Claiming Her V-Card (Alphalicious Billionaires Book 6)

by Lindsey Hart

  CHAPTER 18

  Blaze

  Silence. Stone. Cold. Silence.

  Colette’s eyes widened with shock and then brimmed with tears. What could she do except sit there with a stunned, horrified look on her face?

  Why the hell had he just felt the need to blurt the longest, most terrible, verbal shit he could think of? It was like he’d attacked her with an onslaught of truth. Like it burst out of him, from that dark place he kept buttoned down. Except the barriers had finally burst and it came spilling over, filling up the kitchen and space between them, soaking through their souls and drowning them both in the flash flood.

  He gave his head a shake before Colette could slide from her stool and do anything as wretched as attempt to comfort him. “I don’t know why I said that.”

  “Why? Wasn’t it true?” Her hand twitched on her mug, but she refused to look at him. Probably because she was blinking so hard that it looked like her eyelashes would fly off. She didn’t want him to see her cry. Which was a good thing, because he didn’t want to make her cry.

  “Yes. All of it.”

  “That’s not- it’s… you didn’t kill him,” she said softly. Her hand curled around the mug a little harder, her knuckles turning white. “That other driver did. Which is why you aren’t in jail. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were sober.”

  “Oh, I know I was sober.” His voice came out like it was on auto-pilot. Stiff. Emotionless. “I didn’t actually choose to make it happen, but I wanted it to, and after it, I was fucking glad.”

  Colette’s quick intake of breath said it all. She was disgusted with him. Good. That made two of them. He hadn’t told another living soul about the shit that happened to him. No one knew about his life before he was Blaze Hanson, billionaire. That was the thing with money. It could literally buy you anything, even a fresh start.

  “He had life insurance, if you can believe that. My mother actually took out the policy long before she left, and he kept it up. Which was fucking hilarious, because there were so many nights he didn’t bother to put food on the table. Always had a bottle though, or a fucking lady friend on the side that he could spoil. I got a hundred grand. Spent nothing on the funeral. Literally. I had him cremated, since he deserved to fucking burn for how he lived. Hell isn’t guaranteed, so I wanted to make sure it happened for him in some form. I was eighteen a few weeks later and got the money pretty much right away. I had a friend who got a job at a bank and he helped me make a few investments with half of it. A year later, they’d paid off. I went to a shit college and got a computer science degree. All the while I was dabbling in the stock market, making hand over fist, because I was pretty good at that shit. Street smarts, I guess. I started developing apps as a project in college and got fucking good at it. Like you, I guess, but I had some training. The rest, you probably know, because when I graduated, that’s when I disappeared. The old me. I had enough money to reinvent myself. Go into business. Get a different name. A different ID. Even a different degree and a different background. I had a few people working on that and it’s all fucking fake. All traces of me were erased the day Blaze Hanson was born.”

  More. Silence.

  Silence so thick it chokes the breath out of the room.

  Finally, Blaze cleared his throat. “I’ve never told anyone that. Any of it. You’re the only person who knows. I guess you can do with that what you will, but I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t spread it around.”

  Her head whipped around and her eyes were dark pools of sorrow. He wished he could take it back. The stupidity of the fissures and all those hairline cracks busting wide open. He should have shut his mouth and glued himself back together, not busted wide open. He’d known Colette for all of two and a half seconds and she didn’t even like him. Why the hell had he blurted out the one truth he’d vowed never to share with anyone?

  He’d never met anyone that he wanted to be open and vulnerable with and then- then it just kind of happened.

  “Blaze….” The way she said his name, so very sad, broke the already shattered pieces of him into something close to pulverized dust. “Why would I tell anyone? I would never- I- someone hurt you. Someone who should have loved you and cared for you. I- that’s not- it’s not okay. Wishing he would stop, wishing for someone to be dead in abstract- which was probably something you didn’t even mean- you were young and- well- it doesn’t make you a murderer. You need to let go of that guilt. Giving yourself a new name and trying to bury it doesn’t make it any better. It just lets it fester until it poisons all of you.”

  “It’s a little late for that. I’m already ruined.”

  “That’s why- you never want to get close to anyone.”

  Fucking bingo. He gave his head a shake. “Right, well, I’ll get that contract and we can light it on fire in the trashcan and then you can leave.”

  Tears glistened in Colette’s eyes and he hated himself more when he saw them. She finally blinked and they trickled down her cheeks. When she slid from the stool, he didn’t move. His fingers curled on the countertop near his untouched mug.

  She touched his hand first. She was warm. So blissfully warm and alive and why the hell had he ever thought that he was good enough to so much as lick dirt off her boots?

  Her hand continued up his arm, skirting the gauze, up to his jaw. She cupped his face, gently before she unfurled her hand and slowly traced his bottom lip with her index finger. Her heat bled into him and it was all he could do not to lean into her touch.

  “You don’t deserve this,” she whispered sadly. “What you’re doing to yourself. You don’t have to be lonely. You’re not broken. You- you’re worth so much more than how you treat yourself.”

