The Know-It-All

by A. J. Jacobs

  Sherwood Schwartz sitcoms known by, 224

  “what, what, what?” thing not tried out on, 114–15

  Jacobs family, AJ’s models in, 54

  Jamie:

  adult ed class of, 334–35

  at crossword tournament with AJ, 135–39

  Jane, Aunt, 176

  Jefferson, Thomas, 368

  Adams predeceased by, 253

  Jeopardy, trying out for, 192–93

  Jesus:

  actual birth date of, 27–28

  Easter Bunny and, 94

  editorial mischief on, 128

  Jews, Judaism, 286–90

  chess-playing, 39–41

  lore of, 8

  menstruation taboo in, 294

  under Nazis, 300

  jokes:

  about bartender and Descartes, 337

  moon-in-water, 134, 187

  poop-culture, 194–95

  pop-culture, 63

  Jupiter, Julie’s rash thoughtlessly compared to Great Red Spot of, 262–63

  Kennedy, Edward M., “Punctual Guy” meeting with, 166–68

  Kheel, Ted, 54

  kings named Charles, abundance of, 37–38

  know-it-all, Mr., see knowledge displays

  knowledge:

  clustering of (cannibalism, syphilis, one-eye blinded men, e.g.), 43

  in conversational gambits, 11–13

  creative solutions arising from, 327

  for crossword success, 138

  Faustian thirst for, 118

  flexibility an advantage in, 327

  general vs. specialized, 117–18, 138

  Jacobs men in love with, 325

  macabre, 33–37

  normal gaps in, 321

  philosophy of, 102

  Plato’s theory of, 265

  in post-Britannica summary, 368–69

  recurring themes in, 43

  self-, 56

  knowledge displays:

  in the As, 11–13

  Britishisms in, 208–9

  in chess game, 40

  on coriander, 65–66, 69

  on earth, 68–70

  of eleven-year-old Douglas, 176–79

  e-mails used in, 24

  of Eric, 34

  in father-son match, 144–46

  on “The Fire Next Time,” 24

  guessing in, 267

  on head-snapping technique, 107

  Julie as restraining influence on, 69–70

  at Mensan convention, 146–52

  on Millionaire, 350–56

  at New-York Historical Society, 277–80

  on pediatrics, 230

  on pickles, 294

  potential for humiliation in, 320

  on sports, 157–58

  on time, 68–69, 73–74

  in viewing Shanghai Knights, 240–41

  Kogan, Herman, 78

  Koning, Hans, on Eleventh Edition, 81–82

  Krantz, David, memorization explained by, 200

  lacrosse, lacrosse word vs., 136

  language(s):

  eleven-year-old genius on, 176–78

  EB’s help in translation of, 228–29

  pretentious, 189–90

  ridiculous imprecision of, 155

  sexist, fruitist, and antianimal, 346

  see also words

  Latin, life-saving role of, 160–61

  lawyers, “lovely group of people” as, 294

  learning, embracing joy of, 305

  legal proceedings:

  first U.S. insanity plea in, 279

  odd, 260–61

  Lego robotics, career as instructor in, 176

  Les, learning speed reading with, 110–13

  libido, dampening of, 366

  Lies and Fallacies of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, The (McCabe), 347

  life:

  chaos of, 122

  passing by of, 305

  philosophy of, Fitzgerald vs. Fleming on, 95

  as “sad piece of buffoonery,” 262

  secret of, 91–92

  utopian view of, 310–11

  ligature, 78, 339

  light speed:

  novel yardstick for, 28–29, 365

  time and, 204

  Limbaugh, Rush, positive side of, 143

  limerick, G-rated, 185–86

  Lisa (friend), earth explained to, 68–70

  loopholes:

  in “benefit of clergy,” 160–61, 314

  biblical, 75, 170

  in colonial times, 75

  Mensan, 56–59

  of religious men, 75

  in wills, 74, 75, 338

  losers, lacrosse players giggled at by, 136

  Louis XIV, King of France:

  bioweapons suppressed by, 187–88

  fontange affixed in court of, 252

  Louis XV, King of France:

