by Brenda Ford
“Babe,” she wines while rolling her eyes. “People are jealous of me and you, aren’t they? Because we’re the best relationship ever. People are always saying to me that we’re a perfect couple. So, they are jealous.”
I shift from foot to foot as I allow those words to wash over me. I do know that people say that about us and I guess jealousy is a thing. But am I really going to get sucked in by her words?
“Look.” I push my phone in front of her face and show her the picture. To her credit, Mandy doesn’t look guilty as she stares at it. More confused than anything else. “Who is that in the picture with you?”
“That isn’t me.” She shakes her head hard. “You can see that isn’t me. I don’t look anything like that.”
“But it’s you. It has to be. I don’t understand why someone would send that to me.”
“Don’t be dumb, Angelo. Of course, that isn’t me. In fact, I hate this so much, I don’t like the way that it’s made you feel, so I’m going to delete it. Whichever jealous fuck sent it; I don’t care anymore…”
“No, wait!” I cry out, trying to stop her before it’s too late… but it is. It’s already gone. “After I spoke to you, I wanted to call the number to see who it was. To work out what the hell is going on.”
“Well, you don’t need to, do you? It doesn’t matter.” She glares angrily at me. “Me and you aren’t going to let it get in the way, are we? Why would we ruin what we have over someone else?”
In a way, her words make a lot of sense, but I don’t know if I’m ready to accept that yet. Something doesn’t quite feel right. I just can’t totally believe that someone would do that just to be spiteful.
“Please don’t be all stiff about this, Angelo,” she wines. “Just relax and let it go. I know that it’s hard for you to understand, but people are bitches. People can be the worst. Especially when jealousy gets involved. You know that I’m doing well at work. Perhaps people want to take me down another way…”
She’s right. Do I really want to give up all the last few years over something that might not even be true? Am I willing to not trust the woman that I have been with for all these years? She’s giving me a look of sheer love, like I’m the only person she worships, and to be honest that’s how she looks at me often.
No, I think what I need to do is push all of my insecurities to the side and to believe the only person who has been in my life for all this time. I allow myself to match Mandy’s expression, to smile along with her, and to slip my fingers into hers. She’s right. We are stronger than other people. We should be together, no matter what.
“I love you,” she whispers quietly while pulling me inside.
“Yes, I love you too,” I reply while swallowing the strange bitter feeling in my throat as those words come out. I just need some time, that’s all. Time to get over the messages. Then everything will be fine. Me and Mandy we’ll be all good once more.
Chapter One
Rachel
Six Months Later…
“Alex, get the fuck off your phone!” Gary yells at the lead singer of our band. “We’re playing a gig in a moment. You can’t sit there texting all night long. Get your fucking head in the game, won’t you?”
I give Gary a look, trying to silently calm him down while also completely understanding why he’s lashing out in such an over the top manner. Not only is Alex texting and distracted rather than focusing on the gig that’s to come, but the person he’s messaging isn’t someone he should be talking to at all. None of us agree with it. Not that we can do anything about it. Of course, he’s an adult and able to do what he wants, but we all know where it’s headed, and it can’t end well. We don’t know when it’s going to explode, but it will.
After all, you can’t have an affair with your twin brother’s girlfriend that would lead to a happy ever after…
Alex might not look much like Angelo. Angelo is tall and broad with light brown hair and piercing blue eyes. Because of his work at the family business with two of the other Smith brothers, he’s also always in a suit. Alex is smaller with green eyes and darker hair. Plus, he always dresses like the rock boy that he is. They are like chalk and cheese. But they are still twins so Alex really shouldn’t go anywhere near Mandy, I don’t think so it is right.
But then I’m torn. Not that I would ever agree with cheating because that isn’t me, but because I can see from the lovelorn look on Alex’s face how much he adores Mandy. He wouldn’t be doing any of this, risking absolutely everything for her if he wasn’t in love. He really does adore her, and it’s sad. A real shame that it’s only going to end in tears. That they will both lose Mandy and each other as well.
I have tried to discuss this with Alex, to make him see that it will be an explosion at the end, but he still can’t keep away. I guess there isn’t anything I can do about that… I mean, I tried, didn’t I? Not that I would ever admit that to anyone. I sent Angelo the message with a picture of Mandy and Alex kissing each other, to try and make him see that Mandy is cheating on him. But that was six months ago so clearly it didn’t work. I guess in a way it’s a good thing. I’m kinda glad that it didn’t work because I would hold on to guilt forever because of it. After all, Alex is supposed to be my friend. I don’t want to hurt him. Not only that, but my intentions weren’t exactly pure either.
I wasn’t just trying to out Mandy because I’m sure a nice person. I did it because I have the same hopeless, stupid crush on Angelo as Alex has it on Mandy. I have been hopelessly in love with Angelo ever since I first saw him and that is something else that will also end in tears. He will never feel the same way about me as I feel for him. He’s with someone. He’s in love. Even though that’s all going to end badly, that doesn’t mean he’ll want me.
“Yeah. I’m focused.” Alex’s head snaps up to grin at Gary. He really doesn’t seem to see the issue himself. “Some of my brothers are coming tonight, so I need to be on top of the game.”
