Life's Road Trip

by Kit Duncan

  Search for opportunities everywhere. Search for opportunities to grow and expand, to laugh and love, to do kind things and to learn from others. Search for opportunities to become the very finest person you can be. Search for opportunities to give to others, and to receive, for both are great blessings.

  If you travel enough miles and go enough places, you are bound to come upon two of mankind's greatest civil engineering achievements: tunnels and bridges. Some folks enjoy these, some folks are quite frightened of them, and some folks don't think much about them one way or the other.

  The first time you drive through a tunnel, like one of those really long ones such as the people in western North Carolina are so fond of building, you might find yourself pretty overwhelmed. Tunnels can be quite intimidating, long, dark caves that journey through a mountainside. One second you're driving in sunshine, and suddenly you're enveloped in an artificial night. Dim lights may illuminate the top arch, but visibility is usually uncomfortably limited. And the noise can be deafening. What's more, other drivers are buzzing all around you. Driving through a tunnel can be really, really disorienting.

  There are seldom places to pull over in a tunnel, and you must keep moving forward. Don't try to do it too fast just to get through the moment. And don't go too slowly or you'll get run over. Keep alert and keep steady.

  Bridges are a lot like tunnels. I hate bridges. I especially hate the bridges that cross the Mississippi River in Memphis and St Louis, I hate the bridge on I-65 that connects

  Louisville KY to Jeffersonville IN, and I hate all the bridges in New York City. I hate every bridge I've ever crossed. It seems like every other driver speeds up just before they get on a bridge (or is it that I slow down?). There's nowhere to pull over, and one cannot help but imagine the bridge collapsing under all that enormous weight just as you cross the middle of it. I see my car taking a nose dive over the rail, surrounded by many other cars, semi trucks, busses, anything with wheels and screaming people. It is a very unhappy vision.

  And yet, tunnels and bridges are not in and of themselves bad contraptions. In fact, they can be very useful, nearly essential for helping us get from one side to the other. They're certainly more convenient that driving many, many miles to get to the other side of whatever's in your way. Maneuvering through a mountain or over a river can be exhilarating, if not spooky.

  When you find yourself driving through that tunnel or over that bridge, keep as calm as you can (screaming at the top of your lungs will startle others and may cause an accident). Watch the road carefully, keep a check on your speed, don't allow anything to distract you. And remember, the darkest tunnel eventually pours back into the sunlight, and the highest bridge does finally wind up on the other side.

  Obstacles are not bad. They can be annoying, and sometimes even excruciating. They are almost always temporary, and they usually, if we keep driving through our fears and apprehensions, take us forward.

  9

  Your Cargo

  Few cars are completely empty, and I think yours will be no different.

  We seem to carry a lot of things around with us in our cars. Maybe we put a hair brush or comb, some loose change, perhaps a pen in our glove compartment. Maybe we tend to throw our empty Coke cans in the back floorboard, and then forget to clean it out later. We may have some basic tools in our trunk. We may have CD's or tapes, or, oh, just any number of things stashed or lying about.

  You'll decide for yourself what you'll carry with you as you travel. I'll just list a few things I've found useful in my own journey. Then you make your own list.

  Take along many books of various genres, pictures and artwork of all types, and music of different styles. Keep some extra pens and notepaper handy - you never know what you may need to jot something down.

  Put a warm jacket and a good cap in your trunk for cold nights and rainy weather. Make sure to always have at least one blanket with you at all times - sometimes all that stands between you and a good rest in a warm blankie, and you cannot always predict an approaching cold wave.

  Keep photos of the people you adore in your wallet - looking at these will give you much pleasure over the years. Always carry at least one change of clothing, and take a little cash with you.

  Pack as much joy as you can fit into the cab of your car. Fill every possible nook with contentment, happiness, enchantment, and peace. Cram your car with compassion for others, and with love for yourself. Take along as much forgiveness and tolerance as you can. And make much space for integrity and honesty.

  Don't expect these blessings to just open the door and hop in. Oh, sometimes they'll seem to come out of nowhere, but usually I think they are consequences of our own behavior. Behave always in such a way as to invite them in, and then keep behaving in such a way as to encourage them to never leave.

  You won't always know exactly how to get them to join you, though. You may have to try on different sets of behaviors before you figure out which ones invite the kind of cargo you want to carry.

  Be sure to leave room for those passengers we talked about earlier. They have the potential for being among the most precious things you carry in your car.

  Driving isn't only about getting where you're going. That's only a small piece of the trip. The important thing about traveling is that you are happy.

  Ask fifty fellow travelers what happiness means, you'll likely get fifty different answers. You'll have to decide for yourself what your own brand of happiness looks like. And you'll have to make choices, mile by mile, that make you happy.

  Don't rely on others to open your car door and toss in a mess of happy. Any happiness that rides with you is there because you have brought it in, nurtured it, and kept it constantly with you. Let your happiness guide your way. Never compromise it, never do anything to jeopardize it.

