City Love

by Susane Colasanti

  Hanging out at Dean & DeLuca should have been fun. I found a cute spot on one of the couches to read. I was doing that thing where you want to look like you’re totally into your book, not caring if anyone comes over and talks to you, but you’re actually half-reading/half-hoping someone will. The Dean & DeLuca excursion was the first of many to come. I’m trying to get out more in this city I loved way before I moved here. Putting myself out there is the best way to meet new people. Darcy keeps saying how all I have to do is start chilling at places I’m attracted to and I’ll find people I will like. But my mind really isn’t on meeting new people.

  I’ve been struggling all day with what happened at D’s last night. I thought he would have called by now, but he hasn’t. I haven’t called him because I don’t know how to explain my crazy behavior. Who runs out of her boyfriend’s apartment when he tries to kiss her? Not that he’s even my boyfriend. He probably never wants to see me again. He’d rather find a girl who can handle being intimate. The hard truth is, I’m embarrassed and depressed and I don’t know how I’m going to survive the weekend if he doesn’t call. Not exactly living up to my girl-power standards.

  That’s why I went to Dean & DeLuca. As soon as I got home from camp, I realized I’d be waiting for the phone to ring all night unless I tore myself away. So I forced myself to go out and focus on other things, which didn’t work at all. All I can think about is D.

  This is insane. I am not going to be that girl. The one waiting for some boy to call to make her feel better. I decide to call Mica about Momo. We didn’t get a chance to talk at camp. I shouted Mica’s name after her when I saw her leaving, but she didn’t hear me. I also want her advice about D. She can help me put things in perspective.

  Ten seconds into our conversation, it’s obvious something is wrong. Mica is being weird.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask her.

  “What makes you think something’s wrong?” Mica challenges.

  “You don’t sound like yourself. Are you okay?”

  “No. I’m not okay. Would you be okay if someone you thought was a friend said disgusting things about you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “How could you say those things? I thought we were friends.”

  “What things? I didn’t say anything.”

  “So you didn’t call me a selfish bitch who hates kids?”

  “Of course not!”

  “Then why did I hear that you did?”

  “I didn’t! Who told you that?”

  “Addison.”

  “Who’s Addison? I don’t even know who that is.”

  “Yes, you do. She knows all about you.”

  “I swear I don’t know Addison.”

  “You’re such a liar. I saw you talking to her at the party.”

  “The camp party?”

  “She said you yelled at her for spilling her drink.”

  “Wait, you mean Nasty Girl?”

  “That’s what you call one of your closest friends from high school?”

  “She’s not my friend. How do you know her?”

  “She works at the Upper East camp. I met her at the party. Her UNY housing is in my building and she recognized me last night in the hall. She asked if I knew you. When I said we were friends, she told me everything you said about me. She told me what you did to her. Do you treat all your friends like shit?”

  “She was never my friend! She didn’t even go to my school!”

  “Why are you lying to me?”

  “I’m not!”

  “Addison told me all about how you used to be good friends until you made out with her boyfriend at the junior prom. Who does that?”

  “That never happened!”

  “You turned on her like your friendship didn’t even mean anything. She warned me you’d do the same thing to me.”

  “I would never do that to anyone! She’s lying!”

  “You’re the one who’s lying. You swore you didn’t know her. Next you’re going to deny that you told her I’m a lazy charity case who has no problem living in poverty for the rest of my life because I can get by on government handouts. How dare you talk about me like that.”

  “Please, I would never say those things! That’s horrible!”

  “You know the saddest part? I thought you understood me. You were supposed to be someone who would never talk that kind of smack about me.”

  Fear numbs my body. My heart races. I try to speak, but the words catch in my throat.

  “You totally violated my trust,” Mica says. “I’ll never forgive you for that.”

  “Addison is the one you can’t trust. I’ve never even talked to her.”

  “Oh my god. I saw you talking to her at the party!”

  “No, that was—I’d never even seen her before! She’s had an issue with me since the party. That was the first time I’d ever seen her. I don’t know what her problem is. But it was clear at the party that she hates me.”

  “If you don’t know Addison, then why does she know so much about you?”

  “Like what?”

  “She knows you’re from Chicago. She knows you went to Lincoln High School because that’s where she went.”

  “She didn’t—”

  “She knows all about your family. Everything you already told me. She told me all the same things you did. How could she possibly know all of that if you’ve never even talked to her?”

  What the hell is going on? Who is this Addison person? Why does she hate me so much she’s spewing all these lies about me? Lies that Mica is more than willing to believe.

  “I don’t know Addison,” I say. “You have to believe me.”

  “No I don’t.” Mica hangs up.

  She doesn’t pick up when I call her.

  I sit on my bed in shock, trembling. How does Addison know all those things about me? And why does she hate me so much?

