This Reminds Me of Us

by Julia Gabriel

  Oh hell no.

  His mother always had a bit of a salty mouth. Did Serena swear around the kids? It was a question that had never occurred to him before, but lots of new questions were occurring to him these days.

  No, she doesn’t.

  Yes, that was certainly the answer he would have given before the accident. It was like their lives were divided in two now—B.A., Before the Accident, and A.A., After the Accident.

  Only because you look at it that way.

  No other way to look at it, he thought.

  He held the pajama bottoms up for Cam to look at it. “See how the legs are looped around each other, bud?”

  “Yeah.” Cam didn’t sound terribly convinced that simple fabric physics was to blame here.

  “So take one end in your hand and push it back toward me. You have to look at these things like they’re a puzzle you have to solve.”

  The expression on his son’s face was doubtful, but he grasped one pajama leg in his fingers and worked it back through the knot. “But it’s still twisted.”

  “Well, we’re not finished yet. Whoever tied these legs together clearly has some training in sailor’s knots.” He winked at Cam. He had started teaching the boys how to tie knots as soon as they could walk, practically.

  You’re a good father.

  Yeah, teaching your kids to tie knots … Father of the Year!

  But the comparison seemed to be working for Cam, who carefully worked loose the knotted pajama legs.

  “There you go! See?” Oliver gave the pants a final shake and handed them back to his son. He watched as Cam hopped from leg to leg, putting them on. He felt that little pinch in his chest again—Mason would sit on the bed to pull on the pants. Mason displayed an alarming fascination with firefighting (or maybe just with fire), but was otherwise a calm, methodical kid. Cam, on the other hand, didn’t even need walls to bounce off of. He could bounce off of thin air.

  Oliver scooted back up the bed and patted the mattress next to him. “Did you brush your teeth, bud?”

  Cam gave him a toothy, horse-like grin. “Yup. Mason made me go first.”

  Oliver wondered why that was so, but refrained from asking. Some questions you don’t want the answers to. Even when you’re a parent.

  True that.

  He opted for a more innocuous query instead. “How was school today?” Oliver knew how school had gone, from Serena’s perspective. He had come home to a wife who was practically bouncing off the walls herself. Going into Cam’s classroom left her more animated and excited than he’d seen her since before the accident.

  “Mom came to my room!”

  “I know, bud. How was that?”

  “I wasn’t in her group. But everyone clapped for her at the end.”

  Oliver wondered whether the other mother got a round of applause.

  “I wish mom was my teacher,” Cam added.

  “Why’s that?” Oliver heard the water go off in the bathroom, then the squeak of the towel ring as Mason dried his hands.

  “If she was my teacher, I wouldn’t have to miss her when I’m at school.”

  “You miss mom during the day?” Oliver resisted the urge to add, “what about dear old dad?”

  Cam nodded solemnly.

  “Well, bud, she’s always here waiting for you when you get off the bus.” Oliver wrapped his hands around his younger son’s waist and pulled him closer. “You know where I always had to go after school?”

  “Yeah, I know. The station. Uncle Mattie’s told me, like, a million times.”

  “Well, Nana was a professor at the college so we couldn’t stay by ourselves at home.”

  “I miss Nana, too,” Cam said. Oliver felt his little boy shoulders sink an inch. What was taking Mason so long? He was too young to be admiring himself in the mirror the way Matt did when they were kids.

  Oliver thought he heard a soft laugh. Sometimes he could hear his mother as clear as if she was standing right in the room with him. It was a little unnerving, truth be told.

  I’ll go check on Mason.

  Like that right there. He could understand his brain serving up his mother’s pet phrases or her pithy advice. But something like that? It made no sense. Serena wasn’t the only one with brain problems.

  “I miss Nana, too, bud.”

  “I don’t like missing people.”

  “Well, at least you don’t have to miss mom anymore. Right?”

  “Right.” Cam impatiently picked up the bedtime story book.

