The Child's Past Life

by Cai Jun

  Another face was in the mirror, a sixteen-year-old’s face. A calm and untamed light came out of his eyes. In a few years, he would be more handsome than Ye Xiao.

  “I’m Shen Ming.”

  Ye Xiao turned off his razor. The world quieted. Half of his face was unshaven. He looked at Si Wang.

  “Thank you for letting the police know. Now we can solve all of these cases.”

  Ye Xiao lived on the twenty-eighth floor of a building across from the never-dark Future Dreams Plaza. There was a military sniper rifle leaned up next to the window. Si Wang picked it up curiously.

  “Careful,” Ye Xiao shouted, “that’s a real gun!”

  “Who are you trying to kill?”

  Ye Xiao put away the rifle and warned him not to tell anyone.

  “I’ll keep the secret.” Si Wang bargained with the policeman. “But you’ve got to believe what I’m saying.”

  Ye Xiao was a bachelor who lived in a one-bedroom apartment. His place was neater than Huang Hai’s. He didn’t smoke or drink, but there were still plenty of instant noodles and junk food. He was good at suppressing his desires.

  “After Shen Ming died in 1995, his ghost didn’t go away. It’s been hanging around this city for the past sixteen years, and using the body of Si Wang.”

  “You ambushed me at home to tell me this? You’ve kept the secret for this long—why tell me now?”

  “I’m afraid I won’t live to see eighteen.”

  “Anyone threatening you?” Ye Xiao looked out the peephole on his door. “I’ll protect you.”

  “No, but I’ve been having nightmares lately. I’m always dying in them—getting my throat slashed, getting hit by a car, or falling from a building.”

  “You’re afraid if you die, this secret will die with you, and you won’t have your revenge?”

  “Ye Xiao, you’re very smart.”

  “If you’re really Shen Ming’s ghost, why don’t you just go kill the killer?”

  Si Wang smiled bitterly. “I don’t know who he is. He got me from behind, so I never saw the person’s face.”

  “I will catch him.”

  “Any leads? How about the guy who ran the DVD store? I’m the only one who can help you. I’m Shen Ming. I know a lot of things others don’t. Ever since I was born as Si Wang, I swore I’d find the killer. I helped Huang Hai and I’ll help you.”

  “All right, but you’re a killer, too. You killed the teaching director, Yan Li—right?”

  The question made Si Wang shake, and his expression turned dark, like he was back at the murder scene. “Yes.”

  “You know, I thought you had someone hidden inside you. I see the shadow of loss in your eyes. Only someone who has been through pain has that look. I get it, because we’re the same.”

  “You’ve lost someone you loved?”

  “It was devastating.”

  “But you don’t know what it’s like to be killed. It wasn’t about the physical pain. It was turning into someone else after you die. You have to say good-bye to everyone you knew and start over as a baby, wasting all the years you lived before.”

  “I don’t believe in ghosts. But tell me everything you know—real or fantasy. Go ahead, ghost detective.”

  “Why did Shen Ming go to the Demon Girl Zone on June 19, 1995? That’s the biggest question.”

  “Right. If we knew why, maybe we would be a lot closer to the truth. So are you going to tell me?”

  “It’s a secret.”

  Ye Xiao shook his head and opened the door. “You can go home now.”

  “Wait—about Zhang Mingsong?”

  “I’ve talked to him. He said Huang Hai interviewed him many times back then. He was even taken to the precinct. The Education Bureau management bailed him out. Is he a killer? I can’t tell.”

  “Why can’t you search his house?”

  “There is no evidence. We couldn’t get a search warrant.” Ye Xiao redirected the conversation. “We got off track. I still have no reason to believe what you’ve told me.”

  “If you don’t believe me, you’ll regret it.”

  Ye Xiao thought of Shen Yuanchao. He decided to give the young man another chance. “Let’s talk about Shen Ming’s biological dad, Shen Yuanchao.”

