Falling For Fin (Falling Book 5)

by Tracy Lorraine

  “Connie…” I start, but I really have no idea what to say, where to begin. I’ve got so much to apologise for that it’s a bit overwhelming. I’ve made so many mistakes when I comes to Connie, and I’m aware that I don’t deserve her forgiveness for any of it. I also know that I’m gonna be the luckiest bastard in the world if she gives me any kind of second chance. Okay, fine, third or fourth chance.

  “It’s okay, Fin. I understand,” I glance up at her cautiously, because I don’t want to see that look, but I’m surprised when I do, because it’s not there. All I can see is her concern and love. “I understand why you’ve hidden this, tried to keep your worlds apart, I really do. But Fin, that doesn’t mean it was the right thing to do. We could have helped. Ruben, my mum and dad…me…Fin, we could have helped and made life so much easier for you. Why did you feel like you had to hide all of this, make yourself struggle, cause yourself all this unnecessary pain?”

  I open and close my mouth a few times as I go to answer. “I was embarrassed, ashamed, too proud, all those kinds of things. I hadn’t really realised how bad it had got until I got back from Australia. I felt guilty the whole time I was gone. I’d hired a carer, but I felt so guilty leaving him and having my own life. I didn’t want to put that burden on to you all as well. None of this is your problem. I should have done something earlier, not just try to exist in this house. When he was still of sound mind, we should have downsized, or I should have found him some sheltered accommodation or something where I know he’ll be looked after, but I never imagined it would get this bad, Con. He doesn’t even know who I am a lot of the time,” I stutter out, trying not to break down.

  “Oh, Fin,” she says as she gets up and wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my chest. Just having her close and being able to smell her instantly calms me, gives me strength.

  I hold her and we stand there for ages. Eventually, my need to sob like a baby subsides. She must feel me relax, because she looks up at me through her tear-filled eyes.

  “I’m sorry too, Fin. I’m sorry for not making you tell me, sorry for not seeing there was something going on and doing anything I could to help you. I’m sorry I forced myself on you when you clearly didn’t want it eleven weeks ago. I’m sorry I wasn’t proactive enough with my contraception, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about him. It wasn’t that-”

  “Him? It’s a boy?”

  “Well, I don’t know that, but I think so. I just feel like it’s a boy.”

  The weirdest feeling washes through me as I think about Connie carrying my son. I reach up, grab her cheeks, and place my lips against hers. I’m expecting her to push me away after all the pain I’ve caused her, but to my shock, I feel her lips part and her tongue touch my bottom lip.

  I groan at her enthusiasm and open my mouth for her.

  The kiss goes on forever, and it’s the most amazing kiss of my life. My heart feels like it’s going to burst. How can I go from being so devastated to so ecstatic in a few seconds? Connie, that’s how.

  She places her hands on my chest when she pulls back. “We’ve got a lot we need to talk about, Fin, but there is something that we need to do first.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?” I ask. My dick twitches in my boxers, ever hopeful.

  “I just promised your dad his favourite dinner, and I have no idea what that is!”

  I can’t help the laugh that falls from my mouth at that comment.

  “Steak and kidney pie, mash and veggies, then bread and butter pudding.”

  And with that, she pulls me out of my room and out of the house so we can go shopping. She gives Dad strict instructions not to leave the living room, and to my surprise, when we get back, he has done as he was told.

  “You have no idea how badly I want to bend you over that island,” I say from my position on the window seat watching Connie cook dinner. “I never realised cooking was so sexy.” Is it weird that the sight of her being all domesticated in my kitchen turns me on so much? The thought of her being here, doing this kind of stuff every day, gets my pulse racing.

  “Shut up, you muppet, I’m covered in flour and meat juices!” she says back, but the look she gives me over her shoulder lets me know that she wouldn’t argue if I was to start something.

  “Fuck’s sake, why’s my dad got to be in the next room?” I groan as I watch her bend over to put the pie in the oven. Fuck, that arse!

