The J Project

by Karli James

  “That feeling is called confidence, Presh. You do not need the jeans to wear it like a fucking crown. Got me? Confidence is you. You made those jeans; those jeans did not make you. I can attest to this because I have eyeballs, and they will be glued to that ass in those new jeans all damn day. Especially when you walk like a fucking boss. Own. Your. Shit.”

  “You’re right. And you’re good for me. Thank you for always seeing beyond the thing, to the feeling, and then saving me from myself.”

  “It’s my pleasure. But therapy hour is over. We late, girl. Fucking jeans. Let’s go.”

  I grab her hand and pull her out the door. We’re on our way to visit my Dad today, and I have to admit I’m a bit wound up.

  I haven’t brought anyone home since Natalie, and well, she was such a hellish nightmare that it’s not like I need to worry that Kara won’t charm the pants off my Dad. However, this is a big deal to me. I’m not just bringing some girl home. I’m bringing The Girl home, whether she knows it yet or not. I know it.

  My heart is beating a bit strangely; pumping and pushing out new rhythms. How old am I again? Too damn old to be feeling twisted over a meet-the-parents episode.

  We climb into the car, and as we’re heading down the road, I notice Kara wiping her hands back and forth on her thighs.

  “You nervous, Kar?”

  “A little, yes.”

  “Me too. But more like, anticipation. He’s going to love you, and so will my Aunt Lily, if she happens to be there.”

  “I’m sure I’ll love them too. Just you know, parents.”

  “I know. But look at all we’ve gone through so far and come out on top! Me being a super-sized dickwad, our siblings and friends acting like assholes because they can’t figure out what they really want from each other, your lack of confidence that we are still working on building bit by bit, confessions about my ex that left me feeling like a chump, confessions about your ex that have left me feeling a touch murderous, you reading my stuff and the anxiety that was thrust upon me over that, at least in the beginning; I mean look at it all Kara. Oh, also discovering that you don’t like pie. Which I mean, is pretty inexcusable, but I guess you can still live in this country. I’ll vouch for you, because you know…whole piece, and all that.”

  “You never told me you felt like a chump after talking about Natalie.”

  “Okay first, you should know I refer to her as Satan, and I would prefer you did as well. It’s provides much needed emotional distance, and also: facts. But yeah, I mean, I did feel a bit chumpish. How could I have been such an idiot?”

  “Then couldn’t you have said the same thing to me? And you didn’t. You never once asked me why I stayed with Craig, like a total idiot.”

  “You weren’t an idiot! You thought your feelings were real. You thought you loved him.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand, and I glance at her. She’s got a brow arched like, “exactly.”

  “Alright, fine. You make a valid eyebrow point. But regardless, I can’t help how I feel, not to mention it exposed bits of me that left me vulnerable in ways I’ve never been before. I didn’t care for it Kara, I tell you I did not care for it!”

  “That’s called depth, Jude. You write people, awesome characters with extremely faceted personalities. You should understand this. However, you’re not a chump, I’m sorry you felt vulnerable, and hopefully you understand that I would never use your past against you in our relationship. And I definitely was not intentionally super late today. You know the truth—the hardcore facts of what happened today in my bedroom.”

  I nod gravely, and pray my lips don’t so much as twitch.

  “I do. Yes. Your ass was too hot for those jeans, Kar. It was letting them go. Moving onto to a brighter, and mmm, deliciously tighter future. Thank you, old jeans. Thank you so much.”

  “Oh my gosh! Knock it off. Wait are they really tighter?”

  “Did you completely miss the part where I said, ‘deliciously’? Damn, woman. Don’t do us wrong that way. We’ve come so far.”

  “Who, you and my ass, or you and me?”

  “We’ll talk about this later. I cannot with you right now. Just be prepared for some self-love lessons. And for once, I’m not being dirty when I say self-love.”

  “I can probably stand to do that with you. However, in this case, I’m choosing to trust you when you say ‘deliciously’, and I’m choosing to feel delicious in these new, tighter jeans. Maybe that just means they’ll peel more slowly from my body; really build up the anticipation.”

