A Tender Hope

by Amanda Cabot

  Marriage should be based on true love, nothing less. And that was the problem. If Jackson loved her, Thea would have proposed a formal courtship to give them a chance to be certain they were meant for each other, but Jackson had not mentioned love.

  Swallowing deeply, Thea turned back to the man who’d somehow captured her heart. “I’m sorry, Jackson, but I don’t agree. I think it’s a bad idea.”

  26

  At least it wasn’t raining. Jackson wasn’t looking forward to the next few hours, but they’d have been worse if he’d had to deal with rain or hail as well as a possibly displeased captain. Fortunately, the rain had ended before dawn, leaving the air fresh and cooler than usual for mid-September. Under other circumstances, he would have enjoyed the ride. As it was, when he’d received the coded message, insisting that he meet his superior officer the next day, Jackson had scowled.

  He hadn’t wanted to leave Cimarron Creek, especially since it meant leaving Thea alone, but he’d had no choice. An order from Captain Rawlins was an order. The man had a right to expect him to report what he knew and what he suspected. And so, once he’d extracted Thea’s promise that she wouldn’t leave town unless Travis or Edgar could accompany her, Jackson had headed to the rendezvous, grateful that it was close enough that he’d be back in Cimarron Creek by nightfall.

  A wry laugh escaped from Jackson’s lips as he thought of how his life had changed since the last time he’d seen his captain. He’d thought tracking down the Gang was difficult, but it was nothing compared to understanding Thea. He’d believed he’d offered her a good solution to the problem of giving Stuart the family he deserved, but she hadn’t agreed. Instead, she’d seemed shocked, and not a happy kind of shock, either. He’d thought she cared for him as more than simply a friend, but when he’d suggested marriage, Thea had looked almost fearful. So much for what he thought he knew!

  Though Jackson knew that he, like most Rangers, inspired fear in many criminals, he hadn’t expected the woman he wanted to marry to fear him. Women! He would never understand them.

  An hour later, he stood under the spreading oak that the captain had designated for their meeting place. Well off the road and far from any houses, it was the ideal place to talk without being observed. Jackson’s captain was famous for demanding complete privacy when discussing strategy with his men. Even when they were based at camp, he’d often ride a few miles away with key members of the company to plan their next move.

  As Jackson had expected, his superior officer was waiting for him, his expression inscrutable. Wasting no time on social niceties, he asked for Jackson’s report.

  “So you believe there’s no reason to continue the search for the Gang,” Captain Rawlins said when Jackson finished outlining what he’d discovered at the orphanage and in Leakey. The man was several inches shorter than Jackson but weighed a good fifty pounds more. While some might see the gray hair, lined face, and extra pounds and underestimate his strength, that was a mistake Jackson had never made. Gideon Rawlins was a formidable man, strong and determined. He’d won Jackson’s respect the day he’d joined the Rangers.

  “Yes, sir, that’s true. In my opinion, it would be a waste of manpower to keep looking for them. Leander and I did our best, but we could never find them between heists, and since they don’t seem to be robbing trains or coaches anymore, there’s no way of knowing where to look.”

  Jackson met his captain’s gaze and was pleased by what he saw. His commanding officer accepted his assessment. “The Gang appears to have changed since Michener was killed.” Though he knew that wasn’t the man’s real name, that was still the way Jackson thought of him. “I think they’ll split up once they find the missing gold. I also believe it’s simply a matter of time until they come to Cimarron Creek looking for it.”

  That was one of the reasons Jackson had chafed at this meeting. As much as he trusted Travis, he wanted to be the one to guard Thea. “I don’t know how long it’ll take them to track Thea, that is, Mrs. Michener,” Jackson said, correcting himself quickly, “but they appear convinced that she has the gold.”

  The captain leaned against the tree trunk, his position seemingly relaxed, although Jackson knew he was ever vigilant. “Your reasoning makes sense. Do you need any backup? I imagine Leander told you he’s mustering out, so I’ll need to assign you a new partner, anyway.”

  He gave Jackson an appraising look before he continued. “Unless Leander’s right and you’re thinking about leaving too.”

  Jackson knew he hadn’t mentioned that to Leander and wondered just what he’d said that had led his former partner to that conclusion. He looked directly at the captain, willing the man to see his sincerity. “Yes, sir, I am leaning that way.” He wouldn’t tell the man who’d devoted his whole life to the Rangers that he’d grown weary of the nomadic life.

  Captain Rawlins nodded as he gazed into the distance, searching for anything unexpected. “I hate to lose you, Jackson, but I know this life isn’t for everyone. My missus keeps saying she’d like to have me around all the time.”

  Jackson’s shock must have been audible, because the captain’s lips twitched as if he were trying to suppress a smile. “You seem surprised.”

  “I didn’t know you were married.”

  “More than twenty years now. I won’t say it’s been easy, but if we’ve made it this long, I reckon we’ll make it for another five. By then I’ll be ready to hang up my holster and settle down with Beulah.”

  This was more personal information than the captain had shared in all the years Jackson had known him, and while he wondered what had triggered the confidence, Jackson decided to take advantage of the man’s candor. Perhaps he could help resolve Jackson’s other problem.

  “How you’d convince your Beulah to marry you? Thea turned me down.”

  Jackson’s captain stared at him for a long, uncomfortable moment, as if he were trying to see through Jackson’s skin to his heart. Whatever he saw must have amused him, because he chuckled. “Don’t tell me you just up and asked her.”

  Though Jackson refused to admit that that was exactly what he’d done, something in his expression must have betrayed him, because Captain Rawlins’s chuckle turned into a full-fledged laugh.

  “That’s not the way, son. Ladies aren’t like bandits. You can’t ambush them. You’ve got to woo them. Flowers, candy, things like that—that’s the way to lasso a gal.”

  Was he trying to woo her? The question that had been hovering at the back of her mind popped to the foreground as Thea walked to the livery. It was Monday, time for another call on Ethel Harris. Today, though Jackson would accompany her, Stuart was remaining in Cimarron Creek with Widow Jenkins. Both Thea and Jackson had agreed that the baby did not need to be exposed to people who considered him a burden, but Jackson was also adamant that Thea not go without him. She wouldn’t argue with his desire to protect her, and yet she couldn’t deny that the thought of being alone with Jackson for an extended time made her uncomfortable.

  She knew she’d shocked him with her refusal of marriage, but it had been the right answer—the only answer she could give. Not even for Stuart could she marry a man who did not love her. Jackson had never mentioned the word “love,” nor had he sought to hold her hand or touch her in anything other than a friendly way, but Thea had to admit that he’d changed since the day she’d refused him.

  Was he wooing her? Aimee claimed that was the reason he’d brought her a box of chocolate creams from Cimarron Sweets.

  “I thought of you when I saw them,” Jackson had said as Thea opened the box to reveal half a dozen of Lydia’s most popular candies.

  That he’d thought of her might be true, but it wasn’t the whole story. The tiny buggy that decorated the top of each candy told Thea this had been no casual purchase. Lydia and Opal piped flowers on the chocolate creams they sold to most customers. Only special orders received a different decoration. And the fact that the buggy looked very much like the one Thea owned told her this
was definitely a special order.

  “The man is courting you,” Aimee had announced when she saw the candy. “When he asks, I hope you accept.”

  Thea wouldn’t admit that Jackson had already proposed and that she’d refused him. Instead she’d said simply, “It’s too soon for me to be thinking of marriage.”

  “That’s nonsense. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. You’re both smitten.” Aimee’s retort had come without hesitation.

  Smitten? Was that possible? It was true that Thea was attracted to Jackson. It was true that she often dreamt of him. It was true that the thought of a future with him and Stuart grew more appealing each day. All those things were true, but Thea didn’t know whether that was love or merely a passing fascination.

  With each step she took, the questions continued to bounce through her mind, along with the puzzle of why Jackson had arranged to meet her at the livery rather than at her home. If he were courting her, wouldn’t he have wanted to spend every possible minute with her? Wouldn’t he have wanted to walk with her, her hand nestled in the crook of his elbow, even though it was only a short distance? That’s what Nate seemed to want from Aimee.

  As she approached the livery, Thea saw that Jackson had already arrived and was standing next to Maggie and the buggy. Surely it was her imagination that he looked more handsome than ever today. There was nothing special about his clothes; he still needed a haircut; and yet something about him made her pulse race as if she’d run the length of Main Street.

  “You’re right on time,” Jackson said with a wide smile. “That’s one of the many things I admire about you: you’re punctual.”

  Thea’s pulse returned to normal with the realization that he couldn’t possibly be wooing her. She’d been courted before, and she knew what men who sought a woman’s favor said. Daniel had complimented her hair and eyes; he’d never praised her for being punctual. Punctuality was not romantic.

  “My patients deserve nothing less,” Thea said. Her flight of fancy was over. It was best to remember that she was a working woman.

  “I wish everyone felt the way you do. Mrs. Higgins was so late today that I didn’t think I’d get here on time.”

  First punctuality, now Mrs. Higgins. Thea felt as if her head were spinning. “What does Mrs. Higgins have to do with our trip to the Harris ranch?”

  “This.” Jackson pointed to the basket he’d lashed to the back of the buggy. “I asked her to make us a picnic lunch. I was hoping I could persuade you to take a detour on the way back. I heard there’s a nice spot by the creek and thought we could eat there.”

  A picnic lunch. A pretty spot. Maybe he was trying to woo her.

  Jackson could not remember the last time he’d been so nervous. It was silly to feel as if the future of the world depended on a simple meal eaten in the shade of a live oak. He knew it did not, but that didn’t stop him from wanting everything to be perfect.

  “How was it?” he asked when Thea emerged from the farmhouse. Though she was smiling as she approached the buggy, her shoulders were tense, and she gripped her bag so tightly that the seams of her gloves strained.

  “It was what I expected. Mrs. Harris didn’t even mention Stuart. It was as if she’d never met him.”

  Though Jackson could not condone the woman’s heartlessness, he gave a silent prayer of thanksgiving that Thea would not have to fight the Harrises for custody of Stuart.

  “That’s for the best.” He settled back in the seat, choosing a position where he could watch Thea. “We both know this isn’t the right home for Stuart.” Jackson knew or at least believed he knew what the right home would be, but he would not discuss that today. Today was a day for him and Thea—no one else.

  “I have a proposal for you.”

  The instant the word was out of his mouth, Jackson knew he’d made a mistake. The way Thea’s head swiveled toward him, her eyes wide with shock, told him he’d chosen the wrong word. Would he never learn? He could apologize, but that would only make matters worse. The best approach was to pretend it had not been a mistake, that he’d meant to talk about proposals.

  “Here’s what I propose.” He kept his voice as even as if he were trying to coax a frightened cat out of a tree. “I propose that we spend the rest of the day getting to know each other. We can talk about anything you want other than Stuart and the Gang. What do you think? Does that sound like a good idea?”

  This time his choice of words was deliberate, echoing the day he’d proposed marriage, but this time Thea’s response was different.

  “It sounds like a very good idea. Here’s how I propose we begin.” She gave him a mischievous grin after she emphasized “propose.” “My friends and I used to play Twenty Questions, where we’d ask each other anything we wanted to know. The only rule was that all answers had to be honest. Shall we try that?”

  “Sure. You can start.”

  Thea paused for a second, as if debating what to ask, and Jackson braced himself for a difficult question, but she surprised him. “What’s your favorite color?”

  They continued in that vein, learning each other’s favorite and least favorite foods, which books they’d read more than once, their views on the effects of Reconstruction on Texas, where they’d go if they could travel anywhere in the world, and with each question, Jackson felt the tension that had been coiled up inside him release a bit. Thea, he knew, was having the same reaction, because her smiles came more easily, and she’d even laughed a time or two.

  When they reached the spot he’d chosen for their meal, Thea sighed with pleasure. “This looks like a slice of heaven.”

  While Jackson might not have been that exuberant, he had been drawn to the small meadow near one of the creek’s many bends. The presence of an old oak tree to provide shade had only added to the place’s appeal.

  “Sun or shade?” he asked as he lifted the basket of food from the back of the buggy.

  Thea laughed. “Sun, but you’ve already asked your twentieth question.”

  “And I’m not allowed any more?”

  She answered with a shrug and another laugh. “I don’t see why not.”

  Jackson busied himself spreading the blanket and pulling the containers of food from the basket. Though Thea had offered to help, he’d refused, telling her she was his guest, and guests did not work. The truth was, he enjoyed seeing her so relaxed. Normally when he was with her, she was doing something, even if it was only pouring him a glass of buttermilk. The sight of Thea sitting on the blanket, seemingly at peace, filled him with joy. This was the kind of life he wanted her to have, a life free from worry and fear.

  “This is delicious,” Thea exclaimed when she tasted the peach pie. It was the same thing she’d said about the fried chicken, potato salad, and fresh rolls. According to Thea, everything Jackson had brought was perfect.

  From his perspective, what was perfect was Thea. With her cheeks flushed with pleasure and her eyes sparkling, she was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. Even the lock of hair that had escaped from her chignon only added to her appeal. Thea was the woman—the only woman—he wanted to share his life, but it was too soon to tell her that, just as it was too soon to declare his love. He had to do everything right so that the next time he asked her to marry him, she’d give him the answer he wanted.

  Thea swallowed the last bite of pie and brushed the crumbs from her fingers, then smiled as she looked at him. “This was the best meal I’ve ever had. I wish I knew how to thank you for it.”

  “Well,” he drawled, “there’s one way.” Before his sensible side had a chance to tell him to wait, Jackson leaned forward and pressed his lips to Thea’s.

  27

  He was kissing her! Thea felt shivers of pure pleasure make their way down her spine, and her pulse began to race at the sensation of Jackson’s lips on hers. What a wonderful day this had become. First, the laughter they’d shared as they’d asked and answered questions, then the delicious meal they’d enjoyed, accompanied by th
e soft murmur of the creek behind them, and now this, the sweetest kiss she’d ever had.

  She closed her eyes, savoring the delight of Jackson’s embrace. It felt so good—so very, very good—to have his arms around her, to let his woodsy scent tantalize her senses, to hear the pounding of his heart. It was wonderful, but it was wrong.

  Though it was one of the most difficult things she’d ever done, Thea broke away from him and scrambled to her feet.

  “What’s wrong?” Jackson’s face mirrored the confusion she heard in his voice. “Did I hurt you?”

  “No.” She couldn’t let him believe that. “It was my fault, Jackson. I should never have allowed that to happen. Please promise you won’t do it again.”

  He looked as if she’d slapped him. “Didn’t you like it?”

  Though this wasn’t one of his twenty questions, she wouldn’t lie. “Of course I did, but it was wrong. Even though being a widow gives me more freedom, it was still wrong.”

  Furrows formed between his eyes. “Help me understand why it was wrong.”

  Because you don’t love me. That was the reason, but she couldn’t tell him for fear that he’d claim he loved her simply to get another kiss. That was what Daniel had done, and while Jackson was not like Daniel, Thea wouldn’t take the chance that he might lie.

  “It’s not proper,” she said, hating the fact that she sounded like a sour spinster.

  Jackson threw up his hands. “My pa told me women were impossible to understand, and it appears he was right. I don’t understand what was improper, but I guess I don’t have to. You were upset, and that’s what matters.”

  He stared at the creek for a long moment, then nodded. “All right, Thea. Have it your way. I can’t promise that I won’t kiss you again, because there are few things I want more than that, but I can promise that I won’t kiss you until you ask me to.” He turned toward the buggy. “Now, let’s get back to town.”