My mouth fell open, but I was too stunned to respond. I was over a hundred years old, and born in another realm. To two Archangels. I searched my mind for any glimpses of the parents she spoke of, or of my childhood in Heaven, but those memories were gone. Not even a tiny flicker of familiarity remained. And yet, I sensed she was telling the truth. That only made it worse somehow. After spending the last few years desperately wishing I had memories of my parents, whom I’d believed were killed in the car accident that gave me amnesia, even the briefest flash of them would be a blessing.
“Go on,” I said.
“The Great War was still ongoing at that time, and together we fought against the demons, until Lucifer killed our father and kidnapped you.” She sighed and sipped her coffee before continuing. “Somehow you fell in love with him, much to my dismay. You always do.”
I sat up a little at that. “Lucifer killed our father?”
“Oh, he left that part out of his story, did he?” She shook her head. “Why am I not surprised?”
“If Lucifer killed him, I’m sure he had a good reason,” Zel growled.
“I’m sure the death of an Archangel seemed like a good enough reason at the time,” Jophiel snapped back.
I held up a hand before they started going at it. “What happened after that?”
Jophiel set down her coffee mug and met my eyes. “Eventually you returned, claiming Lucifer had let you go. As an Ofanim, I could tell you were speaking the truth, but I knew there was more to it than that. When we were alone, you told me you’d started a secret romance with Lucifer. I was appalled, naturally, but you explained about your past lives and your mate bond with Lucifer. Since you’re my sister I agreed to keep your secret, though I later regretted that since it only led to your doom when Adam killed you.”
I swallowed hard, but had to ask, “How did it happen?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there at the time. You managed to escape and flew to my house, bleeding everywhere.” Her face tightened and she stared into her coffee mug with pain evident in her eyes. “I called Raphael to heal you, but he didn’t arrive in time to save you. However, he did manage to resurrect you.”
Archangel Raphael was Marcus’s father, I remembered. I’d now been resurrected by both father and son. How lucky for me. “That doesn’t explain why my memories are missing.”
Her voice grew urgent, her eyes pleading with me. “Everyone thought you were dead. Only Lucifer, Raphael, and I knew the truth. Knowing that your fate would only be to return to Lucifer and then be killed again by Adam, I saw an opportunity to protect you—and I took it. I wiped your memories, along with the others’, and allowed everyone to believe you were another tragedy of war.”
I raised my eyebrows. “And you didn’t think to ask me if I wanted that?”
“I did, actually, and you agreed. The pain you felt at the time was too much to bear. You wanted to forget.”
“Why? Why was it so bad?”
Jophiel looked away. “You lost more than just your life that day. I cannot say any more than that.”
I glared at her, wishing she would give me answers, and annoyed at my past self for agreeing to that plan. “How long ago was this?”
“About forty years ago.”
I nearly knocked over my coffee mug. “Forty years?” I practically yelled. I only remembered the last few years of my life as Hannah. Where was the rest of it?
Jophiel tried to offer me a small blueberry scone. “Dear, you should really eat something. You’ll feel so much better.”
I knocked the scone out of her hand. “I don’t want a fucking scone! I want to know what happened during the last forty years! Where were my wings, my powers? Who was I all that time?”
“Yes, I’d like to know also,” Zel said, and I felt grateful she was there to back me up. “Especially since even Lucifer thought she was human.”
“For all intents and purposes she was human,” Jophiel admitted, before turning back to me. “I took away your powers and turned you human. The only thing I left was your immortality. I couldn’t bear the thought of you growing old and dying. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“How is that possible?” I asked.
“Because she’s an Archdemon,” Zel said with obvious disdain.
Jophiel nodded. “Archangels—and Archdemons, for that matter—have a unique ability to turn angels and demons into humans, stripping them of their powers and immortality. It’s almost never done, and in fact few people know it’s even possible. In the old days the power was abused, so now we try to never use it, unless someone asks us to do so.”
I stared at my sister, my hands trembling. “Did I ask?”
“No. You simply wanted to forget. But that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t send you back out as an angel. Lucifer and Adam would find you again!” She reached for me, but I pulled back. “Don’t you see, I did this to protect you.”
“You did it against my will!” Fuck, she was just as bad as Lucifer. Both of them claiming to love me, and then making life-changing decisions without actually consulting me. I stood up and paced the room, running a jerky hand through my hair. Did anyone actually give a damn what I thought? Or what I wanted? Or did they all think they knew better than me?
“Haniel, please,” my sister said. “I only wanted you to be safe.”
“But you never asked what I wanted!” I roared, as golden light flared out of me like an explosion.
Jophiel shrank back and Zel threw up a hand to shield her eyes. I quickly got the light back under control and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I accidentally destroyed my sister’s house. Not that she deserved anything less. Besides, there was still more she wasn’t telling me.
“Why do I only remember the last five years of my life as Hannah?” I asked.
Jophiel smoothed her skirt. “Even though I did my best to give you a normal, human life, after a few years you figured out that something wasn’t right. I wiped your memories and started again, giving you a new identity and a new life, but it never lasted. You’d miraculously heal a wound, or realize you weren’t aging, and then grow suspicious. So we’d have to do it again.”