  “Come and butter this bread, make yourself useful.”

  “Fine,” I grumble.

  * * *

  Dinner was amazing, as it always is when Connie cooks.

  “Thank you, baby, that was incredible,” I comment after we both watch Dad leave the room. The relief I felt when we went to tell him dinner was ready and he responded with “Thank you, son,” was extreme. I’d take the piss taking about me getting a girl to come home with me at last any day over the alternative that is more and more common these days. He was enthralled by Connie and her culinary skills. It made me so happy to see him genuinely happy.

  “Let’s go upstairs. We still need to talk,” I say, going to get up and grab the plates.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “If we go upstairs, you know as well as I do that talking will be the last thing we’ll be doing.”

  I huff out a breath, “I guess.”

  She just raises an eyebrow at me and laughs. Fuck, I’ve missed that laugh. Who am I kidding? I’ve missed everything about her.

  “Is that you and your mum in that picture?” Connie asks, pointing at a picture frame on the mantelpiece.

  “No,” I respond sadly, “That’s Mum and William.”

  “William? Your dad said that name a couple of times earlier.”

  “He was my little brother.”

  “Oh,” is all she says. I feel bad that I’ve never told her any of this, but I guess my time has come.

  “I was three when Mum was pregnant. I only remember bits of it. Her pregnancy was awful, apparently. She was in and out of hospital, on bed rest, all that kind of stuff. They had no idea there was anything wrong with the baby, but it soon became clear when he was delivered really early. Something tells me thirty weeks, but I could be wrong. He only lasted a couple of weeks. It was the beginning of everything going wrong for my family.” I feel her reach out and grab my hand from under the table so she can give me some support.

  “I remember Mum and Dad being really sad, crying a lot. There were more trips to the hospital, and then Mum got ill. I didn’t understand at the time how bad, but while she was pregnant, they discovered a tumour. She refused any treatment because she didn’t want it harming the baby, not that it really mattered in the long run because of the rare genetic disorder he was born with. After his death, she had treatment, but I think she’d given up. Dad told me she had awful depression after losing William, and he thinks she just gave up. She was gone by the end of the same year.

  “It broke my dad. Not only had he lost his little boy, but his wife gave up on him, and me. He was left to deal with everything. He had to work, look after the house and me. Money was tight. Mum didn’t have life insurance or anything, so there wasn’t a pot to keep us going. Dad had to drop hours so he could be about to look after me. It was awful.”

  I reach up to wipe a tear from Connie’s cheek.

  “I’m sorry. How did we not know this? You’ve been like family for as long as I can remember. How did my parents not know?”

  “We both hid it. Dad is just as proud as I am, and refused to ask anyone for help, so instead we stuck together and did what we could. Well, that was until he started falling apart. It started with depression when I was a teenager. I think it all eventually got too much. I told him we should sell the house, get somewhere smaller, but he refused. This house has been in our family for years, and it was where he lived with my mum. He couldn’t bear to leave. I couldn’t drag him away from the place that held so many memories for him, so I’ve done everything I can to keep the roof over our
heads.”

  “Fuck, Fin.”

  “He’s been slowly getting worse over the last ten years, but it’s only the last year or so that it’s got really bad.”

  “Let me help, Fin, please. Let us all help you,” she begs.

  Chapter Eight

  Connie

  I know I said I wouldn’t go running back to him again, that I was going to be strong, stand up for myself, but all of this is just too much. I couldn’t walk away from him now, even if you paid me.

  Fin and I talked for hours last night. He told me all about what his life is actually like, and my heart bled for him. I hate myself for not seeing how much he was suffering, but as he told me himself he’s a stubborn bastard and wouldn’t allow anyone to see it. He has agreed to accept my help, though, and the help of Ruben and our parents, who I know will want to do everything they can. Fin and Ruben aren’t exactly on speaking terms yet, but they’ll get there. Ruben must have had some realisation, because he did bring Fin to my appointment, after all. If he really hated him, he wouldn’t have done that. I’m not stupid enough to think Emma didn’t have anything to do with that, mind you.