  “You saucy little minx. Stop it. You can’t do this shit to me now.”

  “What? What did I do? I thought you wanted me to be confident.”

  “Of course, I want you to be confident. But you go from insecure church mouse to sexy vixen in like two point five seconds and now I’m hard. On the way to see my Dad. I’ve got a boner, Kar. Thanks.”

  “Ooh, poor baby. Do you need help with it?”

  “What?! No. Do not fucking dare. One, I am not wasting this boner on a five-minute car ride blowie. And B, do you want to die? Because I will crash us, and then they’ll be planning our funerals.”

  “So morbid. But wait, does that mean you like my blowies.”

  “Gaaaah, stop. Talking. But hell yes, I like your blowies. Can we talk about blowies at home? Like way later. When you get off of work? In fact, when that happens you don’t even have to talk Presh, you can just kneel your sweet ass down in front of me, and give me a hands-on lesson.”

  “I’ve already given you that lesson, Jude. What was this morning? In the shower? Pretty sure I still have tile marks gouged into my knees.”

  “That’s…sweet glorious hell, that’s hot, and it shouldn’t be. Seriously, stop talking.”

  “Okay. No prob. Oh, we’re here? What a sweet little house!”

  “You’re rotten.”

  “You can punish me later.”

  “Fuuuuck.”

  “C’mon honey. Let’s go see your Dad!”

  With that she hops out of the car and waits for me to step around and grab her hand. This woman is a crazy, twisted, hot fucking mess and I know without a doubt that I will never find anyone else as amazing as her.

  She’s wonderfully beautiful, a bit unsure, but optimistic and bubbly regardless. She’s reverent when the moment calls for it; her eyes tell me love stories, her lips have yet to speak. Her smile splits her face gorgeously, and that damn dimple pops out and I feel lost. This is it. She’s meeting my Dad, and I just know he’s going to adore her as much as I do, which makes me pause and send a prayer up that I manage not to fuck this all up, because losing her…well that would be losing my piece. And my peace.

  I take her around the back of the house, knowing Dad is probably working on his latest car with Nina, whose car was already parked in the drive. Those two, I don’t get how they enjoy it so much, but hey—whatever suits. Apparently, getting dirty, and grimy, and talking car parts and cylinders and gears and how it shifts and slides and glides, and Lord knows what else, well it all seems to suit them just fine.

  We walk up the gravel path that leads to the oversized, barn-like garage and the crunch of gravel beneath our feet gives the two heads shoved under a hood a twist. Nina smiles, but Dad…Dad grins. A smile I haven’t seen in so long lights up his face; stretches from ear to ear as he emerges out from the car. He grabs a towel and begins wiping his grease-caked fingers as he makes his way over to us.

  “Dad, this is Kara. Kara, my Dad, Henry Lawson.”

  “Hi Mr. Lawson, it’s so nice to meet you.”

  “Oh, please, call me Henry. It’s lovely to meet you as well. Both Jude and Nina have told me so much about you. Jude wasn’t kidding about you being as lovely as a picture, that’s for sure. And a bit of a redhead too? Got yourself some fire there, son.”

  “That I do, Pops. That I do. So…new car huh?”

  “New to me, yes. I won’t bother you with the details, don’t worry Jude.”

  “Bless yo
u, father.” My Dad chuckles as he gestures us to move up onto the back deck.

  “Well come on now, I asked Lily to help prepare a nice lunch for us. Let me get washed up. Nina, c’mon, girl. You need to clean up too before your dirty digits start grabbin’ for all that fried chicken.”

  Dad clambers inside as Nina shakes her head at being called in to wash up like a child. I lean forward to whisper in Kara’s ear as I pull the back door open for her.

  “Aunt Lily’s fried chicken is almost as sexy as those jeans. You’re going to love it.”

  “Mmm, I can’t wait to…taste.”

  “You’re a naughty little thing today, Presh. I won’t lie, I kinda like it. But I also won’t lie when I tell you…this could be war.”

  “All is fair, and all that.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Be careful there Jude, I know how easily you pop a boner. In fact, I bet that little guy just perked his head up at the word ‘boner.’”

