“No, they would not have done so,” Lord Huntington replied firmly. “In fact, I struggle to think of any other young lady who would have helped me in such a fashion. You are strong of both body and spirit. I am truly grateful to you.”
Sophie tried to ignore the swirling feelings in her belly, as she smiled back at him, lifting one shoulder. “It was nothing, I assure you,” she replied quietly. “I am just glad you are not any worse off.”
There was a prolonged silence, broken only by the sound of the fire burning in the grate. It was not a particularly warm day, and so the fire had been well stocked. Sophie watched it for a few moments, surprised at just how comfortable she felt in this man’s presence. After all, she had not known him for long!
“I must take a turn about the gardens soon, I think,” Huntington muttered, shifting his bad leg a little. “Something about improving its strength, or so the doctor says.”
“I shall accompany you, if you wish it,” Sophie said before she was able to stop herself. “After all, it is a rather lovely day.” Her hands curled in her lap, as she saw him study her, as though wondering whether or not to accept her company. Her mind screamed at her for being a fool, for being as ridiculous as to suggest such a thing when she was meant to be keeping her interactions with the gentleman to as few as she could manage.
“If you do not mind walking at a rather sedate pace, then I should be happy to walk with you for a time,” Lord Huntington eventually said, pushing himself out of his chair and wincing just a little. “I will take some time to get below stairs however.”
Sophie nodded, smiling brightly despite the confusion in her heart. “But of course. I will come down in a few minutes or so.”
The moment Lord Huntington left, Sophie put her head in her hands, staring blankly at the rather ornate rug on the floor. Whatever was she doing? She had only just resolved to keep her distance, and yet, here she was, suggesting they walk together? Was it because she saw something in his grey eyes that said he would understand her sadness and pain over Lord Crawford? Did she see in him a kindred spirit? Was that the reason she clearly wanted to spend more time with him? They had not spoken of his trials, nor of her own heartache, but yet she knew that he must be feeling much the same way as she – although probably with a great deal more intensity. After all, she had not been engaged to Lord Crawford although she had expected that to be soon forthcoming.
“Are you all right, Sophie?”
Seeing her sister-in-law stir, Sophie lifted her head and tried to smile. “Yes, of course. Lord Huntington is to take a walk outside, and I…” She trailed off and shook her head before giving Catherine a rather rueful smile. “I said I would accompany him.”
Catherine smiled back, apparently not in the least disturbed over the idea. “Very good then. Do enjoy yourself. I think if you would not mind, I shall retire to my bedchamber for a time.”
Sophie nodded and got to her feet, hoping that Catherine was not ill. “Of course. Do let me know if you need anything.” She hoped her concern did not show in her expression — although Catherine must have noticed it regardless.
“I am quite well, I assure you,” she laughed, ushering Sophie towards the door. “A mite tired is all, but that is quite normal, or so I hear.”
“Normal?” Sophie repeated, twisting her head back to look at her sister-in-law. “Normal for what?”
Catherine laughed again, a bright smile on her face. “Normal when one is with child,” she replied, taking Sophie’s hand and squeezing it. “I have only just had it confirmed.”
For a moment, Sophie could not breathe, her stomach tightening and her heart rejoicing for her sister-in-law. “I am vastly delighted for you!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Catherine. “Now, surely I can aid you in some way instead of returning outside with Lord Huntington.”
“No, but you must go,” Catherine said at once, still smiling broadly. “I am quite well, as I said, and all I intend to do is lie down. You have said you will walk with him, and so I think you should go.”
Seeing that there was no way out of it, Sophie felt her shoulders slump as she let out a long breath. She could find no way to express to her sister in law all that she felt, all that she was battling with, and so, unable to find any other excuse, Sophie was forced to make her way outside.
“You came then.”
Lord Huntington’s small smile made Sophie’s heart clench, despite her desire for it to be entirely unaffected.
“Of course,” she replied, glad she had sent the maid for her coat. “However, it is not particularly warm.”
He chuckled, as they began to walk slowly along the garden path. “No, indeed it is not!”
They walked in silence for some minutes, and Sophie felt herself slowly begin to relax. He did not press her to speak, did not force her into conversation. Instead, they simply walked, enjoying the fresh air and the sound of birds singing in the trees above them.
“You are sad, I think.”
Sophie blinked and looked up at him, coming to a standstill. “I am sorry?”
He flushed to the roots of his hair, his gaze darting away from her. “I have never been particularly colloquial. What I am trying to say is that I can see there is something troubling you. You carry sadness in your eyes that speaks of a heavy burden.”
Sophie did not quite know what to say, her throat suddenly aching with the memory of what she had suffered.
“I want to tell you that I carry a grief with me also,” he continued, making his way to a small bench just to their right. “If you ever wished to speak to me of what you have lost, then I would be more than willing to listen.”
“Oh.”
“Our acquaintance is not of long standing, I quite understand that,” he said, as she came to sit by him. “You may not wish to speak of it to anyone, and that is entirely your prerogative. I simply wished to offer a listening ear of one who understands what true sadness is.”