  I told him all about my pregnancy, and apologised again and again for not telling him sooner. He said it was okay, but after the number of things he’s kept from me, he could hardly say much else, really, could he?

  “So it’s all your fault, really,” he says, after a few minutes of silence.

  “What’s my fault?”

  “You said last night that you think you fell pregnant the night of your birthday. Well, you practically threw yourself at me that night, begged me. I tried to be strong, do the right thing, but you forced me. So, it’s your fault!”

  “Okay, fine,” I say with a smile, “It’s all my fault.”

  Fin passes me over a plate of toast. He’s been so sweet this morning, holding my hair up and rubbing my back while I puked into his toilet.

  After our long talk last night, Fin put me to bed. He could see I was struggling to stay awake and I was grateful - it had been an eventful day. And with the picture of our baby propped up on his bedside tabl,e and his hand resting gently on my belly, we fell fast asleep together.

  Fin told me all about his fears that what happened to William and his mum will happen to me and our baby. I reassured him that testing is better these days, and if there is something wrong, it will be seen. I think I managed to make him feel better, but I could still see the scepticism in his eyes. Knowing all this does make his running from the hospital yesterday a little more understandable; not only was it a shock to find out I was pregnant, he also had those thoughts running through his head. I could see the panic in his features when I was being ill this morning. It took me quite a long time to convince him I was fine, that it was normal, and being sick was actually a sign of a healthy pregnancy.

  “How are you feeling about today?” I ask him after I’ve had a couple of bites. We agreed last night that we were going to talk to both my parents and Ruben and Emma today. That he was going to open up. Oh, and we’re going to announce that we are giving it another go, out in the open.

  “Honestly? Shit scared. I’m scared they’ll be pissed off that I’ve kept it secret for so long.”

  “Don’t be silly, they’ll understand.” I reach over and give him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Good morning,” Fred says, when he appears in his flannel pyjamas a little while later. He looks much better this morning.

  “Dad,” Fin says cautiously, obviously trying to judge how he is today.

  “Morning, Fin. Connie, was it? Sorry, my memory isn’t what it used to be.”

  I see Fin breath a huge sigh of relief. We’ve made a plan, and we need his dad in a relatively sound mind so we can talk to him about it.

  “That’s it,” I say, smiling up at him. “Come and have breakfast with us.”

  “Dad, we need to talk to you about something.”

  Fred looks between us nervously. “I’ve got to move out, haven’t I?”

  The way he asks is so sad that I have to really fight not to burst into tears. Fin was right last night when he told me how much his dad loves this place, and it makes me so glad that we came to the decision we have.

  “No, Dad. A few things are going to change, though, and I need to know you’re going to be okay with that.”

  “Go on,” he says sceptically.

  “Connie and I have actually been together for quite a while and…she’s pregnant, Dad.”

  We both watch to see what his reaction is going to be. Fin was concerned that talk of pregnancy and babies might be a trigger for him. He doesn’t do anything for long seconds, but soon enough, a huge smile splits his face.

  “Congratulations.”

  “And if it’s okay with you, Connie and the baby are going to live here, with us.”

  “That’s wonderful. Will be nice to have a woman about the place again.”

  Fin goes to say something else, but as I look at Fred, I physically see the lights go out. Fin stutters. He obviously sees it too.

  No one says anything. Fred just pushes his breakfast to the side and leaves the room.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Fin asks me, looking worried. “I haven’t seen him as good as he was last night and just then for ages. It’s not easy, Con, plus you’re going to have a newborn to look after.”

  “I’m not expecting it to be easy, Fin. But it’s the right thing to do. Allow him to be in his own home for as long as possible. Plus, we’ll get a regular carer in when we feel it’s necessary, like we talked about last night. Everything will be okay, I promise.” I smile at him to try to reassure him that I really believe it, because I do. If we are together, then I have no doubt that everything will be fine.

