by Karen King
That poignant last line of Oliver’s new song went round and round in her head.
But sometimes love isn’t enough.
Maybe it was enough, though, she suddenly realised. Oliver had always been enough for her. It was Oliver she had fallen in love with, Oliver who held her heart, brightened her life. He was right: it had started with just the two of them, and if it remained just the two of them for the rest of her life, then that would be enough. She would rather have a life with Oliver and no children than a life without Oliver. Why hadn’t she realised that before?
Because you were angry and hurt that he hadn’t told you earlier, she reminded herself.
And she had a right to be, but she had to get over that. She couldn’t throw away their future because of it.
* * *
They were now back in the historic village of Tintagel, with its mixture of old and new houses and shops, decorated with a festive assortment of Christmas lights.
‘Let’s stop for a cream tea,’ Mum said as they passed a quaint little café, a bright red star shining out from the middle of its leaded windows.
Meg was happy to agree; her feet ached and she could do with a snack.
As she spread her scone with cream, Meg thought about tomorrow, when she would go back home and Oliver would be gone, miles away to his new life in Cheshire. Unless she did something about it quickly. Or was it too late? Had Oliver decided their marriage was over?
‘I’m going home in the morning. I want to catch Oliver before he leaves. I need to talk to him.’ Meg almost blurted the words out. ‘I can’t let him go, Mum. I don’t care if we don’t have a child – well, I do, but I want Oliver more than a child. I wish I’d realised that before.’
‘Then why wait until tomorrow? Phone him now. Or go home tonight,’ Sally urged her. ‘We can be back at the cottage within the hour and you can travel up then.’ She leant forward and squeezed Meg’s hand. ‘Don’t wait, Meg. Oliver might decide to leave earlier.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Meg sniffed then pulled away a little. ‘What about you and Dad?’
‘I’m going to have to go back too and sort things out, I know that, but I’m not ready. I need more time. I feel so guilty, Meg, and I’m worried that I’ll be guilt-tripped into going back. Then I’ll be stuck for the rest of my life.’ Sally bit her lip. ‘I know that sounds horrible, as if your dad is an awful man, which of course he isn’t. But I don’t want to stay married to him. I really don’t.’
Meg’s eyes softened. ‘You do what’s best for you, Mum. Dad will be okay. You can’t stay with him out of guilt. You deserve better than that and so does he.’
‘Thank you.’ They embraced again. ‘Now, let’s finish this snack and get home so you can pack and get off.’
* * *
Back at the cottage, Meg quickly packed her case. She couldn’t wait to be back home and see Oliver again. She gave her mum a hug. ‘Thanks for inviting me down here, Mum. It’s been so nice to spend this time with you. You take care of yourself.’ She felt that she and her mum had grown closer, formed a tighter bond. It had been a precious time, a small interlude that they would probably never have again but that she would always treasure.
‘I’ll be back myself in a few days,’ Mum said. ‘Now you drive carefully and let me know how it goes, when you can.’
‘I will,’ Meg promised. ‘I’ll just pop and say goodbye to Leo and Sam before I go.’
As she turned to leave, her phone rang. It was Dan. Just what I need! ‘Here we go,’ she said to Mum. ‘He’ll have something to say when he knows I’m going home but you’re not.’
‘Meg!’ She froze as she heard the panic in Dan’s voice. ‘Meg, is Mum with you? Dad’s been rushed to hospital. He’s had a stroke!’
40
Sally
Sally packed in a panic. Heart thudding, her mind whirled with terrible thoughts of Ted dying or being paralysed for life. And it was all her fault for leaving him, for putting him under stress.
Oh God, how will I ever forgive myself if anything happens to him?
‘Shall I drive? Leave your car here and we can collect it another day?’ suggested Meg, obviously worried that Sally was too upset to drive safely.
Sally shook her head. ‘No, I’ll need it to visit Ted in hospital. I’ll drive carefully – and you make sure you do too.’ She could see that Meg was distressed and no wonder.
Oh Ted, what have I done?
They both went to say goodbye to Leo and Sam, explaining what had happened, and giving them the keys to the cottage to pass on to the owner.
