Elvish Lover: Purely Paranormal Pleasures

by C. D. Gorri

  Speak of the devil, she thought as the scent of spicy cinnamon wafted into the room followed by the now familiar sand cloud that gave way to the impressive form of the man himself. His hieroglyph was the topic of some amusement as it was shaped rather like a, well, like a dildo with eyes and feet. It was the shape of the thing, long and conical in form that was so funny.

  That and the fact that the man was apparently sporting a spectacular package. Not that she was interested, though she had to admit every time she saw it, which was more often than not, she was taken aback. Like now.

  “For the love of fuck, put on some damned clothes!” she snapped trying her best not to stare at the currently flaccid and yet still enormous phallus that hung between the man’s thighs.

  And this was why his hieroglyph resembled a fucking dildo, she thought rudely.

  “Sorry, great amoula, I was in the divine washing basin you call a bath tub,” he explained and with a wave of his hand he was clothed in a very short, royal blue, velour robe.

  “Geez, I told you a million times, Medjed, we wear clothes here,” she grumbled and shuffled through paperwork.

  “Yes, you have said. What can I help with today, amoula?” He smiled, calling her the Egyptian word for owl which she actually thought sounded pretty.

  If only he were using it in a sentence where he was saying goodbye. Like for good. She wanted to groan aloud and bang her head on the desk. What was she going to do with this maniac?

  “Help? You want to help?”

  “Of course-”

  “Is that what you did when you conjured a sandstorm to swallow a local fast food dive when the owner refused to cook the deer you brought him?” She grumbled.

  “It was a fresh kill and I did not desire to imbibe the frozen fat filled mystery meat he called a pa-tee,” he explained as if this was perfectly reasonable.

  “I see, and were you helping when you kidnapped a woman on her wedding day and took her to a hotel in Atlantic City where you then engaged in sexual activities for three days before either of you came up for air?”

  “The woman did not wish to be married. She confessed it to me the night before at her bach-elore-ette party. I merely did as she asked and showed her true physical pleasure before she tied herself to the short and stout dentist she was binding herself to for eternity. Three days was her decision, I could’ve stayed in bed for weeks living on nothing but the taste of her pleasure,” he grinned wickedly and Jennifer had to stifle another groan.

  The man was maddening. Though, truthfully if she were free, that is, if her heart not belonged to another, perhaps she’d take him up on that challenge.

  Sad chirp.

  A week of no strings sex sounded great, but her inner beast refused to entertain even the notion. Her heart was already taken, even if the man in question was unawares.

  No, don’t go there, she scolded herself and went back to the task at hand. Medjed.

  “So, have we cleared everything up? I wish to go back to my tub and to finish watching the moving pictures Kimberley Wessex has shown me on the Hall-march channel. She called them holly-day moo-vees, I believe. I find this San Ta Claws devil very interesting,” he nodded and went to wave his hand.

  “No,” she yelled stopping him in his tracks, “I have a new assignment for you.”

  “Yes,” he said expectantly.

  “But first, why do you think Santa is a devil?” She asked allowing her curiosity to get the better of her.

  “He is a burglar and a madman. Who else would spy on innocents and threaten them with naughty lists and coal? Is it the San Ta Claws I am to track and destroy?” He asked almost gleefully.

  “No! God no,” she said, “but speaking of the North Pole, do you own a coat?” She smirked.

  Less than twenty-four hours later Medjed found himself wandering through the Arctic. The wind howled ferociously as he expertly drove a small, sturdy sleigh pulled by a pack of well-trained dogs called Huskies over many long frozen miles of open wild terrain.

  He was tracking some unusual activity for the secret government office he worked for ever since he’d been freed from an unfortunately clever confinement spell that an ancient Witch had subjected him to and bound him to a scroll up until just a few months ago.

  Of course, this position was not as glamorous as being the Sword of Osiris himself, but Egyptian gods did not have the clout these days as the American government it would seem.

