspected why your parents kicked your sister out, and I shouldn’t have ambushed you. I apologize.”
Carlyle talked so proper that it was almost difficult to listen to, and I jerked my head in a nod before turning on my heel and rushing upstairs. Finally, I inhaled deeply and held my hand over my heart to keep it from bursting through my chest. Man, that guy was intense. I never wanted to be alone with him.
But, Carlyle was still Oran’s brother, and I had to at least make an attempt to like him.
“Ugh, okay.” Rubbing my face furiously, I shook my head just as hard before snatching my shirt off the floor. When was it decided to go out to lunch together? I knew that Carlyle had invited us, but there’d been no other word about it. For that matter, how long had I been clocked out while Oran was left to fend for himself? “Jesus.”
“May, hey.” Twisting as Oran appeared in the loft, I pulled my shirt down to pause at the graveness dragging down his handsome, sharp features. “Can we talk a little before we go out?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Sitting on the edge of his bed, goosebumps washed my arms when Oran sat next to me, and I rubbed my knees as curiosity stained my tongue. “If it’s about last night, I—”
“It’s not. Actually, I guess it sort of is . . . ” He trailed off, and my breath hitched when he grabbed my hand to tangle our fingers together. Heat engulfed my chest, and I glanced up as he turned to face me fully, his mouth set in a thin line and a slight crease between his brows. “I know that things got a little sidetracked last night, but I told you because I don’t know if this . . . this burning need to be with you is love, May, but it’s not something I’ve ever felt before. I just need you to know that.”
My jaw fell into my lap, and my heart grew full as Oran pulled off his glasses with his free hand briefly. A huge, silly grin stretched my mouth even as it dried in speechlessness, and he put his glasses back on to catch my eye. Tingles shot down my spine, and I threw my arms around his neck to smash my lips on his. He leaned back a little, his hands flying to my sides, and his tongue sneaked out to tangle around mine.
Slowly, he cupped the back of my head, and our kiss morphed into something slow and beautiful as affection and something more gripped my heart in a vise. When Oran pulled back, his pants chapped my lips, and his eyes blazed in desire only amplified by his glasses. Pressing his forehead against mine, he kneaded the base of my skull, and I scooted into his lap to sigh in utter bliss.
“We’re gonna have such great sex later.” My abdomen clenched at just the bare notion of it, and Oran chuckled sultrily before capturing my mouth in a quick, hard kiss. Cupping my cheek, he smiled a genuinely happy smile, and it stole my breath. He was such a good man. Despite all his flaws, the things he’s done, he was so, so good. My eyes stung at the acknowledgment that nothing was better than this moment, and I blinked hard before nodding firmly.
“There’s one thing I wondered, you know.” Speaking up as I stood to grab my pants from the day before, Oran leaned back on his arms out of the corner of my eye. “When you came up to me on the street that time, you didn’t know who I was. How’d you find me if you didn’t look me up?”
“The manager at Hansen’s said you go there a lot, so she recognized the coffee place you like to go to, and that was my best shot. She gave me your name and what you looked like, but, no, I didn’t have to look you up.” I was so damn happy that I didn’t care how it sounded now— I was so glad I decided to track Oran down. Stuffing my legs into my pants, I bounced a little as I hiked them up, and he just took my word for it, no hesitation or skepticism. “When did you wake up? After last night, I thought you’d be the one to sleep ‘til noon, not me.”
“You were up all night. I know you were because I felt every time you stopped running your fingers through my hair.” Oran smiled so sweetly, and flames licked up my neck as I fastened my pants with stiff fingers. “I’ve only been up an hour. Carlyle called me. He has to go back to New York tomorrow, so he wanted to apologize and get together before he left.”
“Oh, that’s not bad then. So, my question . . . why did you never ask if I was on birth control?” His brows rose, and Ora
n barked a laugh as he straightened to shake his head. “I mean, I am. I’m on the implant that only needs to be changed every, like, five years, but why’d you never ask?”
“Because even if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter. I can’t have kids.” I nearly choked at that, and I stared at Oran through wide eyes as my brain struggled to comprehend that so casual statement. Slowly, his little smirk died, and he gazed at me from under furrowed brows as the atmosphere settled thickly on my skin. “Unless kids are something you want, in which case I can get a reversal.”