  Leave on the side of the road any scrap, any inkling of bitterness, hatefulness, self-pity, blame, guilt, worry. These will corrode your interior and wear out your car years ahead of schedule. These will wear YOU out years ahead of schedule.

  Your car has a load capacity. Make sure your load is exactly what you want, and make sure your load helps you get where you're going, and keeps you smiling while you're getting there.

  10

  Maintenance: Taking Responsibility for Your Car and Your Driving

  The best way to break down on the side of the road is to neglect your car. Don't neglect your car. Your vehicle is what you use to get from here to there. Honor it, respect it, take care of it.

  Revving your engine just to hear it roar will break down vital parts and reduce your car's lifespan.

  Your car's oil is its life's blood. Replenish it often. Oil your trip with kindness and forgiveness, humility, appreciation. Too little oil, and your engine will burn up or the block will lock up. It's a lot easier to maintain required levels of oil and other fluids than waste time and money at the mechanic for unnecessary repairs.

  Putting unhealthy substances in your body, doing anything that hurts yourself, is like pouring sugar or water into your gas tank. Don't do it.

  Responsibility is one of the easiest things to explain, one of the most challenging things to practice, and yields the greatest sense of enrichment to any journey.

  Responsibility is taking care of what is important.

  Being responsible is about accepting that you are behind the wheel, that you are in control of where you're headed. It means knowing that how you drive determines where you go. If you take a wrong turn or get a speeding ticket, if you get distracted and hit a light pole - you recognize that your behavior caused it.

  You don't have to waste energy feeling guilty or blaming others. You correct what you can, you apologize when you must, you make amends as best as you're able. You learn from your booboos, and you keep traveling.

  Sounds simple, doesn't it?

  Actually, it is simple. It is also very difficult to practice sometimes, but after you travel a little ways, remembering to be responsible mile after mile
, you'll find it becomes a pattern, a habit.

  You'll also begin to see that the more responsible you behave, the better you feel. This is no small matter. Feeling better is the essence of success, no matter how you measure success.

  You'll learn that you can't feel worthwhile if you don't do anything worth your while.

  Oh, sure, there are always those "legitimate obstacles," bumps in the road, storm struck limbs and logs that occasionally interrupt your journey, someone running through a red light and into the path of your car. You may not be responsible for everything that happens. You are always responsible for how you respond to what happens to you.

  No one can make you do anything, and no one can make you feel anything.

  No, I'm serious. There are very few events in your life that are out of your control. Some people say death and taxes. Actually, only death; taxes you can avoid, though you'll likely have to pay some huge penalties if the government catches up with you.

  Death, no. You're pretty much going to have to die some time down the road, and no, you won't have a great deal of control. You cannot stay alive forever.

  Beyond that, though, you are in charge. Oh, you may make some choices that could result in serious limitations being put on you. For example, let's say you get frisky some day down the road and drink a little too much of something potent, and one thing leads to another, you wind up spending a night or two in the county jail. I know, I know, it'll never happen, but let's say for just a paragraph or two it does.

  So now you're locked up and you really can't do anything you choose. True, but you are still responsible for the behavior that brought you to jail.

  Or, you may tell me, but I have to work. Not true. You don't have to work. Of course, if you don't find some kind of income, either through employment, the lottery, maybe your aunt's will, you'll be limited in what you can afford to do. Again, these limitations will be due to your choices.

  But you're still thinking about that sentence a few paragraphs back, aren't you? "No one can make you do anything, and no one can make you feel anything."

  You might buy the notion that no one can make you do anything, but you're pretty certain that others can make you feel certain ways. After all, if my friend disappoints me doesn't that mean that my friend makes me irritated, even angry?

  All it means is that I had hopes for something and my friend thwarted my goals, and now I'm aggravated. My friend didn't cause me to feel anything. My own expectations caused me to feel something.

  The more you can delete phrases like "You make me so …," "he caused me to …, and "I can't help it if …" from your vocabulary, the more content with life you will be. You take responsibility for yourself and you will find a rich joy in being alive. You won't have to be a victim or martyr, you won't need to feel sorry for yourself, you won't have to accuse others of causing you problems. You make your choices, you let others make their choices. You get disappointed, you own that it is your disappointment. You get angry, it's your anger. You feel glad to be alive, and it's your gladness. You don't have to waste time waiting for others to make you feel good - you can feel good all by yourself.

  And that's what real maintenance and responsibility is all about.

  11

  How You See the Scenery: Your World View

  Enjoy the sights!

  I've known some people who drive along and never really pay attention to what's going on around them, to the changing landscape, the brilliant sunsets and gorgeous night lights. They literally let life pass them by.

  Don't let life pass you by.

  How you see the world around you has a lot to do with your own sense of perspective. If you're mopey and gloomy, all you'll see will be clouds and shades of gray. When you have a lively outlook, the world takes on rich hues of life and promise.

  It's your choice - choose well.

