by Karli James
Quite frankly, I don’t deserve this. I’m a damn good boyfriend, and I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve this bullshit; this typical, ridiculous relationship bullshit, where someone assumes something, walks out, and creates unnecessary drama.
Sure, I mean, yes, I have to write this kind of scene for a book, but this is real life. I did not plan for this to be an actual fucking thing.
She’s infuriating. I still love her, relax. Obviously, the moment played on every insecurity she must still have, but seriously? I can only tell her so many times how I amazing I think she is; in this moment, she needs to figure it out. She needs to put her big girl panties on, and she needs to get a grip, and ya know what? She better damn well apologize to me for doubting me.
Unlike all my books where whether the hero was right or wrong, they go chasing after the idiot to prove themselves, I am not doing that. Oh no. Nope. This guy is sitting right here until her stubborn, ridiculous self comes back my way.
I just have to believe now that she’ll figure it out, or I’m kinda fucked and all this macho talk is for naught because I will be forced to do exactly what I just said I wouldn’t do. Because living without her—NOT an option.
Four, slow as motherfucking shit hours have gone by, and I haven’t heard from, nor seen a Kara. Not a text. Not a call. Not a note slipped under my door threatening to slap me into next year. Nothing, guys. What the hell kind of shit is this? Am I being tested? Congratulations, I failed. I don’t want this test. I just want her, but despite starting to feel clammy in places with pure desperation, I really, really need her to figure this one out. I really need her to come to me. I can’t make this one better, because as much as I’m willing to forgive her, she’s human after all, I need our relationship to move forward from these temperamental weak spots. These moments where she still questions how I truly feel about her based on some preconceived notion set forth by fucking Craig.
Gross. Craig. Every time I say his name, I get douchebumps. I’m not him. I’m not going to keep paying for his damn mistakes.
I decide I’m going to go take a shower to release some anger and stress. Damn. This woman is a giant pain in my ass. I remove my sloth-like form from the couch, where it’s taken residence for the past three and a half hours, and begin to shuffle my way toward the bathroom when I hear it; the quiet knock at my door.
I know it’s her, I can feel it. I square my shoulders, school my features so that I look more pissed and less relieved, and then slowly open the door.
And there’s my girl. With fear mingled with hurt mingled with apologies and tears all up in my favorite hazel eyes, and a bag dangling from her fingertips.
“Taco ‘bout our feelings, tacos?”
Chapter 24
Kara
“Taco ‘bout our feelings tacos?” I’m feeling sick to my stomach with fear that my overreacting asshole of a brain could have just ruined the best thing my heart has ever known.
Jude is staring at me, arms crossed against his chest, hip leaning against the frame. Oh shit, maybe he’s really not going to let me in. And then I see it; a faint, very, very, very faint upturn of his lips at the corner. Where his smirk should be. His voice is quiet, but gruff when he speaks:
“You figure some shit out, Presh?”
“I…I think so.”
“Then yes, I could stand a taco. Or five.”
“I bought all the tacos, so we’re good. Have as many as you’d like.”
“Oh, I will, Kar. But first, how about you sit your ass down and tell me what you think you figured out. Super curious, ya know?”
Yikes. There’s a bit of a tone to his sarcasm that strays from the normal. Yep. I have some explaining to do.
“Right so. I walked in. I saw a very pretty girl, kissing you on the cheek. My brain momentarily relapsed into the bad place, I assumed the worst of you, and I fled.”
“Mmmhmm. That does seem to be what took place. And what have you been doing with all of these hours, as I sat here, waiting?”
“I paced my apartment for a while. I cried. Then I went for a walk, where I had many self-reflecting moments and deep realizations, cried some more, and I wrote a letter to Craig.”
“You what, now?”
“Okay, so let me back up, and I’ll tell you everything. First, let me apologize. I’m sorry that I fled; I’m sorry I let myself feel even a moment’s doubt about you, and this relationship when you’ve done nothing but build me up and remind me of my own worth since day…okay so not one, exactly, but day…what? Twenty?”
“Kara, do you really think now is a good time to be a smart ass?”
“Kind of. Yes. It also reminds you that you also made mistakes and you’re not perfect.”
“Fucking hell.”
“Okay, right, never mind. I’m sorry, truly. As I was out walking, I thought about our entire relationship. It was like a montage of images floating through my brain. Every single conversation, every look, every touch, every kiss. Everything that you are, everything that we are, together. I realized I had been an idiot and there was no way that what I saw, was…what I thought I saw.
Oh, and then I thought about all your books and I realized I was doing what every idiot at the almost-end of the book always does, and that really brought it home for me that I was being an assuming asshole. However, even after I realized that, I also realized that I couldn’t keep having these moments; where my past dictates my future.”
Jude is looking at me thoughtfully. His head is tilted to the side, and he’s got a bit of a raised brow.
“Go on.”
“So, I went home and I wrote a letter to Craig. I’m never going to send it to him, but I decided I needed to purge all of my anger. I needed to tell him what he did to me, how he made me feel, and the long-lasting effect it’s had on my mental health.