“Uh n-no, I don’t. It’s just, I don’t know, shocking. You say that like it’s nothing.” Rising off the bed, Oran wrapped his arm around my neck to grumble against my cheek. “That wasn’t the answer I expected.”
“Yeah, well, the last thing I needed was some hungry trap coming after me. It’s happened before.” Snorting a laugh at that, I lifted my head, and Oran planted a firm kiss on my mouth. “I can always change it. There’d be a lowered chance, but a chance.”
“I’ll keep that in mind when all my non-existent friends get pregnant, and I get baby fever.” It was like a joke. I didn’t want kids. I was as close to having a kid as I ever wanted to get, and Oran’s smirk widened against my lips before he reached down to grab my butt.
40
Oran
“Isn’t that the guy who was following me yesterday?” Sarah hid behind my arm, almost, and pointed at the bar, and I glanced over through tight pupils. There, plain as day, was that asshole who’d been peeking into the window of my building, and he wasn’t alone. The woman who was with him was comfortable, well dressed, with nice nails and perfectly curled blonde hair. Wait a minute . . .
I knew those curls.
Pushing myself up, I ignored the curious glances from my table as I wound my way over to the bar, and I put a hand on Malory’s shoulder. She jumped, her blue eyes widening in alarm, and the guy not only seemed unsurprised, but actually annoyed. Leaning into her ear, I kept eye contact with him as the gears worked in his beady, brown eyes.
“This guy’s a child predator.” She tensed, and I squeezed Malory’s shoulder as my mind whirred. At that moment, the bartender set their drinks on the bar top, and she grabbed her margarita and unceremoniously tossed it at his face. Gasps sounded behind me, and Malory just slid off her stool to storm out.
This wasn’t Hansen’s. There were cloths on the tables, and that drink was easily fifteen dollars or more. Sneering at me with alcohol and strawberry bits dripping off his face, he stood up to square with me, and adrenaline pumped through my veins. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my eyelid twitched at the rage burning the alcohol off his clothes.
“I guess we are going to have a problem. Who are you working for, huh? The Italians, I bet.” His expression tightened, jaw ticking, and I nodded as that attempt not to show me anything showed me everything. “I gave you a chance yesterday, but if you’re stupid enough to take a job against me, I suppose it’s not surprising you wasted that.”
“I’m going to walk out of here, or—”
“Oh, now, say it ain’t so, bella.” His eyes blazed in anger, and I almost thought he was going to hit me as his shoulders brushed his ears. “Are you saying you didn’t come here for a fight? Or did you actually expect me not to notice you, let alone Malory, let alone . . . I’m three tables away, man. Seriously.”
Sighing with a slight shake of my head, I rocked back on my heels and stuffed my hands in my pockets as my own ire rose. I knew I wasn’t Carlyle, but God damn. Through narrowed eyes, I watched him flick back his jacket to reveal the piece in a holster hanging off his belt, and my brows rose in surprise.
“I’m going to walk out of here, or I’ll kill you.” My lips twitched upwards at the threat, and the notion of bringing a knife to a gunfight calmed me. Actually, I don’t even have that.
“Oran.” May sidled up to my arm, and I tore my eyes off the asshole as she frowned at me. “We get it, your dick is bigger. Can we go back to eating?”
“Since you complimented me . . . ” Turning on my heel, I scowled darkly as I wrapped my arm around May’s waist and squeezed her hip tightly. “If I see him again, I’m going to fucking punch him.”
“Yeah, okay. Just don’t do it where we’ll get kicked out.” The chiding tone darkened my scowl, and May rolled her eyes as she sat down, leaving one chair between myself and Sarah. All eyes were on me, and I shook my head at my brother’s quizzical expression. “So, what were we talking about?”
“It was about college. We’ve all been, except Erik and Sarah.” My knee bounced under the table, and the hairs on my neck just wouldn’t lay down. Out of the corner of my eye, that asshole wiped himself and scraped his dignity off the floor to stride out, but I knew I’d see him at least one more time. May put her palm on my knee and locked her elbow, and I covered her hand with mine.
