Memoirs of the Brightside of the Moon

by Ginger Gilmour

  ***

  Many Floyd books reference Roger this and Rogerthat. They all seem to talk about him being the visionary and yes, he did carry those elements. In his banter, the world forgot that the Floyd were a creative gestalt, within which, were many aspects needed to have made their music happen. Some are visible, some invisible. All that we have read built the image that Roger was the main force keeping the band going forth. The stories do not acknowledge another level of vision, which transformed Roger's melodrama into something of Archetypical Beauty. It came through the work of the whole of the group. The suffering turned to Hope hovering in the darkness.

  Somewhere I read about Roger's excitement - about how the audience would be able to experience the show from all angles, sound wise as he stood high up in the auditorium. "Sound in the Round" was one of their wonderful qualities. This special aspect always touched me. It so brought the audience into a union with the music. I am taken back to Ann Arbor when I first heard them playing. Great sound traveling around in the space where we sat creating magic.

  In fact, not many groups then even had a good sound balance. I would ask David, "Why were there not more groups using it? Why don't they have good sound mixing? Surely they must realize that we want to hear what is on the albums!" It was always one of my niggling comments after many concerts that we went to throughout the years. I definitely had a high standard I suppose.

  While referencing Stockhausen I came upon something else I that I would like to share with you.

  "In 1958 Stockhausen called for new kinds of concert halls to be built, "suited to the requirements of spatial music." His idea was a spherical space which is fitted all around with loudspeakers. In the middle of this spherical space, a sound-permeable, transparent platform would be suspended for the listeners. They could hear music composed for such standardized spaces coming from above, from below and from all points of the compass. His music dealt with the integration of all concrete and abstract (synthetic) sound possibilities (also all noises), and the controlled projection of sound in space" giving the impression of movement in space. Towards the end of his creative life he finally achieved isomorphism of the four parameters of pitch, duration, dynamics, and timbre." (1) As I read this, I thought goodness that sounds familiar. That perhaps intuitively this too was the driving and inspirational force, which made the essence of Pink Floyd pre-Animals and The Wall. Did they know? I never heard it discussed and if they did, it was behind closed doors or perhaps before my time. But honestly, it probably would have gone over my head then.

  What spoke to me was between the lines in the silent spaces of their music. It continued to be over the years. Time and time again, it elevated their audience and me beyond ordinary existence in those concerts and albums. It certainly touched my paradisiacal heart. Repeatedly we fell into the timeless euphoric blending within the drama of the lyrics. The silent message of Beauty beyond the conflict, offering a way to transform the challenges of the treadmill we have created. Did they know? There is no need to have any understanding of any theory. For me, it does not need any explanation. Beauty just is. It has the power to unite. What David and Rick brought to the table, started to be compromised more with Animals and then The Wall. It had become our life, the conflict. It was in our tissues in the air that we breathed. We were to become like the frog who, when put into cold water and the heat is turned up slowly dies. We didn't jump out.

  As we went deeper and deeper into the birth of those albums, we all succumbed little by little into being those albums. I do not think Roger's viewpoint, quoted in many books, is truly the Only explanation of the creative process for those two albums. He felt David wasn't interested, Rick had nothing to offer and Nick was just a good friend and more interested in his cars. Quite often, he expresses that He worked through the Floyd banter because he wanted to help the others through the difficulty. I think there is another side to the "Wall"not mentioned. It was really our soul struggle to "BE what we were born to BE." To clear the way so we could live the highest potential and Shine! For sure we did work through difficulties together, The Band, Bob Ezrin, James Guthrie, Steve O'Rourke, and the Families, as we went deeper and deeper into the transformation of Roger's troubles and his visions. So often, the pressure in the room could be cut with a knife. So often, there were days our hearts silently wished not to have the wall.

  I watched David's quiet and sometimes not so quiet influences bring music to us that spoke of hope, outside the lyrics. I saw his struggle. He tried so hard. I watched Rick's withdrawal give a podium for a victim within the subconscious aspects of the story. I watched Nick's struggle between friendship and finding his voice. Ultimately, they each served in their own way to make those albums an archetypal transformation, of what challenges we all have in life; i.e., to truly find freedom, peace and beauty.