  Some folks seem to be hunched down waiting for every car that passes to hit them. Some folks search the sky knowing that any moment may bring a cloud burst, even when it's sunny. Some folks seem to always be expecting trouble to happen. We call these people pessimists, and self fulfilling prophesies being what they are, pessimists are rarely disappointed. They tend to find the trouble they are seeking, and then gloat with a damp but well earned sigh of triumph: "See. I told you it would happen. Life sucks."

  We tend to draw into our world what we think the world is all about. We think people are inherently mean, we'll see them as being mean, and we'll behave as if they are always conspiring to be mean to us. We think others are out to get us, we're going to get got, and then whine the night away.

  Whining is one of your options.

  You are what you eat. If you consume a lot of darkness in your selection of entertainment, friends, movies and television, music, books, the world will be quite dark for you. If you inhale despair and aggravation, you will exhale despair and aggravation.

  Two people can see the same thing very differently. One looks across a meadow and sees an array of gorgeous wild flowers, beautiful trees, maybe a couple of rabbits playing in the high grass. Another looks at that same meadow and sees weeds that must be pulled, leaves that must be raked, and pests to be eliminated.

  As you drive along and look across the many meadows of your world, what will you see?

  There's an old story that's been around for many years, perhaps you've heard it. A medieval traveler comes upon three men who are constructing a building. The traveler asks the first man what he's doing, and the first man replies in boredom, "I'm piling stones on top of one another." The traveler asks the second man the same question, and the second man responds with pride, "I'm feeding and clothing my family." The traveler then approaches the third man and asks him what he's doing. The third man stands up, wipes his forehead, looks to the sky with a great beaming smile and says, "I'm erecting a mighty cathedral that will house generations of God's worshippers for hundreds of years to come!"

  How you frame anything will determine what you build. You want to build a slum, see the world as a slum. You want to build a paradise, see the world as a paradise.

  Your journey will be much more fun if you drive through a paradise rather than a slum.

  The wonderful thing about perspective is that you get to choose your own. No matter what your circumstances, no matter how many losses you have endured, no matter how much sadness you've felt, you always, always have the option to shift your vision and see what you want to see.

  See well. See happy. See a paradise.

  12

  Financing Your First Car

  Some young folks receive a car as a gift. This, I think, robs them of some very special other gifts that people can receive when they must work for their car. It's difficult to feel proud of something that's been handed to you. You may be grateful, but human nature being what it is, gratitude tends to fade fairly quickly.

  What sticks to your ribs is appreciation. When you look at the car that your own work, your own doings, has parked in your driveway, you swell up with a rich sense of accomplishment and achievement. This you do not get from gifts.

  Feeling competent, feeling that you have made something important happen, is no small thing.

  If your folks do give you a car, though, keep ever in the forefront of your mind their great sacrifice and affection. Never forget to thank them for their many acts of love. Tell them often, and tell them both by your words and by your behaviors.

  Just the same, I hope they don't give you a car, and I hope with time you will understand that I tell you this from love and nothing less.

  Most people who have a car have a job to pay for the car. Most people have jobs for much of their adult life. Jobs are wonderful opportunities for growth of all sorts.

  You may have some jobs you really don't care much for. You may have some jobs you love. You may make minimum wage or you may make a bundle. You may have a job for only a short time, or you may work at the same place for many, many years.

  Whatever your work circumstances,
give your employer, and give yourself, your best work. If your job is frying French fries, then fry the best French fries you can. If you are working in the stock room of a large department store, stock that room as if it were the most important place in the world. If you become the CEO of a large corporation, lead your company with great wisdom, integrity, compassion.

  As best as you are able, find work that fills you with passion. Much of your life's drive will be in work zones. Your journey's joy will be greater if you love your work.

  Money is a great tool. It is not the end all, but getting your hands on a little of it from time to time will help smooth some edges for you. Money is a means, not an end - it is part of the way to make some things happen for you, but never let the getting of it for the getting's sake dominate you.

  Do not over-work. Too many money-making activities will deprive you of the best parts of life.

  When you receive your paycheck, pay off your bills. Avoid debt if at all possible. Borrow from a friend today, lose him next week - don't do it. Save at least ten percent, more if possible, but not too much more. Misers aren't all that much fun to hang out with. Keep a little cash in your pocket. It's a plastic world but just every now and then you need a little of the green stuff to get out of a pinch. Spend a bit of money on yourself, even if it's frivolous. Give a dab of it to charity. Give money away sometimes, and do so anonymously. Invest a little in a savings bond or an IRA, or some other kind of interest generating reserve.

  How you spend your money will tell the world what you value.

  As you grow a little older, chances are you'll earn a bit more money than you do today. Resist the urge to spend bigger bucks for things that can wait. Live within your means, and you will drive happily. Rack up too many bills and everything you do will be filtered through those bills.

  Excessive bills will fog up your windshield worse than any other kind of weather. They'll clog the wipers so thick you won't be able to see to drive, and you'll have to make frequent and annoying stops to clear the debris away.

  Your money is an extension of who you are. Use it compassionately and wisely. Use your money for good. Never spend money on things that bring sadness or pain. Your money is an opportunity to build. Build well.