Men In Control (Smith Brothers Complete Series)
Page 48
“Hey there, Freya!” Nathan declares as soon as I pick up, before I can even talk. “You were amazing on TV, just what I expected. And actually, your performance led to some great news. Blood Red Masters got back to me. Or at least their manager did. They are about to go on tour and want you to support them.”
My pulse picks up about ten notches. I might not know much about the band because I’ve been absorbed in my own music world recently, but it’s a name that I know which has to be a good sign.
“You think that’s going to go well?” I ask, almost shuddering with delight. “Would I fit in?”
“Oh, sweet Freya, of course you will! You are everything. This is going to be perfect. I will email you all of the details in a moment, so you know the dates and what to expect, but this is great news. This is exactly the direction that you want to go in and it’s one I know that you can do well.”
I squeal once we have said our goodbyes and I have hung up on Nathan which causes Linda to race back to me. The fear in her eyes transforms to confusion as she sees that this is clearly good news.
“Nathan just told me that I’m going on tour, supporting Blood Red Masters.”
“Oh my God!” Linda’s eyebrows pop towards her forehead. “Seriously? That’s big news. They are awesome. And pretty huge as well. You will be wonderful at that. Plus, you get to spend time with the very sexy Alex Smith.” She nudges me playfully. “If you don’t fall in love with him the moment that you meet him, I will be very surprised. He’s one of those intoxicating, moody, mysterious rock boys that you just want to strip!”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “Linda, I’m not going on tour to fall in love with some rock boy.”
“Look him up. Research him now. Look at some photos online and watch some of his performances. I bet you will change your mind then. Trust me, there is a reason that the whole world is falling for him…”
I can’t help it, curiosity gets the better of me, so before I get changed back into my normal clothing, I do as Linda suggests and I research this man. Blood Red Masters and Alex Smith.
Wow. The moment I find a picture of him, I have to admit that I get a funny stirring in the pit of my stomach. Possibly a little lower as well. He really is hot with his warm brown eyes and dark shaggy hair, his tattoos covering his muscular body. He’s the sort of man that I can just imagine is incredible in bed. Who knows what he’s doing and isn’t afraid to make a woman crumble with desire. I bet he’s like no other man I have ever been with, who really have been too bland for me to even remember them, but that still doesn’t mean that I’m going to fall in love. I can’t, I’m here for my career and that’s all I really need to care about right now.
But then it’s time for me to watch the band playing live, and my resolve weakens all over again. Blood Red Masters are actually incredible. Simply amazing. The way Alex is singing from his soul touches me in a way that music hasn’t done in a very long time. I suppose that’s because I’ve been in a manufactured world. Not like this. But this is where I need to be, this is what will take me to the very next level. I can’t wait for this.
“See what I mean?” Linda asks with a knowing tone to her voice. “It’s impossible not to fall in love with him. And this is just through your phone screen. Have a think of what he will be like in person.”
I don’t know if I want to think about it. It’s all too much. I haven’t even thought about my romantic life in the last eighteen months because I don’t want things to get complicated. I have been more than happy alone. I certainly don’t want that to change because of some rock boy who will only break my heart.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I reply tartly. “I will be fine. I’m not going to fall in love.”
The look in Linda’s eyes suggests that she doesn’t believe me… but she’ll see…
Chapter Two
Alex
My heart shatters as I look at the happiness in my eyes while my arm slings around the woman beside me for a sneaky picture. A picture that no one would ever be able to see but me. An image that was supposed to keep me warm in the dead of night when she wasn’t lying in my bed beside me. How could she ever be lying in bed beside me when she didn’t ever belong to me?
I was so wrong to fall in love with Mandy when I knew that she was dating my brother. Especially when I come from such a close-knit family of brothers who tell each other anything. Our parents were killed in a crash when we were young, meaning that Brad, Oliver, Angelo, Wesley, Nelson, and me have only ever had each other, so keeping secrets isn’t part of our dynamic. Or at least it wasn’t until Mandy came along.
I didn’t know that I could fall in love. I haven’t ever been into anything serious. Anything long term to take me off track of the musical career that I have always wanted. But the moment that I saw her, the foundation that my life had been built upon shattered and fell away. Whatever kept me connected to the planet before vanished into nothingness and I became infatuated with her. So obsessed and deeply in love that I would have given anything to be with her. It was just a shame that she couldn’t ever be mine because she was dating Angelo.
Angelo isn’t just my brother. He’s my twin brother, the closest of them all. The one person that I shouldn’t ever betray. So, it didn’t matter that if I had some strong feelings for Mandy, none of those made any difference. I had to keep away for the sake of my family. And I tried, I really did. I did everything that I could to keep away from Mandy. It killed me, it was sheer destruction in my stomach, but I did what I needed to do… for as long as I could.
But then she came at me. She came at me hard. Mandy made it very obvious that she wanted me too, she even told me that she was in love with me, and I couldn’t help it. I fell into her arms, pathetically, needily, and I betrayed everything and everyone in my life. I thought that we were eventually going to be together. I knew that it was going to cause a big fall-out, which was why I didn’t push her to break up with Angelo as much as I should have done, but I assumed that I was going to end up with her eventually.
