Chasing Paradise

by Cindy Patterson

  This will only make me feel worse.

  Paul came after lunch, much sooner than she’d expected. “How was your service today? Where did you meet?” She hated her reason for asking, but couldn’t stop herself.

  “Gut. The Zook’s held it at their place.”

  “Really?” Insecurities raced through her head, sparking an impulse to know the truth. “Anyone I know?”

  “Sort of. Unfortunately.”

  Those insecurities heightened a notch. “Who?” Her fingers curled, and her nails scratched her flesh. She cleared her throat against the disturbing feeling trying to steal her breath.

  He looked straight ahead. “Anna's their daughter, but they also have a son Joseph who’s a few years younger.”

  She twisted in her seat and squeezed her eyes shut desperate to veil the raw emotion inching to the surface.

  So that was it? Paul had been at Anna’s house all day, while she'd worried about them being together. Even if he didn’t have any interest in Anna, how could Rachel compare to her? Paul had tried to avoid telling her and looked uncomfortable when he finally did.

  “There's no reason for you to worry.” Taking her hand, he squeezed it gently and brought her fingers to his lips, brushing tender kisses across her knuckles. “I’m the one who should be worried. When you start school tomorrow, all those Englischer fellows will be trying to steal my aldi.”

  The warmth in those sapphire eyes had her melting. She crinkled her brow. “Aldi?”

  “My girlfriend.” He kissed her forehead, then her nose, before his mouth claimed hers, intense, yet tender, with a sense of desperation. He lifted her chin, compelling her to look at him. The tenderness in his eyes shocked her. “I love you, Rachel Adams. I always will.” Taking her hand again, he weaved his fingers between hers.

  Her confidence blossomed at his affirmation and an easy smile spread across her face. “I love you, too.” Rachel’s head spun at the three words still reverberating through her mind. He loves me. He said it. He loves me. She straightened, her fears diminishing with a statement that she'd remember forever … a statement that changed everything.

  Her father’s voice echoed through her mind. Don’t ever let anyone still your joy, sweetheart.

  Her jealousy of Anna had almost ruined her day. She would not let an Amish girl she didn’t even know steal her joy. It would’ve destroyed everything. And as Paul was leaving she made a promise to herself. She would never allow her jealousy to have a foothold like that again.

  * * *

  Rachel threw herself in bed, wishing tomorrow were the first day of summer instead of the first day of school. But no matter how she longed to add summer days to the calendar, her summer was officially over as soon as the sun rose over the horizon.

  Not finding Kelli’s car in the full lot, she parked between two cars where a group of kids stood talking. They all stopped and stared as she climbed from the car.

  “Hi,” one of them said, but Rachel wasn’t sure which one. With hesitance, she looked their way and smiled before walking toward the building.

  The hardest part would be trying to find her classes. Everyone crowded the halls, catching up from the summer. Many of them gawked as she passed.

  Rachel found Kelli filling her locker. “I feel like an alien.”

  “We don’t get new students very often. Especially ones dressed as cool as you.” She laughed. Heat burned Rachel’s cheeks. “Quit worrying and guess what, your locker is right there, three down from mine.”

  That was definitely the highlight since she’d arrived. Then they compared schedules.

  “What? We have no classes together.” Kelli ran her finger over each line item. “No wonder. You have all AP classes.”

  Rachel forced a laugh covering the disappointment swelling through her middle.

  “At least we have the same lunch.” Kelli pointed to the room across from where they were standing. “There's your first class. See you at lunch.” Kelli called over her shoulder before hurrying in the opposite direction.

  Rachel entered a room full of students. There was nowhere to look without meeting curious glances.

  Kevin sat near the back. Remembering her conversation with Paul, she didn’t particularly want to be seated near him, but she couldn't help but feel relief at seeing a familiar face.

  “Hi, Rachel,” Kevin said as she took the open seat.

  “Hey, we got a class together.” She pulled her schedule out and studied it.

  “What class do you have next?”

  “Um ...” Rachel searched the details. “Trigonometry with Ms. Jacobs.”

  “Oh, I have her third period,” he said, not hiding his disappointment. “I’ll show you how to get there.”

  “That would be awesome. Thanks.”

  Kevin didn’t try to speak to her again until after class, but fell in step with her as they exited. They strolled along quietly. She was surprised by his silence. He'd been so talkative when they'd first met.

  “Here it is. Maybe, we'll see each other at lunch.” His response sounded hopeful as he grabbed the handle and opened the door. He seemed totally different … not as confident. As he walked away, a few girls caught up to him.

  It had been easier sitting by Kevin, even if she barely knew him. In this class, she knew no one. She found a seat near the front and had settled in, content to stare at a book until the lesson started. But then her teacher called her to the front of the class and insisted she introduce herself.

  “I'm Rachel. Rachel Adams. And I'm from Pensacola, Florida.”

  One of the students raised a hand. “Why would anyone leave Florida to come here?” The girl's eyes rolled, emphasizing she would've never made that choice. But only months ago, Rachel wouldn't have either.

