I Am Shakespeare

by Mark Rylance

  Scene Four

  Shakspar and the Angry Boar

  The SERGEANT’S TWIN BROTHER enters from the back of the auditorium, if possible he has slipped into a seat. He is dressed in civilian clothes. Sometimes foam comes from his mouth like the boar in Venus and Adonis. He is furious.

  TWIN. I’m sorry. I’ve had enough. I’ve had it. I’ve had enough of this rubbish. I can’t take it any more!

  FRANK. Sergeant?

  TWIN. I’m not a sergeant. That’s my brother. You call yourself a teacher. What are you teaching our boys and girls?

  FRANK. I’m teaching them to question, to think for themselves.

  TWIN. If you can question who Shakespeare is, you can question anything. Anything! Some things just are! And Shakespeare’s one of them! I blame the internet. Is nothing sacred any more! And as for you, I don’t know who you think you are, dressing up as Shakespeare for Charlton’s internet propaganda, but you ought to be ashamed. ASHAMED of yourself. What do you think Shakespeare would think of you? You’re a traitor to your own profession. All of you, traitors! Biting the hand that feeds you. BITING! BITING! BITING!

  SHAKSPAR. Actually, you’ve got the wrong end of the spear, sir. It’s you who’s the problem.

  TWIN. How dare you speak to me like that?

  SHAKSPAR. I’ve spent the last couple of hours with this man. I’ve fought with him. I’ve shouted at him like you are, but all he’s doing is asking a question. A natural question that arises from the way I lived my life, and God knows I wish I had kept better records.

  TWIN. This is what has become of our modern-day actors. Instead of acting Shakespeare for the RSC, they’re paid to dress up like a Shakespeare-a-like and insult our intelligence. This is what happens if you listen to heretics!

  SHAKSPAR. My plays are not a religion. Questions and doubt have always been a part of my work. My God, if theatre people hadn’t doubted how my plays were actually performed, we’d still have happy songs at the end of King Lear! We’d still have jolly dances in Macbeth. My plays are all about questioning, challenging, confronting our sense of identity! That’s all he’s doing!

  The TWIN pushes SHAKSPAR and SHAKSPAR knocks him out.

  Scene Five

  The Link is Broken

  Everyone retreats back into the garage, carrying the TWIN, who is gradually recovering enough to stagger with them.

  FRANK. Close the door, someone!

  MARY. He needs some ice. Take him through to the house.

  The authors lead the TWIN out of the back door towards the house, as FRANK speaks with the audience/neighbours. He tries but can’t close the garage door. It remains a public scene.

  FRANK. Goodnight, everybody. We’ll take him to the hospital. Safe home.

  TWIN. I’m going to have you for assault, Charlton.

  FRANK. All under control now.

  TWIN. I’m going to report you to my brother.

  FRANK. Look what you’ve done, Barry! He’s punched the policeman’s brother.

  BARRY. Frank, the cops will be here any minute.

  FRANK. I know. I know. Let me think.

  BARRY. What are you gonna tell them, Frank? Who did it? A cyberspace Shakespeare?

  FRANK. Look, shut up, Barry. Shut the hell up.

  BARRY. You’ve got no idea. A policeman’s twin brother has been punched in the face, and I’m going to be implicated.

  FRANK. What, you think they’re going to throw you into prison? It’s my bloody garage.

  BARRY. Yeah! Because I’m a celebrity. If a celebrity is involved, they always make an example of him.

  FRANK. No one even knows who you are, Barry.

  BARRY. That copper knew who I was!

  FRANK. He did not.

  BARRY. He did. He lingered over my name.

  FRANK (losing it). Get over it! Get a life! You were famous once for about three months, but no one cares any more. No one! You haven’t written a decent song in twenty-two years.

  BARRY. You said you loved that chord progression I wrote last April. You said it reminded you of David Bowie when he was a spider from Mars.

  FRANK. No, Barry. You said that and I agreed with you.

  BARRY. Yeah, you agreed.

  FRANK. I lied. Barry. I lied.

  BARRY. You lied?

  FRANK. You were a novelty act, that’s all, a novelty act, not a pop star. I’m fed up pretending.