  “I was Shen Yuanchao’s illegitimate son. This was his biggest secret. He was terrified that others would find out about me. He wasn’t a heartless guy. He did pay my living expenses every month. When I lived in the basement, he gave me books—everything from comics to classics. I especially remember How the Steel Was Tempered. He had a deluxe hardcover copy, and Pavel Korchagin was in a color engraving on the cover. Pavka rode a horse and wore a Red Army cap, looking stoically into the distance. I read that book at least ten times and almost wore off the cover. I memorized Nikolai Ostrovsky’s words. I still remember the Chinese soldiers who fought for the Red Army against Symon Petlura. I wrote that quote in red ink on the title page: ‘The most valuable thing for a person is his life, we only live once. We should live our life so that when we look back, we won’t regret how we wasted our lives, nor be ashamed of why we didn’t achieve anything.’ ”

  “I saw this book at Shen Yuanchao’s house. It was on his bookshelf. He retrieved it from Shen Ming’s dorm room after Shen Ming died.”

  “Wow, he actually kept it for me.”

  Ye Xiao watched the young man’s face. It had the expression of a much older man. If he was faking it, his performance was Oscar-worthy.

  Ye Xiao took out a pen and some paper and asked, “Can you write it now?”

  Si Wang nodded shakily and wrote:

  The most valuable thing for a person is his life, we only live once. We should live our life so that when we look back, we won’t regret how we wasted our lives, nor be ashamed of why we didn’t achieve anything. When he dies, he should be able to say, “My entire life and all of my energy was devoted to the most glorious mission in the world—liberating all of humanity.”

  Ye Xiao closely watched him finish writing the quotation.

  “Why did you become a cop?” Si Wang asked.

  “Fate.”

  “Like how I turned into Si Wang after I died?”

  “Maybe.”

  “You believe I’m Shen Ming’s ghost?”

  Ye Xiao shook his head. “There are no ghosts. I can help you, though—but you’ll have to help me, too.”

  CHAPTER 54

  The coldest month of the year—2012.

  The Nanming Road construction project had dragged on for too long, causing students and teachers to complain. Everyone knew it was because of corruption. Ouyang Xiaozhi took the subway to work. Once again, she was close to being late. Someone got into a black taxi; she ran up, waving and shouting for them to wait for her.

  Si Wang opened the door.

  Xiaozhi got in the car and smiled awkwardly. “Si Wang, I’m sorry!”

  Xiaozhi was so cold she kept rubbing her hands. Si Wang asked the driver to turn on the heat.

  “You’ll be there before the car heats up.”

  “It’s fine, I can handle it.” Xiaozhi’s face was pale, but puffs of her hot breath and the scent of her shampoo reached him.

  They rode the rest of the way in silence. When they arrived Xiaozhi whispered, “Being late is not good. Please don’t let the other students know.”

  Mr. An, a handsome unmarried political science teacher, saw her and called out sweetly, “Xiaozhi.”

  The greeting embarrassed her. Everyone, teachers and students, called her Ms. Ouyang now.

  “Morning, Mr. An.”

  “Did you have breakfast yet?”

  He’d brought breakfast for her.

  “Oh, thank you. I am a bit hungry.”

  She accepted the food and the two of them walked into the school together. Si Wang still sto
od outside the entrance in the chilling wind.

  Xiaozhi turned around and said, “Si Wang, get inside now, don’t be late!”

  The whole school knew about Mr. An’s crush on Ouyang Xiaozhi. The male teachers were jealous, while the female teachers wished her well. Xiaozhi looked young, but she was 35 and needed to be married. Mr. An was from a good family who lived in a high-end development near Nanming Road. Supposedly, he was related to the principal.

  The first class was political science. Mr. An found Si Wang staring into space so he called on the boy. Everyone thought Si Wang would be humiliated, but Si Wang answered perfectly. He described the difference between Marx and Hegel, and brought up Spinoza’s ideas about monism, as well as Kant’s discussions on “What is man.” Mr. An was stunned, and all he could squeeze out was, “Si Wang, you read a lot of extracurricular books.”

