Mannies Incorporated

by Michael, Sean

  Jesus. That was even more inappropriate. Luckily the thump and the dead body images in his head did the trick and he was soon deflated. That meant he could push Christian on the swing and help Jenny on the slide and try to talk Maggie into letting him help her with, well, anything. She still hadn't made up her mind about him. It was beginning to make him pout.

  It wasn't a few minutes before Slayde was out there. "Inside for drinks, you three. It's hot."

  He trailed after them, wondering what was wrong with him. It wasn't like he ever got laid regularly. And it wasn't like him to start lusting after the guys he knew.

  Slayde was different, though. He was… Drake didn't know what Slayde was, but the man was making him notice, making him want things he tried to keep deeply buried. Between his father, his friends, and the guys on the force, he knew enough to keep his queerness deeply hidden.

  "You want a drink, too, honey?"

  "Who me? Sure. Please." Preferably something strong.

  "There's iced tea, milk, water, and about two swallows of Diet Sprite."

  "Iced tea's fine." He grunted and sat at the table, watching the kids coloring, Christian and Maggie arguing quietly about whether or not blue whales were that particular electric shade of blue.

  "Y'all want to go swimming tomorrow?"

  The kids looked up and Christian squealed. "Really?"

  Slayde nodded. "If Uncle Drake will come to help, yes."

  "Sure. I've got a pair of swimming trunks." And if he sprouted a hard-on underwater, nobody would notice, right?

  "If you three are good, we'll go tomorrow and swim."

  Christian started hooting and squealing, jumping up and down and soon his sisters were joining him.

  Drake chuckled. "Is this your definition of good?"

  "Not really, no. We really need to get him in lessons, but Mindy doesn't want him doing it."

  Drake frowned. He couldn't remember any water trauma when they were young. "Why not?"

  "I think she wants to be here for it."

  "Ah. Right." He thought about it for a bit. "I'm not sure that's fair to Christian."

  "I'm not either, but she's the boss."

  "I'll talk to her about it."

  "Good luck with that." Slayde nodded, though, and Drake thought the man looked pleased.

  "What're we having for supper?" He cared more about grown up supper than kiddy supper.

  "The kids want chicken fingers."

  "You make those yourself, too?" The question just shot out of him before he even realized it.

  "Has there been anything I didn't?"

  "Nope. Well. The hotdogs." Homemade chicken fingers sounded pretty decent actually. Better than rice pasta macaroni, anyway.

  "Okay, then. Mashed potatoes, chicken fingers, apple sauce."

  "Wow, that sounds good." It really did. Like something he'd order out.

  Slayde chuckled. "Thanks."

  "Sorry, but some of the things the kids like…" He shrugged.

  "If I remember correctly, you have a McDonald's addiction." Slayde snorted. "Very bad for you."

  "Yeah, but McDonald's tastes good."

  "McDonald's is atrocious."

  He was scandalized. "You've never been a cop."

  "No. No, I am not weapon material. At all."

  He chuckled. No, Slayde wasn't; he had a…softer side. "How did you and Mindy meet, man?" Suddenly he had to know.

  "Through Jerry."

  Now that was surprising. Jerry wasn't…at all like Slayde.

  "Seriously? How'd you two know each other?"

  "We were frat brothers."

  You could have knocked Drake over with a feather. "You were in a fraternity?"

  "I was." Slayde chuckled, looked at him with an upraised eyebrow. "Delta Chi, all the way. He was my roommate for two years."

  "Huh." Imagine that. It wasn't what he'd expected to hear. At all.

  "Yes, Officer. They let homosexual and heterosexual man room together. I swear, I never molested him, not even once."

  He rolled his eyes. "Don't get all riled up. I didn't say a word."

  He wouldn't mind Slayde molesting him, though. Jesus. He had to stop that. He needed to go out and get laid, although frankly, it was going to be even harder here than it had been at home. He supposed it had been a long time, though. A very long time. That had to be why he was getting so worked up over Slayde.

  Because Slayde was a queen and skinny and he cooked and did weird crafts with the kids. Not. His. Type.

  But shit, just looking at the guy and talking about men sleeping together was getting Drake hard. He managed not to growl and headed for the bathroom. He shut the door, leaned back against it and closed his eyes. This was insane. Totally.

