My Great Ex-Scape

by MacIntosh, Portia

  ‘OK, here we go, get it while it’s hot,’ Simon says. ‘I hope you like Thai food.’

  ‘I absolutely love it,’ I reply, having never had Thai food in my life.

  I head over to the dining table, where two beautiful plates of food wait for us. Delicious-looking, perfectly formed domes of rice, with all sorts of colours and textures peeping out from inside.

  ‘This looks amazing,’ I say. ‘What’s in it?’

  ‘Beef, egg-fried rice, peppers, onions, oyster sauce, chicken stock… you’re not about to tell me that you’re vegetarian now, are you?’

  I laugh. ‘Nope, still eating almost indiscriminately,’ I say.

  ‘Glad to hear it,’ he replies. ‘Dig in.’

  ‘After this holiday, I need to go on a diet,’ I say. ‘I ate so much on the cruise, I feel like I’m bursting out of my dress.’

  ‘You look incredible,’ he assures me. ‘I actually thought you’d lost weight.’

  Wow, even if it isn’t true, Simon sure is saying all of the right things.

  ‘So, you’ve been on a cruise?’ he asks.

  ‘Yes…’ I laugh nervously. ‘With my parents and my friend Eli. My dad booked it for us, but it turned out to be a cruise aimed at the over-55s.’

  ‘Oh wow, what was that like?’ he asks. I can tell that he’s amused, but he is politely holding his smile back a little, I can see the corners of his mouth twitching though.

  I tell Simon all about my time on board the Silverline cruise. Well, almost all about it, I leave out all of the stuff about Josh, and I absolutely leave out all the bits where I embarrassed myself. Instead I tell him about the ship, how big it was, all of the cool things to do on board, all of the things I would have previously dismissed as uncool which I’m now quite fond of, like water aerobics (the first time was great) and I even grew to love shuffleboard, I just need to get better at it.

  ‘Wow, it really sounds like you made the best of it,’ Simon says. ‘You’ve always had that ability, to see the best in bad situations, to see the glass as half full.’

  ‘I try my best,’ I say. I’m not sure being positive comes to me as easily as it used to any more. ‘Hey, you said you would tell me about your work.’

  ‘I did. I’m a photographer for Baci magazine – mostly high-profile celebrity portraits. Not just musicians, actors, TV personalities, and models, the magazine has had a major overhaul, it’s arty now. I get to photograph politicians, inventors, activists. It’s fantastic to meet so many incredible people, they are really shaping who I am. I met Gabrijela Martinić, the climate change activist, have you heard of her?’

  ‘I have,’ I say. She’s all over the news at the moment. Absolutely stunning blonde twenty-something, even more beautiful on the inside. Every time I hear about her, it makes me want to be a better person.

  ‘Her work is just so important – so incredible. She convinced me to take an extended break from work to join her group, removing plastic from the ocean. I haven’t been back long, actually. Work were happy for me to take the time off because Gabrijela is a brilliant artist too. She’s using the plastic we retrieved to create art, which I will be photographing for a magazine exclusive. I’m going to shoot her with her creations, I can’t wait to see them.’

  ‘Wow, that’s amazing,’ I admit. ‘It sounds like the perfect job for you.’

  ‘It really is,’ he says. ‘I am combining all of my passions, I’m changing the world – well, trying to.’

  Simon gives me a warm, friendly smile. He really seems like he’s grown as a person, from someone quite superficial and selfish to someone who is less hung up on the material things, who cares about the world.

  ‘What about you?’ he asks. ‘How’s the writing going?’

  ‘I am also taking an extended break from work,’ I tell him. Initially it seems like an OK thing to say, given that he has just done the same, but as my brain catches up with my mouth, it’s hardly comparable, is it? He took time off to remove plastic from the ocean, to save animals and the planet. I quit my job on a whim before going on holiday. I wonder what kind of carbon footprint a week-long five-star cruise, plus a week in New York getting taxis from A–B because I’m too scared to navigate the subway, before a flight back to the UK leaves? A really bloody big one, I would guess.

  ‘Oh really? How come?’ he asks curiously.

