For the first time, I thought of turning someone into a vampire. I wanted to be with Teller for eternity. I had to shake the thought away. What am I thinking? I did not want this for anyone, not even myself. During my transition into a vampire, Elijah had said that he wanted to give me a choice between a human life and a vampire life. Originally I’d hoped we could live out the rest of Teller’s human life together. There was always something in the back of my mind that told me this would not work, for a number of reasons but I had chosen to ignore it.
I finally faced the cold hard truth that I had been avoiding — a human life together was not possible. Vampires did not age and it appeared that we were turned, not born. I had never met a vampire who had had a child after being turned, so we must not be able to give birth. All this meant that in order for us to be together, Teller would have to choose to become like me.
This past year was a blur and I had been preoccupied with trying to survive. The thought of having children never crossed my mind. Teller had been out of my life; so having a family seemed inconsequential. But now I was faced with the ugly truth. I will never be able to have his children. Letting this realization come to the surface caused the tears to stream down my face. I wept for the children I would never have. It was as if I were a mother who had lost all of her children. I rubbed at the pain in my heart until my chest ached.
I slept for a long time, longer than I had ever slept as a vampire. It was the only way to lessen the pain. When I did wake — though it had really only been a couple of hours — my thoughts were clearer. I will not turn Teller. I will not take his human life away from him. If he did find out what I have become, he would be appalled. There is no way he would choose this life. I would not have. I must let him go.
A new wave of grief hit me. I can never be with Teller. I let out a yell of frustration and in an instant I was out the window, flying high up in the sky.
The cool air on my face helped. It somehow dulled the pain. I did not know how I would live without Teller. I needed him. We were meant to be together. The thought of him marrying someone else crushed my heart into a million pieces. It was supposed to be me at his side — but not now. That was no longer possible. If I truly loved Teller, I should leave him alone.
Chapter 43 Ludus 1261 A.D
As usual, I stayed busy and tried not to think too hard about the helpless situation I was in. I spent time with my father and brother. I enjoyed their company whenever possible. We played games by the fire some nights. I cherished these times, as I did not know how long they might last.
Soon the whole village was busy getting ready for the midsummer festivities. This was welcome, as I too had plenty to do. Much time was spent making plans for Josiah’s wedding. I helped father build a pergola, under which Josiah and Sarah would be married.
Teller did not seek me out, which was good, as it made it easier for me to stay away from him. He must have taken my quick retreat the other night as a rejection. I told myself it was for the best.
Occasionally, at night, I would borrow the weapons for the upcoming tournament and practice. My weapon of choice was the sword, although I was also becoming skilled with the bow and arrow. However, I missed having someone as fast and strong as a vampire to practice with.
Early one morning before the sun had risen, I was headed home when Teller was leaving his house.
“Do you not sleep?” he asked.
“Not much these days,” I answered honestly.
“What were you doing?” He looked behind me as if this would give him a clue about what I was up to.
“I was… setting up for the tournament.”
He stepped forward and took my hands in his. I was not as shocked by the sensation this time but it was still strong and strange. I did not want to let go. In fact, I never wanted to let go.
His brow furrowed. “Why are you so cold? Are you ill?”
I forced myself to let go of his hands. “No, I am well.”
He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Did your brother mention that he asked me to be his chief groomsman at his wedding.”
I was glad for the change in subject. “That is wonderful. I did not know you two were close.”
“We became closer after your … disappearance.”
“Of course.” I will never live that down.
“Will you go to the dance with me?” This came out quickly, as if Teller was unsure of how I would reply.
My heart leapt into my throat. I could not help the excitement that overcame me. Of course, I should have refused but instead I said, “Yes, I would be honored.” At least I resisted the urge to throw my arms around him and kiss him.
It felt like I was walking in the clouds as I arrived home. Part of me was warning that this was not a good thing but I ignored it and allowed myself to be content — that was, until I reached my room. There was a surprise waiting for me. By the window stood a petite figure, that of someone caught between childhood and womanhood. It was Sonia.
“What are you doing here?” My voice was quiet so Father would not hear. I knew Sonia could hear me well. I gave her a long hug. It was good to see her but her face was grim.
“What is it?” I tried to give her a comforting smile.
“I am here on behalf of Lord Chastellain. He requests that you return to Denmark at once.” Her formal tone was concerning.
“Why, what is wrong?” Thoughts of vampire war, or some important political maneuver raced through my mind.
“It is Elijah.” Her voice was melancholy.
I felt panic arise. “What happened? Is he ill?”
“After you left, he would barely leave his room or talk to any of us. He refused to feed. Lord Chastellain … forced the issue and … well, as you can imagine, it was not pretty.”
I do not believe it. Elijah was killing again. He could resist the kill better than any of us. I sat down hard on my bed. I had imagined that Elijah was moving forward with his school and teaching any willing vampires how to leave their victims unconscious but alive. What a fool I had been.
“Why must I return?” I asked.
“Our lord thinks that you will be able to help his son.”
“What? How?” Elijah must be as angry as Teller was about my leaving.
