“I am glad to see you are well,” Teller said.
I nodded and changed the subject. “How did the rest of the games go?”
He smiled with confidence, which brought an image of Riddick and his ever-present arrogant expression to mind.
I shook my head, as if disapproving. He could be quite supercilious, as could Riddick. I could barely see this because of the way I felt about Teller. If he had not been so beautiful and if his presence had not held such power over me, perhaps I would have viewed him differently. A surprising thought crept in, is he in any way like Riddick? No, of course not! I quickly dismissed the thought.
Teller led me to his family’s table. Ivan’s piercing glare was impossible to miss. I returned his hard stare until he finally looked away; I refused to be intimidated by him. My unwillingness to back down seemed to upset Ivan even more. It was a direct challenge; he knew that he could not subdue me. This was what I assumed his problem was.
My family joined us. Josiah wasted no time in speaking his mind. Looking pointedly at Teller he said, “When will you marry my sister?”
“I’m not going to let her get away again or allow someone else the chance to ask for her hand.” With this Teller stood from the table and went down on one knee.
My heart pounded in my ears. But we can’t be together. The worry turned to joy — I let it consume me.
He held my un-bandaged hand up and said the four wonderful words I had only dreamt of hearing from him. “Will you marry me?”
I looked at Father for approval — old habits were difficult to break and a girl could not marry without her father’s approval. He smiled and nodded. I knew what this meant — The choice was mine.
“I would love to,” I said. This was not a solid yes but not a lie either. My mind was spinning. What was I going to do? Teller hugged me and we stood up together.
Father rose to his feet as well, to make the big announcement. He raised his hands and spoke loudly, to get everyone’s attention, “Hear, hear!” He waited for other tables to quiet down. “My lovely daughter has agreed to marry this fine young man. I am blessed to have both my children find love and happiness. I can’t wait to be a grandfather.” He smiled as laughter and cheers erupted from the crowd. “May we wish them the very best!” he concluded.
With this, many congratulations followed. I smiled and looked at Teller. His eyes shone like emeralds. This was enough for me — for now. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Ivan get up from the table and walk away. Curious, I thought. He clearly did not approve of Teller’s proposal.
I tried to concentrate on the conversation at our table but other conversations — ones not meant for my ears — kept creeping in. One young man at a table not far from ours was saying to his friend, “I don’t understand. He wins all the tournament games and gets the prettiest girl in the village. How is one man so lucky?”
“That is the way it works. Get used to it,” his friend replied.
I turned my attention back to our table but my extraordinary hearing picked up another conversation. A woman seated behind me was whispering, “She moved so quickly. It was as if she had disappeared, then reappeared in front of the boy.”
“And did you see? She hardly flinched when she caught the sword,” another woman replied. “Her hand was bleeding everywhere and she did not cry out in pain. I would have been frantic if my hand had been almost cut in two by a blade.”
As I often did around humans, I wanted to cover my ears. These were other people’s private conversations I should not be hearing. Concentrate! I told myself. I was better able to attend to the conversation at our table, though it appeared from other small tidbits I overheard that Teller and I were the main topic of interest in the village.
After the feast, the little boy that I had saved and his mother came up to us as we were leaving.
“I want to congratulate you on your engagement and to thank you for saving my son.” The mother gave a slight bow.
“Thank you and it was nothing. I’m relieved your son was not hurt.”
The mother gestured toward my bandaged hand. “Will your hand heal well?”
“Yes, I can move my fingers and there will only be a slight scar. It will be a story to tell my children.” I smiled, trying to reassure her that she need not worry about me.
“I am grateful for that,” she said.
As they walked away, we could hear the boy telling his mother. “She is so pretty, Mama.”
Teller and I smiled at each other and headed home. We walked in silence until we were alone.
“You know you are a heavy sleeper?” Teller said.
“What do you mean?”
“You did not hear the pebbles hitting your shutters last night?”
“No.” It was not that I was a heavy sleeper — I simply had not been in my room last night. I had been flying high over the mountaintops. “You were throwing rocks at my window last night?”
“I wanted to talk to you before I proposed. I knew your father would leave the decision to you, so I wanted to know what you would say first. But you were too difficult to wake. So I took a chance that you would say yes.”
“You know how I feel about you. You knew I would say yes.”
“Not necessarily. You can be hard to read and your behavior can be … well, erratic.”
“Erratic!” I laughed. Try being a vampire surrounded by humans, I thought. Erratic is the perfect word for my behavior.
He stopped me and placed his lips squarely on mine. The same sensation went through my entire body. I placed my arms around his neck and kissed him back harder. He tightly wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed my entire body to his.
Instantly, I could feel myself losing control. His strong lightening touch was overpowering. The feeling was more than I could handle. It was beyond hunger or lust. It was a passion that brought out the monster inside. I was on fire. My eye-teeth ached. I’m going to hurt him.
“Stop!” I breathed. I was talking to myself more than to him. I forcefully pushed him away, almost knocking him down. “I have to go.” I tried to reassure him with a smile but I had to keep my lips pressed together to conceal the long fangs. “I’ll … see you tomorrow,” I stuttered.