  Telling the truth, or even part of the truth, is going to make me look pathetic, isn’t it?

  ‘I was working as a journalist…’

  Which is true.

  ‘… But I wasn’t happy with the work…’

  Also true.

  ‘… There were some moral issues that didn’t sit well with me…’

  Well, writing advertorials and passing them off as unbiased editorial opinion isn’t right, is it?

  ‘… And I couldn’t take it any more. I had to quit immediately. My plan is to look for a new job – one where I can sleep at night. In the meantime, I thought it might be nice to spoil my mum and dad with a holiday.’

  OK, so the truth might be harder to spot in that last part, but there is some in there.

  ‘That’s so sweet of you, Rosie,’ he says. ‘You’ve always been such a sweetheart. So, no ideas about what you want to do next?’

  ‘I definitely want to keep writing,’ I tell him. ‘I do like working in journalism, I just want to be actually writing, not rewriting what people tell me I have to, whether I believe it or not.’

  ‘We are always looking for new voices at Baci,’ he says. ‘You know I would put in a good word for you.’

  ‘What, here in New York?’ I ask.

  ‘Yeah, if you ever fancied a change of scenery, I could hook you up.’

  ‘Oh my God, Simon, you have no idea how much I would love that… I’m not sure I could relocate though.’

  ‘Something to think about,’ he says as he clears our plates. ‘Dessert?’

  ‘Yes please,’ I practically groan. ‘Dinner was amazing, thank you.’

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ he replies. ‘It’s just so great to see you, for years I’ve thought about talking to you…’

  Simon places a ramekin of something that looks and smells like a rich chocolate ganache in front of me. A couple of chocolate chip cookies are sitting on a plate next to it. I can feel my taste buds actively preparing for me to eat it, it looks so, so good.

  ‘Chocolate still your favourite thing?’ he asks me.

  ‘Absolutely,’ I reply.

  ‘Well, dig in,’ he says. ‘The cookies should still be warm.’

  Oh my God, they are. They’re so warm and soft and delicious.

  ‘So you’re an amazing photojournalist, a philanthropist, an incredible chef… anything else to report?’ I ask curiously.

  ‘You make me sound far better than I am,’ he says. ‘I’m just one man trying to make the world a better place.’

  For a moment, I wonder if Simon is as humble as he seems. When I went out with him he was nothing like this. He was selfish, he hung around with models, he liked to stay out late, he spent all of his money on designer clothes… New York has clearly been a positive influence on him. Perhaps sometimes you need to take yourself out of your hometown, and your small-hometown mentality, and look at the bigger picture from a different part of the world. Maybe it really would do me good to take a job somewhere else. I’m not sure I could move too far away from my parents though, as crazy as they make me, I’d miss them.

  ‘I know I keep saying it, but I still can’t believe you’re here in front of me,’ he says again. ‘Such a surprise – an amazing surprise, but a huge surprise.’

  ‘You had no idea I might get in touch?’ I ask.

  ‘None at all,’ he says. ‘After the way things ended… ’

  ‘So this is completely out of the blue,’ I say to myself. Simon didn’t send the flowers either then.

  ‘Definitely,’ he says. ‘I didn’t think you’d ever speak to me again, I—’

  ‘Simon, I�
��m just going to be honest with you,’ I start, before polishing off another cookie. ‘People really need to be more honest, it will save a lot of time and effort and misunderstandings and running around town looking people up…’

  I realise that won’t make too much sense to him. I take a deep breath.

  ‘I was on TV recently. On a quiz show. Things didn’t go well… I won, but it was so embarrassing, and it actually went viral, so it’s proving quite hard to ignore.’

  ‘Wow, really?’ he says. ‘I’m on a social media cleanse and only responding to work emails, otherwise I might have seen it.’