  BARRY. After all I’ve done for you. The hours I have wasted trying to help you with your stupid authorship obsession. The most pointless subject in the world.

  The authors return.

  FRANK. Pointless? You said, this afternoon, you said the authorship question had changed your life for ever.

  BARRY. Yeah, well, maybe I lied too. Donna was right about you.

  MARY. Who’s Donna?

  BARRY. Donna was Frank’s wife until she divorced him a couple of months ago.

  FRANK. Barry!

  BARRY. Left him a year ago.

  FRANK. Barry!

  BARRY. Took the kids and went home to her mother. (Including the audience/people in the pub.) Didn’t she, everyone?

  FRANK. I told you never to mention her, Barry.

  BARRY. I loved your Donna, and little Hermione and Benedick. The hours I spent trying to comfort her, convince her to stay with Frank. I admired her.

  FRANK. Well, she thought you were an idiot.

  BARRY. She never.

  FRANK. She hated your music.

  BARRY. She never. I wrote ‘Donna in My Eyes, a Diamond’ especially for her. She loved it. She cried when she first heard it.

  FRANK. She chucked it in the bin, soon as she came home, laughing.

  BARRY. You’re sick, mate. You’re sick and you’re cruel and you’re greedy.

  FRANK. Greedy. Greedy, Barry. What a devastating use of the English language you have, Barry.

  BARRY. You are greedy, you prick. This whole authorship thing is greedy. You’re not satisfied with what you’ve got. You want more.

  FRANK. It’s about the truth, Barry. It’s about facing up to the truth about who we are and where we came from…

  BARRY. He’s the ultimate creepy fan, trying to get closer to his beloved fantasy lover Shakespeare, one of you, trying to get some intimate new shot, some new angle… who’s there? Wanker Franker. Shakespeare’s greatest friend. The man who saved Shakespeare.

  FRANK. Listen, Barry: if you don’t shut up about my personal life, I’m going to wipe all of your songs, all your precious babies, from the face of reality for ever.

  BARRY tries to move in on FRANK. FRANK picks up the Korg keyboard like it is a big gun.

  BARRY. Don’t you touch my babies.

  FRANK has his finger on a button on the Korg.

  FRANK. You come one step nearer or say another word about my personal life and that’s it.

  BARRY. That’s my legacy. My pension.

  FRANK. I’m going to wipe ’em all to hell, Barry.

  BARRY grabs the power cord of the computer router high on a shelf opposite FRANK.

  BARRY. You kill my babies and I’ll send your astral pals packing back to their astral plane! And then you’ll never know.

  FRANK. Take your hand away from that computer router.

  BACON. Don’t do it, Barry.

  OXFORD. We haven’t finished what we came to do.

  MARY. I only just got here.

  Pause.

  SHAKSPAR. Pull it, Barry!

  In this Tarentino-like moment of suspense, BARRY is so surprised by SHAKSPAR’s vehemence that he pulls the plug on the computer and FRANK pushes the delete button. There is an explosion. Smoke. The candidates disappear in a beautiful backward jig.

  When they are gone, emptiness, ruin.

  BARRY picks up his Korg and goes to the back door.

  BARRY. I only came round for some guttering. Who’s here? Frank! When the neighbours came round tonight, how many of them did you know? How many did you know by name? You’re so busy trying to figure out Shakespea
re’s name, I’m surprised you remember my name. Who’s here, Frank? Knock, knock, who’s here? I’m packing it in, Frank. I’m going to go home for a while, think things over. Go out to the Isle of Man, see my old dad. See you when it rains.

  He goes. FRANK goes to the door.

  Scene Six

  Frank’s Iambic Nervous Breakdown

  Left on his own in the ruin of his garage.

  FRANK (partly to the audience, as if neighbours are still lingering or drifting away, and partly to himself). Did you see that? They just disappeared. I can explain.

  A sudden realisation.

  I filmed it. It doesn’t matter. I filmed it. I recorded it. I’ve got it all. The whole thing’s in the camera.

  FRANK goes to the camera and begins to rewind the tape.