‘I’m so sorry. I hope your husband is okay,’ Leo said, looking very concerned. ‘Let me know, won’t you?’
‘I’m keeping in touch with your mum so I’m sure she’ll tell you,’ Sally told him.
‘I’m going to try and sort things out with Oliver. I was about to head back when we had the phone call about Dad,’ Meg said.
Leo nodded. ‘I’m pleased. It’s obvious you still care deeply about him.’ He kissed her on the cheek. ‘I hope everything works out for you. Take care.’
‘You too. And thank you both for your company over Christmas. It’s been lovely to meet you,’ Meg told him.
‘I’ll miss you.’ Sam ran to Meg and gave her a hug too. ‘Wait a minute,’ he said and ran back into the house. He came back out with a lop-sided balloon poodle. ‘I made one for you to say thank you,’ he said.
Meg hugged him. ‘It’s lovely. Thank you, Sam.’
Leo gave them both a goodbye hug too then Sally and Meg made their way to their cars for the drive home.
She tried to keep calm and focused, reminding herself that strokes weren’t always fatal and didn’t always do much damage if caught in time. Had Dan caught Ted in time? There had been no time to question Dan; he’d told her what hospital Ted was in and that he was going in the ambulance with him – so he had obviously been with him at the time, thank goodness – and then he was gone.
Oh God, please let Ted be okay.
* * *
Luckily there was hardly any traffic on the road and they made it to the hospital in just over an hour, parked beside each other, then dashed into the hospital together. Dan was already in there, pacing around. He marched over as soon as he spotted them, his face ashen.
‘How is he?’ Sally asked, her voice quivering.
‘I don’t know yet. He’s got a doctor with him.’
‘What happened?’ This was from Meg.
Dan led them over to some vacant chairs in the waiting area and told them about the afternoon’s events, how angry he’d been to see Paula making herself so cosy. ‘We had an argument and I marched out. But Tom had left Bluey behind and couldn’t sleep so I went back for it.’ Bluey was Tom’s cuddly dolphin toy; he adored it. Dan paused, looking visibly upset. ‘Dad looked odd when he came to the door, and his words were all slurred, as if he was drunk. He said he felt dizzy and had to sit down. Then I noticed his smile was a bit droopy and I remembered that ad on the TV about the signs of a stroke so I phoned the ambulance.’ He buried his head in his hands. ‘It’s my fault. I should never have had a go at him like that.’
Sally put her arms around him. ‘Stop blaming yourself. If anyone is to blame, it’s me for leaving your dad and causing him all this stress.’
‘Mrs Carter?’
Sally turned around. The white coat and stethoscope on the woman standing behind them told Sally that she was a doctor. ‘That’s me. Is Ted… my husband… okay?’
‘He’s had a mini-stroke, but fortunately his son’s actions’ – she nodded at Dan – ‘prevented it from being anything more serious. We’re keeping him in for observation tonight, but apart from a slight weakness in his right leg, he seems to be absolutely fine.’ She smiled at Dan now. ‘Well done, sir, for acting so promptly.’
Sally felt so relieved she couldn’t stop the tears falling. ‘So he will make a complete recovery? There are no permanent side effects, are there?’ she asked, her voice shaki
ng.
‘Not that we can see. The numbness in his leg should go eventually. He does have high blood pressure, which could have caused the stroke, so we’re putting him on medication to lower that. Has he been under any stress lately?’
Dan shot Sally an accusing glance. She swallowed. ‘We broke up recently…’
‘Ah, I see. Well, that would be stressful – for you both. But please don’t blame yourself,’ the doctor said kindly. ‘A TIA – a transient ischemic attack, or mini-stroke as it’s commonly called – can happen any time, especially at your husband’s age, and with him being a little overweight and having high blood pressure.’
‘So he is completely okay? Are you sure it’s safe for him to come out tomorrow?’ Meg asked.
‘We’ll keep a close eye on him today, but if he continues the way he is, then yes, he can go home tomorrow,’ the doctor assured her. ‘Now you can see him if you wish, but no more than two at a time please.’
Her bleeper went off and she excused herself and hurried away to attend the emergency she’d been called to.