I needed to tell him that I refuse to be held hostage by his words any longer, and that I’m moving on because I’m in love with someone amazing who would never, ever, belittle me or cheat on me, or do anything to jeopardize the amazing thing we have between us. Because he’s…he’s everything. I had to tell Craig that I wouldn’t allow him to hurt me anymore, or to keep taking things from me. That I will never let him take you from me. I also needed to tell him goodbye; to tell that part of my life, goodbye.”
“That’s a pretty big self-therapy sesh, Presh.”
“Yeah. It was long overdue.”
“Timing is everything, right? Granted, it’s not ideal how this all came about. I definitely don’t love that you assumed the worst at first sight. I definitely don’t love that you had even the slightest bit of doubt about me, or us. However, if you hadn’t walked in—if you hadn’t seen and assumed, and fled, well hell Kar, you might never have ever been able to write that letter to Craig.
To really let that shit go? That’s a big deal. I’m proud of you. I’m also proud of you for calming your silly ass down and realizing the truth without me having to chase after you, or hearing it from anyone else.
Because truthfully, I didn’t want to chase after you. I needed you to get to the other side of what your mind saw, and let your heart catch up to the facts on your own. I needed you to come back to me, on your own.”
“So, am I forgiven?”
“Of course, you’re forgiven. You were forgiven before I ever opened that door. I love you. I will always love you.”
I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my head into his chest as a new wave of tears surfaces and soaks his shirt.
“I love you too, Jude. So much. I’m so sorry.” His hands are in my hair and he’s kissing my forehead, and sigh…I’m home.
“Ssshh. Stop all that fuss now. You’re fine, we’re fine. Just promise me that if you see something, or hear something that confuses you, hurts you, upsets you, that you’ll talk to me before you go running off. I can’t have you running from me all the time, baby.”
“I promise, I really do. But can I ask a question?”
&
nbsp; “Of course.”
“Who was she?” Jude smirks; ah, there he is.
“Maggie. My PR girl. And if it helps, she’s one of the sweetest and the kindest people I’ve ever met. She’s happy for me, and for us. She was here to bring some early copies of my book, in print.”
“Well. Shit. No, it doesn’t really ‘help,’ because how dare she be all those things and also look like that! But also, that’s nice of her. Dammit.”
“And you call me ridiculous?”
“Did you see her legs? And her shiny hair?”
“Honestly? Of course. She’s a beaut. Some guy is going to be super lucky someday. However, I’m a super lucky guy right now, because I have you. You’re what I want. What I’ll always want. What I’ll always choose.”
“Did you say, beaut?”
“Yeah, shoot. It slipped out before I could catch it.”
“It’s okay. I made worse mistakes today.”
“Yes. Yes, you did.”
“I brought taco ‘bout it tacos, though.”
“I know, and while in the moment I had to refrain from showing you how adorable I thought that was, you’ve redeemed yourself, and I may now share with you. It was really friggen adorbs. I wanted to eat you right up; your sad little face and a bag of tacos. Damn, woman. You really know how to earn your way back in.”
“Sigh, I knew I had to make it big. I mean you orchestrated an entire bar crawl for me after all. I had to do something meaningful on little time. I knew I couldn’t make you wait too long, before I came back.”
“Oh man, that’s right. I did orchestrate an entire bar crawl. Ah, memories. However, we were on time constraints today. I get it. Tacos are perfect. And so are you. Come here, I need to lay my lips on yours.”
With that Jude’s thrusting his hands into my hair, and pulling my lips toward his. It’s a decadent kiss. His lips are soft, and lush as they sink into mine. Our tongues are tangling, and my hands are curling into the front of his shirt; holding onto him for dear life. Afraid of ever letting him go again. He’s air, and light, and tastes like everything good and sweet. I will never get enough of this man, and I cannot believe I was ever so stupid to doubt this; to doubt him.
Before I have time to even question his actions, he’s hauling me up over his shoulderin a fireman’s hold, and striding down the hallway to the bedroom.
“What about the tacos?”
“They’ll keep.”
He tosses me on the bed, pulls my shoes off, and crawls over my body with a fresh hunger in his eyes. His lips are traveling down my throat, licking and sucking and teasing in all of the best places; the spots he knows by now that send me over the edge with need.
We begin tearing at each other’s clothes, desperate to feel each other, desperate to remind every part of our bodies and our hearts that we’re still here, and we still belong to each other.
Jude looks at me with hooded eyes, and I’ve never felt more beautiful than I do in this moment. And I’m owning it. I smile at him as his eyes land on every single bit of me.
“You’re perfect. And mine.”
He’s rolling a condom on as I’m opening myself up for him, and as he guides his length inside of me, every bit of me sighs in relief and recognition. His face is buried in the crook of my neck, fire is licking at my skin as my hands claw at his back. I’m doing everything I can to pull him deeper inside of me, to hold onto him like I’ll never let go.
“Kiss me, Jude.”
Without words his lips find mine again, and we’re rocking together with slow, sexy movements. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before. This again, is a new for us. This isn’t our laughing lustful moments, this isn’t urgent or aggressive, it’s simply pure. It’s bliss. It’s love.
