by Brenda Ford
Angelo remains silent as I break off from my rant and he stares at me sadly. “You really have been affected by all of this, haven’t you? That isn’t what I want to happen. You don’t deserve this. I don’t want this for you. No one does. I wish you would stop punishing yourself because honestly you don’t deserve to be unhappy.”
“Yes, I do.” I scrap back my chair noisily and leap up from my seat. “Yes, I do deserve this. All of it. I deserve everything bad that’s going to happen to me. Everything bad that has already been happening to me. Don’t you get it? I have been a shit, I have done some terrible things, and this pain is just a punishment for that.”
“Alex, stop it,” Angelo begs. “Stop acting this way, it doesn’t need to be like this. Just stay here and talk to me. Let’s hash this out at last. Really talk this through. It can be just me and you, or if that doesn’t make you comfortable then one of our other brothers. Or perhaps all of us. We can sort this together…”
Almost as if he has conjured them up just by talking about them, the rest of our brothers appear in the hotel bar, but not alone. With Gary, Hank, Rachel, and Freya as well. I think there might even be some of the other crew members as well. They are all here to join in with this bullshit intervention which I refuse to be a part of. I am not going to be pushed against a wall while they all give me exactly what I haven’t asked for. Why is time and space too much to ask? It isn’t right. I just want to be left alone.
I shoot a panicked look at Angelo who makes an effort to look surprised, like he wasn’t expecting this to happen which is ridiculous. This was the plan all along. Why would he bring me to a bar otherwise?
“Fuck you,” I groan. “Fuck all of you. I am done. I’m going to my room.”
I back away from everyone and head out to the elevator, as if I am actually going to work, which isn’t my plan at all. As soon as I can see a break in the crowd, I am out of here. I will be in the nearest bar before anyone knows it. Then I can have a damn drink in peace, without all of this. I just need one or two to block this night out, then I can get some sleep before the vicious cycle starts over again.
“No, wait!” Angelo calls after me. “Please, just stay. Please just let us talk about this…”
But I won’t. I refuse. I am not getting sucked into anything that he has to say. Not anymore. It will be a shame for me to leave my brothers like this on a bad note, but if they had come to just see me rather than to check on me, then things would have been different. If things were anything like normal, then I would be able to behave the same way myself. But nothing is normal, it’s a giant mess and that isn’t getting better any time soon.
Mandy did this. Mandy and me. She clearly isn’t being punished for her part in this because she’s down the same path once more, but I am. As I pull my cell phone out of my pocket to check up on her social media account again, just to add to the torture, I can’t even ask myself if this is fair. It’s just the way that it is.
I don’t understand how the hell Angelo can ask me about Freya when it’s so obvious that I am not over the one person who I will ever love in my life. He must have lost his mind. I wonder when the time will come for him to accept that I’m never going to love again. No matter what happens.
Chapter Nine
Freya
I watch in horror as Alex backs away, almost like he’s running from everyone. I don’t know what has happened, but it seems to me like Angelo has forced him to talk about something that he doesn’t want to and now he feels like he has been backed into a corner with all of us coming.
I turn to see Angelo making eye contact with Brad, who is a very obvious patriarch of the family, and he basically indicates for him to let his brother go. I don’t like that. Not when Alex doesn’t seem in the right frame of mind to be left alone. Someone should be with him, and I’m sure that someone here must agree with me. I glance around the group, but am dismayed to see that everyone looks distracted, like they aren’t really thinking about Alex at all. I suppose they might be used to this, but I am definitely not.
“Would you like a drink?” Oliver asks me as he heads towards the bar. “I’m getting a round in…”
“No, I’m good thank you.” I smile thinly at him. “I think I might be headed to bed.”