As I headed for home, I could hear him mutter, “Erratic,” under his breath.
Once in the privacy of my room, I paced the small space between my bed and the window. “What am I going to do?” I whispered. I tried not to panic but my loss of control was unnerving. Why can’t I control myself with him? Perhaps vampires feel everything more intently? Love, longing, lust … hatred, everything — I did not know for sure. Does every new vampire feel this way or is it something … unique between Teller and me? Whatever it is I must be careful. I do not want to hurt him.
I also failed as a human today, though I did not regret that. I could not have lived with myself if I had let that boy die when I could have easily saved him. Obviously, I would not be able to keep up this human façade for much longer.
My voice of reason kept telling me that Teller must be told the truth. I searched for some other way. There is no other choice, the voice replied. I finally had to agree: I must show Teller what I am and explain everything. It was not a pleasant idea. I imagined he would be scared and repulsed, as I had been. He would hate what I had become and I would lose him forever. He deserves to know, the voice inside warned.
Things were moving too fast. If he did not love me enough to become a vampire, then I must end this whole deception and allow him to move on. This thought sent pain through my chest. I rubbed my hand over my heart. I was not sure why. Perhaps it was to try to rub the pain away. It did not help; the pain remained. How can I bear his rejection? It did not matter. If that was his choice, I would have to bear it.
The decision was made. I would tell him the truth and let him decide his own future. I must be prepared to walk away and leave him alone — forever — if need be. I lay down and tried to rest. There was some comfort in this decision
. No matter what Teller chooses, I will not have to live a lie anymore. This entire false life would be over and we — hopefully — could move on with a new life. I could not imagine what that life would be like, which was disturbing.
I finally dozed off. When I woke, it was still a good while before the sun would be up. I thought about leaving for a quick flight but perhaps Teller would come to my window again. That would be the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth. If I was going to enact this plan, I must tell him as soon as possible. I will not put him in danger any more.
Chapter 46 Ludus 1261 A.D
Teller did not disappoint. Well before daybreak, I heard something crack against the shutter. How could anyone sleep through that? I thought. My heart raced. I had to hold my bandaged hand in the other to keep them from shaking.
I went to the window and signed that I would come down. I walked slowly and quietly to the back door. I took his arm in mine and led him into the woods behind my house.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“Away from the town. There is something I have to tell you … and show you, as you will not believe me otherwise.”
“Very well.” He frowned. It must have been my determined and cryptic tone that concerned him.
“There is something I wanted to talk to you about as well. It is my father. He thinks … ” Teller paused.
“I know. He is not happy about our engagement.”
“Yes, well, you see, some people think that it was some sort of monster that killed those people last summer. Father thinks that it was the Chastellains and that they are demons of sorts. I know that sounds insane, but if you think about it, it is logical. The deaths stopped after the Chastellains left town. Maybe they were extraordinarily strong and that was how the young lord beat me in the tournament last year. You said it yourself, that you thought it was odd how he was able to win so easily.”
I nodded. “And what does this have to do with me?” I knew where this was headed but I wanted to hear exactly what Ivan was saying — and what many of the villagers would also be thinking, as the rumor spread.
“Well …” Teller hesitated; he clearly did not want to tell me. “After the incident with the sword yesterday, Father thinks … that you are a demon as well.”
There, that was it. I would indeed have to be leaving soon. I pulled on Teller’s arm to stop him from walking. We were alone in a clearing. I looked at him in silence. He was expecting me to deny it and I did not. He had to know.
Teller was becoming uncomfortable with my silence. “I told Father that that was ridiculous. One problem with his logic is that no one else has been harmed since you returned. I don’t doubt that the Chastellains were responsible for those people’s deaths but you are not like them.”
Again I said nothing.
“Say something! Why are you not denying this serious accusation?” Teller’s frustration was mounting.
I put my head down and stepped away from Teller. It would have been easy to deny Ivan’s claims. Even laugh them off as being ridiculous. But this was my chance to come clean.
Teller narrowed his eyes. “Please tell me it is not true.”
“I plan to tell you everything — the truth in its entirely. I want to offer you a choice — one I did not have.”
“What are you saying? You are talking nonsense.”
I stepped closer and looked him in the eyes. “It is not nonsense. I will show you. Though I wish it were not so, I am not human anymore.”
He backed away from me. “Then what are you?”
“I swear to you, Teller, I will not hurt you. Let me show you. Please do not run. You must trust me.” I reached for his hands but he pulled away.
“Have you gone mad?”
I shook my head no. Here goes. There will be no going back after this. I jumped straight up, transforming in an instant and hovering above him. He fell backwards and stumbled away from me. I knew what a terrifying beast I was in this form but if he was to make a decision, he must know. He ran for the village. I landed in front of him, returning to my “human” self.
I held out my hands to stop him.
He backed away.
“Please listen. I came back because I love you and because I have learned not to kill people.”
“You are a murderer?” He was full of disgust.