  Encyclopédie tolerated by, 78

  hunting days of, 134

  Luciano, Lucky, war effort aided by, 188–89

  Luther, Martin, theses not really nailed by, 128

  McCabe, Joseph, 347

  Macropaedia, 63, 163

  Madonna, Britannica-speak view of, 191

  males, selfish tool behavior of, 51–52

  Manhattan, Indian sale of, 279

  Manhattanites, huge nonflying flock of, 251

  marriage(s):

  of AJ’s parents, 72

  Aristotelian view of, 20, 74, 265

  assortative mating in, 105

  brief history of, 105–6

  close-knit, 32–33

  fidelity in, of pigeons, 261

  after Long March, 308

  and Pueblo moccasin divorce, 61, 237

  Shaw’s apparent celibacy in, 306

  Shaw’s famous quote on, 306

  of Solomon, 311

  of twins (to each other), 141

  Marshall Chess Club, boosting intelligence at, 38–41

  Marti, Aunt, 345–47

  Marx, Karl, 97–98, 310–11

  meaningful cross-referencing, see cross-referencing, meaningful

  melee, memorizing definition of, 199

  Melville, Herman, dismissive 1941 write-up of, 80

  memorization, nothing bypassed in, 7

  memory:

  Dave Farrow’s course and, 197–200

  Ebbinghaus curve of, 84, 154, 179, 304

  see also Operation Britannica, retention issue in

  Mensa(ns):

  characteristics observed in, 148–49

  convention of, 146–52, 192

  conversations of, 149

  crass drunkenness of, 147

  membership in, 56–59

  obesity of, 148

  puns and, 152, 325

  sweetness and humility wanting in, 246

  trivia contest of, 151

  Metamorphosis of Ajax, The (Harington), 266

  metric system, 200–201

  Micropaedia, 63

  mind:

  as attic, 196–97

  as newly painted shack, 52

  mistakes and misinformation:

  even EB not free of, 127–29

  of successful know-it-alls, 141–42

  mistresses, in Mussolini family, 217–18

  mob, wartime help from, 189

  Moore, Demi, Hawthorne revised by, 129

  Morozov, Paulik, that odious little schmuck, 211–13

  mosquitoes, yellow fever transmitted by, 285–86

  movie ideas:

  The Great Metric Caper, 202

  Hail to the Freakin’ Chief (president afflicted with Tourette’s syndrome), 4

  Julia Child, chef by day, spy by night, 41

  Lumière factory film remake, 190

  a romance between Civil War enemies, 44–45

  Young Gandhi, 108

  movies:

  first talkie, surprisingly, 215

  leaving early at, 110

  overheard inaccuracies in, 122–23

  tolerable length of, 115

  unaske
d questions about, 93

  movie stars, geographic knowledge of, 128

  Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, Salieri’s friendship with, 299–300

  music:

  gagaku (a-ak), 104

  rap, 131, 301

  Mussolini, Benito, serious relationship issues of, 217–18

  myths, of conception, 26

  Nabokov, Vladimir, 213–14

  names:

  apotropaic, 221

  bastardization of, 46–47

  coincidences in, 159

  colorful, in sports, 174

  famous, determined by chance, 360

  ill-advised, 158–59

  of Jacobs baby, 360–61, 364

  Julie’s list of, 221

  reassessment of, 310

  for victims of practical jokes, 160

  Napoleon I, Emperor of the French:

  hesitation and Waterloo loss of, 242

  idiosyncratic portrait of, 222–23

  Native Americans, warfare of, 155

  nature, Woody Allen’s view of, 298

  negative side:

  of AJ, the Mensan, 146–52

  of Jefferson, 160

  of natural world, 218–19

  of reading, 220

  Neptune, English astronomer’s careless loss of, 48–49

  Newton, Isaac, unorthodox thumbing of, 225–26

  New Yorker, 335

  New York Times, 271

  crosswords of, 135, 137, 138

  nicknames:

  eighth-grade, 277

  of politicians not to trust, 316

  in sports, 174

  nipples:

  caviar on, 307

  Jodie Foster’s, 260

  opossum, 241

  presidential, 222

  “no,” issues with saying, 170–71

  nose, ignorance of what is right under, 216

  nouns, in radio turn-off ritual, 129

  nudity:

  in battle, 25, 54, 204

  EB’s surprising amount of, 169

  in exercise, 125

  in the greats, 222

  in photo poses, 306–7

  number(s):

  irrational, Pythagorean opposition to, 274

  sorting philosophies by, 244

  square roots of, 275

  nut jobs, rationality sometimes possessed by, 225–26

  Oglesby, Thaddeus, 347

  omniscience, see specific topics

  Operation Britannica:

  as addiction, 233

  AJ’s decision on, 1–6

  AJ’s family on, 3–4

  AJ’s limit reached in, 89–90

  AJ Sr. on, 3

  authority of doctors eroded by, 292

  bedrock of confidence attributed to, 292–93

  being “out there” vs., 235–36

  coincidences in, 264

  comfort and health in, 62

  comfort from verifiable megagenius on, 244

  in conflict of authorities, 239–40

  cross-reference tolerance in, 104

  crossword failure not attributed to, 137–38

  encyclopedia-as-Bible theory of, 328

  equipment for, 62

  fainting envied in, 210–11

  falling asleep in, 45

  false trumpets sounded in, 220

  Flaubert and Buddhists opposed to, 95–96

  games for self-amusement in, 231–32

  hazards in, 206

  head slappers in, 120

  Iraq crisis and, 154–55

  “Ironic Facts” file in, 155

  joy of learning in, 305

  learning to see silver lining in, 291

  in light of evolving brain, 180

  as lonely mission, 231

  mind toys provided by, 206

  most common reading sites for, 62

  nobility seen in, 250

  organizing influence of, 122

  philosophical justifications for, 13

  power of editing pondered in, 118–19

  proper stance for, 62

  psychoanalytic view of, 99

  relationship with Julie affected by, 262–63

  relationship with world altered by, 261–62

  retention issue in, 42–43, 83–85, 196–200

  scatological puns resisted in, 103

  skimming in, 10, 63, 231–32

  specialization fought in, 118

  speed reading attempted in, 110–13

  as starter accomplishment, 161

  as surrogate Hebrew school, 287

  three Halifaxes in, 133

  time logged in, 13

  trivia score aided by, 151–52

  useful applications of, 13–14, 23, 42, 65–66, 70–71, 76

  what to read after, 362

  wisdom gained from, 261

  “Zywiec” as end of road in, 104, 367–69

  Oscars, AJ’s firsthand knowledge of, 215–16

  Ostrogoths, ill-advised complaint about, 128

  overcomers, stories of, 131–32

  Paine, Thomas, history’s kindness to, 299

  Panelas, Tom:

  in AJ’s visit to EB HQ, 337–38

  other “faithful readers” found by, 270

  Pappas, Theodore, 338–39, 340–42

  paradoxes, liar, 184

  parenthood:

  avoidance of, 25–26

  catalog of fears faced in, 188

  learn-as-you-go, 369

  theories on, 10–11

  parents, Marxian views on, 97–98

  past, present as recap of, 45–46

  past posting:

  instructions for, 162–63

  with TiVo, 162–63

  Paul (friend), earth explained to, 68–69

  pedophilia:

  literary fame and, 11

  in Self-Taught Man, 249–50

  penis rituals, mushrooming and, 236

  penthouses, special theory of, 203

  “peon,” misguided definition of, 123

  Peru, New Year’s undies in, 225

  Peter and Sharon, 229–31, 233, 234

  Petrarch, Francesco, visit to Dr. Phil advised for, 258–59

  Philbin, Regis, 253

  philosophy:

  French, role of crossed eyes in, 300

  of human, 260

  ideal forms vs. change in, 264–65

  Picard, Captain, baldness of, 149

  pigeons, AJ blown away by, 261

  Plato, philosophy of, 264–65

  poetry:

  depressing, 53, 54

  disheartening vs. wisely humbling, 66–67

  polar wandering, 68

  pop culture:

  AJ’s promise to, 191

  EB coverage of, 339

  EB light on, 87–88

  holes opening in AJ’s knowledge of, 256

  jokes in, 63

  pornography:

  in Carry Nation’s day, 223

  cross-eyed women in, 55

  in domain name swipe, 337

  at reproduction clinic, 169–70

  positive side:

  of Attila the Hun, 143, 160

  of Black Death, 143

  of frequent illnesses, 291

  of Krakatoa,291

  of Max Schmeling, 300

  of natural world, 218–19

  of Sepoy Mutiny, 142–43

  pregnancy:

  of Julie’s friends, 107

  quest for, 26, 75, 93–94, 107, 132, 152–54, 205–6, 216; see also Jacobs, Jasper; Jacobs, Julie Schoenberg

  preliterate societies, ethical relativism as guide to, 87

  presidents:

  log cabin spotlight on, 94

  speed reading ascribed to, 110

  White House habits and, 359–60

  see also specific presidents

  pretention, five steps to, 190

  pronunciation:

  of Goethe, 116–17

  of “motor,” 140

  overcoming defects in, 132

  public relations: />
  in naming Greenland, 125

  Seven Wonders concept in, 306

  Puccini, Giacomo, operatic personal life of, 273–74

  pulmonary diseases, noble deaths from, 21–22, 31

  puns:

  Mensan love of, 152, 325

  scatological, 103

  Pythagoras, 274–75

  quarters, serrated edges on, 233

  quizzes:

  Mensan trivia, 150–52

  at New-York Historical Society Museum, 278–80

  pop, 267

  in quiz show auditions, 193, 254, 255–57

  rabbinical, 287–90

  rabbit(s):

  Fibonacci increases in, 183

  Oswald, the Disney road not taken, 61

  stuffed, 94

  radio, ritualistic turning off of, 129

  rap, purveyors of, 131

  rap stars, Upper East Side boys dressing like, 301

  Rasputin, murder of, 283

  Raster Master, speed reading with Les and, 111–13

  rational humanism, Sartre’s rejection of, 250

  rats, flying, pigeons as, 261

  reading:

  to AJ’s gestating boy, 324–25

  processing vs., 276

  of telephone book, name after name, 269

  worries about value of, 220

  real estate, probable worst deal in, 279

  relativity:

  general theory of, 204

  longevity and, 203, 205

  special theory of, 203

  religious wars, fondue in, 95

  Renaissance Man, specialization vs., 117–18

  reproductive strategies, 50–52

  of Acarina, 11

  of a group including blue-footed boobies and Scottish bundlers, 153

  of AJ, 205–6

  reptiles, crocs vs. alligators, how to distinguish, 175

  rhetorical devices, 181–82

  Rick and Ilene’s wedding, 227, 235, 237–38

  Rite of Spring, The (Stravinsky), 317–18

  rituals:

  body modifications in, 130

  fertility, 153, 169, 236

  halitza, 289

  life-affirming, 289

  private parts involved in, 236

  rice-boiling, 225

  romance and courtship:

  breakup strategies in, 170–71

  in Civil War, 44–45

  duplicity in, 50–51

  Kama vs. Cupid in, 166

  Lapland kissing, 171

  platonic, unrequited, and required reading, 258–59

  short-lived, 109

  see also reproductive strategies; sexual activity

  Romans, ancient, 361

  Greeks wonderful in comparison with, 304

  sex acts and executions staged by, 207

  triumphal marches of, 330

  Roosevelt, Theodore, 359–60

  Sahara Desert, “haboob” in, 126

  Salieri, Antonio, history’s unfair take on, 299–300

  Sampugnaro, Dave:

  facts collected by, 192–93

  as Millionaire lifeline, 331

  SAT scores, 59

  schedules, overloaded, 68

  Schmeling, Max, history’s kinder view of, 300

  Schoenberg, Alexandra, 37, 213–15, 359

  Eric’s linguistic dispute with, 141–42