My mouth fell open and all I could do was stare at her. “How many times?”
“Seven,” Jophiel said in a low voice. “I’ve wiped your memories seven times.”
“Seven times! And each time you gave me a new life,” I said, still pacing, my hands clenched tight. “Was any of it real? What about the accident with the drunk driver? That was fake, wasn’t it? Just a way to easily explain away my lack of memories?”
She dropped her head. “Yes.”
“And our supposed parents who died in the crash? They weren’t real, were they?”
“No. They never existed. Not the ones you’re thinking of anyway, although all of our parents are gone. We really are orphans.”
As if that made it any better. Fury pounded behind my eyes, nearly giving me a headache. Everything I’d believed for my entire life—or as it turned out, only five years of my life—was all a lie. A story. Something Jophiel simply made up to keep me under her control like I was a child she needed to coddle.
“All this time you lied to me,” I said, seething with anger. “Aren’t Ofanim supposed to be the angels of truth?”
“I’m sorry, Haniel,” Jophiel said in a low voice. “I only did what I thought was best.”
Shock and rage unfurled in my chest, and I picked up my coffee mug and threw it at her display of angels, knocking a few of them over and splashing liquid everywhere. “No! You can’t use that excuse anymore. You took my choices away. You took my life away.” I whirled around and stalked toward her, until I stood over her, trembling with barely-contained emotion. “And now you’re going to give me my memories back.”
Zel jumped to her feet and moved behind me, backing me up with a growl. “Do it.”
“All right, yes.” Jophiel rose to her feet and lifted her chin. “But don’t forget that you asked me to r
emove them. You didn’t want these memories. Sometimes it’s easier to not remember.”
Lucifer had said something similar, but what could be worse than existing in a world of fleeting half-truths? If I was going to move on with the rest of my immortal life, I needed to be whole again. “Do it. I don’t care how bad the memories are.”
Jophiel pressed her lips together in a thin line, a crease marring her forehead. “You may want to sit down for this.”
I reluctantly took a seat in the white armchair, and Jophiel moved close. She rested her hand on my forehead and light filled my gaze as her palm heated. I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever was to come.
The memories rushed in, all at once. They filled my mind with decades of life, but it was too much and too quickly. I wanted to scream, and if I was standing I surely would have fallen to my knees. As it was, I could only grip the arms of the chair tight as memories buffeted me. Things I should have known, things I never should’ve forgotten. Love. Pain. Loss.
Such incredible loss.
I clutched my stomach and cried out in anguish, as tears filled my eyes. The pain was too much, and way too raw. Pain I’d never had time to recover from, and loss I’d never had a chance to grieve. I didn’t know how to handle it, or all the other feelings surging inside me.
Maybe Lucifer and Jophiel were right. Maybe it was better not to know.
5
Lucifer
When I woke, Hannah was gone. As I knew she would be.
I could have stopped her. I could have gone after her. If I wanted her by my side, nothing on Earth would prevent me from getting my way. But Azazel was with her—I’d made sure of that—and I would allow Hannah to confront her sister on her own. She needed some time to think, and to recover. Then she’d return to me...or I’d drag her back here, kicking and screaming if I must.
While Hannah sought her past, I had other problems to deal with. My destroyed penthouse, for one thing. I immediately ordered it cleaned and repaired, and I knew my staff would have it looking like new within a few hours. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time—even in the last week—that they’d had to restore order to the place. As they worked, I headed to my war room one floor below, searching for Samael.
As soon as I stepped into his office, Samael’s face darkened, his eyebrows lowering into a glower. He stood from his seat, pacing in front of the large window that separated us from the main hub of the control room, where giant screens flashed with demon locations and global activity. My staff rushed about out there, taking phone calls and exchanging information, but Samael and I were trapped in a quiet bubble. I moved to the small bar in the corner and poured us both a whiskey, then took a seat in front of him.
We sat together for some time, the silence thick and heavy in the room. He shook his head and parted his lips like he was finally ready to speak. Then he closed his mouth and shook his head again before glancing out of the window and clearing his throat.
“I can’t understand how I missed it.” He slowly swirled his whiskey around in his glass. “For over a century Gadreel deceived us. How did I miss that he was truly Adam? I was with him the most. We worked together. I trusted him!”
“He spent years earning our trust, only to betray us all,” I said, my rage quietly simmering under the surface, but threatening to boil over. The rage I always felt whenever I thought of Adam.
Samael stood and poured himself another drink. “Yes, but he was my assistant. I trusted him with everything. And all that time he was lying to us and plotting his attack. I should have seen it. I should have stopped it.”
“We all should have seen it.” I’d trusted Gadreel too. He’d been at the center of many of our operations. I’d let him get close to Hannah, even left him alone with her. I shut my eyes briefly, not wanting to consider the things he could have done while he’d had my trust.
Fuck—the things he had done while he’d had my trust.