  She leaned in, her sweet, lush body pressed up against his, but for once, he didn’t have a raging hard on. This wasn’t about sex. It was about the one thing he never did. Connection. His chest felt like it was going to cave in, which made sense, given that his heart was a vortex and his stomach was a cramped-up mess of painful knots.

  He froze when she kissed him gently, her lips hovering over his so that her warm breath tickled his chin. She looked at him. Looked at him and really saw him, and she didn’t flinch away.

  He let out a low, mirthless chuckle and watched as confusion flickered over her beautiful features. “Stop. This wouldn’t be anything but a pity fuck and I don’t need that and you deserve something better for your first time.”

  Colette backed away, her lips trembling. “You’re being cruel,” she shot back at him, and she wasn’t wrong. “You’re being an asshole, just because you finally decided to let someone in, and you’re scared and it hurts and you can’t deal with any of that shit.”

  “Says the girl with absolutely zero experience.”

  “I might not have any real sexual experience, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to feel things. How to love. That I don’t know what pain feels like.”

  “No? Well, if that doesn’t want to make you leave, maybe this will. Your app didn’t get the most sales. I fudged the sheets. Gave someone in accounting a big fucking bonus to keep their mouth shut about it and let me handle the competition. I saw you and I wanted you. I wanted to fuck you and I was willing to do anything to get to you.”

  Colette sucked in a harsh breath and wobbled back a step. Her hand flew to her mouth like her lips were burning from that kiss she’d just given him. Yes, she was finding out the hard way that he truly was toxic. He was a soulless bastard through and fucking through.

  “Why- why would you say that? You’re lying!”

  “You’re so naïve,” Blaze shot back. He took a step towards her and she edged back, breathing hard. “You were loved your whole life by your parents. Protected. Sheltered. You got a job fresh out of high school. You’ve known nothing but success and love. You have this fire. It’s not just your beauty, though you are fucking beautiful, it’s your spirit. I wanted it. I saw it and I wanted it and I get what I want. Even if it took years. I wanted to own that f
ire in you. To fuck you and take it from you and fill up all the bleeding holes inside myself and after I was done, you’d be just a shell.”

  “S-stop it!” Colette commanded, her eyes filling up with tears again.

  But he couldn’t stop. She had to know who and what he was. All of it. She had to know, because there was no way she could protect herself from him otherwise.

  “It’s true. All of it. So, leave. Run. Don’t ever get near me again or I promise, I’ll ruin you.”

  That fire that he envied, the flames at the very soul of her, licked their way into her eyes until they were blazing, burning right through him when she blinked her tears away. She edged towards him and he froze, wondering what the hell she was doing. She reached out, her hand trembling, and set it flat against his chest. Right above his horrible, black heart. It slammed into his ribs, kicking hard. Stopping. Starting again. The pain was more than he could bear.

  “I would have fought for you,” she said in her sad, lost little voice. “I would have fought so damn hard. I still would. So, when you’re ready, come find me.”

  “Why?” he choked out, too stunned to continue driving her away. “I did nothing to deserve any of it. Your goodness is wasted on me.”

  She blinked back at him before she lifted her hand and pressed it to her lips. Her eyes fluttered closed and it felt like someone had just shot him, straight to the heart, to see her lips move against her palm. The same palm that had just rested against the gaping hole that she’d never be able to see.

  Except, she did. She did see it, and it was like she was kissing his pain away in the only way she could. The only way he’d ever allow, because he couldn’t control it. He couldn’t control her.

  “Well, you once said that I was yours. I thought it was creepy and weird, but now… I don’t even get it, but I- I think you were right. We’re connected in some terrible way that I don’t want or understand, but I know it’s not going to go away and we’re just going to have to live with that. So, if you ever decide to get your head out of that nice ass of yours, look me up.”

  She turned, like she was nothing more than the wind, powerful but fleeting, impossible to hold onto, and swept out of the room. Then, when he thought she was gone and he was ready to crumble back to the place he thought he’d never be again, a place of darkness and ash, her voice drifted back to him from the door.

  “Don’t burn the contract. Keep it somewhere safe while you get your shit together.”

  The door shut quietly behind her and then she was gone, her scent still lingering like a ghost behind her, her words wrapping him up, flooding through him, binding up the cracks and creating new ones with a force so painful it broke him. All. Over. Again.

  CHAPTER 19

  Colette

  Eight months.

  After eight months, any sane, normal, rational person would have given up hope. She was tempted to, a couple of times, but the fact that she often scanned her inbox and her phone uselessly, hoping to find a message there, spoke to the fact that she may have lost her mind.

  Colette didn’t just like her new job. She loved it. Leaving HBAD with a good reference from her peers and members of the HR department, as well as her robust portfolio, ensured that she could get a junior position at most companies. She’d picked one that developed apps strictly related to health and wellness. While she’d feared it would be boring, the pay was good, and she was always up for a challenge.

  She’d been pleasantly surprised at how easily she fell into her new position and how much she loved it. Her co-workers were great, and she’d even made a few friends that she hung out outside of work with- a first for her. She loved waking up and trying to think of ways that could improve the lives of their users. Every single day was a new, fresh, exciting challenge.