  Besides, his old boss had left him to rot. Suspended for thousands of years in the hated papyrus until the lovely Carolina Moore, now Wessex, had come along and freed him.

  Of course, he’d mistakenly thought the beautiful female was his mate. Alas, she was fated to be with another worthy, though lesser male.

  He snorted at the description, Medjed did in fact admire the Wyvern Shifter and his three brothers greatly. In truth, they had become his surrogate family in the earthly realm.

  Medjed found that their own adoptive father, Arthur Wessex, was indeed a fine man, and after he had helped heal the man of the cancer that had plagued him, they had welcomed him even more assuredly with open arms into their small, but strong family circle.

  And yet, he still felt as if there was some void inside of him. He was anxious to help his new family and friends, but he seemed to constantly fumble. The world in the twenty-first century was remarkably different than it had been when his kind had been feared, worshipped, and respected amongst the humans.

  He was the supreme warrior. God-like in his own right, though minor, Medjed was immortal, invincible, and damn near indestructible. Loyalty and devotion were his two best traits, along with the ability to disembowel the enemy with a mighty strike of his khopesh.

  Of course, he had to admit that magic could zap him every now and then. As it had when a certain ancient sorceress had imprisoned him after he’d refused her as mate. Oh well, what was time after all to someone who had all of it?

  Even Medjed had his boundaries. Fornication was a favorite pastime, indeed, but he would never share his immortal soul with anyone lest she be the mate destined for him, inscribed amongst the stars on the skin of Nut herself.

  He frowned against the whip of the polar wind as the one thing in the world Medjed feared ran through his brain. What if he’d missed his one true mate’s time on this earth? What if she’d been alive when he’d been incarcerated in the scroll?

  What if he’d lost his chance for ultimate happiness and fulfillment because he’d followed his phallus between the thighs of the wrong Witch.

  Son of a dog! He growled to himself and his vision turned red as the height of his anger grew. The once white snow looked like frozen clumps of blood in his present state and only served to fuel his lust for battle. No. This would not do.

  He was there on a reconnaissance mission only. To investigate certain disturbances in the North Pole, which apparently was not a pole but a magnetic force. It did not matter. He owed Ms. Dylluan allegiance and would do as she asked. He would not return until his investigation was complete, and if he happened to snag himself the red-suited menace known as San Ta Claws, well, that would be strictly a bonus.

  Medjed barked a command to his team of Huskies, enjoying the thrill as they obeyed his direction at once. There was nothing quite like the immediate submission of a worthy beast and these dogs were more than that. He always did have a soft spot for animals.

  Medjed tossed the team of sled dogs some hearty strips of salmon jerky then proceeded to set up camp for the night. The wind was growing stronger and as his previous experience had taught him, that was not a good thing in these parts.

  The small cave he’d spied in a nearby snowy hill would provide the perfect shelter, he reasoned. He did not sense any wild animals about and that was a relief. Somewhat. No polar bears to bother him, though truth be told, it was a pity. He could’ve used the exercise.

  Wrestling with a mighty creature such as a polar bear would’ve been just the thing to tire him out. His muscles buzzed with en
ergy and his stomach tensed as though readying for some impending interruption or commotion, though it was all for naught.

  He was alone in this cold place and that thought was depressing. He’d spent a thousand years in that scroll, mostly in deep slumber, but still he had been alone the entire time. He had no wish to ever be alone again, and yet finding a mate proved elusive to him.

  What was an ancient warrior to do? Nothing he could do tonight, he decided, except get some rest then continue on his journey tomorrow. He would look over the spots on the map Ms. Dylluan had given him that marked the areas where the magnetic fields seemed to increase at odd intervals over the past few days.

  Apparently her agency was concerned about global warming having an adverse effect on the planet. He was to check the readings on the equipment the government had secretly placed in the area and make sure everything was working correctly.

  Duh, he thought. Of course the environment was affected by global warming, industry, and humankind’s abuse of the Earth’s natural resources in general. Still, he owed it to her to check things out. Besides, he’d wanted to investigate for his own reasons.