  It may have been Roger's visionary story and perhaps Roger should have had the courage to go it alone. Perhaps so much of his inner conflict was actually his trapped soul trying to get out. Perhaps it was God speaking to us. It was certainly evident, but we turned away. Roger and Caroline hid in their own limo, chose a different hotel, and a different caravan while the torment continued. Realization was waiting but didn't come. Perhaps the process was all of ours, which is why we are still not released. The struggle, the conflict, the pain, the beauty, all became our lives even now. We, too, became the gestalt hitting against the wall and blindfolded. Rick left the band on paper, and in secret agreed to do the gigs (Broken to some). Unable to confront the ever-rising tide, Rick disappeared into history after The Wall tour. However, his essence remains on those albums that went before. The drifting silent beauty of his melodies carried on in other ways with other outlets. He wrote Broken China dedicated to his third wife Millie and collaborated with Dave Harris on the album Identity. In 1994, he was officially reinstated into the New Pink Floyd so the sound began to fly again. His last performance was 6 September 2007, the Premier of David's concert "Remember that Night" at the Odeon Leicester Square, London.

  In September of 2008, at the age of 65, Rick died at home of an undisclosed form of cancer, leaving an unfinished solo album, supposedly comprising of a series of instrumental pieces. Did the music of his soul come just before his spirit called? I wonder? David was moved and published a Tribute to Richard Wright on 15 September 2008.

  "No one can replace Richard Wright. He was my musical partner and my friend. In the welter of arguments about who or what was Pink Floyd, Rick's enormous input was frequently forgotten. He was gentle, unassuming, and private, but his soulful voice and playing were vital, magical components of our most recognized Pink Floyd sound. I have never played with anyone quite like him. The blend of his and my voices and our musical telepathy reached their first major flowering in 1971 on Echoes. In my view, all the greatest PF moments are the ones where he is in full flow. After all, without "Us and Them" and "The Great Gig in the Sky,"both of which he wrote, what would The Dark Side of the Moon have been? Without his quiet touch, the album Wish You Were Here would not quite have worked. In our middle years, for many reasons, he lost his way for a while; but in the early Nineties, with 'The Division Bell', his vitality, spark and humor returned to him, and then the audience reaction to his appearances on my tour in 2006 was hugely uplifting and it's a mark of his modesty that those standing ovations came as a huge surprise to him (though not to the rest of us). Like Rick, I don't find it easy to express my feelings in words, but I loved him and will miss him enormously. (2)

  As I write this book, I have awakened to just how much the journey still exists inside. And as I awaken the memories, it is like there is a separate video running 24/7. It seems to have always been there in my subconscious, as a parallel existence to the one I am living now. Such a revelation. I am so glad I have chosen to do this. For I have been given an opportunity to let go of the pain that closed my heart during those years. And see the Love that led us on which now fills the space.

  But equally, to realize what seeds
were planted, which have inspired me to know "Who I AM." I am becoming a gardener choosing what I want to plant. Learning to put just the right amount of water and sun. Through this journey, I know there is another way, which I seek to live, through the "Art of Creating Beauty"but most of all through the "Art of Living Beauty." Thus, I am being led closer to finding the Bright-Side of the Moon.

  So on with the Journey.

  CHAPTER 33

  MIRACLES DO HAPPEN

  While in France, I was in my sixth month of pregnancy. I was lying on our raft in the pool and there were many wasps flying about for that time of the year. When they do, they tend to hang out near the water to get a drink. In this case, it was our pool. I went into the water for a dip and when getting back onto the raft, I was stung. (Not once, but twice.) Within the hour, I went into an allergic reaction and I took to my bed with severe pain in my right kidney.