But Mandy never did break up with Angelo, it exploded in a different way, and now my life is a mess. I hate myself for what I did to Angelo, even if he is such an amazing person who has choose to forgive me from his heart but I can’t forgive myself. I have also lost Mandy and the love that we once shared. Even now that she isn’t with Angelo, we can’t be together which is something that I wish I had seen at the time. I could have saved a lot of heart ache if I had. Not only is it too much for me ever to go anywhere near her now, it turns out that she didn’t ever really want me. The love was a lie, our future wasn’t ever going to happen, she seems to be more of a thrill seeker than anything else. I was just someone who she choose to fuck to betray Angelo. Just for a bit of fun. And I wasn’t the only one. She wasn’t in it with me because she couldn’t help herself because she adored me so much, I was just there.
Now, according to social media, she is with someone else, and it seems like more than one person. Much as I don’t want to keep stalking her online, I can’t stop myself. That is my new obsession. Just like these pictures on my phone which remind me of what I used to have. Even if I look at myself as I see how stupid I was back then, I can also see a happiness that I’m never going to be able to get with anyone else.
I had my one chance at love, and I blew it. Now, I am destined to spend the rest of my miserable life alone.
“Alex!” Gary, the bassist in my band, Blood Red Masters, calls out to me. “Are you okay?”
He’s the glue that holds our band together, and he’s been nothing but concerned about me ever since things went wrong. I suppose it’s nice to know that I have support and I’m not alone but it’s also a killer when I don’t want to talk about it. I would much prefer to sink into my misery in peace, thank you very much.
“Sure, what do you want?” I growl back while grabbing the bottle of gin nearest to me. It’s almost empty, which is a shame because it means I’m going to have to get my sorry ass up to gra
b another drink. The pain hasn’t been numbed yet, which means I need to knock back so much more before I can stop.
“I don’t want anything.” Gary comes into the view and his face falls. I can see the disappointment in his eyes at the bottle clutched tightly between my fingers, which is just another thing that I now need to drink away. “Just to check up on you, that’s all. You know that I care about you, Alex. You don’t need to push me away.”
“Yeah, and you don’t need to baby sit me either.” I know I’m taking out my anger on the wrong people, but I can’t stop.
“I care just as much about Rachel. I check up on her as well…”
“Then check up on her right now!” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “Stop bothering me.”
I turn away and glug the gin back, not even blanching as the burning hits the back of my throat. It’s a welcome sensation these days, one that I look forward to. If only it would hit me hard enough that I wouldn’t be bothered by Gary still behind me, his eyes still trying to work out why I’m acting in the way that I am.
“What do you want?” I snap in temper. “Why are you still here, Gary? I just asked you to leave me alone.”
“I know, but there are some things that I want to talk to you about. Band stuff, nothing personal…”
I turn back and eye him curiously, silently inviting him to sit with me. If he wants to talk to me about work, then I can listen. It gives me something to focus on rather than Mandy who I would love not to think about ever again given half the chance. Not that I’m doing such a good job of pushing that away.
“I just wanted to let you know that we have someone a bit different supporting us for the next tour. Someone to bring in different fans for us and for her as well, so it’s going to be a bit of an experiment.”
I snort with derision, letting Gary know my opinion of that without even talking. I don’t really care. It isn’t that much of an issue, but I’m sure we will be more helping her than vice versa.
“Her name is Freya Brown, but her stage name is just Freya. I don’t know if you have heard any of her old music, it’s very pop, but she’s turning in a new direction and becoming a bit more rock.”
“Oh God,” I groaned. “So, she’s going to be a rock chick wannabe? Urgh, that’s just perfect, that’s what you think, right?”
“Well, like I said,” Gary continues carefully. “It is going to be a bit of a change. But I really think that we can make this work, don’t you? We can use it to our advantage…” He can see that he clearly isn’t getting through to me, so he changes tactic. “It might be nice for Rachel to have another woman around here.”
“Yeah, whatever.” I don’t know what it is, but this change of conversation just shuts my brain off. I can’t be bothered to talk anymore. All I really want to do is head out to the nearest bar. “Well, let’s just see how it goes then, shall we? See how Rachel gets on with the pop princess. I, quite frankly, don’t give a shit.”
I press the bottle to my lips, but before any of the liquid can slide down my throat, Gary knocks the bottle away from me, causing it to splash everywhere. A red hot bolt of anger rockets through me, a mist descends, I can feel the temper creeping up through me, about to explode like a fire work in a moment.
“What the fuck is your problem?” he yells first. “Why don’t you care? What the hell is wrong with you? This is our band, our career. It isn’t just you that’s being affected by your behavior, it’s all of us.”
“I keep out of your way,” I growl coldly. “I don’t bother either of you.”
“You don’t think that your drinking bothers us?” He shrugs, bewildered. “Do you even know what you’re like when you are drunk, huh? No, of course you don’t. You have absolutely no idea. You are unbearable. Mean, unpleasant, you have said the nastiest things to me and Rachel. Plus, you’re a nightmare. Your behavior, which often takes place out in public, affects our reputation all the time. We are constantly monitoring you.”