  Nasty Girl is out there turning my friends against me. She’s getting away with it. There’s nothing I can do to stop her. She already took the one person I thought would become my best friend away from me. What bothers me even more than a stranger spreading lies about me is that anyone could possibly hate me so much. What could I have done to her? I don’t even know her. Maybe she’s a friend of someone who hates me? But no one hates me. At least, not that I know of. I rack my brain trying to think of anything I could have done to make someone mad. There’s nothing. The other part that’s really bothering me is that Mica believed her. Doesn’t she know me well enough already to see that I’m a decent person? Couldn’t she tell I wanted to be good friends with her?

  This really sucks. Two days ago it seemed like all of my dreams were coming true. Things with D were amazing. Being friends with Mica was so easy, without any tension or drama. I had the best summer of my life ahead of me. Now everything is gone. What a joke to think, after years of believing the contrary, that I finally deserved to be happy.

  THIRTY-FOUR

  SADIE

  OF COURSE I COULDN’T SLEEP last night. What girl would be able to sleep with the most adorable boy in bed right next to her?

  Originally we talked about having one of those perfect New York summer days where you walk around aimlessly with no plans. But it started raining after we woke up. The dreary, gray day got to us. So we decided on a movie marathon in my room. I put my glasses on. Rassling with my contacts was not a desirable option. My eyes were burning from getting like no sleep.

  While I select the second movie after the first one ends, Austin smiles at me.

  “What?” I say, smiling back.

  “You’re too cute in those glasses. How can I concentrate on our movie marathon when you’re so cute?”

  Wearing your glasses in front of the boy you like is a test to see if he’s worthy. If he thinks you’re cute in glasses, he’s a keeper.

  “You know when you told me to let you know when one of your nerdy undercurrents surfaces?” Austin asks.

  “Yeah?”

&nbs
p; “Your cat’s-eye glasses are one of your nerdy undercurrents surfacing. You should wear them more often.”

  “But I look so dorky in glasses.”

  “Which is why I find you adorkable.” Austin reaches out for me to lie against him again. I snuggle up the same way I did while we were watching the movie: lying on my side pressed against him, right leg bent over his, arm slung over his chest.

  I’m amazed all over again by how quickly our relationship has grown. Today is June 30. We first spoke to each other ten days ago. All of this—the immediate connection, the crazy chemistry, that ginormous fireworks non-coincidence, falling in love—has happened in the space of ten days. The best ten days of my life.

  If I weren’t in this for real, I wouldn’t believe it was possible.

  “Tell me a secret,” I say.

  “Why?”

  “I want to know something about you no one else knows.”

  “Okay, but then you have to tell me one.”

  “Deal.”

  Austin takes a minute to think about it. “Remember when I ran into you at internship the day after my presentation?”

  “How could I ever forget?”

  “I didn’t run into you randomly. I made an excuse to come down to your floor to look for you.”

  “Weren’t you looking for Parker?”

  “Parker’s not hard to find. I was looking for you.”

  “Aw.”

  “Was that a good secret?”

  “The best.”

  “Now you.”

  I wasn’t planning to tell Austin my biggest secret. I’ve never told anyone before. But suddenly I want to tell him. I want to get it out and I know I can trust him with anything.

  “Something happened when I was seven,” I say against his chest. It’s better this way, where I don’t have to see the pity in his eyes. “The most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me, actually.”

  Austin rubs my arm in slow strokes.

  “My mom and I were on the subway. She was pregnant with my little sister. The seats were all taken with a few people standing. Someone got up for her, but she told me to sit instead of taking the seat for herself. Someone else offered her their seat, but she said we only had two stops so she was fine standing.” The memory tears into my brain. I let myself watch what happened all over again. “Two guys were standing near us. They started arguing. One of them became so enraged he shoved the other guy, who bumped into my mom really hard. Mom fell . . . and she lost the baby.”

  “Oh my god.” Austin hugs me tight. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I lost the sister I never even got to have.”

  Part of me wants to keep talking. I want to tell him about how I turned my anger into hope for a better world. About how I channeled my energy into warm fuzzies and random acts of kindness. But some of that anger still undulates beneath my optimism. And if I start ranting, I’m afraid I will never stop.

  “My parents were crazy suffocating last year,” I say. “I used to have nightmares after the accident, but they eventually went away . . . until last year for some reason. I guess I woke up screaming a few times. My parents kept having these whispered worried chats and throwing me pity glances. My mom kept harassing me to go to counseling. They made it impossible to move on. I couldn’t wait to move out. I even hauled a ton of dirty laundry with me, I wanted to leave so bad.”

  “I hear you on the suffocating thing,” Austin says. “Feeling trapped is so frustrating.”

  “When did you feel trapped?”

  Austin doesn’t answer. He just goes back to rubbing my arm in slow strokes.

  Eventually we need a snack. I agree to forage in the kitchen. Opening my door feels strange. It’s like I forgot this whole world beyond my room existed. Austin met Rosanna on the way out of the bathroom this morning, but that’s been the extent of our interaction with other people today. As I head to the kitchen, I see Rosanna on the couch in the living room. She does not look happy.

  I go over and sit next to her. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  Rosanna shakes her head miserably. “I don’t want to bother you. How’s the romantic weekend going?”