  His hands drifted down his body, pressing against his nipples through his T-shirt, then moving on down to cup his fucking prick. He could imagine Slayde's mouth, though, wrapped around his cock, wet and hot and eager. He bit his bottom lip to keep from groaning, running his hands back up his body, then down again, debating if he had time to finish this up, get his stupid prick down.

  This was crazy. Stupid. He couldn't just tug off in the bathroom like a desperate teenager. He leaned over the sink and splashed his face with cold water. Then he splashed some more. He had to get over himself. He had to figure this…

  "Uncle Slayde! Uncle Slayde! Maggie ate a bug!"

  He started to chuckle. Oh, God. This he had to see. He thumped his cock, telling it to behave, and headed out to see what the heck was up. He went back to the kitchen.

  "Uncle Slayde!" Christian was screaming, eyes wide. "Maggie ate a BUG!"

  "What? Where is she?"

  "The backyard, I hope." If she was eating bugs, right?

  Slayde shot him a look and out they went. "What kind of bug?"

  Maggie was standing, staring, eyes wide and Slayde scooped her up.

  "Was it a good bug?" Drake asked. They needed to get her talking, right? And not panic. Though his first reaction, really, was to laugh.

  She shook her head, big eyes filling with tears.

  "Open your mouth, Maggie. Let me see."

  "Did it hurt you, honey?" He went over to help Slayde deal with her. Maybe he could force her mouth open if they needed to do that. He'd thought it was just funny, but Slayde was acting like it could be a problem.

  She looked at him, frowned mightily, then started to scream. "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!"

  "Oh, fuck. Slayde? Do we need to get her to the hospital?" Driving fast he could do and it looked like maybe Slayde was right to be taking this as seriously as he was.

  Slayde looked at her mouth, then stuck his finger in there, wincing as she bit him. "Nope. No swelling. Christian just freaked her out."

  "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!"

  Slayde sighed. "After dinner."

  "Okay." Drake took a breath of relief, glad he hadn't been about to start laughing about something really bad. "So you're fine. You want to know what Mommy and I used to do when something like this happened?"

  She almost stopped screaming. Almost.

  "Of course you know it was Mommy who ate the bug."

  She stopped, frowned. "Mommy?"

  "Uh-huh. In fact she ate bugs more than once." He looked up at Slayde and grinned. "I might have dared her to do it on occasion."

  "Oh, that's a mean brother. Did Christian make you eat the bug?"

  Maggie shook her head. "It flied in."

  Drake chuckled. "You gotta make sure your Momma knows I didn't dare you to do it -- I don't want to get into trouble."

  "Is it wiggling in your tummy, Maggie?" Christian asked.

  Slayde gave Christian a look. "Seriously?"

  Drake bit back his laughter. "You never had a big brother, did you, Slayde?"

  "No. Just older sisters."

  "It's kind of a tradition that you tease your little sister like crazy. Of course, if anyone else does it, you'll beat them to mush."

  Slayde rolled his eyes and turned back to Maggie. "
Are you okay now?"

  "Is the buggy going to fly out?"

  "Nope."

  "I think it's pretty cool. That you ate a bug. Makes you pretty brave." He'd thought Mindy was a stud for eating them, too. Of course he'd been six at the time. Then eight. Then fifteen. He couldn't believe he'd gotten her to do it that last time, too.

  Maggie looked at him. "You make me eat 'nother one?"

  "Do you want me to?" He couldn't believe he might actually be winning her over thanks to bug-eating of all things.

  "No."

  "Uh, I think she was asking for reassurance, Drake…"

  He chuckled. "No, honey, I'm not going to make you another one. We might dare your mommy when we see her, though."

  "Want Mommy home. Soon?"

  Oh, fuck. Those eyes were going to break his fucking heart. "You'll get to talk to her on the computer in just a little while."

  She started crying again, this time so quietly, and she reached for him, leaning from Slayde.

  He opened his arms to her, astounded as he took her and her little legs wrapped around him. He held her close. "It's okay, Maggie. Me and Slayde are going to stay and take care of you until she's home."

  Slayde had this look on his face -- pure satisfaction, which Drake had to say, surprised him. He'd sort of expect Slayde to be pissed. It was nice, though, not to have to fight Slayde on this. He was able to just enjoy having Maggie finally accept him.