  When David came home he took charge. He called Dr. Sharma in London for advice. He said, "First you must bring in the paramedics and then let me know what they say." France is very sympathetic to homeopathy but my condition had accelerated beyond having a remedy. Two paramedics wearing dark blue entered our bedroom and examined me. They said to David that he should get me to the hospital quick. That I should have my kidney and my baby removed otherwise I would not survive.

  I had never experienced such pain in my life. I held on to the bars of our headboard each time the spasms came. I cried, I screamed, I hoped Alice would not hear. David called Dr. Sharma back and gave him the report. He said, "Get her on a plane tomorrow. Give her one shot of Champagne and one shot of Brandy every hour until she gets on the plane." I did not drink in those days so I got a bit tipsy. It did the trick so that I could make the journey back to the UK by myself.

  David drove me to the airport and took me as close to my gate as possible. He had such concern on his brow and I could feel his heart was aching. He had to stay and needed Sue and Christian. I was not worried for Dr. Sharma was to meet me at the airport when I landed and could feel my angels. He took me to his clinic on Seymour Place in London, which had two adjoining houses. One was the clinic and the other was his home. At the top of the clinic was a spare room reached by a connecting door, which became my home for a few weeks.

  He put me on a drip of a special mixture and other remedies. I have no idea what really happened since I was numb with pain, delirious. At the end of the week, he told me that I was off the critical list. I would be able to keep my kidney and my baby, but I would have to take care for a long time even after the birth. By the end of the second week, he said I could leave and be with David and Alice. They had gone to Lindos, while the recording was in the process of moving to LA.

  Dr. Sharma had a flat in Dublin, Ireland and said we could all go there, as he wanted to monitor me for a while. David could come to Ireland, because it did not interfere with his tax exile requirements. Primarily, Dr. Sharma wanted to see how I would cope with being in a city and not having daily medical care. I think we stayed there for a week or two. I was very weak, but happier to be on the mend knowing that I kept both my kidneys and my baby would still be born in late October.

  During our stay in Dublin, David was in regularcontact with Dr. Sharma until my final checkup. We had lunch at his favorite restaurant near the flat while we reviewed the situation. Alice was used to having the freedom to walk into the kitchens in Greece and so were we. She was brought back to our table by the Maître d' kicking. We apologized and made sure she didn't roam again.

  Dr. Sharma gave me the OK to go to L.A. with David on the understanding that I stayed in my bedroom most of the days. L.A. did not have the best air for me to heal or live in under these circumstances especially as I was pregnant. He let me go underone condition, I had to have an air conditioner, ion machine and air filter.

  An additional surprise gift to us was that Dr. Sharma said he didn't want payment for his time. He thanked me for putting such trust in him, because he learned so much through the experience. He only wanted us to pay for the medicines and the medical tests. David and I left smiling as we set off on our next adventure to Los Angeles and the birth of our second child.

  CHAPTER 34

  ANOTHER CHILD IS BORN

  CLARE

  1977

  The entire band, including our manager rented our own houses. Ours was 712 Rodeo Drive in Beverley Hills. Most of our homes we rented belonged to very rich people, some stars, some CEO's. It seemed this was the usual way to do things in L.A. They were full of paintings, sculptures and precious furniture. We had a maid named Louella and community gardeners. Louella looked like Aunt Jemima from the movies of the twenties and had a heart of gold. She became invaluable to our daily life, especially her smile. Life began to fall into place after a few weeks. David went to the studio, I stayed in my mountain air retreat upstairs and we enrolled Alice in the local Montessori school. Sue and Christian were still with us and would drive her there and pick her up. The children would be playing on the playground when they arrived each day at midday. Alice's face lit up, happy to see them as she ran across the playground. She was so cute with her blonde bunches flipping in the air. The heart of our home was growing each day.

  We fell in love with the Wholefoods shop. It was heaven for a vegetarian like me, so much choice. They would spray all the fruit and vegetables with water each night to keep them fresh. There were so many sprouts to choose from that I had never known existed; alfalfa sprouts, buckwheat sprouts, fenugreek sprouts, mung bean sprouts and the list went on and on. Other new delights, which expanded my menu, were soya burgers, soya bacon and many other vegetarian surprises. After having nearly six months of this luxury, I must say, "I went into withdrawals when I got back to the UK." Fortunately, many years later things have changed here in England. There are health food shops in every town AND Wholefoods has come to London.