I can feel my orgasm start to build, so I wrap my legs tighter around his waist. Bringing him as close to me as I possibly can. His pace begins to pick up, and his forehead touches down on mine as we find our release together. It is the most perfect sexy time I’ve ever had.
Jude’s breath is labored when he eases back to look into my eyes and says,
“Scared me today, Kar.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I scared me too. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“I believe you. I’m glad you came back. I’m glad you’re here. My piece.”
“My piece, too.”
“Can’t be without it.”
“Won’t make sense.”
“Ever.”
“Ever.”
His lips sweetly brush against mine as he pulls out of me and lays on his side, looking at me.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Tacos?”
“Fucking yes. I’m starving! Crying makes me hungry.”
“Same.”
“I made you cry?!”
“No.” He’s laughing at my clearly distraught expression.
“Ass.”
“I know. However, I was pissed at you for a hot minute. Then we had that big emotional talk, followed by super sexy, sexy time. I’ve worked up an appetite.”
“That really was super sexy, sexy time.”
“It’s all the feels, Presh.”
“I know, right? So many of them.” We’re smiling at each other like we’re posing for Sappy Shit for Dummies, and I’ve never felt happier.
“Let’s go.”
“Yes let’s. Plus, I still have things to talk about, so taco ‘bout it tacos can still be a thing.”
“Oooh, yay! Book stuff?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to say anything else until you see it. C’mon. Stop lounging on The Sheets. I know how you get.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Noted. But move it.”
“Moving.”
I scramble off the side of the bed and scrounge around for Jude’s shirt. I’m still pulling it over my head as I’m following him out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. Jude’s reaching for plates, and drinks as I make my way over to the tacos to start divvying up. And right there, on the kitchen island, staring up at me is Jude’s book titled with three little words that my heart recognizes with a heavy thump, thump, thump:
“The J Project?” I look up to find Jude staring at me, biting his bottom lip that I’ve only witnessed a couple of times in our relationship. It’s rare for him to show any kind of nervous tick.
“Yeah. Read the dedication.” I open the book and flip to the dedication page with shaking fingers, my eyes growing wide with every word that I read.
To: You Know Who You Are:
I went looking for normal,
I went looking for inspiration,
What I found was the best adventure, the biggest laughs, and
The greatest LOVE of my life.
Without you, this book would not exist.
Without you, I’d still be missing my piece.
You. Are. Everything.
(Well. You and tacos)
Tears are rolling off my cheeks as I look back up at him. I can hardly find the words, or the breath to tell him what this means to me.
“This is…by far the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever. Thank you, Jude. I love you so much.” I lean across the counter and plant a kiss on his sweet face.
“You’re welcome, Presh. I’m sorry I couldn’t write your name; I have to keep Poppy and who she loves pretty anonymous.”
“Honestly, I’m totally fine with not being named. It’s more special this way. Like a secret.”
“Well I hope you love the book as much as you do the dedication.”
“Oh, I’m sure I will. I can’t believe the title! Is it about us? I thought this was Sarah’s story.”
“It is Sarah’s story, but it’s also, yeah, a bit of our story as well. Just kind of worked out that way. You can’t start it tonight, so back away. I see that gleam in your eyes, but it’s not happening. We have plans.”
“We do?”
“Damn, girrrl. Yes. We need to eat all thes
e tacos, take a shower, and then do more of the naughty stuff. I missed you because today was stupid, and well, my boner and I might just need a bit more reassurance that you’re not gonna leave us.”
“Well, we can’t have an insecure boner.”
“No, we really can’t.”
“On it.”
“Thank you for your service.”
“Don’t ever say that again.”
“Too hookerish?”
“Very hookerish.”
“Shit, sorry darling.”
“Darling? Well, that’s a new one.”
“Yes, but you are. Darling, that is.” His eyes are soft, and I can tell despite the banter, he’s being quite serious. Seriously sweet. I feel my cheeks flush.
“You’re forgiven, Jude.”
“Blessed.”
And we really are. So. Very. Blessed.
Epilogue - Jude
One Year Later…
The past year has been a wild ride with Kara by my side. Hey-ooohh—rhymes. Still got em’. I digress. After that much needed taco ‘bout it tacos, night, remember the one? Where Kara lost her shit and left my house because her mind was being a lying whore? Right. So anyway, the next couple of days is when she read my book. To say that I was nervous is a giant understatement.
As a writer I should have words for my level of panic and anxiousness over her reading about Sarah and Jase, but I just don’t. [Insert the sounds of dry heaving] However, I can tell you when she finished, when she finally, blessedly turned the last page and her eyes looked at me, well…damn.
Her eyes were painted in a new shade of love for me that night. It was the best reaction I could have had. Those hazel irises lit up gold; full of big love for me, because she knew. She saw us everywhere in that book; dotting all the Is and crossing all the Ts and everywhere in between.
PS – we had amazing sex that night.
But now here we are, a year later and I can’t even believe my little Presh is gearing up to do her own big things. Talking to realtors, and bankers, and other important businessy people so she can start to plan and make her dream bar a real bar. I’m incredibly proud of her for taking these steps.