  Maggie rested on his shoulder, and Slayde frowned, suddenly. "Where's Jenny? Christian, have you seen the baby?"

  Jesus. His heart wasn't going to take the constant panic. "Do you know where the baby is, Maggie?"

  Maggie shook her head and Slayde headed in, at a dead run. "Jenny? Jenny girl, where are you?"

  "Come on, Maggie, help us look?" He held her tighter, following Slayde inside.

  "Jennifer? Where are you?" Slayde looked at him. "You check down in the front room. The baby gate is in front of the stairs. I'll look in the bathroom."

  "Got it." He jogged into the front room. "Jenny, honey? Where are you?"

  "Unca Dake? Unca Dake? He'p me! I stuck." Sure enough there was a pair of tiny feet sticking from under the sofa.

  Oh, fuck. Fuck. "Okay, honey, I'm gonna lift it and get you out. Slayde!" He called out for the man.

  "Coming." Slayde came running, feet slapping on the floor. "Well, I'll be."

  "I'm gonna lift the sofa off her, you pull her out."

  "Put Maggie down first."

  "Oh, right." He'd almost forgotten he had her. He set her down. "You stay here, out of the way, okay?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Unca Dake! He'p! Unca Slayde!"

  "We're helping, baby girl." Slayde was staring more than he was helping.

  He went to the front of the sofa. "From here, you think?"

  Slayde shook himself and got on the ground, hand sliding underneath. "Straight up."

  "The whole thing?" What if he couldn't do it like that? What if it slipped from his hands?

  "Just lift it. You won't drop it. I'll pull her out."

  "Okay." He nodded. He wouldn't drop it. Jenny was going to be fine. "One, two, three." On three, he lifted the fucking sofa off the ground.

  Slayde had her out in a split second. "Okay. Got her."

  "My baby!" shouted Jenny.

  "I'll get it after," promised Slayde.

  Drake let the sofa drop and sat on it. Man, that had been tense.

  Slayde held Jenny close. "Okay, new rule. No climbing under the sofa."

  "That's a good rule, man."

  Maggie was staring at him, eyes wide, still standing where he'd put her down.

  He held his arm out for her. "You can move now, honey."

  She ran right to him, holding on tight, and Christian pushed close, too. He put his other arm around Christian and hugged them both. "It's okay, guys. She's fine. You both are fine. We're all good."

  Slayde nodded. "Uncle Drake to the rescue."

  "That's me." Thank God he'd been there, though, right? So he could lift and Slayde could pull.

  The kids all settled, and Slayde smiled at him. "We'll start supper in a few."

  "Yeah, my heart might be back to normal by then."

  "Maybe." Slayde rocked Jenny, nice and slow.

  Drake sat back with his two. "One of you want to get a book for me to read?"

  Maggie shook her head. "Tell me story."

  "A story? What kind of story?" He wasn't very good at fairy tales.

  "'bout Mommy."

  "Oh." He chuckled. "I think I can do that. What kind of story?"

  "'bout Mommy." She looked at him like he was stupid.

  He chuckled. Maybe he was, Maggie certainly seemed to think it was obvious.

  Slayde came to his rescue. "How about a story about when Mommy was little, Uncle Drake."

  "Well, let's see. Once upon time your mommy wanted a Barbie doll for Christmas. She wanted that Barbie doll more than anything ever."

  Maggie's eyes were huge, like he was telling the best, most important story ever.

  "Our Momma kept telling her she wasn't sure Santa was going to be able to swing a Barbie doll."

  "Santa can do anything," Christian announced.

  Oh, damn. He'd forgotten they would still believe in Santa Claus. "That's right, he can. Which is why when Christmas came, that Barbie doll she wanted was under the tree. Although Santa had set it right at the back so it was the very last present any of us opened."

  "Oh, that was mean." Christian looked at him, frowning. "Did you move the Barbie?"

  "Hey! Why do you think I did that?"

  Christian was so serious. "You made her eat a bug."

  "Okay, maybe you have a point." Damn, the kids didn't let you get away with a thing. "But Santa wouldn't like it if I moved his gifts around. He put it there." Or rather their father had.

  "Oh."