“Do you not see how much Elijah loves you?”
“The problem is that I love someone else. Elijah knows this.”
“I am here because I am loyal to our leader and because I care for you. As your friend, I’m asking you to let this human boy go and return with me. You are one of us and we must follow our leaders. Otherwise, there will be chaos for vampires and humans alike. Lord Chastellain means well.”
I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. “I don’t care what Chastellain wants. He did this to me. He took everything from me. I hate him! I will not blindly obey him like a minion.”
Sonia recoiled and turned her gaze to the floor.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to hurt you. I understand the lord is concerned for his son. Please tell him that I am sorry but I cannot help him. I do not love Elijah.”
“Please reconsider. Lord Chastellain wanted to come here himself. I persuaded him to allow me to come and reason with you first. If you do not return soon, he will take matters into his own hands.”
“What does that mean? What would he do?”
“I have no idea but I have a bad feeling; it would not end well.”
What could he do? It is not as if he could force someone to fall in love, I thought.
Sonia took both my hands in her tiny ones and gazed at me with large pleading eyes. “We miss you, too, Aaron and I. You got us out of that horrible coven and you helped us learn to live a better life. Please come home to us.”
I kissed her forehead. She was sincere and kind. “I appreciate that you came instead of the lord. You are a dear friend. I’m truly sorry for Elijah, as he is a good friend as well. I wish him a swift recovery and hope he can find happiness. Please tell
the lord that if I return it will be on my own terms. I have business here. I will not leave my family again. Not yet.”
Sonia walked to the window. “I pray you reconsider.” With a weary smile she transformed and took flight. I watched her for a while. The sun was rising. She blocked the sun from her eyes with one arm. It did not seem to bother her. She must be getting older, as the sun’s painful effects were not as strong.
Having the strength of a vampire gave me a sense of independence. I was no longer going to take orders from anyone, especially Lord Chastellain. The one thing he could not take from me was my freedom of choice. If I allowed him to do that, I would have nothing left of myself.
Chapter 44 Ludus 1261 A.D
The day the villagers had been preparing for was here. I was excited for my brother. Today he would become a man. The festivities would start midday with Josiah’s wedding, followed by the village dance. This year, the annual dance and the celebration after my brother’s wedding would be one and the same. The following day the tournament would commence.
Sarah asked me to be a bridesmaid and I was thrilled to be in the wedding. Mari came over that morning to get ready. This year our dresses were unpretentious and much more comfortable.
“I’m glad Teller asked you to the dance. I knew he would come around. Next we will be attending your wedding,” Mari chatted away.
I was not as sure as she was about the future. “I can only dream of my wedding.” This was the truth. I tried not to be downtrodden about the fact that Teller and I could never marry. “And I’m glad Iuliu asked you to the dance. Perhaps you will find that a farm may be a good choice for you after all.”
Mari glared at me. “It will not compare to last year’s grand gala, where I met Samuel.”
I did not reply. The sooner she forgot about Samuel, the better. I was not going to encourage or discourage her. I thought ignoring it was best. She and I also had different memories of the “grand gala.” She had had a wonderful time and I had been miserable.
After a good deal of fussing, we were dressed. We both looked down into the washbasin at our reflection — we had no other looking glass. We were two beautiful young ladies full of hopes, dreams and trepidation about our futures.
The ceremony was simply lovely. I had spent most of the previous night gathering flowers from faraway fields. I covered the pergola with yellow and white daisies, as well as pink and purple flowers, of which I did not know the name. This was not only for decoration but also to shade me from the sun. I potted flowering dog rose shrubs and placed them along the aisle. Their large white blooms led the way for the bride and groom. It was the most colorful wedding Ludus had ever had — like something out of a fairy story.
To distract myself from how handsome Teller looked, I forced myself to focus on Josiah and his lovely bride. Josiah’s crystal blue eyes shone bright. He looked handsome as well. He would make a great husband and father, like our father. I could tell he was ready for this big step. He had no doubts about his future. He was prepared to take on the world and he would do well. I was grateful to be a part of this ceremony. No matter how much longer I could stay, at least I had not missed my brother’s wedding. I envied Josiah; he was going to have the life I wanted. I could not keep from daydreaming about my own wedding.
When it was over, everyone headed to Uncle Ezekiel’s tavern for the feast and dance. My stomach fluttered as Teller took my gloved hand and wrapped his arm around mine.
“Shall we, My Lady?” he asked.
I smiled. “After you, kind sir.” Being this close to him was intoxicating and where we touched there was that shock of energy between us. I kept my cloak and gloves on, hoping he would not feel my coolness. I had also hoped that the gloves would lessen the strange tingling sensation but they did not. It was like a warning to stay away and an intense attraction at the same time. Teller walked slowly so eventually we were alone; everyone else was in a hurry to get to the tavern to eat and drink their fill.
“It should have been our wedding today,” he whispered.
“You did not ask me.” I gave him a devilish smile.
Without warning he stopped walking and pressed his lips to mine. My senses overwhelmed me and my knees almost gave way. He held my waist to support me.