“I do appreciate that my lord, but—” Sophie began, only for Lord Huntington to interrupt, shaking his head and putting one hand on hers.
“Even your sister-in-law calls me simply ‘Huntington’,” he said quietly, his hand still on hers. “I must ask you to do me the same honor.”
Sophie felt her heart quicken as she kept her eyes on his, seeing warmth in those grey spheres. “Very well, Huntington,” she replied, hoping he did not hear the way her heart began to pound as he smiled. “Then you may call me Sophie.”
“An unexpected pleasure,” he murmured, slowly removing his hand from hers. “I do mean what I said, Sophie. I would be happy to listen to your pain any time you wish to speak of it. Believe me when I say I will understand.”
Sophie looked into his face and saw the truth there. He would understand, but yet she found she did not yet want to speak of it. “I thank you, Huntington,” she replied, looking away from him and out across the gardens. “I will not speak of it today, but—mayhap—one day I will.”
“Then I am glad I offered it,” came the gentle reply. “One is not always meant to carry a burden alone.”
“Indeed,” Sophie replied, still looking out at the gardens. “Then perhaps you may wish to speak to me also.”
There was a prolonged silence.
“Mayhap one day, I will,” he said, copying her words exactly. “Thank you, Sophie.”
11
Sophie rather enjoyed her next few days, for once Huntington discovered that Catherine was with child, he declared himself thoroughly delighted and appeared to be in much better spirits. Sophie was a little surprised at this, thinking that it might pain him to see such happiness when he only had grief and sorrow, but it apparently had quite the opposite effect. Their days were filled with walks together in the grounds, taking tea in the parlor, and enjoying the sunny days that brought a little sunshine back into her life.
She was now sitting out on a rug in the garden, her back against a tree and her face tipped towards the sun. She did not care whether or not
she had any freckles, for who was there here to care about her appearance? It was not as though she had any intention of returning to her parents’ house in London to continue with the Season, and much to her surprise, she was beginning to find that she much preferred the quietness of the country to the hubbub of town.
Whilst what had occurred between Juliette and Lord Crawford still brought her a great deal of pain, it was beginning to sting a little less. It was not as though she had forgotten it and had simply been able to put it behind her, but rather that the tearing, aching sadness was no longer a part of her every waking moment. In fact, she had begun to think of Lord Crawford in a very different way. He was clearly not the gentleman she had thought she knew, for he had been so easily led by her dear sister that he evidently had no backbone to speak of. Had she continued with the association, would he have ended up tossing her aside for the sake of another? Would he have sought the delights of other ladies, instead of being true to her? That was not the kind of gentlemen that should be in her heart. He was not worthy of it.
But then, someone like Lord Huntington, a man who had clearly been devoted to the woman he was to marry, was exactly the kind of gentleman she should seek when the time came.
Surprised at her thoughts, Sophie closed her eyes and smiled softly. She had been so closed to the idea of ever falling in love again after seeing Lord Crawford’s behavior, but slowly, that was beginning to fade.
She recognized that not all gentlemen were as he – how could she believe that when she saw the evidence of a happy marriage before her very eyes? Her brother was clearly in love with his wife and she with him. Their devotion to one another brought a joy to her heart along with a faint burning hope that one day, she might find a gentleman who loved her with an unfailing love.
A gentleman like Lord Huntington?
The thought hit her, hard. Her eyes shot open, her heart pounding wildly in her chest – only to see the man in question standing directly in front of her with a somewhat bemused expression on his face.
“Do excuse me, I thought you were sleeping for a moment and had no wish to disturb you,” he said, without even a hint of a smile. “It is a lovely day, is it not?”
Sophie tried to catch her breath, feeling her cheeks warming. That thought had taken her completely by surprise, and then to see him standing there only added to her astonishment. Hoping that he would put the flush of her cheeks down to the sunshine, she smiled quickly. “Yes, a lovely day. Are you out for a walk?”
He nodded. “I was. I was returning back to the estate when I saw you.” There was something of a lost look in his eyes, as he glanced back from where he had come. “I used to take a great many walks with Polly.”
Sophie’s heart burst with compassion for him. “Are your memories very painful still?” she asked softly. “That must be trying for you.”
He paused and then looked down at her. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the other side of the rug. “I will not, if you would prefer to be in your own company.”
Shaking her head, Sophie patted the rug. “Of course. I do not mind talking with you.”
Lord Huntington sat down carefully, his eyes fixed on the house behind her as he did so. Sophie could not help but notice that he had no cravat, and coupled with his lack of jacket and hat, it gave him something of a roguish look—were it not for his severe expression. Something curled in the pit of her stomach, as he returned his gaze to hers, catching her looking at his open collar.
She turned her face away, aware she was blushing furiously.
“You are good to ask me about my troubles,” he said quietly, not mentioning what she had done. “In truth, I am rather saddened by what occurred, even though it was some time ago now.”
Hoping that her cheeks were not all too crimson, she looked over at him, keeping her gaze fixed on his face. “Such wounds cut rather deeply, I understand. I cannot know the depths of your pain, given that I have not experienced such a strong attachment as you.”