  “Dammit.”

  “You’re gonna lose.”

  “Nah, baby. That’s where you’re wrong. Even if I lose, I’ve already won.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s your prize then?”

  “You.”

  “Damn you’re good. Was that a line from one of your books though, because that sounds awfully familiar.”

  “Fuck. Girl. I’m not on my game today, I’m sorry! I stole it from Heath.”

  “Well, who can blame you? Heath is sexy as haaalll.”

  “Hey!”

  “You wrote him!”

  “I don’t care! I don’t want you to think he’s sexier than me.”

  “I didn’t say I did. Relax, and stop being jealous of your own character. That’s ludicrous. Highly amusing, but ludicrous.”

  “You’re right. I’m an ass. Forgive me. Blah, blah. Jude had another special moment in this relationship. Here, sit down right here. You want me to sit next to you, or across?”

  “Whichever you prefer my dear.”

  “Across then. Better eye contact. Also, can we listen to Ludacris when we leave?”

  “Absolutely.”

  She just gets me.

  We’re all shoveling in Aunt Lily’s fried chicken and sweet potato salad, when my Dad finally takes a break to ask Kara some questions.

  “So, Kara, how’d Jude get lucky enough to be with you?”

  “Oh well, you know…he did try really hard to mess it up, but I let him fix it.”

  “Thanks babe. Way to toss that out there like that.”

  “Don’t be upset, you made up for it amazingly. We’re both lucky, actually. Jude is really good for me; he’s very supportive, and reassuring. He’s kind, and patient with me. You’ve raised a wonderful son, Henry. Honestly, I’m not sure I would have ever expected to end up with someone as brash and ridiculous and silly, but now that’s he’s here…I’m not sure I could let him go.”

  I’m openly staring at her, my lips parted in shock at her willingness to share her feelings so completely; and with my father. On the first time meeting him. I glance over at my Dad though, who is quietly studying her, and I notice a sheen to his eyes before he clears his throat to respond.

  “Kara, whatever good he’s bringing to you, I can guarantee just from the little I’ve gathered from our own meeting today, that you’re giving him back something just as good; just as sweet. Thank you for caring for Jude. He’s one of the best. Of course, I’m biased about both my kids, but truly…I don’t know if there is a better man out there. On that we can agree.”

  Twice now, I’m stunned. I’ve never heard my Dad talk about me like this. With such awe. Yes, I know my Dad loves me. He’s been a great father, but honestly, I felt like it was always plain how he felt about Nina, and not as much about me. However, maybe that’s just been because I can see how plainly he loves sharing his interests with Nina. What I had always viewed as a little extra love for Nina, well maybe that was just their special bond.

  How am I so successful? I’m kind of a moron.

  Nina bumps my shoulder with her own and gives me a knowing smile, and I grin back. I mouth the words “love you” to her, just to get a rise out of her somewhat defected heart. This poor girl. Really. It’s a shame.

  Dad pipes up again, this time directed at darling sister herself.

  “Nina, where’s Liam? I thought he was coming to help us on this car today?”

  “Oh, right. Well he texted me and told me that there’s been some issues at one of his sites so he needs to go deal with all that. If he can make it before we lose daylight he’ll text and let me know. Sorry, I completely forgot to tell you.”

  “No worries sunshine, just curious. How are you two doing by the way?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Seems to me y’all have been fighting and playin’ cat and mouse for long enough, don’t you think?”

  “What the hell are you talking about, Dad?”

  Nina’s voice rose to almost a screech, Kara is chucking around her fork, and I’m hiding my grin behind my glass. I wink at my dad. Dad’s a boss. He knows what’s up.

  “Nothing darlin’, I must just be crazy with my age. You know me. Let’s move on.”

  “Dad, you’re not old, so stop acting like it all of a sudden. But for the record, there is nothing going on with Liam, we are perfectly fine, and I think the fighting has stopped. At least for now. We’ve come to an understanding, and we both want to work hard to repair our friendship.”