  ‘Trust me, if you haven’t seen it, you don’t want to. Anyway, it was so messy, that’s mostly what forced me to quit my job – I did want to quit, but it was the fallout from the TV show that made me pull the trigger – and it’s why I went to stay with my parents and how I ended up going on holiday with them… But, before I left, I got this bunch of flowers delivered to my flat, and they were clearly from an ex, and I really thought they were from you…’

  ‘Oh,’ he says. ‘Well, they weren’t from me, I’m sorry to say. I wish they had been. I mean, if anyone should send you flowers, it should be me, the way things ended…’

  ‘We both messed up in the end,’ I reassure him. ‘I was being a crazy bitch, I was on your case 24-7, I was convinced that I couldn’t trust you, I was spying on you… I needed stopping. Anyway, I worked through my issues and I'm a better person for it.’

  ‘I’m really glad to hear that,’ he says. ‘I still don’t think I should have gone as hard as I did but… well, I’ve matured too.’

  ‘Let’s just forget about it, OK?’ I say. ‘It’s water under the bridge. It’s just nice to see you, and to catch up.’

  ‘Shall we go sit on the couch?’ he asks.

  It’s so weird, hearing him talk with an American accent. Mostly it reminds me of Josh and his faux-Canadian accent, which annoys me. Why am I thinking of Josh right now? I doubt he was thinking of me, when it was me who was waiting to see if he would come back for me. And, spoiler alert, he never did, and what he’s doing now doesn’t count because his latest decision absolutely isn’t for my benefit.

  ‘Yes, sure,’ I say.

  ‘I’ll top our glasses up and join you,’ he suggests.

  I make myself comfortable on Simon’s grey U-shaped sofa. Well, comfortable-ish. I’m still holding my back straight and my tummy in, after all. I’d love nothing more than to just let it all out, exhale, slump down, curl up in a ball and maybe see if there are any more of those cookies, and if I can get a cup of tea to go with them, but I can’t stop myself from still trying to impress him – even more so now that I’ve confessed my live-TV epic-fail drama.

  Simon hands me my glass and sits down next to me. He reaches for a remote control that he uses to turn the music up at a little. It’s funky, ambient background music. He uses another remote control to turn the lights down a little.

  ‘Much better,’ he says. ‘Man, I can’t get over how good you look. I don’t remember you being such a feisty dresser.’

  ‘We’ve both changed,’ I tell him, nodding towards his own look.

  Although I do wonder how much Simon has actually changed. This looks like a bachelor pad to me, and it’s hard to believe that someone so seemingly perfect could still be single.

  ‘That’s New York,’ he tells me. ‘I am fully embracing my inner creative here. I travelled all over the world, before ending up here. I love it. Have you thought any more about relocating?’

  ‘Since… since dinner?’ I ask. ‘Not really. It’s a big thing.’

  ‘It’s a leap,’ he says. ‘But we have to take leaps in life.’

  ‘I suppose we do,’ I reply. ‘It’s just that, recently, all my leaps feel more like me falling into shark-infested waters full of sharp rocks.’

  Simon laughs. ‘You’ve always been so funny. So funny and so sexy and…’ Simon leans forward and takes my hand, his face just inches from mine now. ‘You don’t know who sent you those flowers, do you?’ he asks me.

  ‘I don’t… I thought it was you, but if it wasn’t, then I don’t know who they could be from.’

  ‘Don’t you find that rather strange?’ he asks me.

  ‘Oh, for sure,’ I reply. ‘It’s been driving me crazy.’

  ‘I recently asked the universe to send me something good – something amazing – and, well, you have turned up, seemingly sent here by a sign that you received, a sign that wasn’t from me but has led you to me…’

  ‘Right…’

  ‘Doesn’t it seem like it was meant to be?’ he asks me.

  ‘Doesn’t everything, if you look at in the light that you want to?’ I ask him.

  ‘Now, that doesn’t sound like the optimistic Rosie I knew,’ Simon replies. ‘But, do you know what, maybe this is a better version of you, a more realistic one, one more equipped for dealing with the harsh realities of life.’

  ‘Maybe,’ I reply.

  ‘You’re just… you’re right here, on my couch, you came all this way to see me… that sounds like fate to me. You are everything I want.’

  Well, on paper, Simon is everything that I want too. He seems like a great person with a job that he loves, he cares about the planet, he sounds like he’s matured a lot, he sure is easy on the eyes, and he seems to be offering me a brand new start in New York, a city I’ve always fantasised about living in… can you imagine, if I could live in New York, be a writer in New York! With my hot photographer boyfriend, too.