  Oliver tried to push back at the thought pestering the edges of his brain. I miss the old Serena. Not that she was completely different since coming home from the hospital … but she was a little different. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He had never been good at that sort of thing, emotional stuff.

  No, you never were.

  “Dad, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, bud. What is it?” Oliver was glad to have Cam interrupt his ruminations. “Mason, you almost done?” he called toward the bathroom.

  “Jackie says she’s going to miss her mom when she dies.”

  Or maybe not so glad. He had no idea how Jack and Becca were going to handle this situation.

  “But I thought Aunt Becca was Jackie’s mom,” Cam continued. “Aunt Becca’s not dying, is she, dad?”

  At the sound of Cam’s sniffled tears, Oliver pulled his son onto his lap and hugged him tight. “No, no.”

  “I don’t want Aunt Becca to die, too!” Cam wailed loudly.

  Oliver heard footsteps pounding up the stairs. Serena. He began to rock Cam in his arms. “Aunt Becca’s not dying. It’s … it’s complicated, buddy.” Oliver was wracking his brain for how to explain his brother’s situation when Serena burst into the room, out of breath from running up the stairs. Mason shot into the room right behind her.

  “But Jackie says—” Cam was full on sobbing now.

  Mason climbed onto the bed and squeezed his younger brother’s cheeks between his hands. “I explained all this to you, Cammy.”

  He did? When? Oliver looked helplessly up at his wife, who—he realized—might not fully or perfectly understand the situation with Jack and Becca yet either. When are things going back to normal? WHEN?

  “How can she have two mommies? We don’t have two mommies.”

  Mason’s small hands wiped Cam’s tears from his cheeks, like he was squeegeeing a windshield. “Shhh, Cammy. I told you. Becca is Jackie’s original mommy.”

  Oliver held his breath, in anticipation of Mason’s explanation. From Serena’s widened eyes, he could tell she was doing the same. She came over and sat at the foot of the bed. Then Cam lost it entirely.

  “Who’s our original mommy?” he wailed.

  “Mom is our original mommy.” Mason’s voice was as calm and measured as his little brother’s was frantic and uncontrolled. He gave Oliver’s knee a gentle nudge. “Dad, I got this,” he said softly.

  Oliver slowly pushed himself off the bed and escorted Serena from the room. They stood outside in the hallway, straining to hear what Mason was going to say to Cam, but Mason was silent.

  “Come on,” Oliver whispered to his wife. He cocked his head toward the stairs. Mason wasn’t going to talk to Cam until their parents were out of earshot. As much as Oliver wanted to hear what Mason would say, he knew he needed to trust him. His sons had a brotherly bond that had only strengthened since the accident. He was proud of Mason, too, for the way he had taken on more than a seven-year-old should have to—and done it mostly without complaining.

  They tiptoed down the stairs to the kitchen. Oliver leaned his elbows on the granite island and listened, but all was quiet upstairs. There were no more panicked shrieks from Cam. Serena stood elbow to elbow with him, her shoulder touching his bicep.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, leaning his head down to nudge hers.

  “For what?”

  “For my insane family. You have enough to contend with without having to explain the whole Jack and
Becca situation to the boys.”

  “Sounds like Mason understands it.”

  Oliver shrugged. “He understands bits and pieces of it. He gets that my brother and Becca are going to be Jackie’s parents from here on out, but I don’t think he really understands how Jackie came to be living in Ohio in the first place.”

  “Well, it’s a little beyond a seven-year-old’s ken.”

  “Ken? What does that mean?” Oliver pushed himself up off his elbows. Ken? Did Serena learn a new language while she was in the coma?

  “It means ‘understanding,’” she replied.

  “Oh. Where did you learn that word?”

  “I don’t know. College? A book? NPR?” She touched his forearm. “Are you okay, Ollie?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I think we’re all having a little trouble understanding the Jack and Becca thing.”