I back away and walk in the same direction that Alex just went with my heart pounding wildly against my rib cage as I do. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision by walking away from this crowd right now, I could probably have some fun with them if I wanted to stay, but I can’t let go of the fear that something will happen to Alex. He might not want me to ‘baby sit’ him as he calls it, but I can’t stop caring. It’s just the sadness in his eyes, the way that he is calling out with his body language, the way that he wants to be helped deep down.
I head to the elevator and immediately jump inside, cursing myself for being so crazy. If everyone else seems to think that he is okay, then that should be enough for me, but it isn’t, and I don’t know why. I certainly don’t need Linda’s voice in my ear reminding me that Alex is hot enough for anyone to fall in love with. Because that definitely is not what is happening here. I don’t even think that she would still feel the same way if she could see him now. He’s not the rock god who makes women swoon at his feet; he’s broken over another woman.
Nerves zig zag through me as I step towards Alex’s bedroom door, but I don’t let them stop me. I keep walking until I’m close enough to knock on the door… which I do right away so I can’t talk myself out of it. I bang a few times, getting increasingly harder when he doesn’t open the door right away…
“Will you stop it?” A woman in a bath robe wrapped tightly around herself leaves the room next door to yell at me. “There isn’t anyone in that room. There hasn’t been all night long. Give it up.”
“But he just came up here…” I argue. “I saw him leave and come up to bed…”
“Look, honey, I don’t know what your boyfriend told you, but it was a lie. He ain’t here. I have been in all evening long and I hear all of the comings and goings around here. No one is here apart from you hammering on the door like you are trying to break it through which I would like to beg you not to do.”
I feel silly and embarrassed as I step away. Of course Alex hasn’t come up here. Of course he hasn’t come where he said that he was going because he doesn’t want anyone to find him. Seeing that look on his face as he backed away from all of us has me assuming that he’s only gone to one place. Another bar.
I barely even notice that this stranger called Alex my boyfriend and she thinks that I’m a crazy girlfriend who doesn’t know where her man is. It really doesn’t matter what she thinks about me. I head straight back to the elevator and leave the hotel as quickly as I can, continuing to leave everyone else behind. All I can think about is Alex and my need not for him to be alone. Everything else pales into insignificance.
I head from bar to bar, pushing through crowds of people to scour every inch of the place to check that he isn’t here. Unfortunately, this hotel and music venue is on a street of bars and all of them are pretty much full. But every single time a single sense of hopelessness creeps through me, I push it back down again because this isn’t about me and I can’t give up. If I was in the same state as Alex, I would hope that someone would be kind enough to help me as well. Even if I seemed like a lost cause and I didn’t really want the help.
“Hey!” As soon as I step into the dive bar on the corner, almost taking me to a new block away from the hotel, someone spots me and yells out to me. “Oh my God, you’re here, aren’t you? You’re Freya?”
Shit. I haven’t made any attempt to hide my appearance. I’m even still in the same outfit that I wore on stage. Much as I’m not in the mood for anyone right now, I don’t want to stop my search for Alex, fans are so important, and I really don’t want to ruin all of my hard work by being rude and having that all over the Internet.
“Hey, yes, I am.” I grin and revert to professional mode wi
th my hand out stretched. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’m Bonzo and this is Jon.” Both guys shake my hand. “Have a drink with us, will you?”
“Oh, I would absolutely love to. But unfortunately, I am just in the middle of looking for someone.”
“Don’t be like that.” Bonzo refuses to take his arm off my shoulder. “Stay with us and have a drink. It isn’t often that we get to see someone that we love. We’re your new fans as well. We didn’t even know that you existed until you started to support Blood Red Masters. So, that makes it even more exciting for us.”
I don’t stop smiling as much as I want to, and I allow this man to lead me towards the bar because I have a feeling that he’s the forceful type who won’t take no for an answer. I will tolerate this for just a couple of moments, just because they are new fans and I don’t want to them to get upset, but that’s it.
“Take a picture with us,” Jon begs. “So, we can show people that we met you.”
I pose for a while and even end up taking a drink from Bonzo, but I don’t take a sip from it. I’m still trying to back away a little so I can escape these guys to continue searching for Alex.