He smiled sadly. “Love is still love, is it not? It still tears your heart apart when it is suddenly, abruptly not to be returned.”
She did not say anything, thinking that it would be best to allow him time to speak. He looked so lost that she wanted to find a way to comfort him, and the only way she could think of was to simply listen.
“Polly declared her love for me only a week or so before I proposed. I had always scorned the idea of matrimony without any kind of affection, for I thought that such a situation would bring only suffering and pain.” His lips tightened, his expression rueful.
“That I can well understand,” Sophie replied gently. “My brother and his wife are an example of such a marriage, and there is no reason not to wish for such a marriage for yourself.”
“Precisely,” he agreed, glancing at her before dropping his gaze to the rug. “Polly was everything I thought I wanted, and given that she told me her heart loved me, I believed that I would be the happiest man in England. What neither she nor her parents told me was that she had, only recently, broken off an attachment with another gentleman.”
“Broken it off?” Sophie repeated, surprised. “Why ever did she do that?”
“I am only speaking of what I have heard, but it appeared that she thought him less than fervent in his affections. She considered that he did not care for her in the way she ought to be cared for, that his affection for her was severely lacking. Even though there had been a long-standing association between them both, when he proposed to her, she refused him and sent him on his way.”
“And this was the man she disappeared with?” Sophie asked, seeing the flash of pain spread across his face. “How foolish of her.”
A harsh, rasping laugh escaped from his throat. “Is it not I that is the fool?” he asked, his gaze capturing hers. “I believed that she cared for me and did not even think that there might have been a previous association. Of course, there were rumors and whispers, but I did not listen to a word of them, for I believed that such things came from a place of jealousy.” He shook his head, his eyes narrowing. “It turns out I was quite wrong on that count.”
Sophie fought the desire to reach out to him, wanting to ease the agony in his expression. Lord Huntington was opening his very soul to her, sharing the pain he carried in his heart, and yet, she did not know what to say or what to do. It was so much for him to hold onto, and she could not quite understand how he was able to bear it.
“Once news of her flit broke, I was the one surrounded by rumor,” he continued, darkness flickering in his eyes. “I never once considered just how terrible it is for those who have such rumors flying around about them, not until it was I who became the subject of whispers. I could not go anywhere without someone speaking to me or speaking of me.”
“How terrible,” Sophie replied, one hand over her heart. “I confess that I ran from London the very moment I saw my sister and Lord Crawford, and I am quite sure there will be a great many gossips getting their teeth into what has gone on between us all.” A glimmer of a frown appeared as she recalled how easily she had listened to gossip prior to meeting Lord Crawford. “A rather sobering experience, then.”
“Indeed,” he said heavily. “I was grateful to your brother for allowing me to visit here. I was growing rather despondent on my own.”
Sophie smiled at him, seeing his eyes light just a little. “I think we have that in common, too,” she said gently. “My brother has been very good to me also. I would not have survived London if I had been forced to remain.”
“There is a sense of freedom here, is there not?” he murmured, his gaze never leaving hers. “It is a place where I feel that my pain can be given a voice instead of keeping it within. I think you have a lot to do with that, Sophie. I have been glad of your company.”
“We have each a shattered heart,” she replied, her voice wispy and quiet. “Mayhap they call out to one another, recognizing the pain and strife the other carries.”
He was silent for a moment, w
atching her. His lips tugged into a smile, as he nodded, bringing a certain amount of relief to his expression.
“I do feel better, having spoken to you,” he said, getting to his feet and rolling his shoulders as though he had released a large and heavy burden from his back. “It was somewhat difficult, I confess, but you are someone I have found easy to talk to.”
“I am glad of it,” Sophie replied, his compliments making her smile. “It is good to have someone to share this with, I think.”
He chuckled and gave her a short bow. “Then I look forward to speaking with you, Miss Sophie, whenever that may be. Good day to you.”
“Good day,” Sophie replied, watching him walk away from her. Her heart was a little heavier than before but filled with a sorrow for what Lord Huntington had been through. It was quite one thing to have someone like Lord Crawford prove his lack of dedication, but quite another for an engaged lady to disappear on the eve of her wedding! It was little wonder that Lord Huntington had appeared so sorrowful. She could not imagine the suffering plaguing his heart and his mind.
Would she ever talk to him about Juliette and Lord Crawford? There was something in her that did wish to talk to him, for even though she had spoken to her brother and sister-in-law, they could not quite understand how it felt. Their marriage had been a story of happiness and love, a smooth path compared to her rather tumultuous one. However, with Lord Huntington, there was no question that he would not understand, for she knew he would.
All it would take was a little bit of courage to begin their conversation, a little bit of bravery to open her heart to him as he had just done to her. Could she do it? And would she be the better for doing so? Seeing the lightness in Lord Huntington’s expression as he had walked away from her, she had to believe that it would be worth it.
“Then I shall speak to him,” she mumbled, leaning her head back against the tree once more. “Very soon.”
Regency Engagements Box Set Page 52