  The literary society met in the afternoon as usual even though finals were coming up. Ouyang Xiaozhi was the advisor. Shen Ming had been the advisor in 1995. One year, he gave her a book of poems by Li Qingzhao because he knew she liked Yi’an-style poems. That was the first gift Xiaozhi received from him.

  “Si Wang, are you paying attention? Don’t be nervous—we’re a literary society, not a class. I’ve heard from other students that you know a lot of classic poems. Know any by Li Qingzhao?”

  “Deep is the pavilion, clouds gathering nearby. Spring is here, but he’s gone. So much has happened, we’re old and nothing is the same. Who is here to sigh with me? No point in doing anything.”

  Xiaozhi looked down at the book. Not even she had memorized the whole poem. She was impressed. “Very nice!”

  After the literary society’s meeting ended, Si Wang was about to rush out of class when Xiaozhi asked him to wait for her. They walked out on the playing field together. There was a thick layer of frost on the ground; no one was around. He had nothing to say to his teacher, so he just kept walking.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  They stopped at the corner of the field. The wall where roses bloomed was now barren.

  “Si Wang, you’re a really odd kid.”

  Everyone agreed on this. Tenth grade was almost over, but he was still a loner, and had nothing to say to anyone. Supposedly, some girls texted him about movie dates, but he never replied.

  “Please tell me—what does your dad do?”

  “He’s just a regular person,” Si Wang answered. “He’s not very educated, and he’s always traveling.”

  “Your mom?”

  “She runs a bookstore.”

  “No wonder you know so much poetry.”

  “It’s a small store right across from my junior high.”

  By the time they reached the school gates, it was dark. Another cold wind gust swirled, and snow flew everywhere.

  “Si Wang, you’d better head back. I’m going home, too.”

  Mr. An appeared, eager to talk to Xiaozhi. Si Wang backed away.

  “Xiaozhi, have you decided?”

  “Sorry, I want to go home early today. We’ll have dinner another time?”

  “Oh, that’s a shame. I already made reservations at that Japanese restaurant.”

  Disappointed, Mr. An looked around, probably wanting to see if anyone was picking her up.

  He saw Si Wang and turned back to Xiaozhi, smiling. “It’s OK. Take care getting home.”

  The wind was stronger than before, the snow, too. Xiaozhi stood up her collar to tuck in her hair. A red Elantra stopped in front of her. It was the unlicensed cab driver from before. Xiaozhi was about to get in when Si Wang called for her to stop.

  She looked back in surprise. “What is it?”

  “Don’t get in!”

  “Why not?” She was confused, shocked that a shy kid like him would grab her arm so brusquely.

  “Instinct, it doesn’t feel right.”

  He looked at the driver; the man was the picture of innocence. Another teacher came out wanting the ride. Xiaozhi backed away and gave up the car. “Mr. Wang, go ahead.”

  “Thanks.”

  The teacher looked at her with a weird expression; she was holding hands with a student.

  The taxi sped away, leaving her and Si Wang in the snow.

  “Sorry.” He finally let go of her hand.

  Xiaozhi hugged herself, and coldly said, “What were you doing?”

  “Didn’t you think that driver was dangerous?”

  “Yes, taking unlicensed cabs is bad. It’s illegal and affects the market, and it’s risky, too. I wasn’t acting like a teacher. I promise you, I’ll never take an illegal cab again.” Xiaozhi rubbed her arms. “You really grabbed me.”

  “I—”

  “Forget it. Just don’t anything like it again.” Xiaozhi puffed out a ball of white air. “Si Wang, thank you for looking out for me.”

  They stood by the dirty, empty road.

  “I might as well walk to the subway station. Bye!”

  She took a few steps before Si Wang stopped her, insisting that he walk her to the station.

  “It’s fine. You’ll miss dinner at the cafeteria.”

  “It’s not safe around here. I don’t trust you walking by yourself.”

  The words made her feel awkward, but she didn’t know how to refuse.