I did not blame him — it was appalling. “It is not going to be safe for me in Ludus for much longer. My father and brother have Sarah to help out in the home, so I will be leaving soon and I want you to come with me.”
He shook his head and kept backing away.
“I know this is a great deal to take in,” I continued. “I would give anything to have my old life back, to marry you and raise a family but that is no longer possible.”
“No! Stay away from me.” Teller tried to run around me.
I quickly stepped toward him and grabbed his arm.
“Let go of me!”
“I will. I will let you go and never come back if that is what you want. But first you need to know what I am offering you. You can become like me and we can be together forever, or I will leave and let you live out your human life here. The choice is yours.”
He had been struggling in my grasp but stopped. He must have seen in my eyes that I was sincere and that I would not hurt him.
“I will never become a killer!” he spat.
“I don’t kill anymore and I can teach you to do the same, to control your thirst.”
“Thirst for what?”
“We are vampires and we need human blood to survive.”
“Vam-what?” He glared at me. Which made him look more like his father. “Let me go!”
“Is that your choice, then? If so, I will leave you alone and never return.” I could hardly force the words out.
“Yes! That is my choice.” He spoke through clenched teeth.
He might as well have stabbed me with a knife. I let go and wrapped my arms around my stomach. What had I expected? I did not want this life, either. Would I have chosen it to be with him? I don’t know; maybe. The pain was overwhelming and I barely registered the sound of far-off swishing. The noise grew louder; it must be coming from large wings. This thought pulled me from my heartache. A vampire!
I scanned the sky. Teller had reached the edge of the clearing and a large winged figure was landing in front of him. In a flash, I was by Teller’s side.
Teller started at my sudden appearance. “I said, leave me —
But I was not looking at Teller. I was staring at the old man who had appeared in front of us. If trouble found me in Ludus, I had thought, it would be Ramdasha’s doing. If he’d found out I had family here, he would take revenge against me. But I was wrong; trouble came in the form of an alleged ally.
I stepped in front of Teller. “Get back!”
“Well, well. What have we here?” Chastellain said. “I could not help hearing raised voices. A lovers’ quarrel already? What a shame.”
“What do you want?” I demanded.
Chastellain lost his smirk. “You know what I want. I sent orders for you to return. And yet here you are.”
“I am not a soldier in your army, one you can command,” I said.
“You think not? Then what are you?” He stepped forward.
I pushed Teller back a step. I’m sure it was a rhetorical question but either way I did not have an answer. “Let the boy go. I will return with you after I tell my family goodbye.”
“I don’t think so. You see, I told my son that there were two options: we could turn you, or we could kill the boy. I decided to turn you. That did not work, as you came running right back here. So you leave me no other choice. It is time for the alternative.”
“No, please! I’ll do anything; just leave Teller alone. In any case, he does not want me — or this life. I will leave with you and never come back.”
“Oh, now that the ones you care about are threatened, you will obey me. You see, I need to know I can trust you. You ha
ve disobeyed me once, a blatant act of treason. Why should I believe you?”
“Please, Chastellain, I beg you!”
“That is Lord Chastellain to you!” he boomed.
I flinched away and in a flash he grabbed Teller. The loud sound of boulders colliding rang out, as I threw my body into the lord’s. Teller was thrown to the ground. When I spun around, I saw that the lord was standing behind Teller. Chastellain had one hand on Teller’s jaw and one on the back of his head. He slightly lifted Teller off the ground. Teller clawed uselessly at the lord’s hands around his head.
I stepped forward but as I did, I heard a terrible sound, that of bones cracking. A shock of pain pierced my neck and ran down my spine. I stumbled and almost dropped to my knees. Teller’s body went limp in Chastellain’s hands.
A scream was stuck in my throat. I ran to catch Teller as he fell to the ground. I did not care what Chastellain had planned for me. Let him kill me too if he must. Part of me wished he would kill me.
“That is the price for treason, my dear.” Chastellain’s voice was as calm as the night.
With that I felt the air swoosh around me as he took flight. I did not look at him. I knew he was gone.
“No, no, no!” I let out a scream. I rocked Teller’s body and wept. My sobs were cut short as I barely made out the faint sound of a heartbeat. He is not dead … just dying. His spine had been broken. There was no doubt he would die unless I turned him. Perhaps there is still time. Would he want me to turn him to save him? I do not know. Would I have wanted that? I didn’t know the answer to that either. But there was no time — a decision must be made. “I cannot lose you like this — not if I can help it,” whispered in his ear.
I felt my fangs grow on command. I hadn’t known vampires could do that. They always formed automatically with feeding but it seemed I could also make them grow when needed, like now. I placed the point of one razor-sharp tooth on my wrist and ran it lengthwise down my arm. Blood flowed from the cut. I held Teller’s head back with one arm so his mouth fell open and with my bleeding arm held over his head, I let my blood run into his mouth. I did not know how much he needed but soon my arm stopped bleeding and the pain was replaced with an inching sensation as my arm healed. I hope that is enough.
Of Lords and Commoners: Book 1 (Lords and Commoners Series) Page 20