  Once we’ve finished breakfast and made sure Fred is okay for a few hours, we head over to my parents’ house. Thankfully, they are still both in.

  Mum is in the kitchen and the look on her face is priceless when we walk in hand in hand.

  “Oh, wow. Have you two sorted everything out?” She has a huge smile on her face as she says it. She never told me, but I know she's always been rooting for us.

  “Is Dad about? We need to talk to you both.”

  “I’ll go get him.”

  Well, Mum cried, while Dad just looked mortified as Fin explained about his dad’s dementia and everything he’s been dealing with.

  When he’s finished talking, Mum gets up and gives him a huge hug, although I’m not sure if it’s for her or Fin’s benefit.

  “I feel like I’ve failed your mother, letting this happen,” she mutters on a shaky breath. My mum and May were best friends for years. I can imagine she really feels like she’s let May down.

  “Don’t be silly. We both hid it from everyone. You had no way of knowing.”

  “FUCK,” my dad shouts, before storming out of the kitchen and then the house.

  “Shit, I should go and talk to him,” Fin says as he begins to get up.

  “No, leave him for a bit to calm down. He’s just upset like I am that we missed this and haven’t helped. Whatever you need, Fin, we’ll be there. Please just ask.”

  “Well there is something. We need to ask Dad, really, but seeing as he’s disappeared…”

  “Go on,” my mum prompts.

  “Well I’m going to move in with Fin, but the house, it’s a little…uh…”

  “It’s a shithole,” he helpfully chips in.

  “I was looking for a nicer word, but yeah, that just about sums it up. We’re gonna speak to Ruben too, of course, but I was hoping there could be a little time freed up somewhere with the men to help us get it sorted. It won’t take too much.”

  “I’m sure that won’t be a problem. I’ll do anything I can, too. Cleaning, painting, cooking - that sort of thing.”

  “Thank you so much,” Fin says so sincerely that it brings a tear to my eye. I knew my family wouldn’t let him down.

  I’d text Emma to say we were coming and th
at we would bring dinner for the four of us. Once we know they’ll both be back from work, we head over, feeling a little apprehensive as to how this is going to play out. Emma will obviously be fine - she’ll be happy for us and do anything she can, I’m sure of it. It’s Ruben I’m worried about. What if he decides he can’t accept us together? I’m not really sure why he wouldn’t. I know he’s always hated the idea of his friends making a play for me, but this is way more than just a quick shag now, so I’m hopeful he’ll be able to see past it.

  It’s awkward. Like, seriously awkward. The last two times Fin and Ruben breathed the same air, Ruben was beating the shit out of Fin, and then Fin was running away from me at the hospital. To say things are tense between them would be an understatement.

  “Here’s dinner. Could you keep it warm? Ruben and I need to talk first,” Fin says, once we’ve been welcomed in. Emma locks eyes with me and a concerned look passes between us.

  “Behave,” she warns, “I don’t want any more blood in my house, please.”

  “I can’t promise anything,” Ruben practically growls as he stares at Fin.

  Oh, here we fucking go!

  We both watch as they leave the kitchen and then the house with beers in their hands. I panic until I see them both take seats at the table outside.

  “Well, this could be interesting,” Emma says as she gets me a drink.

  We watch them through the windows at all times, just in case, but it’s not necessary. Ruben’s horror about what Fin is saying is clear. I know how that feels. Every time I think about it, I can’t believe how well Fin hid it all. If I didn’t love him so damn much, I’d hate him for keeping it from us for so long. We could have made his life so much easier, but no - the stubborn fucker decided to try to take it all on himself.

  We both let out a huge sigh of relief when we watch Ruben stick his hand out to Fin. Both of us are smiling like loons when Fin pulls him forward and into a man hug.

  “I guess they’re all made up, then,” Emma says with a laugh.