A Soldier's Prayer--A Fresh-Start Family Romance

by Jenna Mindel

  “It’s way too early. Sit with me.”

  Monica opened her mouth to refuse, but nothing came out.

  “Please?”

  Curiosity fought apprehension and won. Cash Miller might be dangerous, yet she followed him right back to the couch.

  * * *

  Cash reached for a bottle of water from the fridge, then offered it to Monica. “Want one?”

  She took it, barely meeting his gaze.

  He grabbed another and headed to his corner of the couch, stretching out his legs onto the coffee table. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, why?” She sat down at the other end.

  “I don’t know. You seem quiet.” He’d never known Monica to be quiet other than when she was angry. As kids, he used to tease her until she got mad and super quiet, then he’d tease her some more until she finally laughed.

  He didn’t feel like teasing her tonight, though. Something was definitely going on with her and he wanted to know what it was. “Why’d you come up here all alone?”

  She shrugged.

  He listened to the quiet in the cabin, glad the rain had brought them indoors. Glad the boys had gone to bed early. “Come on, Monica, it’s me you’re talking to. What’s up?”

  She gave him a wan smile. “Sometimes the stress of daily life gets to me, so I get away. By myself.”

  “What’s daily life like for you?”

  She looked at him then. “My business keeps me busy, between web design and marketing on a consultative basis. I’ve even got some influential clients I meet with regularly.”

  He liked the proud tilt to her chin. She’d built a business by herself and he’d guess she did it her way. With her rules. “That guy you were dating. Did he mess you up?”

  She laughed. “No.”

  He gave her a pointed look.

  She added simply, “He’s a nice enough guy, but sort of spineless now that I think on it. We weren’t really serious, so he ducked out of the picture.”

  “His loss.” Cash meant that.

  “What about you? Anyone special?” Her gaze darted to her feet before she folded those long legs underneath her.

  He recalled the one kiss they’d shared all those years ago, when she’d turned eighteen. The power of it had knocked his socks off and he’d steered clear of repeating it ever since. The memory tempted him, though. Seeing Monica seated close enough to touch tempted him badly, but kissing her a second time might prove even more impactful, and then what?

  He couldn’t afford falling for her. He was an all-or-nothing kind of guy. He gave his career his all and it demanded that much and more. Men’s lives depended on him keeping a clear head and making quick decisions. Worrying about his own safety didn’t enter that equation when there was no one waiting back home for him. The cost of loving a woman, especially this woman, was simply too high.

  “Other than you?” He gave her a teasing wink. “Nope.”

  She looked at him then. “Why?”

  Those bright blue eyes of hers pierced deep, forcing him to give an honest answer. “I won’t compromise the safety of my men with personal worries.”

  Monica chuckled. “So a woman is worrisome to you?”

  He smiled, too. “In every way imaginable.”

  She rolled her eyes, but seemed to understand. In fact, she understood him better than most.

  “What about you? Why no husband and two point five kids?”

  “Haven’t met the right man, I guess.”

  Cash nodded. “He’s out there.”

  She looked away. “Maybe. So, why’d you join the marines, anyway? Neither your dad or Cole were military.”

  Back to him. She was good at deflecting any digging into her personal life. He probably shouldn’t go there anyway, so he thought about her question a moment. “After my dad died, I needed to beat death. I wanted to face it and beat it. I thought joining the marines would give me that opportunity.”

  She narrowed her gaze. “Did it?”

  He thought about all those colors he’d drawn earlier. The anger and frustration... “In some respects, it has, but the older I get the more I’m learning how little control I have over anything. Cole was supposed to live longer than me.”

  Monica’s eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t reach out. She simply stared at him and into him, as if she could delve into his soul and soothe it. Soothe him. Good old Monica. What would he do without her?

  The scary thought of actually losing her slipped through his mind and nearly choked him. He took a long pull from his bottle of water. Funny, but Monica was one of those stable forces in his life. She’d grown up, she’d dressed up with her sparkly clothes and makeup but she hadn’t changed much. Not really. She was still his Stork.

  “You want to finish watching that movie?” He needed to end this conversation fast before he said something he shouldn’t like she’d always be his.

  “No.” Her voice was whisper soft.

  He glanced at her mouth, wanting to taste those lips one more time.

  She caught him and blushed.

  He stood before he did something they’d both regret. “You’re right, Stork. I think I’ll turn in early, so I can see you off in the morning.”

  Monica looked relieved as she got up in turn. She didn’t even seem to mind him calling her the hated nickname. “With more pancakes? I brought blueberries.”

  He cupped her face. “Anything you want. I owe you big time for staying and helping with the boys. Thank you.”

  Her eyelids closed and she leaned into his hand briefly before stepping back. “No problem. I needed this—” Her voice broke, so she cleared her throat. “Night, Cash.”

  “Good night.” He watched her dart up the stairs to the loft.

  Something weighed heavily on her mind and he’d let her go without finding out what. He’d let her down. But then, maybe that was for the best. He’d meant it when he’d told her he needed to keep his mind clear when he returned to his company. The safety of his men and each mission depended on him becoming a machine with only one goal—success.