  I’ve got the undiscovered personal Shakespeare letter, the missing manuscript, the lost play, Love’s Labour’s Won. Better than that. I’ve got the most important Shakespeare discovery in three hundred and ninety years! This will show them… up at the Shakespeare Institute!

  As he fantasises, FRANK attaches the camera to the television, and moves it to the front of the garage for the neighbours to see.

  Ah, Professor Greenblatt, Professor Wells, Professor Bate, come in, come in, how good of you to drop by. Yes, this is where it happened. This is where we all sat and talked together. Sorry, what? You’ve been waiting for three-and-a-half hours. I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy answering emails and speaking with the media about my upcoming book and lecture tour and… Ring-a-ring-a-ring.

  Pretends the phone rings.

  Oh, there it goes again… would you excuse me a moment? Hello, who is it, Donna? Michael Wood, the BBC historian? I’m sorry, I can’t speak to Mike right now. Excuse me, professors.

  FRANK begins to play the camera but only snow appears on the television screen. He forwards it.

  What, Professor Bate? Did William Shakspar mention your book about him? No, none of the authors mentioned any of your work. Now, come on, professors, you know I just can’t understand a word you’re saying when you all cry like that. Have some tissues.

  Again, snow. Again he forwards it.

  Oh, that’s very sweet of you to give me an honorary degree, but you know I haven’t got room on my little garage wall because of this framed letter rejecting my PhD on the reasonable doubt of Shakespeare’s authorship case.

  Again, snow.

  Where is it? Where is it? It hasn’t recorded it. It hasn’t recorded anything. Snow. Nothing but snow. Nothing. Nothing will come of nothing.

  We hear old recordings of Shakespeare spoken by a range of famous old actors. The tracks repeat and echo in a mysterious way, almost as if in conversation with FRANK.

  HAMLET 1. How all occasions do inform against me!

  HAMLET 2. Who’s there? Nay answer me. Stand and unfold yourself!

  FRANK (unnerved at first as if someone is just outside the back or front door). Who’s there? Who’s here? Who’s here? Who’s there? Nobody?

  HAMLET 1 (repeated, broken, increasing in volume in the background). Now I am alone.

  FRANK. There’s nothing there. There’s no one here.

  Oh, let me not be mad. Not mad. Oh, let me not be mad.

  Voices are heard with each line spoken by a different voice. All taken from live performances in full play. The first line of Lear’s should repeat under it all.

  VOICES. Oh, let me not be mad. Not mad. Oh, let me not be mad.

  It’s Greek to me.

  It’s not fair play.

  They vanished in thin air.

  I’m tongue-tied.

  Hoodwinked.

  I haven’t slept a wink.

  The game is up.

  For goodness’ sake.

  Just send me packing.

  But me no buts.

  A laughing stock.

  A bloody-minded…

  …blinking idiot.

  The truth will out.

  Why, be that as it may…

  FRANK. The more I try to think about myself – the more I think in Shakespeare’s words.

  VOICES. My thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth.

  FRANK. If I can’t imagine or express myself without being influenced by the imagination and words of William Shakespeare…

  VOICES. Life’s but a walking shadow.

  FRANK. And I don’t know who William Shakespeare is…

  VOICES. Who’s there! Nay answer me. Stand and unfold yourself!

  The voices of scholars are heard. A separate expert’s voice for each profession. Speeding up and overlapping.

  William Shakespeare must have been an expert soldier,

  sailor…

  Doctor…

  Lawyer…

  Money-grubbing…

  Traveller…

  Gardener…

  Statesman…

  Sportsman…

  Catholic…

  Pagan…

  Protestant…

  Hermeticist…

  Alchemist…

  Man o’the people…

  Man of the court…

  That struts and frets…

  FRANK. Who am I? Which one am I? Who am I?

  VOICES. Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

  FRANK. I can’t seem to think… to speak…

  The voices build to a crescendo.

  VOICES. Speak the speech, I pray you! As I pronounced it to you.

  FRANK. Shut up. For God’s sake, will you shut up, Shakespeare!

  VOICES. How long has thou been a grave maker?

  FRANK. No!

  VOICES. That is the question…

  FRANK. Why?