  A few students laughed and heat radiated up her neck as she returned to her seat.

  But that same girl had been in Rachel's English class. The girl caught up to her when the bell rang and walked with her to the cafeteria. She chatted about living in Paradise, about teachers, about all the cute guys that went to the other high schools. And Rachel nodded at the appropriate times, feeling thankful that this girl had made an effort to talk to her.

  In the lunchroom, Eric, Tanner's friend, was sitting at Kelli's table two seats down from her. Kevin sat on the opposite side of the room.

  Kelli leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table, her chin settling in her hands. “How're your classes so far?”

  “Good.”

  A few others approached the table and took some of the remaining seats. Kelli introduced Rachel, and then conversations veered in different directions all around her. She was content to listen. Senior year was the biggest topic, other than highlights of summer vacations. She was thinking about her summer with Paul. What was he doing right now? Was he missing her as much as she was missing him?

  Rachel glanced at Eric, and he met her gaze with a smile. She wasn’t sure if he remembered her or not. Then he moved from his seat and grabbed the one directly across from her. “Hey, Rachel.”

  “Hey.”

  “What do you think of our little school?”

  “It's nice.”

  After lunch, Eric walked with Rachel to her next class, and thankfully, he contributed most of the conversation. “I heard you play softball.”

  “Yeah. I did.”

  “Tanner was telling me how good you were. Are you planning to play here?”

  She hadn't thought that far ahead, but then she remembered Paul telling her he would come to a game. “Maybe. I haven't really thought about it.”

  “The way Tanner talks, the girls could sure use you.”

  She slowed her pace and faced him fully. “What are you, the scout for Paradise High?”

  He laughed hard. It was contagious and before she knew what was happening, she had joined him. “No.” He shrugged. “I'm on the baseball team. Nothing wrong with wanting our school to succeed in all sports.”

  “That's very noble of you.” Rac
hel smiled. “I promise to think about it.”

  “Good.”

  She wanted to ask about Tanner. Did he have a girlfriend? Did he ever talk about Kelli? But she couldn't. She didn't know Eric well enough to ask such personal questions. Even if they were about her cousin.

  The rest of the day passed by at a steady pace, and she started recognizing a few of the faces. Some of them even spoke and asked how she liked Lancaster County. And her answer was always the same. I love it.

  Because of a certain Amish man, she had found her own private paradise.

  33

  When Paul stopped by on his way home from work, he took Rachel's hand, led her toward his buggy, and pulled her against him. A flurry of tiny butterflies skittered through her stomach.

  “How was your first day?”

  “Better than I thought it would be. Everyone was friendly.”

  “Gut.”

  She embraced the warmth of his fingers intertwined with hers. “The hardest part was missing you.”

  “We’ll see each other plenty. You’ll start thinking I’m a pescht.”

  “I would never get tired of spending time with you.”

  “How did you know what that meant?” His eyes warmed, and the vivid blue darkened as he leaned even closer.

  She smiled, her face heating under his affectionate gaze. “Didn't you hear? I'm a smart girl. I’ve been studying your Pennsylvania Dutch.”

  “Ah, I’ll have to be more careful with my words.” His voice deepened. “I might say something I’ll regret forever.”

  The playful banter between them was exactly what she'd needed after missing him all day.

  “I have some good news.”

  She laughed when his grin split as wide as the cornfield. “What is it?”

  “I've been awarded a job in Hershey. An important job I've been praying about for months.” He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into his arms.

  Rachel stiffened. He must've felt it because he squeezed her tighter. “In Hershey? Oh, wow.”

  He pulled back and looked down into her face. “You remember meeting my friend, Caleb Lapp?”

  She nodded, remembering how she'd been so worried about the man seeing them together.

  “We've handled small commercial projects for one of my customers over the last year. He's been impressed with everything we've done and has offered us a maintenance contract. Plus, the opportunity to bid on future outside projects they have coming up. Which means guaranteed work for our company for a year as long as we continue to produce high quality work.”

  Rachel blinked back the moisture collecting in her eyes. This was no time for crying. This was a time for celebration. But she couldn't help wondering how much of his time would be taken? He would be working in Hershey. It would be impossible to see him every day. She gulped hard, the truth scorching as it traveled down her throat.

  “I've dreamed of having my own construction business ever since I could remember.” He grasped her hands. “But I never thought it would grow this fast, this soon. And this is just the beginning.”

  She couldn't help but smile. He was so happy. She'd never seen him so passionate. “What does that mean?”

  “It means, I'll be able to support myself, my future family. You, me, us.” He cupped her face with both hands. His tender kiss sent her insides roiling, but he pulled away before she had a chance to respond. “It will demand more of my time, but in the end it will be worth it.” His face was so close, she could feel his breath grazing her cheek with every word. “I owe so much to you.”

  “Me?”

  “You make me want to reach higher, to follow my dreams, to never give up. You make me better, Rachel.”

  She didn't want to dampen his excitement, but she had to know. “You'll drive your buggy back and forth to Hershey every day?”