Immediately, my heart starts pounding at the speed of light, my knees turn to jelly “Which brothers?”
“Brad will be coming, Angelo too, so I’m sure they will drag Oliver along too. I think Nelson has something on, and Wesley is away at the moment. So, three out of five. That isn’t too bad.”
Oh God, Angelo. He’s going to be here tonight. Instantly, my eyes snap towards the mirror. I have my red curly hair tied back in a high pony tail, my eyes are dark with makeup, I have a leather jacket on… I look good. Like my usual rock chick drummer image, but I don’t feel good right now. I feel like I could look better. It’s so sad when he’s never going to look at me, but I really want him to notice me regardless. I smooth my hair down a little, trying to calm it and make it look less wild, but there’s no hope. It’s out of control.
“Right, come on.” Gary looks madder than ever. He doesn’t know about my feelings, no one does, but the way that he’s looking at me right now suggests that he might have figured it out. “It’s time.”
We step out on to the stage and I take my usual seat behind my beloved drum kit. For a split second, I feel amazing. I love playing music, it’s everything to me. My passion, the only thing I could do, so I’m glad that I have found a band who shares the same dreams and goals as me.
But then my eyes catch the Smith brothers, mostly Angelo, and the good feeling ebbs away. He isn’t alone. He has a very familiar blonde wrapped around him, clinging to him possessively while she locks eyes with Alex up on the stage. She’s got two men at her finger tips. Two wonderful guys who could be happy with other people if she allowed them to be… but she greedily wants them both to herself to make them miserable.
A sense of emotional exhaustion overcomes me. I almost don’t have the energy for the gig anymore. People might be screaming and cheering for us, wanting the best from Blood Red Masters, as we should give it to them. Alex is already going to be affected by this display in front of us, I need to be on top of things to make up for it. I need to look the fuck away from Angelo and focus
on the music. Just for now anyway…
“That was awesome, guys!” Gary yells as we leave the stage, now in a much better place. “We kicked ass.”
Alex fist pumps and lets a yell out, one that comes deep from the pit of his stomach. I’m surprised that he has anything left to cry out to be honest. Much to my surprise, he was better because Mandy was in the audience. It was almost like he wanted her attention all the damn time. Much as I don’t like him hopelessly wanting Mandy, if it helped us to get over the slump that we could have faced tonight, then so be it.
“We need to head out for a drink in a moment,” Gary announces. “You said your brothers are out there anyway, didn’t you?” He nods towards Alex. “I like those guys. We can have a drink with them.”
Gary won’t say it aloud, but what he really wants is to be out there with the fans to see which one he wants to take home tonight. That’s his favorite thing that comes with being a bass guitarist in a band. All the women throw themselves at him. Once the girls realize that they can’t have the lead singer slash guitarist, they immediately go for him. Alex is off limits because of his ill-fated love for Mandy. The male fans soon learn that I’m off limits as well. One because I’m not that sort of person, and two because I compare everyone to him. To Angelo. It’s sad. At least Alex actually has something with Mandy. Angelo barely glances at me…
Urgh, maybe I do need a drink. The more that I think about this, the harder it is.
As Gary heads out to the bar, I follow close behind him. I’m pretty sure that Alex is coming too. I’m sure he’ll want to secretly see the effect that his singing has had on Mandy. I’m never getting involved with that again. I bypass everyone and head straight to the bar to get myself a glass of wine.
“Hey, you.” My heart stops beating as I hear Angelo’s voice behind me. He sounds a little tipsy which for some reason excites me. He’s letting loose a little which isn’t like him. “You were great up there.”
“We were?” I spin around shyly and gasp in a breath as my eyes connect with his. God, he’s gorgeous. Absolutely divine. Sure, people might think that I’d be more suited to Alex because we’re both very similar. But we’re too similar for it to work. Plus, we work together as well, and on top of that there isn’t any chemistry between us. I feel something deep and inexplicable with Angelo. I think our differences would complement one another in the best way possible. If only he would really see me. “Thank you, that’s really nice…”
“You looked great as well. It’s a shame that the drums hide so much of you. You should be out in front.”
I giggle shyly, sure that he’s flirting with me which might well be a result of the drink more than anything else, but it thrills me to the core. I can’t stop everything from fluttering like crazy as a result of just a few words. Angelo has this real deep effect on me. It’s intense and almost overwhelming. This is why it’s good that I don’t see him more than what I do right now. I would literally fall apart if I had to see him every single day. I’d be a mess.
I part my lips, ready to make some smart comment back, before I can get even another word out, a pair of hands snake around Angelo’s waist and she pulls him to her. Mandy grabs his cheek and kisses him hard, possessively. She wants me to know that he’s hers… as if I’m not acutely aware of that already.
My eyes fall to the ground, I sense a deep buzzing of humiliation fizzing through my veins. Tears burn the back of my eye balls. I need to take a giant swig of my drink, just to shut the emotions down a bit. If Mandy sees me falling apart because of this, she would absolutely crush me because of it. She’d love to push me down because of my stupid love for her boyfriend. I know what she’s like and she’d destroy me. She would make out that I’m worse than she is. Even though she’s the one fucking Alex, screwing up the whole family… just because she can. This is so frustrating!