  Over the months, she’d even been asked out. Twice. Once by a co-worker, who she turned down, but helped hook up with one of her good friends from high school, and once by some random guy while she was out shopping antiques. He was hands down gorgeous, with a set of sparkling blue eyes and a nice smile. She was honestly floored that he’d even give her a second look, but she’d made a joke about the antiques she was busy trying to buy being the only room in her life she had for passion outside of work, and let him go on his way.

  Was it possible to be wrecked by someone who she’d really only spent a few real days with?

  She’d asked herself that question a million times over the past months. She might have known of Blaze for years at HBAD, but she didn’t actually know him until the whole contract deal.

  Those few days, ridiculous, dark, wild, unorthodox, and completely screwed up as they were, were days that she stored up in her memory, a vault of treasure that she visited often. Sometimes it only made her feel worse. Lonelier. Sometimes, the memories soothed her. She drew on them for inspiration. Often. She’d taken the lead on developing an app that helped people deal with grief and trauma. It was a heavy, painful subject, and she was honored to have her idea received with so much support from her peers.

  Friday afternoons were the same pretty much anywhere. At any workplace, people kind of slacked off a little in anticipation of the coming two days of freedom. They talked about their plans for the weekend instead of about the apps they were supposed to be working on. They laughed more, planned silly little things like office potlucks to extend the lunch hour, and took longer at their breaks.

  She wished she could be like that. The truth was, though, that her plans included visiting a new secondhand bookstore and café she’d discovered, having a drink, and immersing herself in someone else’s world for a little while. Not as an escape, but as a way to live beyond the very limited experience she had.

  When Julie, the receptionist, popped her very vibrant redhead into Colette’s office, she blinked in surprise. She quickly saved her work and turned back to the door, where Julie was standing expectantly.

  “There’s someone here who wants to see you. Is that alright? Should I send them back?”

  “Uh…” Colette hesitated, searching her brain frantically for anything she’d forgotten. As far as she knew, she hadn’t stood anyone up for a meeting. Friday afternoons were too casual for anyone to book anything in. Usually. “Is it my mom?”

  Julie snorted. She was twenty, with more piercings on her face than Colette could count. She was vibrant and full of energy and a great receptionist. She kept the place together, the cogs greased, and everything running smoothly. Sometimes, though, Julie made her feel old, just being Julie.

  “No, it’s not your mom. No, this guy- he’s… uh- well, he wouldn’t give his name, but he said you were an old friend. Said if I told you that he’d called you Office B, whatever that means, you’d know who he was.”

  Colette nearly hit the floor. She jumped out of her chair so fast that it actually rocked back and forth and swayed a couple of times before she put out her hand to keep it from crashing to the floor. Julie stared at her like she’d just beamed herself down from outer space.

  “Right. Uh… yes. I’ll- uh- I’m going to take my break now. I’ll be gone for twenty if that’s alright?”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Julie hesitated like she wanted to add something, but when Colette went scrambling around, looking for her purse and smoothing down imaginary wrinkles in the cotton maxi dress she had on- which couldn’t wrinkle if its life depended on it- she shrugged and disappeared.

  Colette swung her tote over her shoulder and took a steadying breath.

  Blaze.

  God, it had only taken him eight months. Eight long months where she’d pretty much given up hope that he’d ever want to change enough to come find her. She had no idea why he was there. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. Just because he was, didn’t mean anything.

  By the time she made it out to their waiting area, Julie was flirting shamelessly with Blaze, who wasn’t exactly participating. He just raised a brow and offered her a half smile, clearly amused. He was no stranger to female attention, and he took it
in stride.

  Colette almost didn’t want to save him. The show was quite enjoyable. He was there, wearing a white dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up at the elbows, and black slacks. With his hair slicked back, his gold watch at his wrist, and his immaculate black shoes, he looked every inch the professional he was.

  Except, there was something different about him. She noticed it right away.

  Even that half smile that he gave Julie, probably because he felt he had to, actually reached his eyes.

  Colette gripped her tote so tight that the straps bit into her hand, but she forced her feet into a straight line. As soon as she walked into Blaze’s periphery, he turned his head and the smile, a real, honest smile, that he bestowed on her was like looking straight into the sun. It was so bright and dazzling that her eyes teared up.

  “What are you doing here?” she breathed, when she was standing in front of him.

  She kept a few feet of space between them, just so she could actually process thought like a normal, rational person. Even so, his spicy, crisp scent reached her, filling up her nose as intoxicating as it always was. Her pulse hammered with that familiar hard beat and her heart knocked hard against her ribs.

  “I was hoping…” Blaze reached into the expensive leather briefcase sitting by the chair, the one she hadn’t noticed when she’d walked in. “That you could help me with something.”

  Her breath caught in her lungs and all she could do was stare as he opened the case and pulled out a worn, crumpled, dog eared stack of pages. She knew exactly what it was. The contract. It was significantly worse for wear. It looked old, worn in, like it was twenty years old, and not just shy of one. The pages were smoothed at the edges, worn like they’d been thumbed through repeatedly.