“Oran.” Erik leaned back in his chair, all two hundred twenty-five pounds of muscle straining, and my cheek twitched in agitation. “I spent all night in front of that door and didn’t see that guy. Relax.”
“And I appreciate that, but it wasn’t a coincidence that he was here with my personal secretary.” Carlyle cocked a brow at my aggressive reply, and I caught his eye to frown slightly as my knee bounced despite May’s hand. Shaking my head slightly, barely a tilt, I frowned darkly as she squeezed my leg threatening. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to make things awkward.”
“Well, you did, and we haven’t even gotten our food yet.” My glare withered under May’s sharp rebuke, and I rubbed the back of her palm under the table with my thumb. She was beautiful when she was pissed at me, and her eyes flashed green before she sat back to swipe her rusty stray strays from her face. “I know it’s a coincidence, but we all know those muscles are for show.”
“Is that what you think, May?” Holding my free hand to my chest in mock offense, I scoffed slightly, and she grinned as I leaned back in my chair. The tension of the last minute slipped away, and even Carlyle laughed a little at my theatrics. “I’ll have you know I’m a martial artist. I’m a certified human weapon.”
My lips quirked up when she snorted a laugh, and I glanced over at Sarah as she sat, a little detached, staring at her empty bread plate.
“It’s true, though. He really is. In middle school, our dad was teaching me to shoot a gun, and Oran hates guns, so he got signed up for Muay Thai classes. When he got through that, he did Krav Maga, then something else I don’t know the name of. Oran even won a championship in high school.” Carlyle spoke with slight disdain. Nothing could shake his faith in guns, and on the whole, he was right. But there was something great about knowing mixed martial arts, and it was something he was clueless about. A slippery smirk stretched my lips when May gasped in surprise, and I propped my head on my forearm as she bopped her head in a nod. Across the table, Erik took control of the conversation, but I was content to bask in May’s attention. Pride bubbled up in my chest like tar as she gazed at me from under heavy lids and pursed her lips thinly.
“My family’s rule is no guns until sixteen. No real guns, at least. When I was a kid, we had pellet guns and stuff as gifts for every holiday. We learn hand to hand combat in the Navy, but I don’t think I’ve personally ever used those skills. I haven’t been to a gym in a while, but I always have a gun on me, so . . . ” He trailed off, slinging his arm around Natasha’s shoulders, and I nodded absently. The waitress appeared with a tray of food, and the conversation stopped for a moment. I went to the gym almost every day. At this point, it was such a monotonous thing that I barely remembered I’d done it.
“Oran, can you teach me self-defense?” The question made everyone pause, even the waitress, and I turned to Sarah to nod firmly. If she was relieved, her face didn’t show it, and she rubbed her neck with her forearm as a frown twisted her lips. “If that guy’s involved with my parents . . . ”
“Sarah.” Sharply cutting her little sister off, May’s hand left my leg to grab Sarah’s, and I
shuffled out of the way. The fierceness in her eyes was honestly heartbreaking. Even though they didn’t like it, they’d come into the parent-child roles after Sarah flushed that bird. “Don’t worry about things that don’t involve us.”
“I can look into it if it’d make you feel better.” The offer clearly surprised May, and she glanced over at Carlyle warily. He just watched her, deadpanned but serious, and I clenched my jaw at that familiar glint in his eye.
Carlyle might not admit it, but he was a justice monger. If someone fucked with him or anyone he knew and liked, that person was dead. And it wasn’t going to be a quick, clean shot to the head.
Or by his hand. Inhaling deeply at that thought, I held my breath as May nodded, surprisingly enough, and she sat back in her seat. The three across the table got their plates first, and I assumed the waitress was coming back with ours. Hunger gnawed at my gut, but no one had started eating yet as we waited.
“This isn’t going too bad. I don’t think.”
41
May
“You’re really just a rich, pampered boy.” Oran huffed a laugh as I kneaded his shoulders, and he inhaled a deep, leisurely breath that trapped his ribs against my thighs. “You’re the one who’s supposed to give me a massage. How else is sexy time supposed to get going, huh?”
“I’m starting to think the sex is all you care about, May.” His grumble ended in a groan when I rubbed my thumbs in circles down between his shoulder blades, and Oran craned his neck to catch my eye. “I’m glad I asked for this.”