  “Huh. Well good for you, honey. Sounds mature and responsible.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So, Kara, you’re a mixologist I hear? How do you like it?”

  “Oh yes, I am. And I love it. It’s creative, and fun. I love how fast paced it can be, and how full of energy the bar can get. I thrive off of it.”

  “I get that. Jude, do you go down to the bar to watch your girl work?”

  “Whenever I can. Tonight, I’ll be at home writing, however. We’ve developed a pretty good balance and routine though I think.”

  “That’s great. I’m glad you guys have found each other. It seems like you’re a good fit. I like seeing you happy, son. It’s been a long time. God knows, Satan never made you this happy.” I about spit out my drink.

  “Dad I had no idea you knew I referred to my ex as Satan.”

  “Jude, we all called her that. Even when you were dating her.”

  “Well damn, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  “People need time to figure their own shit out, you wouldn’t have heard me if I had said anything. You needed her to dick you over in order to really believe it.”

  “Fucking Yoda over here, and you’re holdin’ out on me?”

  “Watch your mouth, Jude. I’m not holding out on you. I’m just not interfering. We all need that time in our life to wade through the muck, so we can come out clean and fresh and ready for the sunshine.”

  Nina and I are both kind of gaping at my Dad, who has never spoken so openly like this to us. We usually got this kind of talk from Aunt Lily. My Dad has always been there for us, and offered up some pretty good advice when necessary, but these heart to heart moments, WITH a smile on his face? A genuine, meets his eyes smile? I haven’t seen that in years. Who is this man right now? I look over at Kara who is smiling her sweet smile; that pretty shy one that makes my stomach clench with feels.

  “Your Dad seems like a pretty smart guy Jude, I can’t believe you fed me all those lines about being old, and a bit out of it.” She used finger quotes, and I couldn’t believe the size of her balls. Ridiculous.

  “Oh my gosh, Kara are you okay?!”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Swore I saw smoke coming from your ass…liar, liar, and all that.”

  Henry Lawson, quiet and a bit introverted, a bit sad who has already shocked me with his openness and chatty behavior tonight, breaks into a full laugh. Loud and boisterous, and honestly, the best thing I’ve heard from him in years. I’m smirking, Kara is grinning and offers a slight sh
rug, and even my high-strung sister is chuckling.

  “Man, you’re in trouble bro. Someone’s got your number, and knows how to play it just right. I never thought you’d meet your match, but I think you have.”

  “She’s right, son. Better take care of this one. And what I mean by that is, don’t fuck it up.”

  “Hey! Why is this all falling on me? Kara could easily fuck this this up.”

  “Watch your mouth you little shit, Kara couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

  “Dad, you’ve known her for like five minutes.”

  “That’s all it takes sometimes, Jude.”

  That was a loaded statement, and I grew a bit quiet. I schooled my features so I wouldn’t look exactly as I was feeling. My Dad was right, my heart recognized her heart, almost immediately. It took my brain approximately ten minutes to catch up. But I wasn’t sure that Kara was ready to hear all of that yet, and despite my chomping-at-the-bit, emotions, I knew I could be a patient man. I knew that Kara was worth every bit of wait, I had in me to give.

  After lunch my Dad took us out to the deck and we talked a bit more about the car he’s working on; the one that Nina has currently got her head buried back under. Liam never showed up, and I had a feeling there was a reason why, more than just work site issues, but I wasn’t going to press Nina. I’ll pester him about it another time.

  I looked over at Kara who was chatting with my dad so effortlessly. She fit into every aspect of my life. She supported my writing—hell, enjoyed my writing. Became friends with my sister, and now here she is charming my dad into grins and chuckles I haven’t seen or heard from him since Alice left.

  We arranged another date and time to come back when Aunt Lily and Liam could join us, and said our goodbyes around three o’clock.

  As we headed back to the apartments Kara reached across the console for my hand, threading her fingers through mine. It was so natural, I wondered to myself how I had ever gone without her hand in mine—how had I ever done life, without her in it. The idea of it was so beyond my comprehension at this point and I inwardly cringed at the thought; losing Kara would not be an option for me. Especially not after today.