This should make me feel bad, but honestly, I’m numb. I don’t think I can take anything else nasty towards me, because there isn’t anything terrible that Gary can say to me that I don’t say to myself. I hate myself, I despise my very existence because of everything that I have done. I know for sure that I’m a terrible person.
“Don’t monitor me. I won’t do anything to embarrass you. I will behave.”
Gary doesn’t look impressed. “So, I am supposed to let you run around from city to city just behaving as you want to while we’re on tour, even if it involves you upsetting the fans and the media? I can’t just let you do that because if the band ends then me and Rachel are fucked as well. Unfortunately for you, I have to watch you.”
I rise to my feet, about to scream if I don’t get outside and head towards a bar soon enough. “If I am that much of an issue to you, then why don’t you chuck me out of the band? Huh? Carry on without me?”
“Are you serious?” Gary rakes his fingers through his hair. “Because we love you, that’s why. Because there is no band without you. Because we’re a family. A second family for you. And families are always there for one another no matter what. So, we are going to be here for you until the very end.”
The word ‘family’ only sends a powerful and uncomfortable shudder down my spine. I don’t deserve a family; I certainly don’t deserve a second one. Why would anyone want to be a family with me? When I treat those I love like nothing, just for my own gain. Just because I think I’m in love.
I shake my head and turn away from Gary, now seriously needing to leave. I need to find a bar where I can drink without being fucking monitored. Where I can get myself into that wonderful stupor where nothing can touch me…
Chapter Three
Freya
“Freya, are you still there?” Nathan calls into the phone. “You have been very quiet for the last couple of minutes. You haven’t hung up the phone on me, have you? I don’t want to be talking to a deadline.”
“I’m still here,” I rasp back. “I’m just waiting, that’s all. Stood here like a fool with my cases.”
I feel weird, more anxious than I have ever been before about going on a tour. On the first tour I had ever been on, I promised myself that it would be the worst and I’d soon get used to it, but this is definitely worse. Even being on my own up on the stage isn’t as scary as this. Meeting Blood Red Masters for the first time is petrifying. I don’t know what they will be like, I don’t know what rock stars are like, and the unknown is terrifying. With every passing second, I can feel myself getting increasingly worked up.
“You will be fine,” Nathan reassures me. “The guys from the band are just human too. Who knows they are probably nervous to speak to you as well. Remember that you have a way of making people love you.”
“Yes, the people that I’m used to! The people that I know how to act around…”
“This isn’t like you’re walking into a motorcycle gang or anything. It’s just more musicians.”
I try to laugh at Nathan’s remark, but the sound doesn’t quite come out. The nerves have my throat strangled. “Yes, I suppose so. But these are more than just people, aren’t they? These are the guys that I will be sharing a tour bus with and a stage over the next few months. I kinda need these people to love me…”
My words fall apart as I see a giant black coach heading towards me with tinted windows. A black tour bus. One that can only belong to Blood Red Masters. My heart balls up in my throat, pounding so hard that I fear it might explode from my body if I’m not careful. My fingers tingle painfully, my muscles tense right up, I stop breathing completely. It’s here, which means that it’s time, that I’m about to step into a new phase of my career and life. God, this is a moment of transition, which is exhilarating and wild, but nerve wrecking beyond belief. I get bolts of self-doubt, moments of believing that I can’t do this, but I need to try anyway.
“I have to go,” I whisper to Nathan. “The bus is here. I will call you later, okay?”
The bus pulls up beside me, causing me to suck in and hold a breath. I wonder if I should smile so I don’t look as much of a freak as I feel, but I really can’t seem to make that happen. I’m frozen, encased in ice.
The doors hiss and pop apart, revealing the coolest woman I have ever seen. I know her well now; I have watched her epic drumming online enough times to recognize her. Immediately, I feel like a fan girl.
“Rachel,” I gush. “Hello, it’s really nice to meet you.” I stick out my hand. “I’m Freya.”
Instead of taking my hand and shaking it, Rachel tugs me towards her, and she hugs me. There is a real warmth coming from her body which allows my muscles to relax just a little bit.
“Nice to meet you, Freya. I can’t wait to have you on tour with us. It’s going to be amazing.” She pulls back to look at me with the most welcoming smile on her face. If Nathan thinks that I have a way of bringing people around to liking me, then he should meet Rachel. Wow, she is something else. “We’ll have lots of fun.”
I nod and laugh, a genuine sound this time around. This woman is awesome, she has made me a lot more relaxed than I was a few moments ago. If she can do that in a couple of moments, I can only imagine what she will be like the rest of the time. “That sounds good to me. I like having fun on tour.”
“I know! I have been watching some of your shows online.” It seems funny that this incredible woman would be watching me, just as I have been watching her. “You’re great to watch. But your newer album is a lot more raw, isn’t it? I have listened that one and it’s so good. Unlike anything I have ever heard before.”