Falling For Fin (Falling Book 5)

by Tracy Lorraine

  I did everything I could think of to keep any suspicions Ruben could have had about us at bay. I felt awful making out like what he had with Emma was a bit of a joke, but I just didn’t want him thinking that I wanted something serious. And I really didn’t want him looking too closely, because I’m sure if he did he would have seen it, seen the change in me.

  I hadn’t been out on the pull since that night I brought a couple of girls back to his place not long after we got back from Aus, and I was spending more time than usual at his place whether he was there or not, but luckily he never commented on it. His head was too high up in the clouds.

  I check my phone before I give in for the day, and I shouldn’t be surprised that there isn’t anything from her. I shouldn’t feel this huge wave of disappointment wash over me, because I caused this. This is what I thought was for the best. But I do.

  Chapter Four

  Connie

  Thankfully, my part timer, Zoe, has been opening up for me in the mornings for the past few weeks. She hasn’t said anything, but I’m pretty sure she knows I’m pregnant. She’s got two little ones of her own, so she must recognise the signs.

  “Good morning,” I sing as chirpily as I can when I get to the counter.

  “Morning, Con. How are you?”

  “Fine,” I lie.

  I now can’t remember a time when I could walk into my beloved coffee shop and not have my stomach turn over at the smell. Coffee used to be one of my all-time favourite scents. Well, not any more. All it achieves now is making me want to puke. I get myself a glass of water and try to ignore the constant sick feeling in my stomach enough to actually serve some customers.

  Summer days are crazy in this village. The place is crawling with tourists taking in the English heritage. It’s great for me, because it means every day is busy. It’s usually tiring dealing with so many customers, but it’s completely exhausting these days. By the time I lock the door, it feels like the bottoms of my feel are bruised, and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

  I slouch back on the old and worn out leather sofa that sits in front of the huge windows looking out over the village green and river beyond. My feet automatically perch up on the coffee table, and my head rests back. It’s the first time the lyrics of the song that is playing filters into my brain.

  As Olivia Newton John continues to sing about being hopelessly devoted, I can’t help my thoughts wander to the one person I really don’t want to think about.

  My feelings for Fin make me angry at myself.

  I like to think I’m a strong person. I don’t rely on others, I make my own way in the world. I have my own business, I make my own money, and answer only to myself. So why do I have to be so bloody weak when it comes to him?

  I hate myself for being so pathetic over a man, but I’m helpless to it. He has made it so very clear over the years that he doesn’t want me, but then he so much as winks at me and I’m falling at his feet. I guess he doesn’t have to take it further, but he is just a man after all, and Fin doesn’t say no to many willing women.

  It breaks my heart every time he kicks me to the curb, like he did when I was sixteen, when he disappeared after my twenty-first birthday, and then the night before he left for Australia. Yet I still went back for more at the first chance I got. Pathetic.

  I promised myself that I would move on when he left, that I would find someone else and get over him. I might have found Elliot to keep me busy, but I never forgot about Fin. Everything Elliot did I compared to Fin. Every time I was with him I imagined I was with Fin. I hated myself for it, because Elliot was amazing. He was kind, caring, seriously sexy and talented in the bedroom, but no matter what he did, I still wanted Fin.

  I thought it was it this time. I thought he’d got the other women out of his system, so to speak, and he was ready for something serious with me. I knew that Ruben would come around to the idea eventually, after all - all he really wants for me is to be happy. And Fin made me happy.

  Well, that was until he dropped me again.

  I really didn’t think history was going to repeat itself again. He’d been saying all the right things, sounding like he was in it for the long haul. Clearly, I was very wrong.

  I almost laugh out loud when the next song starts. I always put on the radio station that plays the songs I grew up listening to with my parents, seeing as most of my customers are their age or older. The songs are relaxing and easy going, although it does mean I know all the words, something that Ruben finds hilarious because I’m twenty-six, not fifty-five. Phil Collins’ Against All Odds continues playing in the background as I feel a tear drip down onto my cheek. It’s only been a day and I miss him already. I hate myself for it. I rest my hand down on my belly and tell myself that we are going to be okay. We’ve got each other.

  I eventually decide that I need to get up and get the place cleaned ready for tomorrow before I fall asleep here.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Ruben at the front of my queue sometime after the lunchtime rush earlier. I didn’t think he’d stay away for so long, though. I managed to hold him off by telling him to come round tonight. I need to be at home, dressed in my PJ’s and comfortable for that conversation!

  I get home sometime after seven, and can’t believe that he’s not here waiting for me. Thankfully, it gives me a chance to shower, change and make some dinner. I’m just sitting down to this evening’s beige plateful of food when I hear the front door shut. God, I miss brightly coloured, tasty food, I think as my stomach growls loudly, reminding me it had been all of two hours since I last ate. Bloody pregnancy hormones.

  I take a deep breath to try to give myself some strength to get through this.

  “Hey,” he says sheepishly when he sees me sat on the sofa.

  “Hey. There’s macaroni and cauliflower cheese in the kitchen, if you want some.”