  The band had quite a schedule and problems were stirring in regards to Rick. A decision came forth that he must leave the band. A deal was made, which allowed everyone to save face and complete the album that they started. Its intention was a gradual withdrawal from the unsuspecting public. In addition, part of the deal was for Rick to continue to do the gigs for a pretty sum. He agreed.

  Then discussions about royalties came... this is my memory of the event. I was in my last month of pregnancy when we all had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. David was in a mood when I arrived, with everyone's tensions riding high. Roger wanted to remove "Comfortably Numb" from the album. It was one of the only songs, which David had a major credit forand he exploded. I think if he had known karate the table would have split in two! I will never forget the look of shock on everyone's face especially Roger's. I have only seen David lose his temper once and I hoped never to do so again. In the end, "Comfortably Numb" stayed and to this day, it is considered one of the best songs on the album.

  I have said it before and I shall continue to say how hard I find it to understand the way royalties work. Having watched the transformation of Roger's angst into something that Animals and The Wall albums have become, David and the others deserve more acknowledgement. And these are not just the words of a devoted wife. "Comfortably Numb" symbolically represented the release of all the tensions built in that album. Without it, we certainly would have gone down under the weight of the stone. Needless to say, David and Rick's intuitiveness as musicians influenced the whole album.

  David soared to the heights of Beauty when he let go, playing "Comfortably Numb" with the rays of white light behind him. That moment proclaimed from the top of the Wall sending us Hope! I know that many lead guitarists feel that it is the best song on the album. I have to agree. Every time I was at the mixer at the gigs of The Wall, it was "Comfortably Numb" that took my breath away and uplifted my heart. It was a relief, a testimony that we can be free from the stone.

  During the first few months in L.A., I found the book Spiritual Midwifery in the Bodhi Tree, which was the most wonderful bookstore dealing with eve
ry possible metaphysical and religious philosophy that existed. I have spent many hours there over the years, but sadly, it has now closed. For me, L.A. is not the same without it.

  The concept of that book kept me captivated as I read each page. It was like reading what was deep in my inner world of being pregnant. Therefore, I went on the hunt for a midwife who was ok with delivering at home and had the same vision. Some states were not in agreement with this. It seemed it didn't matter that having a home birth existed for centuries in the backwaters and in most European countries.

  Of course, the current orthodox medical story is that there are many fatalities having a home birth. In fact, statistics show that there are many fatalities giving birth in the hospital these days as well. Certainly, there are many painful births in hospitals due to us having to lie down on our backs. Luckily, California is a nest of many new and alternative ideas so it was not difficult to find a midwife and a doctor to approve. So we set to work on our vision, to have our baby at home inspired by Leboyer, again. Somehow, we came to meet Yogi John, who would eventually come to the house and give us yoga lessons. He and his wife, Bella, became friends and introduced me to Tibetan Buddhism. Initiated into Chenrzig, I was given a Tibetan name which, when translated is "The auspicious lamp of the Dharma." I suppose that auspicious explains me - prosperous and favorable. Within this name, I could shine brightly where ever I went. My shyness and insecurities seemed to fade as I began to know who I was from a soul perspective. I felt protected in the Sanga-followers who seek self- realization.

  I became aware that I was no longer alone seeking the path to inner Beauty, Goodness & Peace. I had joined an invisible group of good people around the world called the Sanga. Upon reflection, Life has always touched me with the wand of Grace through all of my challenges with different levels of prosperity both inward and outward. I discovered more of my blessings and how much I am protected; I discovered it is there for all of us. From then on, each time I would fall, I would get up with an emerging smile of gratefulness to be alive. I was ready for my next step, my path, to guide me... There was a light at the end of the tunnel.