When he pulled away, his brow was furrowed. “You are cold again.”
“I’m warm enough. Actually, I have never been better.” I laid my head on his shoulder as we continued to the tavern. I wanted this moment to last forever. I tried not to think about how this could not last.
We all gave our well wishes to the newlyweds. As we toasted and cheered, the men picked the bride and groom up and carried them around the tavern, while the rest of us danced around them. Mari and I locked arms, starting a traditional circle dance. We sang songs from our village, songs of days long past and songs of love.
When it was over I headed home with my family, which now included Sarah. I was sad for this wondrous day to end. I did not want to say goodbye to Teller that night. I wished that he, like Sarah, was coming home with us.
It was a relief to learn that Sarah was moving into our home. This would be her first night away from her family. This arrangement made the most sense, as our home was larger and less crowded than hers and my brother did not have enough money to build his own home. I did not want to stay in my room and listen to the new couple’s private life with my vampire ears, so I was out my window and flying as soon as possible. I flew high over the Carpathian Mountaintops and off into the night.
The tournament was going well — for Teller. Mari, Father and I watched from wooden benches as usual. This time I sat with my hood up, as I always did when the sun was out. It was amusing to imagine dressing as a man and beating Teller at his own games. I had been trained well by Riddick and then Elijah, so Teller would not stand a chance against me. The thought made me smile.
My brother competed in only a couple of games. He was distracted at best, giddy with love. This gave rise to many a joke amongst the men. It filled my heart with joy to see my brother so happy. I wished him this happiness for the rest of his life.
The tournament moved along seamlessly until the final round of the fencing competition. With the flick of his wrist, Teller swiftly disarmed his opponent. The problem was that the sword went flying through the air and headed straight for a small boy in the audience.
I had to act. In a flash I was gone from Father’s side and I caught the blade end of the sword before it hit the boy in the head. People gasped as they surveyed the blood running down the blade and pooling on the ground. I moaned in pain and dropped the sword. I could feel my hand tingle and eventually start to itch, as it was already healing. The pain subsided as well. That was when I noticed the sharp sting in my eyes. The hood of the cloak had flown off. I had to squint and I could not see clearly. A woman stepped forward and asked to see the wound.
“Your hand must be cleaned and bandaged,” she was saying as she reached for me.
I quickly pulled the hood over my head and proceeded to wrap my hand in my dress, pretending to use it as a bandage, when in actuality I was using my dress to hide the disappearing wound.
“No, no, I am scarcely hurt. I will tend to it myself.” I backed away from the woman. As I did, I bumped into Teller.
“Let me have a look,” he said, as he reached for my hand.
I jerked away. “No. Honestly, I am well.” I must get out of here! Trying not to move too fast, I pushed past Father and Mari. As soon as I was out of sight, I sped home. I washed the drying blood from my dress and hand and was putting a fresh rag over my slightly scarred hand when I heard Father return. He called for me.
“Yes, Father, I am here,” I answered.
He ran up the stairs. “Do you need help?”
I held up the clean fake-bandaged hand. “No, I cleansed the wound and the bleeding has stopped. It should heal quickly — I mean, nicely.”
He looked relieved, then narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “That was a
brave thing you did, grabbing that sword to save the boy.”
“Well, I could not let him get hurt or possibly killed, now, could I?”
“Yet I was closer to the boy than you. I did not even see it coming, let alone have time to act.”
“I’m younger and more agile, I suppose. Perhaps it is that you are getting old.” I smiled. I was hoping to use humor to get myself out of this predicament.
He returned my smile. “Well, what matters is that you and the boy are safe. Since I’m not needed here, I had better head back. Do you feel like returning?”
“Perhaps I will rest.” I thought it best to feign injury. Besides, this way I could avoid everyone’s questions for a while longer about how I had been able to move so fast. “Please inform Mari and Teller that I am well.”
“Of course and I will see how you are faring after the next round of games.”
“Thank you, Father.”
He nodded and left.
People will be talking about me. I will have to be leaving, much sooner than I would like. The problem is, how to leave? I will not disappear this time. Should I tell Father the truth? Should I tell Teller the truth? Should I let him choose between a vampire life and a human life? The selfish part of me wants more than anything to have Teller by my side forever. The other part does not wish this life on anyone, especially Teller. He should marry and have children. That is the future I want for him. Yet maybe he could learn to feed without killing. Stop being selfish! I chastised. Don’t try to justify turning him into a killer. I was going to go mad sitting in my room.
Chapter 45 Ludus 1261 A.D
Thankfully, Father came back within the hour. “What do you say we go to the feast?” he asked.
“That sounds wonderful.” I was more than happy to get out of the house and away from my helpless musings.
We walked arm in arm to the center of the village. Teller approached, bowed slightly and held out his arm to me. Father took my “good” hand and unwound it from his own offering it to Teller. It was a gesture that fathers often made when giving away their daughters in marriage. I felt tears form. I blinked them away.
Of Lords and Commoners: Book 1 (Lords and Commoners Series) Page 19