Studfinder (The Busy Bean)

by L. B. Dunbar

  “Nolan, stop doing me favors, okay?”

  “What the fuck?” he snarls up at me.

  “That was a ruse. Rita wanted you to turn yourself in.”

  “That bitch,” Nolan huffs. However, his defensive tone turns my allegiance.

  “She’s not a bitch. She did it for—” The truth slams into me. She did it for me. She wanted to free me from my sentence, but she shouldn’t have gone about it how she did. She should have talked to me, asked me what I wanted to do.

  “I told you attorneys were snakes.”

  “You watch your mouth,” I bark at Nolan, pointing a finger at him. For the first time ever, Nolan stops and stares at me like he doesn’t recognize me. I hardly recognize myself. That’s been the problem for seven years. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I can’t do this. I can’t keep protecting Nolan.

  “Rita . . .” I pause, realizing I’m not exactly laying blame where it belongs. “I could have turned you in, Nolan. If you confessed, my sentence could be wiped free. I could walk away with the conviction struck from my record.”

  Nolan’s face turns white once more.

  “I could go to jail,” he whispers as if he never understood the depths of the consequences. He committed a crime. He killed an innocent man. He could have gone to jail seven years ago.

  Rita. Oh God, my stomach clenches for her all over again. She only wants justice. She wants the right person to pay for taking the love of her life from her.

  “I’m not turning you in, Nolan. I’m not offering you up or pressing any kind of charges, but you’re still going to pay for what you’ve done.”

  “How?” His head lifts, panic in his expression.

  “I haven’t decided yet, but I’m going to find something.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “In the meantime, I’m moving out.”

  “Why?” His eyes widen.

  “Because you don’t need me, Nolan. You’re self-sufficient here, and frankly, I don’t want to live with you. No offense, little brother, but right now, I’m having a hard time looking at you.”

  “Because of Rita,” Nolan bites, color returning to his face.

  “Yes, because of Rita. Don’t make me choose, Nolan, because it’s going to be her.” I can hardly believe the words leaving my lips, but it’s true. If I thought I’d stay in this godforsaken area, it would be for one reason only. Rita.

  “Just like you chose Lisa.”

  “What?” I glare at my brother, uncertain what he’s said.

  “You picked her over me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You left me behind.”

  I stare at my brother. Unbelievable. “I was in love. I married her. I didn’t leave you. You were an adult by then, Nolan. Capable of taking care of yourself. In fact, you needed to fucking grow up.” Jesus, he’d been twenty-three when I married Lisa. Why is this coming up now?

  “I don’t want to be left behind.”

  Staring at my brother in his chair, I should feel sorry for him. I want to feel something for him. He’s my brother. I love him, but right now, I hate him. He did this to himself. I coddled him too much by filling in for our father, compensating for our mother, and even taking over when he wasn’t fit to father his own son.

  “I’m not leaving you behind, Nolan, but I need separation from you.”

  “Where will you go?” he asks, and I glance up at the garage, full of my supplies and scraps, waiting for more sculptures to be made.

  “I don’t know yet,” I state, turning back to Nolan. “But I need to do something for myself.”

  Rita appears at the building site the next day, and I’m counting the minutes until the weekend. I need time away from everywhere and everything. If this had been a normal job, I’d have called in sick, but I can’t. I keep to myself, ignoring Rita, which is difficult in the small house. The project is nearing its end ahead of schedule.

  As Rita slips into the newly laid out kitchen, I step out the back door and round the house for the front yard. I’ve been tiling the backsplash but need air. Standing beside my truck, I take deep, gulping breaths, hanging onto the edge of the bed. Just having Rita in the same room sets my heart racing, and a cold sweat running over my skin. I want to throttle her while wanting to pull her to me.

  Despite the crunch of gravel near me, I don’t look up but keep my head between my outstretched arms.

  “I wanted to apologize.” Rita pauses. “I thought I could help.”

  Slowly, I lift my head but look over the truck bed instead of directly at her. “What’s that saying? You were out of line, counselor.”

  No sound comes from Rita, not a snort or a laugh, so I turn to face her, finding her sad. She’s almost as sad as when she learned the truth about me, or what she thought was the truth. Either way, I’ll always have a connection to her beloved’s death. It wasn’t me, but it was my brother who took that man from her.

  “He should pay somehow,” Rita states.

  “That isn’t your decision. He’s my brother.” My voice rises, and Rita turns her head. “I could never turn him in. He’s in a wheelchair, for God’s sake. He’s suffered enough.”

  “Has he?” Rita asks, turning her attention back to me.

  “This isn’t like you, sweet.” Her nickname comes out bitter on my tongue. “You aren’t vengeful like this.”

  Rita shakes her head. “It wasn’t about Nolan. It was about you.”

  I nod because deep down inside, I know.

  “I want you to be free of the constraint you feel. Be free to do as you please.” She swallows, and I visibly see her throat roll. “Be free to move about the country at will. That’s what you want, right? You want to leave this all behind.” She waves out a hand, implying the build.

  “I don’t know what I want, Rita.” She flinches at the harshness in my voice, but I’m still upset. “You should have spoken to me, not tried to ambush me. Or Nolan.”