  ‘This just feels so right to me, doesn’t it feel right to you?’ he asks me.

  ‘It feels very fast,’ I tell him.

  ‘Let me show you how right it is,’ he insists.

  Simon kisses me. It’s passionate, with a few fancy tricks he has obviously learned since we were together. It’s a good kiss, on paper, I’m just not sure it feels right…

  ‘Wait,’ I say, as I pull away. ‘Can we just slow things down a bit, please?’

  Simon runs a hand through his hair.

  God, I feel like such a square. There is a gorgeous man trying to kiss my face off, offering me the life I have always dreamed of, and I just cannot make myself go through with it. What is wrong with me?

  ‘I know what this is,’ he says. ‘This is the universe testing me… it brought me the good thing that I want, that I asked for… I just need to restore balance.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I ask curiously. Simon didn’t used to believe in the universe actively doing things, meddling in people’s lives, bringing them the things they want like Santa after checking his naughty or nice list.

  ‘You were so honest with me, telling me what has happened to you recently and what brought you here,’ he starts. ‘I need to be honest with you, that’s what is stopping us from moving forwards.’

  ‘OK…’

  ‘I was cheating on you,’ he says. ‘When we were together. You were right. I did the phone thing as a test, to see how on to me you actually were… and when I realised you had me rumbled, well, there was nothing else I could do… If I had confessed, you would have dumped me, so it was just easier to go out fighting. But I was young, and immature, and I’ve learned so much about how to treat women since then. I’m a different person.’

  I just stare at him for a second, as my brain tries to process everything he has just said.

  ‘And, full disclosure, I am sort of seeing someone right now – well, a couple of people – but I’m going to call them up immediately and tell them that it is over, because you are back in my life and everything happens for a reason, right? I’ve learned my lesson; I’m getting a second chance. My relationships all feel so empty, I’ve been looking for something more, something deeper. No more models, I need someone for my soul.’

  I laugh. It’s a sort of small chuckle that builds up into to something wilder, something more menacing. ‘You were cheating on me,’ I say. ‘Josh knew you were, I knew you were… I let you make me think I was crazy.
’

  ‘Who is Josh?’ he asks as his eyes narrow.

  ‘He’s the person who fixed me, after you broke me,’ I tell him. ‘You’re never going to get the chance to do it again.’

  ‘Rosie, wait, I had to tell you the truth,’ he says. ‘So that we could move forwards.’

  ‘I came here for a catch-up and to see if the flowers were from you,’ I remind him. ‘Now you’re trying to stick your tongue down my throat and get me to move to New York – you’re off your head. And you haven’t changed at all, you’re still a poser, you’re just striking a different pose, this wholesome man of the people who wants to change the world, and yet you still kissed me just now, knowing that you’re seeing someone else? Or a couple of someone elses? Oh no. No, no, no. I’m out of here.’

  ‘Rosie, please don’t leave,’ he says as he follows me to the door. ‘Let’s talk about this?’

  ‘Nope,’ I say, and it’s the last thing I say to him before I march out of the door.

  I was so convinced, so, so convinced, that my future might be lurking in my past somewhere. But, apparently, no one sent me those flowers. I’ve been chasing my tail, thinking I was on some quest to getting my life back on track, and all I’ve done is double back on myself before wandering even further off course. I feel like such an idiot, but, even worse than that, I feel so guilty about Josh. He was right about Simon and he knew it. And things were so great between us and I actively left him to come and see this tosser, letting Josh think that I would rather spend time with Simon than him. I have screwed things up with one of the only people to ever really care about me. And there’s no Rosie Outlook to put a positive spin on that one.

  33

  There is something so amazing about this city, the way it brings people together from all over the world.

  The hotel had a breakfast buffet, so, when we went to get something to eat this morning, it was interesting to meet the other residents of the hotel. It seemed like almost everyone was a tourist, from all over the world, which I liked. Immediately it felt like we were this weird little community, all speaking different languages, who briefly united to share tables for breakfast and to try and work out how the bagel-toasting machine worked.