  “Seems pretty straightforward to me. But I’m not talking about that. I mean you. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, babe. You’re back home. We’re all together again. I don’t need anything more than that.”

  Serena opened her mouth to speak, but just then came the soft sound of feet padding down the stairs. A moment later, Mason appeared in the kitchen’s doorway.

  “He’s out.” Mason nodded to the two of them. “I explained it again.”

  “Thanks, bud,” Oliver said.

  “What did you tell him?” Serena asked.

  “Just that Becca is Jackie’s original mom, but Becca was too young to be a mom so Jackie was adopted by a nice lady. But now that lady is sick and Jackie is coming here to live because Becca is old enough now.”

  Huh. That was kind of the gist of it.

  Serena walked over to Mason and hoisted him up in her arms, kissing his cheek. “You’re a good brother, you know that?” Mason half nodded, half shrugged. “Thanks for taking care of Cam and daddy while I was in the hospital.”

  Oliver watched his wife and son. He wanted to join them, but his feet remained rooted to the tiled kitchen floor. His relationship with the boys was tighter than ever, and Serena had fallen easily back into her bond with them. But there was a distance between him and Serena sometimes.

  When she set Mason down onto his feet, his son turned and gave him a thumbs-up before heading back upstairs.

  Don’t be jealous.

  I’m not!

  She and the boys need to bond.

  I said I’m not jealous.

  But he was. Just a tiny bit. There was a time—like, say, two months ago—when Mason would have given him a hug and a kiss before bedtime, not just a thumbs-up.

  Serena turned and looked at him. “What’s your schedule like next weekend?” she asked.

  “I’m off. Why?”

  “Let’s take the boys and go away for a weekend. Not anywhere far. I think they need a fun weekend and a change of scenery.”

  “I think we all do,” he agreed. Yeah, getting away was a good idea. Maybe they needed a break from the pressure of trying to be a normal family again. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t know. The idea literally popped into my head just now.”

  He walked over to her and took her hand in his before going up the stairs to their bedroom.

  At the top of the stairs, she turned to him and added, “What about the new Air and Space Museum? We used to talk about taking the boys there. Did we ever do that?”

  He shook his head. “Yeah, they would love that. Matt, Jack, and I always loved the original Air and Space Museum. The old planes and space suits … wait.” He tugged on her shoulder as she was about to disappear into their bathroom. “You remember that? That we wanted to take them there?”

  Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. Then a deep frown of concentration creased her forehead. “I do.” She bounced up and down on her toes. “I do! Ollie, I remember that!”

  He scooped her up in his arms and carried her into their bedroom, swinging her around until they were both a little dizzy. “Your memories are coming back, babe!” He kissed her hard before they both tumbled onto the bed. Things were looking up.

  Chapter 15

  It was an unseasonably warm day and Serena paused for a moment after the fireproof door of the elementary school closed with a heavy thud behind her. As a coastal town, St. Caroline’s winters were pretty temperate, unlike the winters of her boarding school years in Connecticut. She might not remember last year’s winter but her memories of hurrying from building to building on campus while trying not to breathe in the frigid air were as sharp as ice.

  Still, going from thirty-five degrees to sixty degrees overnight was unusual, even for St. Caroline, and she wanted to savor the warmth for a moment or two. She almost wished the boys were still preschool-aged—she could pack a picnic lunch and the three of them could spend the afternoon at Secret Beach.

  She cocked her head to one side. Had she done that with the boys? Taken them for picnic lunches and some play time at the beach? She must have, right? Why else would it have occurred to her?

  She scanned the visitors’ parking lot, looking for Oliver. She’d been relying on Ashley for rides around town, but a couple in Annapolis had hired her to take photos of their newborn twins today. Serena dug her phone out of her purse as she strolled toward the visitors’ parking lot and tapped in a text. Come over for dinner tonight. Ashley had confessed that the new year was hitting her hard—”I thought the holidays would be the worst,” she’d confessed, “but it’s starting to feel real now, that Ben is actually gone.” Oliver’s shift at the station began at four so it would be just Serena and the boys at home. Bring your quilt blocks. I can help you catch up.