  “I tried to call you.” She pauses. “And would you have listened? I got the message loud and clear the other morning.”

  I could argue that I wasn’t brushing her off. I was separating myself from her. I needed to let her go. We weren’t going to be good together. My brother would always be between us. Rita had loved someone else, and she wasn’t going to get over him for someone like me, with connections to his death. Nolan would be a barrier between us.

  “I don’t need your help.”

  Rita rolls her lips inward and turns her cheek to me. “Fine.” Her arms flap outward, and she slaps her hands to her thighs. A slow second passes before she turns back to me. “Fine. But you have a job to complete here. Once it’s done, we can move you to another location, away from here, to complete the remainder of the months on your parole. I won’t be a supervisor on that site. I’m taking over the directorship role.”

  In all the chaos, Rita hadn’t told me.

  “Congratulations,” I say, finally looking over at her in her jeans and Building Buddies T-shirt. Seeing her hurts for all she could have meant to me and all she does. As I told her, she’s the best of women and maybe under different circumstances, I could admit I’d fallen in love with her.

  Staring at her, I swallow my pride as I do need her help in a certain matter. “I would like to ask a favor.”

  Rita straightens.

  “I want you to give Nolan a job somehow. He needs this restorative justice program. I demanded he seek therapy, and he needs something constructive to do for redemption.”

  Rita’s mouth falls open but then shuts. Her arms cross over her middle, and she looks away from me, then back. It’s comical to watch her arguing with herself in her head. She’s cute, but I fight the urge to laugh. I hate how once she’s in my presence, my attraction to her is just as strong as ever. I’ve stewed for days and had the past twenty-four hours to be really angry with her, but seeing her fight control of herself, I want to wrap her in my arms and kiss her senseless.

  But I won’t.

  “I’ll see what
I can do. I’m not certain how to go about finding him something without explaining his guilt, though.”

  “Try. Trying is all I can ask. At this point, we’ve all suffered enough, Rita. It’s time we each move on as best we can.”

  Without another word, Rita turns on her heels and leaves me still gripping the edge of my truck. I hadn’t realized how hard I was holding back from reaching for her until my fingers ache as I peel them back from curling against the metal.

  Suddenly, she spins back to face me, and I still, afraid I will reach for her after all.

  “You asked me to have faith in you, and I did. I only wish you’d had the same faith in me.”

  With that, she turns again, giving me her back, and walks away.

  26

  Rita

  It wasn’t easy, but I found something I thought Nolan could do for Building Buddies. It took more than a week to consider my options and make a decision. As Jake suggested, I should have spoken to him first before planning the meeting with Parker Avery. In the same breath, I knew Jake might not show if I simply told him what I thought. I’d lost Jake in my bet that things would work. I’d known it was a risk. Lesson learned. I should never gamble.

  Still, I found myself at his house with a proposition for Nolan.

  “Is Jake here?” I could have called, but I thought it best we discussed what I’d come up with face-to-face. Nolan stares up at me through the screen door.

  “He isn’t.”

  It was a Sunday, and I expected Jake to be home, maybe working on a lamp in his garage, but the closed garage door gave no sign of him. In the heat, he’d surely have it open.

  “Do you know when he’ll be back?” I ask, finding this kind of conversation tedious.

  “Actually, I don’t know where my brother is. He left here a week ago. Said he was moving out. I thought he might have moved in with you.”

  “Me?” I ask. “Why would he move in with me?”

  Nolan shakes his head without answering. Licking his lips, he looks away from me, and I cross my arms, feeling the tension between us through the screen barrier.

  “Could I come in? I’d like to talk to you.”

  Debate plays out on Nolan’s face, but eventually, he acquiesces, tipping his head to the side. I help myself to open the door and enter the small home. The place is clean but very much a bachelor’s pad, complete with a slouchy couch and a flat-screen television taking up most of the wall. I help myself to a seat on the cushions while Nolan rolls into the room. He waits on me to begin.

  “Jake asked me to do something for him which involves you. As much as he wanted me to speak with him before I did anything in regards to you, perhaps I should just lay this out for you, as it does pertain to you.”

  Nolan huffs at my run-on sentence. “What could big brother possibly want me to do?” Bitterness rings in Nolan’s tone, and after all I’ve sensed his brother has done for him, it’s undeserved toward Jake.

  “Nolan, it’s obvious we don’t care for each other. I don’t know what I’ve ever done to you, but I know what you did. Period. Jake told me everything.”

  If Nolan knows this truth, he gives nothing away, but a slight tic near his closed jaw hints he didn’t know how much I knew.

  “I’m not here for your confession, although I certainly believe you need to confess to someone. It must have been hard to hold that secret in all these years.”

  Nolan huffs again, turning his face away from me, giving me belligerence. “Lady, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I know enough,” I state, but I don’t wish to go into my own story. “I’m here because I care about your brother. I care about him a great deal, and he asked me for a favor. I’d like to offer you the redemption you need.”

  Nolan scoffs. “Redemption?”

  “You should have gone to jail.” My voice cracks, and I swallow against the prickle in my eyes. “You let an innocent man go in your place. Your own brother.”