  He usually turned the care of his family over to God when he left the States. Whatever was going on with Monica, Cash prayed God would take care of it. Although God hadn’t exactly come through this last time, letting Cole die in a freak accident, Cash prayed anyway. He still believed in a God who was bigger than his anger and frustration.

  God knew what He was doing even if Cash didn’t agree with the way things turned out. Cash might struggle with answers to many questions, but his concern for Monica demanded that he pray. It was really all he could do.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, Monica looked in the mirror and grimaced at her puffy eyes staring back. She’d had a fitful night of sleep after crying her heart out, her face plastered into a pillow so Cash wouldn’t hear. She couldn’t believe she’d woken up so early, but then she’d gone to bed pretty early, too.

  Last night, she’d nearly blurted out the truth. She’d come so close to telling Cash about the cancer because of the tender look in his eyes. She’d been even closer to snuggling into his strength. The guy was a rock, but he’d lost his father and now his brother. It wouldn’t be fair to burden him with her issues.

  Hadn’t he said the last thing he wanted was a woman back home to worry about? She certainly didn’t want Cash distracted while deployed. She wanted him safe and sound. She wanted him alive, and if the truth were told, she wanted him to be hers.

  She leaned her head back and nearly cried again. That wasn’t ever going to happen. Even if he wanted her, which he didn’t, she couldn’t do that to him. Not now. Not when her future hung in the balance of cancer treatments. Not when she might not have a whole body in the end. She slammed her pajamas into the suitcase and zipped it closed.

  Good thing she was leaving. For both their sakes.<
br />
  Padding down the steps from the loft as quietly as she could manage, Monica wasn’t surprised to see Cash already up and making coffee. The sight of him in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms, with his hair mussed, nearly let loose the waterworks. The sad truth was that she’d fallen for Cash Miller a long time ago and all those feelings were rushing back in on her.

  He turned and smiled when he saw her. “Morning, Stork.”

  “Morning.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own.

  His gaze narrowed. “You look awful. Are you feeling okay?”

  “Thanks a lot. You really know what to say to a girl.” She didn’t bother to hide her irritation.

  He looked concerned. “Seriously, your face is all puffy.”

  She rolled her eyes and thought quickly. “Probably all the salt from the popcorn last night.” She held up her hands. “See? Sausage fingers.”

  He took both her hands in his, gently rubbing her fingers as he looked them over. “They look pretty slender to me.”

  She pulled her hands back and hurried into the kitchen. “I can finish making the coffee while you work on the pancakes.”

  His gaze narrowed as he looked at her, but finally he let it go. “Sounds like a plan.”

  They worked together in silence. Cash tossed some bacon in a hot frying pan before mixing up the pancake batter. She grabbed the container of blueberries and washed them in the sink while inhaling the luscious scent of frying bacon.

  She was careful to keep her distance, not even letting her elbow brush his. He seemed to be doing the same thing.

  A loose blueberry rolled off the counter and tumbled to a stop next to Cash’s bare foot. She bent to pick it up before he stepped on it. Monica had never noticed his feet before. They were nicely shaped and solid, like the rest of him.

  Straightening up, she tossed the rogue berry in the trash, then grabbed a mug for coffee. “I waited until it was done brewing.”

  He nodded as he stirred in the blueberries. “I noticed that.”

  “Do you want a cup?”

  “Please.”

  She handed him the first serving, then found another mug for herself and added cream and sugar. After fetching the butter and syrup from the fridge, she sat on a stool at the island and watched him pour puddles of batter on the griddle. “I’ll leave the food I brought.”

  “Thanks.” He didn’t look up from the stove, taking care to turn the strips of bacon over.

  “You’re pretty comfortable in the kitchen.”

  “Have to be if I want to eat.”

  “No mess halls on base? Wait, do you live on base?”

  He chuckled. “Yes, I do. I have a pretty nice town house, too.”

  What would his place look like? She’d been inside the house where Cash grew up only once, after his father had died. She’d felt like the awkward stork she’d been.

  She fell silent and sipped her coffee. There were too many memories between them. Too many questions she shouldn’t even ask, so she remained quiet while Cash finished cooking their breakfast.

  He set a plate with two pancakes stuffed with bleeding blueberries in front of her, followed by a plate with all the bacon. “Help yourself.”

  She grabbed a strip of bacon and wolfed it down. “Thanks.”

  He sat next to her with his own plate of pancakes, which he covered with syrup.

  Monica couldn’t stop noticing things she hadn’t paid attention to before, like the small scar on Cash’s left wrist. Reaching out, she ran her finger over the white line of skin and felt him tense. “What happened here?”

  He smiled as if the memory was a good one. “Snowmobiling with your brothers up here. I got tangled up in some barbed wire that slipped between my jacket sleeve and glove.”

  She grabbed his hand and turned it over. No scar there. It only ran along the top of his wrist. “Please don’t tell me you ran into it while driving the sled.”