  “I’m good, thanks. Emma cooked.”

  He shuffles around a bit, looking awkward, before perching his arse of the edge of the opposite sofa.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, then waits. I guess for me to say something, but I haven’t really got anything I want to say to him. Eventually he looks up at me. “You look rough,” he comments, before instantly apologising again.

  “It’s fine. I know how I look. It reflects how I feel.” I’m not sure whether I mean the morning sickness or the pain I feel from yesterday’s events.

  “Why him, Con? I know he’s my best mate, but he isn’t the type of man you should be with. And why were you stupid enough to get pregnant?”

  “I didn’t mean to get pregnant. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened. I was on the pill. Okay, so I could have been a little more strict with taking it, but I didn't expect…” I trail off, knowing he knows where I’m going.

  “You never should have gone there, especially unprotected. You know where he’s been!”

  “Ru,” I warn. I’m well aware of Fin’s reputation and past activities. He doesn’t need to remind me. “I’m the only one he’s ever gone without…” I stop talking when I see a grimace pass over Ruben’s face. As much as I want to torture him with the details, I can’t bring myself to do it.

  I change tact. “I’m in love with him, Ru. I always have been.”

  “What do you mean, always have been?”

  “I mean I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Long before we were together when I was sixteen. He told me he loved me too, but then you happened, and it’s all gone down the shitter.”

  “Emma told me what he said to you yesterday. I’m sorry, but if that’s how he’s going to treat you, then he deserves you less than I already thought he did. You deserve to have someone that’ll treat you like his queen, like you’re his reason for living, not someone that’ll run at the first sight of trouble. He should be fighting for you and his baby more than ever now.”

  “He doesn’t know about the baby. I never got around to telling him,” I admit quietly.

  “You ne
ver got around to it? Didn’t he notice something was up?”

  “Yeah, but he thought I was ill, and although I pretty much knew I was, I didn’t take the test until yesterday. I was going to tell him after the party when we were alone, but as I said before…”

  “How long’s it been going on?”

  “Honestly, we’d been together a couple of times before you went to Australia. He put an end to it before you both left, and I promised myself I’d move on, but one look at his face when you came back and I knew I hadn’t done that at all.”

  “But you were sleeping with Elliot,” he says with a snarl.

  I look at Ruben for a moment before deciding to tell him the whole story. Fuck it if he doesn’t want all the details. He made his bed; now he’s got to lie in it!

  * * *

  Nine months ago…

  “Where’s Ru?” Fin asks when he finds me on the sofa watching TV.

  “He’s gone to say goodbye to Danni.” I shudder at the thought.

  “Oh, I’ll come back later then,” he says awkwardly.

  Things have been weird between us since my twenty first birthday. I know that it’s been five years and things should be normal, but they’re not. I still love him. I’m desperate to be with him again, but he’s not interested. He makes it perfectly clear how he feels by bringing back girls upon girls, sometimes literally, to the house I now share with Ruben. I shouldn’t have to see what I have, but he makes sure to flaunt what it is he really wants in front of me as often as possible. I would hate him for it if I didn’t love him so damn much.

  I’ve managed to steal a couple of kisses when I’ve got him alone since I came back from uni, but that’s all he’s allowed me to have.

  I’ll never forget the feeling that flooded my entire body the night Fin and Ruben announced they were going to Australia for six months. Yes, it had been something they had talked about for years, but I never thought it would actually happen. How wrong was I?

  The thought of spending half a year without my brother, who also happens to be my best friend, alone was torturous, let alone being without Fin, even if our relationship over the past couple of years has been somewhat distant.

  The weeks leading up to their leaving - watching Ruben pack, listening to them talk about what they were going to be getting up to, where they’d be going - was horrendous. I loved my life here, with our parents and my business, but I couldn’t help thinking that without Ruben and Fin, I’d be lonely. I had two good friends in the village growing up, but they ran away to the big city as soon as they got the chance. We text each other occasionally, but we’ve all moved on with our lives. I didn’t really connect with anyone at uni. All my class mates and roommates were all nice enough, but I didn’t click with any of them. I won’t admit it out loud, but I miss that girly friendship, being able to talk about anything and not worry about being judged. I love my mum, and we are really close, but there are limits about what I can talk to her about.

  “I’ve got a stew in the slow cooker if you want some,” I say, hoping he’ll stay so I’ll get to spend some time with him before he leaves tomorrow.

  “I…uh,” he stutters, looking torn.

  Feeling pissed off because of their immanent departure, I snap. “Fine, just go then.”

  “Con, come on, don’t be like that.”

  “Sorry,” I mutter as I pass him, heading to the kitchen. I don’t mean to act like a child, but I can’t help it.

  “Connie, wait,” he says as he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. “Don’t think I’m not going to miss you too,” he whispers in my ear. I hate that it causes goosebumps to prick my entire body.

  “I don’t want you to go,” I say quietly.

  He doesn’t reply. Instead, he just wraps his arms around me and holds me to him tightly. The heat of his body instantly warms me. I rest my head on his sculpted chest and just listen to his heart beating.