  “For now. I need to keep things as smooth as possible with Uncle Abram. At least until I can afford to get my own place.”

  Her head spun with fear. Driving that far would be dangerous. She'd seen for herself how careless drivers could be—how so many gave little consideration to the horse-drawn buggies.

  “Don't misunderstand.” He advanced toward her, and she had to tilt her head back to see his eyes. “I appreciate everything my uncle has done for me. But he doesn't approve of my career choice and reminds me every chance he gets. The tension between us will continue until I'm out on my own.”

  And it would only make things worse when his uncle found out about her.

  * * *

  The next day was better and worse. Better because Rachel remembered how to find her classes. Better because she no longer felt like an outcast. Better because today the teachers actually taught new material. But worse, because she couldn't stop thinking about Paul and how she couldn't look forward to seeing him later. A few hours every weekend wouldn't come close to satisfying her yearning to be near him. But maybe spending time with his cousin, Mary, would ease some of the sting.

  Eager to get Mary alone, Rachel invited her for a visit.

  “Come in. I made us a snack.” Rachel grabbed some glasses from the cabinet contemplating a way to bring up the question—how to become Amish. There had to be a way … and she had to find out.

  “Chocolate chip cookies. They smell gut.” She smiled, turning her gaze back to Rachel. “Danki.”

  Heat flooded Rachel's cheeks as the awkward questions hovered in her mind. She lowered herself into the chair across from Mary. “Paul told me he confided in you about us?”

  “Actually, he told me about you the first day he worked here.”

  Rachel paused in her feat to grab her glass. “The first day?”

  “The first day.” Mary loosened the straps on her bonnet.

  Rachel pushed her cookies away, no longer hungry, but suddenly fascinated to hear everything. “What did he say?”

  “Paul thought it would be better if he didn’t work for your mom because of you.”

  The image settled on Rachel, like a cool ocean breeze on a hot summer day. His gaze had avoided hers at first. She knew even then there was something about him she wanted. But when had her crush transformed into something deeper, richer? “You're okay with this?”

  Mary beamed. “It’s obvious how much he cares for you. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t.”

  “He said he couldn’t tell your parents yet.”

  “We're taught to refrain from romantic relationships with anyone outside our Amish faith. Most people don't have a true understanding of what that means. It's more complicated than the simple life we choose to live.”

  Rachel didn't want to tell Mary that she'd gained all her information from an Amish romance novel. “Paul isn't very open about his Amish faith, but told me we believe the same. That the Bible is the living word of God.”

  “Jah. And there's nothing more, except our main focus is living our whole life for God, with all our heart, body, and mind. That doesn't just apply to us, but to all Christians. My father, whether Paul believes it or not, loves him like he's one of his own. But Daed is firm in his belief that Amish should marry members of our community.” Mary stared off into space for a long moment then placed a hand on Rachel's. “Paul doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

  He's worried about me. The unanticipated notion shook her, but a staggering relief surged through her. “Tell me about you?”

  “I’m to be married in November.”

  “You’re engaged?” Rachel leaned forward.

  “His name is Thomas. He and Paul are really gut friends.”

  Rachel absorbed each detail as Mary described the Amish marriage services. It wasn't romantic, but more like a church service. A service that took hours with a lot of work, preparing two meals for everyone in attendance, and a honeymoon that consisted of visiting other families.

  “What will happen if someone finds out about us?”

  “Paul hasn’t joined the church yet, so he wouldn’t be shunned. But I'm not sure how my family will react t
o his decision. But I've never seen him this happy. And it's because of you. Nothing would make me happier than to become your sister-in-law.”

  Rachel wanted to reach across the table and grab Mary’s hand. “Would it be easier for me to join the Amish church?” Mary’s astonished expression caused Rachel to lean back in her seat. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “Nein, I’m just surprised. Have you talked to him about that?”

  “Not—”

  After several raps on the door, Paul walked in. “Are you girls having a good time?”

  “Jah, Rachel bakes the best cookies. She’s going to make a wunderbaar gut—baker.” They burst into laughter and walked through the front door.

  Paul leaned over and whispered into Rachel's ear before he followed Mary to her buggy. “Hullo.”

  Warmth spread through her midsection at the thought of becoming his wife. “Why are you back so early? I wasn't expecting to see you.”

  “We only worked half a day.”

  As soon as Mary drove away, Paul moved in the space next to her. The wisp of his breath on her cheek was the only warning she received before he pressed his lips to hers. “I missed you.”

  They drove to Hershey to have dinner. Out of town again. She wanted to talk to him about telling his family tonight but decided to wait until the server brought their food.

  “I wish I could go to church with you,” she told him.

  “Really?” He searched her face. “I wish I could go with you.”

  That wasn’t what she expected him to say. The idea of him sitting next to her in church, brought a stronger rush of longing for a normal relationship where they could tell everyone.

  It was as if he sensed her uncertainty and wrapped his arms around her. “I want to tell the whole world how much I love you. I promise to tell them when the time is right.”

  It would be safer to change the subject instead of dwelling on the impossible. “You don’t care for my friend Jordan, do you?”