Time Won't Erase

by Stacey Wilk

  “I’m sorry.”

  “What?” She couldn’t have heard him right.

  He drew in a breath. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I don’t feel that way.”

  “But you said it.” And he couldn’t take it back that easily.

  “I know I did, and I was wrong. I was shocked when I walked into Ava’s room. I go in there every day at that time to sit for a little while. When I saw you boxing up her things, I got angry. It’s no excuse. I should never have said what I did because it isn’t true.”

  “Okay.” She wasn’t sure it was okay, but what else could she say? She wanted to get in her car and drive away. Agreeing would make that happen faster.

  “I want us to be okay someday. I’m going back to meetings. I’m going to make things better here and between us.”

  “Why do you go into Ava’s room every day at the same time?” That seemed like torture, but so did living with her room untouched for the past sixteen years.

  He kicked a stone. “That was the last time I spoke to her. I had walked past her room, and she was standing in front of her mirror in that pretty yellow dress with the flowers.”

  That was the dress she had worn the night of the tragedy. “I remember it. She looked lovely in it.”

  “It was a little low cut for my liking. I told her that. She just smiled at me and said, ‘Oh, Daddy. You worry too much.’ She gave me a kiss on the cheek and said she’d see me later. I wish I knew the next time I’d see her was inside a body bag.” His hands shook as he removed his glasses and wiped the tears away.

  She held her breath. He had never told her that story before. “You couldn’t know, Dad. No one knew what was coming.”

  “I spoke with Gage last night. Did he tell you?”

  “No.”

  “He cares a lot about you. He told me I needed to get my act together, and he was right. I’ve behaved badly for a very long time. I think it was when he said he wished his dad was still around that it hit me. Those boys lost their father at a young age. If Jim Ryker had still been alive, Ajay might’ve turned out differently. But I’m here, and you still lost me. I’m sorry. I didn’t stop to think about what you lost that night.”

  The breeze picked up and brushed her hair away from her neck. A black-and-gold butterfly flew out of the bush and flapped its wings but hovered as if to say hello before it dashed away.

  She had ignored her yoga practice since her return to Backwater because she’d been hurt by Fox’s death, the robbery, and the decay of her childhood home. But she would not ignore the sign of that butterfly. Ava was telling her to forgive their father.

  “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate you saying that.” She would still need time, but this was the first step in the right direction. “I really do have to go. I’m staying in town through the Fourth.”

  “You won’t finish fixing up the B and B?”

  “You want me to?”

  “I think so, yes. It’s time to let go of the past. If you’d let me, I’d like to help you with Ava’s room.”

  “I’m not sure if I want to stay around for the rest of the summer, but I will help you with Ava’s room before I go.” She wanted to take small steps first. An apology was one thing, but her father doing what he said would go far to convince her he meant he wanted to change.

  “I can live with that. Oh, before you do go, I have something for you.” He fumbled around in his shirt pocket and pulled out a gold necklace with a charm of four floating hearts.

  Her breath caught in her throat.

  “You should have this.” He handed over the delicate piece of jewelry that had belonged to Ava. It was her favorite necklace. She’d been wearing it that night.

  “I thought this was gone.” The chain dangled from her fingers, catching the glint of the sun.

  “I kept it. I shouldn’t have. You should have been wearing it all these years. Ava would’ve wanted you to have it, but I couldn’t let it go. Unfortunately, I couldn’t let anything go. I lost too much by hanging on too tightly. I hope you’ll forgive me someday, sweetie. I want to make up for what I’ve done.”

  She blinked away the tears and bit down on her lip to stop the trembling. Her hand grasped the necklace. “Thank you.”

  “I love you, Calista.”

  “I love you, Daddy.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Gage didn’t know where to begin. His daughter sat slumped on the couch with her arms crossed and a scowl on her pretty face. He perched on the edge of the coffee table in their living room and faced her. She hadn’t said a word to him since the incident in the barn. She had only agreed to speak to him now because his mother ran interference. He had lost complete control of his relationship with Izzi.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. Sorry didn’t need an explanation. There was no point in following that with the excuses for his behavior the other night.