  Slayde looked at Christian. "I bet it was a surprise for your mommy."

  "It was a surprise and she was so happy. She took that Barbie with her everywhere."

  "What was the Barbie's name?" Maggie asked.

  Barbies had names? He wracked his brain and finally answered the only thing he could think of, which was what the girls called their dolls. "Baby."

  Maggie nodded and hopped up, running out of the room.

  Drake blinked and looked over at Slayde. "What?"

  Slayde shifted the dozing Jenny on his chest. "She's going to get her baby."

  "Oh, thank God. I thought I'd fucked up."

  "Push-ups!" shouted Christian. "Ten push-ups! Unca Drake said a swear!"

  He winced. "Fu-- I mean. Sh--"

  "Thirty!" Christian ran around the room, jumping and shouting.

  "Christian! Hush! Jenny is sleeping!"

  "But Unca Drake swored! Three times! Now he has to do lots of push-ups!"

  Jenny began to cry in Slayde's arms and Drake groaned. "I'm sorry, man."

  "Uh-huh. Do push-ups, man. Thirty."

  He bit back another curse and assumed the position.

  "Maggie! Hurry! Unca Drake's gotta do thirty push-ups!"

  Slayde stood up, patting Jenny's butt. "Christian, you could sit on Uncle Drake's butt."

  "What?" He shot Slayde a glare. Thirty push-ups in a row were going to be hard enough all on their own.

  Slayde looked so innocent.

  Christian cheered and came to plop down on his ass. "Hurry, Maggie! We can ride him!" shouted Christian, bouncing all the while.

  Slayde was evil. Pure evil.

  Maggie -- and her doll -- came and landed on his back, making him groan. "Okay, you have to be still."

  "'kay. Go!"

  Shit.

  He started, managing the first five fairly easily, Christian counting them off with glee. Would it be wrong to hope the kid couldn't count must past ten?

  Slayde wandered off, not even staying to help. Butthead.

  The next five weren't nearly as easy and to his chagrin, Christian started coun
ting over from one once they hit ten.

  The second set of ten was hard, but he refused to let the kids know he was having trouble and he finished the last ten at half the speed, cheating the push-ups by only going partway down, his arms were in agony.

  Christian bounced and cheered him on the last five and at last he collapsed onto the ground with a groan.

  "Yay! You did it!" Christian applauded and Maggie bounced. On his back.

  "I did!" And he swore he'd never swear again. Which made him chuckle. Then Maggie bounced again and he groaned. "Okay, everybody up!"

  "UP!" Christian bounced, then started running around in circles, hooting.

  "Maggie, honey, can you get up, too?"

  "Uh-huh." She slid off him, patted his back. "Thank you."

  He righted himself, sitting on the floor and leaning back against the couch. "You're welcome, honey." He wasn't sure if the thank you was for the story or the ride, but he didn't really care.

  She came and sat in his lap. "This is my baby."

  "Yeah? She's bigger than your Momma's was. Barbie's are skinny little things." He was pretty sure he'd taken the head off Mindy's at least once a month.

  Maggie nodded. "I like babies."

  Slayde came in, Jenny awake and holding a Popsicle. "Does anyone else want a Popsicle?"

  "Shi-- I mean, just yes. Please. Very much so." He grinned at Maggie.

  Slayde winked at him. "I have a homemade coffee milkshake for uncles."

  "Oh, yes, please. I suppose that means uncles have to get up to go get theirs?"

  Slayde nodded. "No food in here. Mindy screams."

  "Okay. Hey, Maggie, you want to give me a hand up?" He held his hand out to her.

  "'kay." She stood in front of him, so serious, so grim.

  He took her hand and told her to "pull!" and managed to use his at this point sore ab muscles to pull himself up. "Thank you, Miss Maggie."

  "We'come. Popsicle?" She took Slayde's free hand.

  "What color?"

  "Green."

  Christian came over. "I don't like the green ones."

  "Well, I bet Slayde has ones that aren't green." He took Christian's hand and they walked together into the kitchen.

  "There aren't any oranges left, but there's purple and red."

  "Ooo, purple." Drake nodded at Christian. If there wasn't coffee milkshakes for the adults, he would so be having a purple one. But maybe Slayde was starting to like him, if the man was making him adult drinks.