“He killed Lenore. And Haniel.” My chest clenched with pain at the old memory, newly recovered. And the other memory of him last night, standing over Hannah, about to finish the job. “He must pay.”
Samael knocked back the whiskey in one gulp. “He will.”
“Find him,” I ground out, my voice low and angry.
“What do you think we’ve been doing?” He set his empty glass down on his desk with a heavy thump. “I have all my best people looking for him, but he’s proving to be elusive so far.”
I downed the rest of my whiskey as well, hoping the slight burn would calm my smoldering fury. “The Archdemons must be hiding him. Mammon said Adam was working with some of the other Archdemons. They wish to overthrow me and return to Hell. Fools, all of them.”
Samael poured another glass for both of us. “There will be fallout from you killing Mammon. There are so few dragons left, and you killed the oldest, most powerful one.” He tipped his glass toward me in an almost salute. “Not that I blame you. He deserved it. But they might retaliate.”
“If they’re that stupid, let them come.” I was in the mood to remind some more demons who was in charge of them.
He arched an eyebrow at me, a gentle rebuke. “Perhaps you should consider making peace with them, if you can. It would be a shame if you had to wipe out the few remaining dragons.”
“That’s up to them. They can swear loyalty to me—or they can die.”
“That’s not our only problem,” Samael said. “Gadreel took my ancient journals, the ones that spoke of the curse, and other things from our distant past. It contains knowledge he and the Archdemons should never know—like where certain Elder Gods are sealed away.” He looked at me, his gaze full of warning. “Including your father.”
My chest tightened and fury whipped through me like fire as things started to make sense. “They must be trying to release them. The Elder Gods are the only ones who could defeat me.” It was a foolish, dangerous plan that was likely to backfire on them, but would also result in many casualties along the way.
Samael furrowed his brow. “If Adam and the Archdemons release those four, destruction will rain down upon Earth.”
My fingers tightened around my glass until it shattered. Those four Elder Gods could not be unleashed upon the world. Especially my father. “I won’t let that happen.”
“We’ll do everything in our power to stop it,” Samael said, before letting out a long, frustrated sigh. “But first I need to find a new assistant.”
I rose to my feet and adjusted my suit. “Try to find someone who isn’t plotting our destruction this time.”
6
Hannah
The last thing I remembered was darkness claiming me, taking me to a place where the memories couldn’t hurt me anymore. Now the sound of metal slipping against metal wormed its way into my dream, waking me from a vision of Gadreel glaring at me with eyes full of rage. I rolled over and slowly realized I was in Jophiel’s luxurious guest room. Azazel sat in a chair in the corner, sharpening one of her knives.
It was dark, with no light visible through the curtains, so I must have been out a while. I sucked in a deep breath and tried not to panic as everything hit me again, returning in a wave as big as when Jophiel had released the memories into my head.
I remembered it all.
Everything.
A gleaming white house built upon a hill with many places for an angel to land. A woman with golden hair and a radiant smile taking me into her arms. A man with serious blue eyes handing me a book. Jophiel, already hundreds of years old by the time I was born, taking my hand and leading me outside into bright sunlight. All memories from my childhood in Heaven. And my parents—my real parents. I remembered them strongly, along with the pain of losing them.
My mother, Archangel Anael, had simply disappeared soon after I gained my wings at twenty-one. No one knew what happened to her, though many suspected the demons had killed her. And my father, Archangel Phanuel—Jophiel was right, Lucifer did kill him. What she left out was that he’d done
it in self-defense. It was during the middle of the Great War, and I was serving under my father, who commanded a group of spies. He led our team in an assassination attempt against Lucifer, but we failed. My father died in the attack, and Lucifer captured me.
At first, I hated Lucifer. I burned with the desire to strike him dead. I’d been raised my entire life to hate demons, and especially Lucifer, and then he’d killed my father. But I couldn’t deny my bond with him either, and soon I came to know the real Lucifer. I also began to remember my past lives, just snippets and feelings more than anything, but it was enough. I couldn’t deny the truth that he was my mate.
We began a secret, forbidden relationship, and in private we spent hours discussing the endless war between angels and demons. Slowly we each began to realize that the two sides had both lost sight of why they were even fighting by that point, and we agreed that the war was hurting both our races. Heaven and Hell had each become ravaged by the ancient battles, and the population of angels and demons were dwindling. Despite that, we couldn’t see an end to the war. Neither side would concede. Pride was perhaps the greatest enemy of all.
Lucifer was the only one who could put an end to the war, and I’d tried to convince him to do just that—and for a while, I really thought he might do it, especially when we discovered I was pregnant. The first child ever created from the forbidden love between and an angel and a Fallen. A perfect blend of light and darkness. A daughter.
We were overjoyed—especially since children among immortals are so rare. But the joy didn’t last long.
The memories played out in my mind like a film I couldn’t stop. When I was seven months pregnant, Gadreel found out about us, and he got me alone and attacked me. My thoughts faltered in a wave of pain. He hadn’t only taken my life. He’d taken my unborn daughter’s life too.
Devilish Mate: Claimed By Lucifer Book Two Page 3