  “Santa Claus is not real Medjed. Just do your job,” MS. Dylluan had said before he’d left.

  He did not necessarily believe the Shifter woman was correct about the fiend who ruled the season, but that was his opinion. For now, he would see to his animals and get some food inside of his grumbling stomach.

  Watered and fed, the excellent team of Huskies bunkered down for the night in the pop-up kennel just inside the mouth of the cave. They were good dogs, would have been worshipped in his time, he thought though their thick coats would have made living under the Egyptian sun unbearable. But here, they were in their element and inside the kennel they were safe and snug.

  The wonders of man, he thought as he dragged the sled inside the cave and covered the small opening with a large sheet of something called plasteek. Once that was finished, he set about starting a small fire.

  First, he would eat, then he would sleep, and tomorrow he would find the cause of the anomaly Ms. Dylluan had asked him to investigate.

  “Hmm,” he grunted skeptically as he added water to a bag of freeze-dried stew.

  It did not look appetizing, but the smell was not so bad, he supposed.

  “Oh, that feels nice,” a voice said from behind him, and Medjed turned around with his fists raised and a mighty growl coming from his throat.

  He had checked the cave for signs of life, hadn’t he? Hmm. Maybe not well enough. Maybe he’d been too distracted with his wayward thoughts.

  He focused on the direction where the voice had sounded with his growl rumbling threateningly in his throat. The sound immediately cut off when his eyes finally grew accustomed to the dim light and landed on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

  Medjed felt like a man who had been lost in the desert and had just gotten his first glimpse of water in what felt like forever. His inner powers stirred and hummed along his skin and inside his very veins as he stared at the vision.

  The woman, and yes, it was a woman, bit her lower lip and his eyes zeroed in on the small movement before tracing the rest of her. She had pale ivory skin that seemed to glow in the dimness. Bright emerald colored eyes sparkled like gems at him before darting away to look once more at the fire. She shivered in her thin coat and he could see it was no match for this weather.

  Curiosity warred with desire as he took in the womanly curves of his unknown guest. Was she some mischievous sprite? An evil spirit to tempt him away from his duty?

  He did not know this, but he did know that she was positively the most loveliest thing he had ever seen. With hair black as midnight and lips red as blood, she was a palette of perfection to his mind. The perfect blend of lights and darks, an artist’s dream, indeed, that was how he felt. Like he had stepped into a dream, and if that proved true, then he never wanted to wake.

  Visions of holding her close to him, kissing her full lips, and nuzzling her soft flesh filled his brain. It was all he could do not to leap over the few feet that separated them and do just that.

  Even more amazing than his intense physical reaction was that his heart felt near to bursting. One, solitary word seemed to echo in his brain from the moment his gaze landed on her. It was all he could do not to shout it out to the whole world as possession and passion filled him, and that single word roared in his head like thunder.

  Mine.

  Chapter 3

  “Hello, I’m Candy,” she said breaking the silence, and with any luck, his impossibly direct stare.

  The breathless quality her voice had taken on startled her. She was no simpering maid, but boy, did she sound like one.

  It was the regular way to start a conversation, but she could hardly expect anything to be regular when she stood in the face of her fated mate.

  This was him. She just knew it. Granny was totally right. The small bundle in her arms chirped and she looked down to see the baby penguin she’d rescued stirring and struggling to be free of her scarf.

  “Shh,” she cooed to the animal, ignoring the curious look of the strange man who was destined to be hers.

  “Candy is a food not a name,” he returned and shook his head, “what is that there?”

  “This is Fluffy,” she said and turned her precious bundle around so he could see for himself.

  The little chick, chirped and struggled to be freed, so Candy let her down on the floor, watching her closely as she sniffed and waddled across the cold ground.