  VOICES. Is it not monstrous that this player here?

  FRANK. Let me be! Let me be! Let be.

  FRANK takes a bust of Shakespeare and smashes it on the ground.

  Scene Seven

  The Tree Sonnet

  FRANK hears the voices of the four authors as they gently speak this sonnet to him.

  MARY. What child draws roots when sketching their first tree?

  FRANCIS. The trunk, the branches, leaves and ground will do.

  MARY. At some point someone tells the child to see…

  FRANCIS. That what’s above exists below it too.

  MARY. And what’s below is spread as wide above…

  FRANCIS. See B, see A, see A, see B, the same.

  WILLIAM. Who owns that oak that all the neighbours love?

  EDWARD. The one whose fence surrounds it in his name?

  WILLIAM. The oak’s boughs shade the whole community…

  EDWARD. Who garden where the hidden roots are sunk…

  WILLIAM. The spreading, deepening, biographies…

  EDWARD. Invisibly sustaining boughs and trunk?

  FRANCIS. Who owns a tree, Frank…

  MARY. when the creeping vine…

  EDWARD. Idolatry…

  WILLIAM.…begins to name it mine?

  Scene Eight

  Frank Finds Kirk Douglas on His Drive

  FRANK. Who owns the oak that all the neighbours love?

  What’s in a name? Suppose we all agreed upon the name, we’d still imagine many different Shakespeares. What’s in a name?

  FRANK’s recording of the film Spartacus comes onto the screen of the television. The image perhaps also appears above on the heavenly screens so that all can see it.

  Oh, this is my favourite scene. Have you seen this?

  It’s the scene where Olivier is hunting for Spartacus after the failed uprising. We see Olivier looking from his horse. We see Kirk begin to stand up and then Tony stands up for him and says he himself is Spartacus. Then we see other slaves stand up and claim to be Spartacus in order to hide and protect him.

  When the slaves stand up to shout ‘I am Spartacus!’, FRANK stands up too.

  I am Spartacus! You’ll never find him, Sir Laurence! He’s hidden himself amongst the peasant slaves of Rome! There are hundreds of him… each one different. I am Spartacu
s. I am Spartacus. That’s it. That’s the answer. He hid himself so that we could each be him. Our own author. Our own authority.

  FRANK notices that BARRY has come back into the garage door. FRANK stops the film. BARRY comes forward to get his headphones.

  Silence.

  Scene Nine

  The Sergeant Returns to Arrest Shakespeare

  Outside the garage, we hear the SERGEANT’s car arrive. Headlights glare up the driveway into the garage. The flashing red or blue light. Then through a loud-hailer.

  SERGEANT. Charlton! Are you in there? Everyone stay right where you are. Each and every one of you. Where’s Shakespeare, Charlton? Where is he? I know he’s been down The Coach and Horses causing trouble, and then he’s come back here, assaulted my brother and dragged him into this garage. Outside, on the floor, both of you!

  The SERGEANT approaches and talks with the audience as well as FRANK and BARRY, who sit, exactly like Kirk and Tony.

  What’s he done? Taken off his fancy dress and hid himself amongst you lot? What are you all doing out at this time of night? Funny, is it? Right then! Ladies and gentleman of Oak Tree Close, Her Majesty’s Government has no argument with you. Citizens of Kent you were and citizens of Kent you will be once again, but I’m warning you, the terrible punishment of a no-parking-tow-away zone in front of all your homes will be set aside on one condition only: you reveal to me the true identity of this troublemaker Shakespeare. I know he’s sitting here amongst you lot. I know you know him.

  The SERGEANT shines his torch at the audience searching for Shakespeare.

  If I don’t find him, Charlton, I’m going to come down on you like a tonne of bricks; I’ll throw the book at you!

  FRANK begins to stand. Audience sometimes stood and took over here. Not bad if FRANK never gets to say it, like Kirk.

  BARRY (standing). I am Shakespeare.

  SERGEANT. I’m arresting you for the…

  FRANK. I am Shakespeare.

  SERGEANT. Well then, I’ll arrest you both unless there’s anyone else who thinks they’re Shakespeare. Who is that? Stand up, let me see you.