  She looked up from her phone just in time to see Oliver’s black SUV pull up to the curb.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said as she climbed up onto the passenger seat. He leaned over to kiss her.

  “You’re not late. I just got out.”

  “I had to stop by the station for a bit.”

  “Oh. I thought you didn’t have to go in until later this afternoon.”

  “I don’t, but some folks from the governor’s office are in town today. You probably don’t remember the fire at Mona Barrett’s house last summer.”

  She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “But I don’t remember every call you guys have … wait. Isn’t Mona Barrett the Secretary of State?”

  “Yup. That she is. And the governor has been getting an earful from her and some of the other part-time residents. They’re not convinced the St. Caroline fire department can save their fancy, expensive mansions in an emergency.”

  Serena stared out the passenger side window as Oliver vented. The subject of the wealthy summer homeowners in town had always made her uncomfortable. After all, it was no secret to anyone that she came from exactly those kind of people, the kind of people who could afford multiple homes. It wasn’t the way she wanted to live, but the town was more dependent on the part-time residents’ money than they liked to admit. All those nice restaurants and cute shops needed more customers than lived year-round in the surrounding neighborhoods.

  From her purse came the gentle ping of a text notification. She lifted her bag from the floor of the car and dug through it for her phone.

  “Who’s that?” Oliver asked.

  She tapped on the screen. “Ashley. I invited her for dinner tonight since you’re going to be at the station. She’s been feeling a little blue since the holidays.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  Serena shifted her gaze from her phone to her husband. She heard disapproval in his voice. “Is that not okay?”

  “It’s fine.” His voice was still tight, even for a man who was normally more buttoned up than most. “It’s just that I feel like you spend a lot of time with her and not with anyone else in town.”

  “She’s my best friend.” She was beginning to wonder whether Oliver liked Ashley—or whether he even knew her. “And she has time to spend with me. Not everyone does.”

  Up ahead w
as the intersection and the turn that would take them to their house.

  “I don’t seem to have too many other close friends in town,” she added quietly. “It was Ash and … your mom. They’re the people I was closest to, it seems. After you, of course.”

  Oliver braked the car to a stop at the intersection.

  “Was there someone else I was good friends with? Someone I’m not remembering?”

  When he didn’t answer, she turned her head to the side window. But instead of Oliver making a right turn in the direction of their house, he proceeded straight through the intersection.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I thought we’d go car shopping. I’m assuming you don’t want to make the trip to Virginia this weekend in my car.”

  “Why not? Plus, I haven’t been cleared to drive yet.”

  “You always said the SUV rode like a truck. And we need to replace the minivan at some point.”

  “Did the insurance cover it?”

  “They did. The car was a total loss. I just didn’t want to replace it before … without you along to pick one out.”

  That wasn’t what he’d been about to say. Before I knew if you were going to wake up.

  “Well, you know me. I’m not really a car person. I don’t care that much what kind of car I drive.” Growing up in the city, cars weren’t really a big part of her life—other than cabs. Her parents both had BMWs, but those were only used on weekends to get from the New York house to the Connecticut one.

  “You know I would never be presumptuous enough to pick out a car for you without your input,” Oliver said.

  No, he wouldn’t. That was true. She was about to give him a smile when other thoughts intruded. Thoughts of a different kind of insurance.

  “What about the hospital bills? Did the insurance cover all of that?”

  “Most of it.”

  “How much is most of it?”

  Oliver turned the car down another street. “Dad paid for what the insurance didn’t cover.”

  “What? He can’t do that, Ollie.”

  “He used some of the life insurance from mom.”

  “No. We have to pay him back. How much was it?”

  “You were in the hospital for four months.” He paused at an intersection. “It was a lot,” he added quietly.