  “I don’t need your damnation,” he bites, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “I’m not here to damn you,” I state, reminding myself why I’m here. I will not pass judgment. “I’m here to offer you a job of sorts.”

  Nolan’s brows lift as if I must be joking.

  “Jake would like you to enter a restorative justice program similar to his parole. Without officially being on parole, I can’t make you attend, nor can I place you in a program without revealing your guilt.”

  His mouth opens, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

  “I’ve also found you a criminal therapist.”

  “I’m not seeing a shrink.”

  “She’s not a shrink. She’s a therapist who specializes in guilt. She’s different from a criminal psychologist. She isn’t profiling you. She’s here to help you.”

  “I don’t need—”

  “Yes, you do,” I cut him off. “And your brother asked me to find someone for you.”

  This is addiction 101. You cannot help those who won’t help themselves, but sometimes a strong intervention is necessary, and the push someone needs to get over their hurdle.

  Nolan remains quiet for a second, glaring at me with eyes similar to his brother’s but harder, tougher. It’s unfair as his brother is the one who lost out on time, and he isn’t nearly as hardened as the man before me.

  “I need an assistant for my new position as director of Building Buddies. We have social media to maintain and a website to update. We host two fundraisers a year, and I need help organizing them. I know nothing about parties, and I’m told you do.” My eyes narrow but a slight grin forms on my lips. Nolan smirks, and I recognize the trait amongst brothers. “You wouldn’t be paid. This is service.”

  I let that sink in.

  “Finally, I want to organize a youth group that works on projects during summer breaks. My fiancé was a high school principal.” I pause, letting the information settle although Nolan must already know my personal connection to his crime. “He used to bring a group of teens together for a project every year, and they’d help us build a home for a family in need.”

  “I can’t build anything,” Nolan states, sarcasm filling his voice as he taps his chair.

  “Maybe not, but you can supervise. You can organize, and you might even be able to instruct. If nothing else, I’d hope you could encourage young minds to get involved in their community and help others.”

  Nolan’s quiet for a long minute before speaking. “What if I don’t want to do this restorative bullshit?”

  “Then you’ve shown your brother you don’t love him as you should for all he’s done for you.”

  Nolan’s face hardens once more, but his eyes soften just a touch.

  “I’m not going to defer this decision to Jake. This is my offer. If you want it, here’s an address to report to tomorrow. If you don’t show, I’ll have my answer, and I’ll tell Jake he’ll need to look elsewhere for you.”

  Quickly, I stand and cross the room, but Nolan’s chair is in a position that blocks my exit. His eyes follow me as I near him.

  “Why would you do this?” He pauses. “Why would you give me this job, this service?”

  Taking a deep breath, I exhale before stating the truth.

  “Because I believe in second chances. Good people make bad decisions all the time. And because I’m in love with your brother.”

  I step left, hoping to go around Nolan, finding there’s just enough space to squeeze past the chair. As I attempt my move, Nolan catches my wrist to stop me beside him.

  “He didn’t move in with you?” The question is the first sign of reluctance I’ve heard from Nolan.

  “Did he tell you he was?”

  “No. I just assumed he was going to your place. When he moved out, he told me he picked you.”

  “Picked me?” I scoff. I hadn’t spoken to Jake in days.

  “He said he’d choose you every time.” It sounds sweet, but it’s completely untrue. However, I didn’t wish to argue with
Nolan.

  “Monday,” I warn, dread filling me that Nolan won’t show, and Jake will know how his brother feels about him.

  27

  Jake

  It’s another Monday, and we have one week left to finalize this house. I’m not part of the final touches inside, so I’m commissioned to work on the landscaping. A ramp has been made to accommodate the owner’s son, who has multiple medical concerns. His room is my favorite. The special lamp I made for him worked, and it was hung near his bed. The interior decorator really liked it and commissioned me for a few other lamps and lanterns.

  I’m already working outside the house when something catches my eye, or rather, someone working a wheelchair up the new driveway.

  “Nolan?” I stand to face my brother before glancing across the property to Rita, who’s planting flowers where we’ve already secured new bushes. Rita stands from her kneeling position and removes her work gloves. She swipes her hands on her jeans and walks over to Nolan.

  What the hell? I tug off my own gloves, dismissing Sullivan’s glare, and cross the yard to where Rita has approached my brother.

  “Nolan, what’s going on?” I address him first, finding it strange that he’d come to the work site. I’m also a bit concerned as he sought me out here of all places. I don’t need my family drama mixing with my parole.

  Nolan sheepishly glances at me before looking up at Rita. “I’m here to accept your offer, if it still stands.”

  Rita slowly grins, chewing at the corner of her lips for a second before straightening her expression to look stern. “You’re late.”

  Nolan lowers his eyes and sighs before answering. “I was lost.”

  My head is so busy moving back and forth between the two of them I’m not certain what to focus on. The fact Nolan is here. The fact Rita is smiling. Just what the hell is happening?

  Reaching out a hand to Nolan’s shoulder, Rita responds. “We’ve all been there.”

  Again, my gaze is moving from one of them to the other. “I don’t understand,” I state, but neither of them looks at me.