  Nanming Road looked different at night, desolate but littered with construction equipment. Si Wang said nothing. Snow flew into their eyes and blurred their vision. Thankfully the streetlights were still on, casting their shadows on the white ground.

  They were on the same path to the Demon Girl Zone; stuck between two construction zones, the abandoned factory lay ahead of them. Xiaozhi stopped and she could almost see the abandoned chimneys. She couldn’t take another step.

  “What are you looking at?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” Xiaozhi said.

  “I heard there’s a place there called the Demon Girl Zone.”

  It was the first time Si Wang said those words to her. Xiaozhi’s face turned from a frozen pink to a deathly white.

  “You—” She adjusted her expression. “You heard this from older students, right?”

  “I know that a teacher died there in 1995.”

  She was afraid to face him so she turned to look at Nanming Road. “I went to Nanming High in 1995, too. The teacher you mentioned was my homeroom teacher.”

  “You’ve been there?”

  “Don’t ask questions like this. He was killed.”

  “Who killed him?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think they ever solved the case. Si Wang, please don’t mention this place or walk here again. I want you guys to be safe, OK?”

  She kept walking forward, not lingering at all. Si Wang walked next to her. His nose was running from the cold wind.

  “Go back. You don’t want to get sick.”

  “It’s OK, I’ll walk you to the subway station.”

  “Si Wang, I need to ask. Why do you never call me Ms. Ouyang, and just Xiaozhi instead? It’s not very polite.”

  “Sorry, Xiaozhi.”

  “Maybe I should be apologizing. You’re a special kid. You obviously express yourself differently than other children do. I can’t force you to talk like everyone else, and maybe you think using polite names for teachers is a meaningless formality.”

  They reached the subway. By now a layer of snow covered the ground.

  “Thank you, Si Wang!”

  CHAPTER 55

  Second semester of tenth grade.

  Zhang Mingsong was almost fifty. Despite his thinning hair, he still looked young. Some said he was a playboy and had a lot of girlfriends—that he didn’t want to be tied down to a wife.

  Mr. Zhang arrived at school early each day so he could clean the office meticulously. He also jogged at school to stay in shape.
He’d worked here for over twenty years. He knew every inch of the property, from where the weeds grow to how to look into girls’ dorm rooms.

  Si Wang often used the sports field. He used to be as skinny as a soybean. He exercised intensely every morning: two laps, forty push-ups, twenty pull-ups. He boxed, practiced martial arts and Thai boxing. In the cafeteria, he often requested raw eggs. Students were afraid of him. The boys said he was crazy and the girls joked that he was a muscle freak.

  Si Wang behaved as if he had an enemy, as if he would be killed if he didn’t work out.

  One day in February after the last class, Zhang Mingsong stopped him. “Si Wang, please come to my office.”

  His office was on the top floor of the teachers’ building, in a room reserved for elite teachers. It was spacious but dark. The window was open only a crack and covered with a thick curtain. With utter seriousness, Zhang Mingsong said, “Sit. No need to be nervous. Know why I asked you here?”

  Si Wang shook his head no. He sat on a chair in the corner of the room. Awards flags given by past graduates plastered the wall behind him, as well as teaching awards from the city and even national organizations.

  “I don’t normally get involved in things like this. I like to think of myself as just a math teacher. But since I’m also a homeroom teacher now, I need to help everyone.”

  “What did I do?”

  Zhang Mingsong had a DSLR camera on his desk, and photos lined the glass tabletop. He put away the camera and looked at Si Wang. “I’m worried about you. You’re too quiet and have no friends. You act weird. Some students say you scare them.”

  “I don’t know what others think. I’ve always been like this.”

  “You jog alone every morning. I noticed a few girls watching you. I talked to them. Some people said you don’t like girls?”

  “I’m just shy around them.”

  “That’s not a reason.” Zhang Mingsong showed a dubious smile. “You’re not telling me everything.”

  Si Wang put on an innocent expression.

  “You stand out in my class, maybe even in the whole school.”