  “Rosanna. What happened?”

  She takes a deep breath. “Remember that girl I told you about at the camp party who hated me for no reason? The one I’d never seen before?”

  “Nasty Girl?”

  “Except Nasty Girl has a name now. Addison. And guess where Addison’s housing is? In the same building as Mica. They ran into each other in the hall. And guess what Addison told Mica? That I’ve been talking all this trash about her. That I called Mica a selfish bitch who doesn’t like kids and is fine with living in poverty for the rest of her life taking government handouts.”

  “What the what?”

  “Yeah, no, it gets better. Addison said that we were good friends in high school and I stole her boyfriend at the junior prom. Sadie, she didn’t go to my school. I’d never even seen her before the party. But she knew all this stuff about me, like where I’m from and personal things about my family. How does she know all that if I don’t even know who she is? And why does she hate me so much?”

  This sounds like something out of a horror movie. Those twisted ones where a deranged girl is stalking another girl and creates this whole alternate reality in her mind. Addison sounds like a lunatic. I hope Rosanna is safe.

  “Are you sure you’d never seen her before the party?” I ask.

  “Never! I’ve been racking my brain. The party was the first time I’d ever seen her.”

  “That’s so weird. Is there a way to get in touch with her? So you can ask her what her damage is?”

  “I could call the Upper East camp and get her number. They’re closed until Monday, though.”

  “You should definitely call them. I can’t believe she turned Mica against you. Why did Mica believe her?”

  “Everything she said seemed believable. What motive would she have to lie? Mica just met me a few days ago. At first I was surprised she believed Addison. But then I realized that even when you click with someone right away, you don’t really know them.” Rosanna rubs her arms like she got a sudden chill. “No one really knows anyone.”

  “Excuse me, but I know you’re a good person. And we just met. There’s no way you’d say or even think those things about Mica. This girl is going down. If anyone named Addison confronts me, I will get in her face so fast she’ll wish we’d never met.”

  “What would your Random Acts of Kindness group say?”

  “They’d congratulate me for defending you against a negative, horrible person. Kindness isn’t only about spreading happiness. It’s also about reducing the amount of suck in the world. It’s pretty clear that Addison sucks more than anyone.”

  My door creaks open a little. I peer over my shoulder to see Austin peeking out.

  “Go back to your hot man,” Rosanna says. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “If I can stop staring at the phone. D hasn’t called today.”

  When Rosanna told us how she ran out of D’s place, I could empathize. Being in a new relationship that’s moving too fast is scary. Not only that, but being with a grown and sexy man in his fancy apartment for the first time, just the two of you? That’s intense. Especially if you don’t have a lot of experience. Rosanna hasn’t said much about her past love life, but I get the impression that the boyfriend thing is new territory for her. Of course she ran out of there. I’m proud of her for having enough courage to even go back to his place.

  “Actually . . . he called last night,” Rosanna says. “Right after Mica hung up on me. I didn’t feel like talking to him. I was too afraid I would start crying or something. He doesn’t need to be bothered by this catty high school drama. Only . . . I’m not in high school anymore. My expectation was that all of this petty nonsense would cease to exist in the real world. What a colossal disappointment to discover that’s not true.”

  “On the bright side, D o
bviously cares about you. That’s why he called you last night. He wants to make sure you’re okay.”

  “Last night I was way too upset to pretend everything was okay.”

  “He doesn’t want you to pretend. He wants you to be yourself.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” From everything Rosanna has told me about D, he sounds like a good guy. The kind of guy who likes Rosanna for exactly who she is.

  “Then why hasn’t he—” The house phone rings, cutting Rosanna off. We look at the screen. Donovan Clark is calling.

  “Oh my god, that’s him!”

  Rosanna just stares at the phone.

  “Pick up!” I yell. “He probably wants to see you tonight!” I’m so freaking thrilled D is calling. Of course he’s calling right when we were talking about him not calling. Other people’s love lives are infinitely fascinating to me. I can’t wait to hear what D says, but I go back to my room to give Rosanna her privacy.

  Austin is beyond adorable lying on my bed. He’s flipping through the book I’m currently reading.

  “Everything okay?” he asks when I come in.

  “Minor crisis. Nothing that can’t be resolved.”

  “Good. Because it stopped raining and I’m taking you to dinner.”

  “Sweet!”

  “And I have a surprise for you.”

  “How much do I love surprises?”

  “So much.”

  “What is it?”

  “You really want me to tell you?”

  “Tell.”

  “You know how you’ve been searching for the best veggie burger in New York?”

  “Yeah . . . ?”

  “I found it for you at Hillstone. It’s a more upscale place, so you’ll probably want to wear one of those cute dresses I saw in your closet.”

  I jump on the bed and throw my arms around Austin. “You are the best. boyfriend. ever.”

  Rosanna is still on the couch when we’re leaving for dinner. She looks a lot happier.

  “What did he say?” I ask.

  “You were right. He wants to go out tonight.”

  “Yay! Where are you going?”

  “We couldn’t decide. He’s calling me back.”