  He’s tense, but the longer we stand, the more relaxed I feel him getting. My heart flutters at the idea that I relax him.

  When I feel him kiss the top of my head, I can’t help myself. My hands slip under the cotton of his t-shirt until I feel his smooth skin against my palms.

  “Connie,” he warns, and I feel him start to pull back, but I hold tight. I’m not losing him yet.

  He must decide against fighting me, because I feel him relax again as I run my hands up his back, before gently scratching his skin with my nails on the way back down. The action makes him growl, and that causes butterflies to erupt in my belly. I’ve waited years to have him again. He’s kept himself at arm’s reach. Please let him forget everything for the night.

  I feel his lips against my head again and I decide that it’s now or never. If he says no, then I’ve got six months to get over it.

  I step back and pull my oversized t-shirt over my head, exposing my naked boobs to him. His eyes instantly drop to them, and his tongue sneaks out to wet his bottom lip. My whole body practically vibrates with anticipation of having those lips on me.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this. He could come back any minute.” He may say the words out loud, but his face and body don’t seem to agree. His eyes are way too interested in my half bare body, and I can see clearly from here that his dick is up for it - literally! His jogging bottoms are very tented.

  “Okay…well…if you don’t want to, then I guess I’ll just go and sort myself out on my own. Obviously, my vibrator won’t be quite as fulfilling as you would be, but if it’s the best I’m going to get, then…” I turn towards my room and start pulling my legging down to expose my thong clad arse to him. I don’t make it two steps after removing my thong before I’m pulled back and pushed up against the wall.

  I barely register the movement as it all happens so fast, but the moment I’m lifted and I feel his cock at my entrance, it’s like time stands still.

  I look up and my eyes lock on to his. He looks fierce; his eyes are wild, almost like he’s not in control of his actions. We continue to stare at each other, no words muttered, until suddenly he thrusts forward until he is seated deep inside me.

  He grabs hold of my wrists and raises them above my head. He holds them both in one hand, just like he did the last time we were together. He must like the control; plus, the position pushes my tits out towards him. He makes the most of this by lowering his head and sucking one of my nipples into his mouth.

  His thrusts pick up pace as he continues to litter my chest and neck with kisses, sucks and bites.

  I felt like I was on the edge of orgasm from the first stroke of his cock, but I can feel it building to extreme levels as he thrusts deeper and faster.

  “Fuck, Fin…fuck,”

  “Come, Connie, come on my cock,” he grunts into my neck.

  I’m there. I feel like my body is just about to snap in half when the sensation of Fin’s cock twitching inside me hits something that makes me scream. Literally scream.

  I’m stopped from riding my high when I feel Fin pull out of me while shouting, “SHIT,” loudly into the room, while pulling at his hair.

  I watch as he paces the room for a bit. He’s fully dressed, and I’m stood here naked with my clothes in a pile at my feet.

  “Fuck, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m going to Australia tomorrow for six months,” he says, like I need reminding. "I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Fin, please,” I say, stepping away from the wall, hoping to stop his rant.

  “No, Connie. That isn’t what I want. You aren’t what I want.” His words slam into my chest. It feels like the wind is knocked out of me. I slump back against the wall in defeat.

  “You d-d-don’t m-m-m-ean that,” I stutter, trying to contain my emotions.

  “Yes, I do,” he says, with a strength that I can’t argue with. “I want someone…someone more mature, who knows themselves. You’re just too…”

  “Immature?” I finish for him, but it comes out as a question. How dare he accuse me of that? I’ve done
more than anyone I know that’s under thirty. How dare he.

  “Yeah, I want a woman, not a girl.”

  I can’t help it, I reach forward and slap him as hard as I can across the face. His head snaps to the side with the force of it, and his cheek glows red instantly.

  His eyes are wild when he turns them back on me. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, before turning and leaving the house.

  I instantly burst out in fat, ugly sobs, because more than those harsh words, I knew that would be the last time I would see him for at least six months and that he was going to leave me with that last memory of him.

  I’m still sobbing, leaning naked against the wall, when I hear the door shut again. Knowing it would be Ruben, not Fin coming back to apologise, I quickly scoop up my clothes and uan for my room.

  When I emerge sometime later, it’s obvious I’ve been crying, and I have to try to convince Ruben it’s because I’m sad he’s leaving for so long. He doesn’t question me, so I guess he believes me.

  The next day, after I say goodbye to Ruben in our parents’ kitchen, I refuse to go to the airport with them because I thought it would be too hard, but also because I didn’t want to see Fin. I look at myself in the mirror. I look at my dark blonde hair. It’s long, hanging limply, well past my shoulders. I look at my make-up free face, then down to my nondescript leggings and t-shirt, and I could sort of understand where Fin was coming from. I do look like a little girl compared to the women he brings home. I decide then and there to do something about it, so that by the time he gets back, I am the woman that he wants.

  I asked customers with cool hair to recommend hairdressers, and more than one recommended Altered Images in Oxford, so I made myself an appointment for the following weekend and bought a few hair magazines to get some inspiration.