  She glanced up through her long lashes. “What for?”

  “A lot of things, but most importantly for how I behaved with Justin. That was wrong. I shouldn’t have put my hands on him like that.”

  She scooted to the opposite end of the couch. “You’ve always said violence isn’t the answer. You said if Uncle Ajay hadn’t had a gun that night, he would still be alive. I don’t understand why you were choking Justin. You scared me.”

  He let out a long breath. Ajay should have lived long enough to hear Izzi call him uncle. “I’m sorry I scared you. I don’t want to be that person. I was upset about Phyllis. That’s no excuse. I know better, but in that moment, I couldn’t stop myself. We all make mistakes, Izzi. Even me. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

  He’d be sorry for a long time. Sorrier than she’d ever know.

  “I don’t understand why you hate him so much.”

  Because Justin reminded him of Ajay and that meant a path of destruction that he didn’t want his daughter near. “I don’t hate him, but I do suspect he knows what’s going down with the robberies. That makes me leery of him. He might not be committing the crimes, but he’s aiding the criminals who are. And there was that couch incident.”

  She looked away with cheeks that bloomed red. “I like him, Daddy.”

  Daddy. He missed the days when she climbed into his lap and pounded her little fists on his cheeks so he’d blow bubbles made from gum. She’d stick her finger in the center until it popped, and her big, bright laugh would escape into the room, filling it with love for him.

  Now she liked some kid who was probably headed for federal prison. Ajay would have had a good laugh at this one.

  “He’s too old for you.”

  “Can I invite him to the Fourth barbeque?”

  She was killing him. For once, he didn’t want to be the only parent involved in major decisions. How could he allow his daughter to associate with a possible criminal? And yet what if he was wrong and Calista was right about Justin? Even if Calista was right, which he wasn’t ready to admit, he still didn’t like the age difference. His head hurt. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Why can you live with Calista, but I can’t invite Justin to a party where my whole family will be watching? We won’t do anything inappropriate.”

  “For starters, I’m not living with her. She’s in the cottage next door, and that’s temporary until she can work things out with her father. Secondly, I’m forty and the dad. When you’re forty and I’m dead, you can date Justin as long as you want.” He pushed off the table and went into the kitchen.

  She cracked a smile. His heart swelled. Maybe they’d be okay in the end.

  “I like Calista. I’d be okay with it if you keep dating her.” She jumped to her feet and swiped at her phone.

  “Thanks, sweetie. I like her too.” A lot.

  “It’s nice to see you dating. You deserve to be happy.”

  “I’m happy. I have you and Gammy and all your uncles. I have a great job.”

  “You’re a single dad in a small town who lives with his mother and should be getting some.”
<
br />   “Isabelle, I didn’t teach you to talk like that.” Heat flushed his cheeks. His little girl was anything but.

  “Nope, Uncle Kace did.” She giggled.

  He was going to beat the shit out of his brother.

  “Hey, Izzi?” He pulled meat and vegetables out of the fridge for dinner.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ll try to go a little easier on the rules.” He needed to face the reality she was growing up. If he wanted to keep their relationship strong, he would have to let go a little. She wasn’t Ajay.

  “Thanks, Daddy.” She skipped down the hall.

  His phone vibrated against the counter. He hoped it was Calista saying she was on her way back. He missed her. A glance at the screen made the blood drain from his head. Jett had sent a text.

  —Come now. Silver Bell.—

  ****

  Gage held Izzi against his chest while she cried. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered.

  She pushed away from him and wiped her eyes. “I need to go for a walk.”

  He let her go. He needed some time to catch his breath. “We’ll change Silver Bell’s food,” he said to Jett, who stood by and watched the scene with Izzi unfold.

  Jett shoved his hands in his back pockets and stared up at the blue sky. His T-shirt was covered in pieces of hay from lying on the ground with Bell. “It might not make a difference.”

  “But you’re going to try, right?” Keeping his emotions under lock and key grew harder and harder. He had experienced too much suffering recently. He couldn’t watch Silver Bell die too.

  “I will change her food and lessen the time she’s out in the pasture. That should get rid of the laminitis. It’s going to come back. It never shows up once, and she’s old.”

  “I know she’s old, damn it. You don’t have to keep reminding me.”

  “I want you to be ready. It might not be now or tomorrow or even six months from now, but it’s coming. You need to be ready for the possibility you won’t be here when it happens. You could be at work, at the store, anywhere. And be ready for Izzi. She’s never lost an animal before, and she’s attached to Silver Bell as much as you are.”

  “You think I won’t know how to handle my daughter? What the hell are you getting at?”

  “I’m not getting at anything. I know when Silver Bell finally goes, it’s going to hit you a lot harder than you realize.”

  “What are you some kind of shrink now?”

  Jett crossed his arms over his chest. “I was the one pulling you off that kid the other night. I’ve watched you for sixteen years shove everything you feel down your throat. It’s bound to blow up eventually.”

  “Don’t go psychoanalyzing me, little brother. You don’t let your emotions out either. You pour all your feelings into these animals.”

  “But I’m not the one trying to beat the shit out of a kid because I lost someone else I love.”

  “You don’t know how you’ll feel when someone else you love dies. You can’t be bothered to get close to anyone. You—and Lock, for that matter. At least Lock lets someone in his bed. When was the last time you even got laid?”

  “This isn’t about me or Lock. It’s about you and how close you are to losing it once and for all. I’ll take care of Silver Bell, and I hope she lives a few more years, but you need to be ready when it happens. It’s going to be like losing Ajay all over again. I don’t know if you’re going to be able to bounce back from that.” Jett marched away without another word.

  He picked up a bale of hay and threw it. A couple of horses lifted their heads and whinnied. Jett was right, and that made his blood turn to ice. He couldn’t lose Silver Bell now.

  “Hey, girl.” He dropped his forehead to Silver Bell’s nose. She trembled and shifted her weight because the laminitis caused swelling in her front feet. It could lead to her being unable to stand.

  “We’re going to get you better.” And if they couldn’t, then he would be right by her side in the end. Losing her caused his chest to burn. A tear threatened to push its way out.

  He moved away from the stall and out into the fresh air. The midday sun heated his skin and made sweat break out on his neck. A run would do him good or a five-mile hike. He’d call Calista and tell her where he went so she wouldn’t worry. Maybe by the time he got back, his mind would be clearer.

  He cut through the field to his house and stopped as he rounded the front. The pain in his head came back. Justin Crow held Izzi in his arms while she cried. They sat on the front steps of the cabin. Izzi’s hair fell over her face, but her shoulders shook, and she gripped Justin’s shirt in her fist.

  No matter what he said, she went against him. He didn’t understand what it was about this kid his daughter liked so much. She could not continue to break his rules without there being a consequence.

  He marched ahead but stopped again and scratched at the back of his neck. They still hadn’t noticed his arrival. He could turn around and go anywhere else on the ranch. But he didn’t.

  “Isabelle.”

  She jumped from Justin’s embrace and rubbed her face. Justin backed up, wiping his hands on his pants as if he’d been playing in the dirt.

  “Daddy, I called Justin. He’s here because I told him about Silver Bell. Don’t get mad.” She sniffled and brushed her hair away from her face.

  Justin held his hands up. “I’ll go. She was upset on the phone, and I was nearby.”

  “You came by to help her?”

  “Yes, sir. I wanted to give Izzi some comfort. I’m sorry Silver Bell is sick. She mentioned you’ve had the horse a very long time.”

  “Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “Justin, I’m sorry I assaulted you the other night. You would be in your right to press charges.” There, he’d said it and it didn’t taste as dry as he thought it would.

  Justin’s eyes grew to the size of the Montana sky. “Press charges? Against you? No way. It’s all good now.” He took a deep breath. “Sheriff, I know you don’t think I’m good enough for Izzi. I understand why you think I might be involved in those robberies, but I’m not a criminal.”

  “I don’t like it that my daughter has feelings for you, and it’s not because you’re a poor college kid whose family lives on the reservation. I know Calista told you about my father’s family. I wouldn’t judge my own people. What I don’t like is you keep showing up at those robberies. You tell me you’re not a criminal, and I want to believe you because Izzi and Calista do, but I still don’t.”

  “Daddy, you’re being unreasonable.”

  “Give me a second.” He turned back to Justin. “You can be friends with Izzi until she’s sixteen. Then we’ll talk about dating. But if I find out you know one thing about what’s happening at these robberies and you’ve been lying to me, what I did to you in the barn will be nothing. Am I clear?”

  Justin’s gaze bounced from him to Izzi and back. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good. We’re having a barbeque as an early Fourth celebration. Would you like to come?”

  Izzi threw herself into his arms. He held her and swallowed the emotions gripping his chest.

  “Thank you, Dad.”

  He kissed her head and set her on her feet.

  “Thank you, Sheriff Ryker. Yes, I’d like to come by.”

  Calista’s car rolled down the driveway to the cabin. His heart swelled. He’d had enough of his problems over the last weeks. All he wanted now was to wrap his woman in his arms and drown in the sweet scent of her.

  “Behave,” he said to Izzi and went to Calista.

  He met her as she opened the car door, and swept her into his arms. She circled her arms around his neck. He couldn’t wait and didn’t care that his daughter might be yards away. He pressed his lips against Calista’s and sighed when she yielded and opened her mouth to his.

  He laced his fingers in her soft hair and tilted her head back to deepen the kiss. This was the place he needed to be. With her in his arms, he could handle all the things coming at hi
m at top speed. With her, the pain went away.

  She eased out of the kiss and looked up at him with wide eyes. “Did you miss me?”

  “Always. How was your morning?”

  “I had to let Justin go, but Dad apologized.”

  “Hire Justin back.”

  “Excuse me? Did something hit you in the head while I was gone?” She narrowed her eyes.

  “If you can move forward, so can I. I won’t rule Justin out, but I’ll look for another suspect.”

  “I don’t understand what prompted this change of heart.”

  He told her about Silver Bell and his conversation with Justin. “Babe, I’m tired of fighting everything all the time. I need peace in my life. If your dad apologized, stay in town and finish fixing the B and B. I’m better when you’re around.”

  “Gage Ryker, you know how to sweep a woman off her feet.”

  He scooped her up into his arms and marched her over to the cabin she was renting. She laughed and told him to put her down. He kicked the front door of her cabin shut, eased her onto the bed, and all afternoon showed her exactly how much better she made him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The morning of the Ryker Fourth of July celebration came wrapped in a big blue sky, a slight breeze through the pines, and the sun nudging the flowers open with its warmth. Calista stirred pasta salad in the kitchen of the rental cabin as the birds wished her good morning at the window.

  She checked her phone. Izzi was supposed to arrive soon to make mala bracelets. Only a short time ago, she had been afraid to get to know Gage’s daughter. Now they were becoming friends. This trip home had surprised her in many ways. The biggest being her father.

  The doorbell interrupted her mixing. She wiped her hands on a towel and went to the door. She should have just yelled to come in. Izzi didn’t have to knock anymore. She would be sure to tell her that.

  Her mouth hung open halfway as she stared at the woman on the doorstep. “Hi, Karen. I wasn’t expecting you. Come on in.”

  Gage’s mother offered a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes behind her black glasses. They hadn’t spoken much since she moved in. Part of her wanted to avoid Karen because she wasn’t ready to discuss her relationship with Gage yet.