“You are so beautiful,” Angelo calls out as Mandy kisses over his face. “I’m the luckiest man alive.”
Shit, I can hardly breathe, never mind stomach anything more. This is agony. Torture. Why the hell did I come over here to hurt myself? I wanted a drink, sure, but I could have had one at home. At my one bedroomed apartment on my own because I don’t have anyone to keep me warm at night…
I put my half-drunk glass back on the bar and push through the crowds. At one point, I’m pretty sure that I hear someone call out my name, but I ignore them. Whoever they are, I can’t talk to them now. I can’t talk to anyone. The tears are going to come at any moment, and I need to be away from here when they do. I haven’t ever let Angelo Smith see me cry over him before and I sure as shit don’t intend to start now.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I wipe a stray tear away as soon as the cold air of the night hits my face. “Fucking hell.”
I hate that I’m so sad, that I can’t control the way that I feel. I hate that I can’t fall for someone else. Someone better, more suited to me, someone that I could actually be happy with.
Chapter Two
Angelo
“Your place is too big for just one person,” I tease as I walk around Mandy’s sleek living room. She’s so perfectionist. She likes her place to look like a show home at all times. It was an adorable quirk of hers. “Maybe we should have a talk about me and you living together again. My place is fine, but it would be good to…”
“What’s wrong with your house?” Mandy actually looks angry as her hands fling onto her hips. “It’s a bloody mansion. I know that there are a few of you there, but I don’t see why you can’t stay there.”
“Because it’s my family home.” I’m shocked by her reaction. Sure, she wasn’t keen before to move in together when I first brought it up, but that was ages ago now, and the last six months had been like a dream for us both. Why wouldn’t she want to move forwards with our relationship? “I don’t want to live there forever.”
When me and my brothers were all very young, our parents passed away but they left behind a very successful business and a giant house for us. At first, it was all fine but now my youngest brother, Nelson, is eighteen years old, and my oldest, Brad, is in his thirties, so it’s too small for all of us. Plus, I’m twenty-one years old myself and ready to move on in life, to finally move out of the family home and build my own life. With Mandy. We have been through some hard times, but we’re amazing now.
“I like my space.” Mandy shrugs as if that’s a good enough answer. “I like my home alone. You know how I like it, and I wouldn’t want you to come along and invade it. I mean, how would I cope if I wanted a girl’s night in, or something like that? Something that doesn’t need you there. Hmm, what would we do then?”
I clutch my chest hard, the hurt igniting me up. That just sounds like an excuse to me. “I would go, obviously. I wouldn’t stick around. I would give you the space you need.”
“And where would you go?” she demands. “Back home? Why not just leave things as they are then? You come and stay here all the time but have your house as a base as well. It just makes sense, doesn’t it?”
I open and close my mouth a few times, completely blown away. She makes sense in her own little Mandy way, but it doesn’t make sense why she wouldn’t want to be with me properly. This isn’t a new relationship; it’s been going for over two and a half years. It makes sense for us to be together properly. To commit. Is she afraid of commitment? Is she scared to give herself over to me like that? Am I not good enough for her?
No, I really can’t allow myself to get sucked down that rabbit hole. If I cave in to the self-doubt then it will consume me. It almost did six months ago, and I just about fought it.
“Come on, let’s go out,” Mandy declares with a smile, changing the subject for us. “Have dinner, go for drinks. Something like that. It’s been a long time since we did something like that, isn’t it?”
“We went out last week,” I snap, unable to squash all of my feelings. “To the new Thai food place.”
She rolls her eyes. “Well, Tara from work has a new b
oyfriend who takes her to dinner every single night and he always has a new gift for her as well. She’s dripping with jewels now. I’m sick of her showing off. I want to have something to talk about tomorrow in the morning meeting. So, can we go out, please?”
Her words about jealousy from six months ago swirl through my brain. She was convinced that someone sent me the fake picture because of jealousy. Is Tara about to suffer the same fate? Is she going to have to defend herself as her new, apparently perfect, man accuses her of cheating? Will the person use the same picture?
“Yeah, we can go out,” I reply dejectedly. “Where do you want to go?”
“Who cares? Anywhere. Somewhere that costs some money, so that can be the excuse for no gift.”
Is she fucking kidding me? This is ridiculous. Talking of jealousy, it seems like Mandy has some of it herself. But Tara has just started dating her man, he is obviously trying to impress her right now. That will fade… if they even bother to stay together. What me and Mandy have is deeper and more meaningful… but it doesn’t seem like she is going to listen to that kind of logic right now. Her mindset is solid.
“What about the French Fusion place? Would that suit you?”
Mandy spins to stare at me. “Why aren’t you enthusiastic? It seems like you don’t even want to go out.”
I shrug, too weary to bother fighting her accusation. “I don’t really. I’m not in the mood.”
“Why not? Is this because of the living together thing? What’s all the pressure about?”
“Pressure? Are you kidding me?” I toss my hands in the air in frustration. “I’m just asking.”
“Yeah, to move in here! In my place. The place that I have made my own…”