“Finish your drink.” Bonzo hands the glass to me again. “Let’s hang out. Get to know each other.”
I have had affection before from fans. I have even had too much affection from fans before, but it hasn’t even felt like this before. This is actually pretty damn scary. I’m a little intimidated by them. These men haven’t said anything to make me anxious, but there’s something freaking me out regardless.
“Thank you, I do appreciate all of this, but I have to go. Like I said before, I need to find someone…”
“No, you don’t.” Bonzo grabs me hard. “You need to stay here with us.”
A manic panic swirls through me as I consider screaming at the top of my lungs. I don’t want to make an unnecessary scene, but I don’t know if it will be unnecessary. I don’t want to be quiet and let something happen.
“Hey…” Before I can make any kind of decision, an all too familiar voice grabs my focus. “Freya.”
“Oh my God, Alex.” I grab him before Bonzo can drag me once more. “You’re here.”
Now these are like two issues sorted out in one go. Now, I won’t be stuck with these guys anymore, and I have found Alex too. I can’t tell what sort of state he is in right now, but that’s okay. We can sort this out whenever the time comes.
“Hey, you’re the singer from the band!” Bonzo instantly turns his affection from me towards Alex. “Sorry, man, I didn’t know that Freya was your girl. I wasn’t bothering her, just trying to get to know her.”
“Yeah, well don’t. She doesn’t look like she wants to get to know you.”
“It’s fine.” I cling to Alex and try to pull him away before it gets too much. The last thing I want is for this to end up in a fight when it really doesn’t need to go that way. “It’s fine, come on, let’s go. Your family are waiting for you and we need to get out of here.” I try to give Alex a warning look, but I don’t know if he gets it. So, I cling on to his face and make him look at me. “Please, can we leave. I need to get out of here.”
Finally, he seems to sense that I am serious, so he nods and agrees with me. Thankfully, he comes along with me all the way outside the bar and he allows me to walk him towards the hotel.
“Sorry about that,” he finally says. “I just don’t like it when people get a bit handsy. They seem to think that just because they have seen you up on stage, they know you and can touch you.”
“I know what you mean,” I reply with a small smile. “It’s part of the career, isn’t it?”
“It shouldn’t be, but it is. Then again, I guess any job has its negatives. Especially women who are beautiful.”
“You’re saying I’m beautiful?” I tease, not assuming that he means that at all.
“Of course I’m saying that you’re beautiful. Have you seen yourself? Wow, I haven’t ever seen someone as beautiful as you. Which is why those guys think they should be allowed to touch you.”
I’m struck by his words, the compliment digging deep into me. Maybe it’s because he was so insulting about me before which makes this mean so much more. I’m not sure, but I don’t know what to say. Weirdly, I feel beautiful as he says that. More than any other time I have ever considered how I look. I don’t know why, but Alex sees to have some kind of power over me. His words really affect me in a wild way.
“Can I look at you?” he asks. The question is strange and there is a weight to his voice as he says it. “So I can see your beauty? It’s been a long time since I have seen someone pretty.”
My eyes meet his and the whole world stops spinning. His gaze darts down to my lips which causes prickles of desire to tear all over my body. As he leans in, almost as if he’s going to kiss me, I don’t want him to stop. I need him to keep coming towards me, I yearn for the feel of his mouth…
Shit, he’s coming as well. He’s inching towards me, for real, making everything inside of me react violently. I tilt my head, I purse my lips, I move as well. I’m acting on instincts, behaving in a way that I never thought I would.
No, stop! Before I can do anything too crazy, I yank my head away, stopping the kiss before it can happen. It’s too messy. It’s too problematic, I don’t want to be a rebound! Alex can’t ever really want me. I can’t be a drunk mistake. That isn’t good for any of us, nor my career… I have to stop, now!