  “I found her wandering outside and figured she was better off with me. Her parents must’ve been killed to leave her behind,” she whispered as the small chick climbed on the bedroll that the strange man had casually tossed next to the fire earlier, “and, yes, Candy is food, but it is my name too,” she stated, a small smile played at the corner of her mouth while Fluffy burrowed into his sleeping bag.

  “That is my bed, small aquatic bird,” he frowned and his brown eyes glittered like cinnamon sugar in the flickering light from the fire he’d built inside the small cavern.

  Too bad she hadn’t thought of that herself, it would have helped her to revive the small creature faster. As it was, she’d wandered for hours through the frozen wasteland that was the real North Pole after leaving Santa’s Magical Christmas Village.

  Fluffy seemed to like the sleeping bag and Candy had half a mind to follow the bird inside the bedroll. But she still wasn’t sure of her welcome.

  “What are you doing here?” He asked, his eyes flicking from her to the penguin.

  “Oh, well, I thought it would be a good idea to have some shelter before the blizzard hits.”

  “What blizzard?” He scoffed as if surely he would’ve known if a blizzard was heading his way.

  She’d spied a lot of gadgets in his packs and wondered at them while he set about taking care of his dogs and himself. He was clearly new to the arctic, but he seemed caring and smart. Certainly, handsome, she thought and felt her cheeks blush.

  With rugged good looks, and sun-kissed bronzed skin he was devastating, she realized. Even if his ears were decidedly round. That was a feature she could overlook, she thought as she took in his magnificent form in his bulky attire.

  “That blizzard,” she replied and lifted her hand, pointing to where the wind was currently trying to rip through the plastic sheet barrier he’d set up.

  The Huskies whined in their pen but settled down as she walked over to their pen, humming a Christmas carol, and bent to pet them. Candy had worked in the reindeer barn long before she’d been promoted to toy research and development.

  “Such good puppies,” she said and scratched the lead dog’s ears which resulted in a happy puppy tongue licking her ungloved hand until it was sopping wet.

  “Yes, they are a fine team,” he answered and she turned to see he’d crossed the cave floor and was now standing right behind her.

  “Oh,” she gasped and saw he held Fluffy in his hands. />
  “This bird is for cooking?”

  “No!” She yelled, and took Fluffy back, “I told you I rescued her from the cold. She is not for cooking.”

  “I see,” he frowned as she replaced the small animal back on his bedroll.

  “She is defecating on my sleeping bag,” he growled, and Candy blushed as she looked down to see the small penguin had in fact left a little poopy on his bedroll.

  Oopsies.

  “Oh, uh,” she didn’t know quite how to respond.

  He grunted and took the small metal package that had been heating on the fire and held it out towards her.

  “You require food?”

  “Um, yes, I would love to share with you,” she smiled widely.

  This is promising, she thought and stole a glance at Fluffy who’d made a veritable nest in his bedroll. The exhausted chick nodded out immediately after and Candy noted the small, chewed piece of salmon jerky that she was sure the man had snuck to her when she wasn’t looking.

  “What’s your name?” Candy asked.

  The man seemed to grow taller as he turned to face her with his hands on his hips in his white snow-pants and thick thermal shirt having removed his parka. His bronzed skin was smooth and clear and he had short-cropped hair and no beard or mustache that she could see. He was uniquely handsome in her opinion, and if Granny Elf was right, he was hers.

  The very thought had her toes tingling in her snow boots. Candy had never seen anything quite like him.

  “I am Medjed, Warrior and Guard to the House of Osiris. I have been called Demon, Demigod, and the Sword of the Underworld. Most recently, I have been called friend by the Wyvern Protection Unit and I freelance for a secret government agency which has sent me here to the arctic to explore certain anomalies.”

  “Oh, uh,” she had no idea how to respond to that, but it didn’t matter because he was still going.

  “I have been an assassin, a guardian, judge and jury. I have seen and meted out more death than you can imagine, sweet innocent, but I am loyal. I have been just recently released from an unjust confinement, but I am a fast learner. I do not know a lot about the modern world, but I do know one thing for certain—”