‘You two go in first,’ Sally told them. ‘I’ll see your dad afterwards.’ She wanted time to compose herself, to think about what she was going to say. There was no way she could leave Ted now; it was the stress of her actions that had caused this mini-stroke. She would never have forgiven herself if he had died.
How selfish and stupid to want to be free at my age, she scolded herself. Ted was right, she should settle for what she had: a lovely home and a husband she could rely upon and was very fond of even if he wasn’t exactly how she wanted him to be. She was too old to be chasing dreams. Look at the damage she’d caused to Ted.
Meg came out first, looking troubled.
Sally rose to her feet. ‘How is he?’
‘He’s fine. A bit pale and shaken up but nothing serious. It’s you I’m worried about.’ She reached out and touched her mother’s arm. ‘You can’t blame yourself for this, Mum. And you can’t go back to him because of it if you don’t want to. It’s not fair on either of you.’
Sally bit her lip, fighting back the tears. ‘It is my fault that he was under so much stress. Of course I’m going back home. Your dad will need someone to look after him for a while and make sure he takes it easy.’
‘Then I’ll stay with you tonight. I don’t want you to go home to an empty house,’ Meg told her. ‘I’ll go home first thing in the morning and catch Oliver before he leaves.’
Although Sally wanted to protest that she would be fine, she had to admit that she would be glad of Meg’s presence tonight. Ted’s TIA had really shaken her up. She knew how fatal it could have been if it had been a full-blown stroke.
‘Thank you, but at least message or phone Oliver and let him know you’ll be coming home early so you can talk to him,’ she told Meg.
‘I will,’ Meg promised.
A few minutes later, Dan came out. ‘Dad wants to see you,’ he said to Sally.
For a moment panic overwhelmed her at the thought of seeing the husband she’d walked out on almost two weeks ago lying in a hospital bed – because of her.
‘Do you want me to come in with you?’ Meg was looking at her worriedly.
Sally took a breath and held her chin up. ‘No, thank you, love, I need to do this alone.’ She pushed open the door and walked into the private ward, her eyes going straight to Ted, propped up in the bed, looking pale and weak, with various wires and equipment attached to him.
‘Hello, Sal,’ he said.
‘Hello, Ted.’ She walked hesitantly over to the bed, expecting him to have a go at her any minute, tell her how this was all down to her. She kissed him on the forehead and sat down on the chair beside his bed. ‘How are you?’
‘Not bad. Not bad.’
His eyes were still holding hers and she wanted to cry for the hurt she had caused. She reached out and held his hand and Ted clasped hers.
‘Thanks for coming to see me.’
A lump formed in her throat. ‘I’m coming home, Ted. I’m so sorry for causing you all this stress. I’m moving back in tonight and I’ll be there waiting for you when you come home tomorrow.’
* * *
She wondered how it would feel to walk back into the house, her home for over thirty years, where her family had been raised, which held so many happy memories, and which she had walked out of so readily.
It was the same, yet it wasn’t.
She had thought that perhaps she would feel at home again, as if she had been on holiday and come back, relieved maybe, wondering what had possessed her to walk out in the first place. Instead she felt like an intruder, as if she shouldn’t be there. Inside she had made the break, planned a new life for herself, and now it was all gone.
You should be happy that Ted has made a good recovery; it could have been so much worse, she told herself. And she was happy. She loved Ted, even though she wasn’t in love with him, and certainly didn’t want anything to happen to him, but now she really did feel trapped. How could she leave Ted when it was the act of her leaving him that had made him have a stroke? The new life she had planned for herself had just been a silly dream. Her place was here, always had been, always would be, and she had to accept that.
She was glad that Meg was with her, even though they were both so exhausted when they got back that they had a hot drink and went straight to bed.
I hope she makes up with Oliver, Sally thought as she lay in the double bed she and Ted used to share. If only one of them could have a happy ever after. She let the tears flow, tears for Ted and the knowledge that she could have lost him, tears for the life she could no longer walk away from and the dreams she had to give up, tears for Meg and the heartbreaking decision she had to make of never having a family if she chose Oliver. Finally, she fell into a restless sleep, her pillow still wet with tears when she woke up the next morning.
41
Saturday, 27 December
Meg
Meg waited until her mum had phoned up the hospital and made sure Dad was well enough to come home, then set off home herself. It was well before ten so she should have time to talk to Oliver before he left. What should she say? Ask him not to accept the job, or offer to go with him? That had been the big question that had stopped her phoning Oliver last night, as her mum had suggested. Some things were better face to face.
She parked her car out the front. There was no sign of Oliver’s hatchback – he’d probably left it out the back, with their van. Their garage was full of Oliver’s gardening equipment and their Party MO stuff so there was never room to park any of the cars. Meg sat there for a few moments, looking at the house, remembering how happy she and Oliver had been living there. And could be again if she could persuade him that she had changed her mind, that she loved him enough to let go of her dream of having a family. She took a deep breath to calm herself down and got out of the car, leaving her case in the boot.
She walked down the path, keys jangling in her hand, and opened the door. Immediately she felt an overwhelming sense of relief: she was home. Where she belonged.
The house was silent. ‘Oliver!’ she called, wondering if he was in the shower.
At the sound of her voice Laurel and Hardy started making little soft squeaky noises. They had heard her and were happy that she was back. How she had missed those bunnies! She ran into the kitchen, calling their names, and they both did a happy flip then scrambled over to the pen door. As soon as Meg opened it, they trotted out, dancing around her ankles, full of happiness.
‘Oh, you little darlings, I’ve missed you so much,’ she said, sitting down on the floor, legs outstretched in front of them, letting them scramble all over her, licking her happily.
She was home. But where was Oliver?
It was then that she saw the white envelope with her name scrawled across it, propped against the kettle. Her heart thudding, her mouth dry, she gently scooped the bunnies off her and got up, walked slowly over and picked up the note with shaking fingers. Th
ere was only one reason Oliver would leave her a note. To say goodbye. He had already left.
Tears sprang to her eyes as she opened the note then spilled down her cheeks as she read it.
Dear Meg,
I decided to leave early this morning; no point staying around any longer. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us, that I can’t give you the family you want and deserve. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner, but I truly didn’t know how strongly I felt about it until it was time to make a decision. I hope you find someone else who will make you happy and who wants a family too.
The place I’m moving to is called Meadow Manor and is in Little Ofton. I’ll be in touch soon, so we can sort out the divorce. Be happy.
Love,
Oliver xx
He’d gone. She’d missed him. If only she had phoned him last night, as her mum had suggested.
* * *
Meg didn’t know how long she’d sat there crying, both bunnies curled up on her lap. Oliver had gone. He was heading for a new life miles away and suddenly her future felt empty. She’d tried to hide from her heartbreak when she was away, to keep herself busy. Spending time with her mum, Leo, Sam, Rose and Rory had kept her mind occupied, helped her to not dwell on a future without Oliver, but now she was back, in the home they had made together, and the memories and loss were flooding in. Her and Oliver cuddled up on the sofa together watching Netflix, sitting at the kitchen table talking animatedly as they ate breakfast, lunch, dinner. They’d always had so much to say to each other, to share.
Yet he hadn’t told her about this job offer. Had he been about to when they had argued? Had he decided not to take it but then couldn’t face living here without her, as she couldn’t without him?
Hardy had scrambled off her lap and was happily tucking into a carrot now, so Meg gently eased Laurel off her and walked along the hall and up the stairs to their bedroom. The door was open and the bed was made. Oliver had tidied up before he’d left. She crossed the room to the wardrobe and saw that most of Oliver’s clothes had gone; only a couple of shirts still hung there. She walked over to the bed and noticed a cream jumper on the chair beside it, the chair Oliver had always dumped his clothes on when he couldn’t decide whether to wash them or wear them again. She picked up the jumper and pressed it to her lips. It was soft and there was a tang of the fresh, spicy deodorant Oliver used. She held the jumper close, remembering the last time she’d seen Oliver wearing it. They’d gone for a walk. They often did that – they loved the fresh air and walking was so relaxing, they walked miles, talking as they walked.