Chapter Ten
Alex
My lips collide with Freya’s and fireworks explode in the pit of my stomach. Little eruptions so powerful that I can’t contain myself. A moan of sheer bliss rumbles from my throat all the way into her mouth, causing her to let out a little whimper of excitement of her own. There is a thrill that races so deeply within me, hitting the base of my cock and standing me to attention. I want her, I need her, I yearn for her so badly. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It’s more intense and overwhelming, consuming in a different way.
“Come with me,” I whisper to her, almost licking her ear as I do. “Come to my room. I want you.”
Everything happens in a blur. One moment, we are in a public place, trying to disguise the fizzing sizzling between us, the next we are alone in the elevator, stripping one another’s clothing and tossing it to the ground as we kiss frantically. My tongue wants to explore every single part of her mouth and it seems like she feels the same way. Her hands are all over my body, touching every inch of me, and my fingers knot up in her hair. Her gorgeous bright blonde and pink hair that for some reason really offended me for some strange reason.
With our clothing in a pile on the floor beneath us, only our underwear covering us, I take Freya’s hand and guide her to my room with my eyes fixed all over her body as I go. She’s beautiful. Even more stunning than I thought she was going to be. The more of her that I strip down and see, the more gorgeous she becomes.
I practically devour her as we close the door behind us, my mouth is everywhere, all over her. Her lips, her cheeks, her throat, her stomach, and ever slowly downwards as her wonderful feminine scent draws me nearer. My mouth quickly finds the outside of her cotton underwear and I curl my fingers around her ass to hold her in place as I press my lips to her, finally finding her most sensitive area, the place I know she wants to be kissed.
“Oh God, Alex,” she moans desperately. “Fuck, you don’t know what you’re doing to me right now.”
I dart my eyes upwards to see her head tilted back in desire, her hands reaching around her back as she groans, her bra popping open. Her breasts spring free, her nipples crying out for me, her back arching for more. The sight of her from this angle is too much for me. I can’t hold myself back any longer, so I yank her panties down and take her clit between my lips, sucking and licking her hard, tugging and teasing until her body bucks and writhes with sheer bliss. Her thighs part ever so slightly, and she lifts up one of her legs to give me better access to her. This i
s something I take full advantage of. I trace my tongue down her soaking wet slit until I can plunge it in to her and massage her insides. She tastes fucking amazing. Absolutely incredible. It’s a taste that I can’t get enough of. As she yells out my name over and over again, saying it like it’s a prayer, I know that I’ll never stop. Ever. I am a mad man on a mission, utterly determined to coax the orgasm from her rapidly.
“Fuck.” She shudders and almost falls to the ground as the pleasure hits her hard. I cling on to her tightly so her jelly like knees can’t knock her down, hurting herself in the process. I know that some people like pain with their pleasure, but that isn’t me. I prefer to be saturated in bliss. “Oh shit, Alex.”
Eventually, she shoves my head off her hard, causing my eyes to snap up at her. I can see a seriously sexy fire behind her gaze which turns my cock in to a steel rod. My balls ache with the knowledge that I might get to be inside of her soon enough. Oh God, I want to be inside of her. I didn’t think that I would ever want sex again, especially not with someone new, but I need to be deep in this woman right now.
But it doesn’t seem like Freya is about to let me take control of the situation. She isn’t going to give me what I want right now. She rises to her feet and presses her palm to my chest, shoving me backwards until my legs hit the bed and I stumble backwards. My ass hits the sheets and a chuckle bursts from me.
“What are you doing?” I laugh. “You look like you might be about to eat me.”
“How do you know that I’m not?” She cocks a knowing eyebrow at me. Then before I can reply, she drops to her knees in front of me and shoves my underwear down. Then she takes my erection between her fingers and she strokes me. Gently at first, but as she can see how much I like it, she picks up the pace, her fingers gripping tighter to me. I can’t stop staring at her, looking at her lovely face, wanting to see it contorted in bliss once more.