  He chuckled. “No. We were breaking trail and there was a fallen bit of fencing in the way. I grabbed one end while Matthew grabbed the other, and my hand got in the way.”

  “Stitches?” Monica asked.

  Cash shrugged. “Probably should have. That wire cut pretty deep, but no.”

  Her amusement died when she recalled the broad scar across his belly. That hadn’t looked like something he’d received while having fun. That had battle scar written all over it and she didn’t want to think about how he’d gotten it.

  Sinking deeper into dark thoughts, she considered the kind of scars she might end up with. How visible would they be?

  Staring at the butter melting over her pancakes, Monica wasn’t so hungry anymore. But she couldn’t let these beauties go to waste, especially since she didn’t know when she’d enjoy a stack of blueberry pancakes with Cash again. More dark thoughts.

  Dousing the stack with syrup, she dug in with a vengeance. “These are really good. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  They polished off the pancakes and bacon, and too soon it was time for Monica to go.

  Cash grabbed her suitcase and carried it out the door.

  Once outside, they both looked around. Fallen tree branches and leaves littered the grass. The skies were clearing as the sun made a modest appearance in the east, but the grounds were a mess.

  “Whoa. Maybe I should stick around and clean up.”

  He waved her suggestion away. “We got this. It’ll give me something to do with the boys. Text me when you get home.”

  Monica nodded, staring at his bare feet a moment before looking him in the eye. She should give him a hug, but...

  “Tell the boys I said goodbye. Tell them I’m sorry I didn’t say it in person, but I have to get home.” Before she did something she’d regret, like tell Cash everything, including how she felt about him.

  “I will and they’ll be fine.”

  Monica stepped forward and extended her arms. She wanted that hug. “Later, Cash. It was good to see you.”

  His arms wrapped around her waist and he drew her close, much too close for a quick embrace between friends. He buried his face in her hair and whispered, “Take care, Monica.”

  She held on a moment longer, savoring the feel of his broad shoulders under her palms. She melted against him when his lips brushed her jaw and the whiskers of his short beard scraped her chin.

  She ended the sweet torment by pulling away, fast. “I better go.”

  “Yeah, you should.” He ran his hand over his chin, looking troubled. Dangerous.

  She climbed behind the wheel of her car and then glanced up at him, memorizing his face, his eyes and the way he looked at her.

  Cash held the door and then shut it, tapping on the roof. “Be safe, Stork.”

  “You, too.” She started the engine and backed up, turned around and headed down the driveway.

  Tears blurred her vision.

  After last night, she hadn’t thought she had any tears left. It was better this way. Once they were out of sight, they’d be out of each other’s minds. That was how it worked. How it had always worked.

  Remembering the feel of his embrace, she wondered if it might be different this time. What if she couldn’t shake her thoughts of Cash? Her feelings.

  Turning a corner, Monica groaned when she spotted the fallen tree up ahead. A huge maple lay across the driveway. She slowed to a stop, put the car in Park and got out. The tall, jagged stump showed signs of charring from being hit by lightning.

  There was no driving around it either way, due to the density of trees lining the only entrance to her uncle’s cabin. This was the only way out, too. She wasn’t going anywhere today.

  Grabbing her cell phone, she called her mother and explained the situation.

  “What about your doctor’s appointment this Thursday?” Her mom’s voice sounded a lit
tle shrill.

  Monica knew how she felt. They were mere days away from Thursday. They both wanted to get moving on this cancer thing. Monica needed to agree on a plan, get it started and get it done.

  “I’ll be home in plenty of time.” She hoped. “We just have to get someone out here to remove the tree. I’ll keep you posted.”

  After disconnecting, Monica sighed. It was Sunday. They wouldn’t get ahold of anyone today. At best they might leave a message and hear back tomorrow.

  For now, she was stuck here. With Cash.

  She thought about that embrace once again and shuddered. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.

  Chapter Eight

  Cash spotted Monica’s car coming back to the house and frowned. She must have forgotten something. He hoped they didn’t have to repeat their goodbye. That embrace was something he didn’t think he could repeat. It had nearly killed him not to kiss her.

  Stepping out onto the deck, so he didn’t wake the boys, he spread his arms. “What’d you forget?”

  She got out of the car, a look of panic etched across her face. “I can’t get out. There’s a tree down, blocking the drive.”

  His stomach sank. “Can’t you drive around it?”

  Now she looked irritated. “If I could have, I’d be gone.”

  He took a deep breath and reentered the house.

  She followed him and watched silently as he donned a pair of work boots. Then she followed him back outside. “What are you doing?”

  “There’s a chain saw in the pole barn. Stay with the boys.”

  She laughed. “There’s no way you can cut through that trunk with the chain saw that’s here.”

  Now he was irritated. “We’ll see.”

  “Cash, I’m serious. It’s a huge tree and the trunk is covering the drive, not the branches. You’ll hurt yourself.”

  He gave her a look that said that he’d handle it.

  She responded by raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

  Without a word, he exited the cabin for the pole barn. He’d figure it out. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice.