Crap. I probably should have given her some more warning before letting the wings out. “Yeah, I do. Turns out my name is really Haniel, and the reason I couldn’t remember my past was because Jophiel kept it from me, along with my powers. But now that’s over.”
“I always hated your sister,” Brandy muttered. “Can I touch them?”
I nodded, and she lightly ran her fingers over the silver feathers. It sent a weird tingle through me and felt way too intimate, but I kept myself from squirming at her touch.
“Holy shit. An angel.” She gazed upon my wings with such reverence, it made me feel self-conscious, and I quickly tucked them away again.
“I hope this doesn’t change anything between us. I know my whole life as Hannah was a lie, but...”
“No way. You’re still my best friend. Sure, you didn’t remember who you were for a while, but so what? Our friendship was never fake. Everything we had was real.”
Warmth filled my chest as relief settled over my shoulders. “Thank you, Brandy.”
“Of course.” She wrapped me in a tight hug. “Now what’s going on with Lucifer?”
My back stiffened at his name and the rush of emotions that came with it. “It’s...complicated. We’ve had a bit of a falling out. Hence why I needed to get away.”
“Well, I’ll help you however I can,” Brandy said, as she went back to making the salad. “If you need to crash here for a while, that’s fine. Technically you still live here anyway. Your friend Zel can take the couch.”
“I’m not sure what we’re going to do. I have a lot to think about. But thank you for the offer.”
She nodded and waved me away. “Dinner will be ready soon. Why don’t you go to your room and take a minute to clean yourself up? I love you girl, but you look like a hot mess.”
Her brutal honesty made me laugh, and I looked down at myself and realized she was right. After two days on the road and a lot of crying along the way—and no showers either—I could really use some freshening up.
I headed up the stairs toward my room, except once I stepped inside, it hit me then that nothing about this life was truly mine anymore. Not like it had been.
This room was the smallest one in the house, big enough for a bed and not much else, but that had never bothered me. I’d just been grateful Brandy had let me stay with her. I didn’t have much stuff either, and all of it seemed like something from a dream now anyway. I’d earned the money and purchased it all myself, but everything felt like trinkets from another life. A double bed with emerald green throw pillows. Piles of books. Cute little houseplants that desperately needed to be watered.
On my dresser was a framed photo of my parents. Or rather, the people Jophiel had said were my parents. I picked it up and studied it, but I had no memory of any of these people. With a huff, I slammed the frame facedown on the dresser. Probably a damn stock photo.
I pressed my palms to my eyes, willing back the tears I didn’t want to cry. I’d done enough crying already and I was damn tired of it, but I didn’t know how to move on from this either. I’d come back here in the hopes of returning to my ordinary life, even for just a short time, but that life was a lie. These things weren’t mine. They belonged to Hannah. And Hannah wasn’t real.
How could Jophiel have done this to me? Not just once, but again and again?
The more I tried to ignore my memories of those other fake lives, the more I saw and remembered. Other homes where I lived by myself, with few friends or other connections. Jobs that tied me to one spot and kept me too poor to do much of anything. Relationships that never went anywhere. I even had a dog once, a little mutt with big brown eyes and a shaggy coat. What happened to that dog? I had no idea.
Jophiel had kept me close-by and completely clueless so she could control me. Supposedly for my protection, but that didn’t excuse her behavior or her actions. That didn’t make it right. Nobody should be able to take over someone else’s life like that.
And she’d kept me from my mate.
I was still upset with Lucifer, but she had no right to keep me apart from him for so many years. She’d taken his memories too, I remembered now. We should have had a chance to grieve our unborn daughter together, and instead we’d been torn apart and made to forget. Now we had the memories back, but we were both too broken to deal with them.
Brandy called out that dinner was almost ready, and I realized I was supposed to be pulling myself together. I stared at myself in the mirror, noting my stringy blond hair and the dark circles under my blue eyes. I really was a mess. I tried to clean up a bit, changing my clothes, brushing my hair, throwing on some deodorant. The best I could do without taking a shower.
As I headed down to dinner, plastering on a fake smile for my companions, I felt more lost than ever. What in the world was I supposed to do now? Where did I truly belong? And who was I, really?
8
Hannah
In the morning there was only one place for me to go—my flower shop.
I’d crashed in my bedroom overnight, though I’d barely slept. I’d been too plagued by nightmares and memories to get much rest. Now I covered my mouth with a yawn as the Lamborghini approached the familiar little shop with its dark green awning and elegant white script spelling out the name Elegant Thorn.
Thorn. My last name. I’d always been amused by how perfect it was for the owners of a flower shop, like perhaps the name had influenced my parents’ profession somehow. Now I knew the last name was completely fake. I wondered if it amused Jophiel to give me that name, or if she was just that uncreative and went for the obvious. Probably the latter, knowing my sister. I was lucky she didn’t name me Hannah Blossom or something.
I got out of the car, but held up a hand when Zel started to follow me. “I need a moment in there alone. Please.”
She huffed and looked like she might argue, but then said, “Fine. I’ll be right outside though.”
With a deep breath, I approached the front door. The place was closed and empty, the windows still displaying jack-o-lanterns and other Halloween decor, even though it was days past the holiday. We should have moved on to Thanksgiving preparations already, but there was no sign of Maggie, who was supposed to have been running the place for me in my absence.
I pulled the keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door before walking inside. The shop smelled musty, like greenery that was giving up, like death was already taking some of my beloved plants. They all needed tending, and it broke my heart to see them in such a state. Petals were starting to curl, and leaves drooped and had lost their shine. I sighed, knowing this was my fault. I hadn’t been the most attentive boss while in Las Vegas, especially with everything going on, and it’s not like I paid Maggie much either. It had probably gotten to be too much for her, and I couldn’t blame her for walking away.
It didn’t matter now anyway. The shop was another lie. My parents had never owned this place. They weren’t even real. For the last five years, I’d kept the business going out of loyalty to their memory and a desire to keep their legacy alive, but it was all another of Jophiel’s fabrications.
The shop hadn’t ever made a lot of money, but I’d worked so hard to keep it going. And for what? In the grand scheme of things, what had been the point? Oh, the work was enjoyable, sure. I loved dealing with plants, and seeing the joy and beauty that flowers could bring to the world. How could I not, when I was the reincarnation of Persephone? But I’d always wanted more. I’d always known, deep down, that my life was meant for bigger things than running a small flower shop.
I filled a can with water and began giving the plants a drink, talking to them as I went, reassuring them they’d be okay. They’d have some water and perk right back up in no time. I touched a leaf here and there as I passed, willing it to grow strong again. I breathed in the scent of the roses, and smiled faintly at the bright daffodils as I walked through the place I used to call mine.
I was deep in the back row of plants when the bell chimed to
announce that someone had come in the front door. “Zel, I said wait outside.”
Nobody answered, and I paused. Zel would have shot back a mouthful of attitude, and she would have stopped anyone who was a threat. Shit, what if it was a customer? I sucked in a deep breath and tried to put a pleasant expression on my face as I walked toward the front of the shop. But then I spotted him through the rows of greenery.
Lucifer.
He wore a crisp black suit and a white shirt with the collar unbuttoned, radiating sex, power, and dominance with every step he took toward me. My emotions warred inside me. Seeing him again was torture now, with the knowledge of what he’d done, along with all my recovered memories. But I’d missed him too. Of course I did. How could I not? He was my mate. We were bound together for all eternity...like it or not.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, keeping my voice as even as I could manage.
“I allowed you to leave Las Vegas,” he said as he stalked toward me. “But you’ve been gone far too long. It’s time you return home with me.”
His arrogant, commanding tone immediately annoyed me. I put my hands on my hips as I stood my ground against him. “And if I won’t go?”
A dark smile crossed his sensual lips. “Then I’ll make you come. In both senses of the word. Should I get the handcuffs? That could be fun.”
“You’re impossible,” I muttered, as I tried to ignore the erotic thoughts his words brought to mind. “I’m not going anywhere.”
His smile dropped and his green eyes burned with dark power. “You belong by my side. You’re my mate. My queen. My wife.”
“We are not married!” I blurted out.
“Oh, yes we are. I know you went to see Jophiel, and she must have given you your memories back. Surely you remember our hasty wedding with Samael as our officiant, done at your request after we discovered you were pregnant. I thought the whole thing was silly—angels and demons tend not to bother with the marriage thing—but you insisted. I assumed it was an eccentricity from all the lives you spent as a human.”
Shit. I remembered that now that he’d brought it up. We’d had the private ceremony at his palace in Hell, and he’d chuckled at me for wearing a white dress and insisting on a bouquet of flowers. I’d wanted the whole human ceremony because I was just so happy about the pregnancy and so head over heels in love with Lucifer. With our relationship forbidden and secret, I wanted some way to make it feel official before our daughter was born. Samael had married us outside in a private garden, under the endless stars, and for a short time everything had seemed perfect.
But I also remembered something else. Seeing Gadreel poke his head into the garden, looking for Samael, then apologizing profusely for interrupting us. That’s when he found me. And only a few weeks later, he killed me...and our daughter.
I couldn’t even reply to Lucifer, because the memory of our wedding only brought back pain now. What once had been a joyous day only reminded me of everything we’d lost. My face crumpled and I turned away, covering my eyes with my hands to try to stop the tears from escaping.
Lucifer’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me against him and holding me tight. “So you do remember.”
“Part of me wishes I didn’t. Our daughter…” The pain returned, and it was too much. I couldn’t breathe. I pressed my face into his shoulder, craving his familiar strength.
“I know,” he said in a low voice. “I understand.”
Yes—he was the only one who truly understood. Jophiel had taken his memories too, and he’d only just regained them a few days ago. The pain was fresh for him also, which was why he’d warned me I might not want the memories back.
I gripped the front of his suit. “I should have listened to you and stayed in the dark.”
“No, it’s better that you know. Harder, yes. But better.” His hand moved slowly across my back as he held me close. “I knew you’d choose to get the memories back. You always did want the truth.”
The truth...the truth brought pain. But it brought clarity too. I took a deep breath and looked up at Lucifer with determination burning inside me. “Adam. He took our daughter. He has to pay.”
Lucifer growled in response, his chest rumbling with the force of his rage. “My people are searching for Adam as we speak. With the curse broken, we can defeat him once and for all.”
I nodded, focusing on the anger to get through the pain. Vengeance wouldn’t return what was lost, but it would help. And as long as Adam was out there, he would continue trying to torment us and everyone we loved. I was going to kill that fucker, once and for all, even if it was the last thing I did in this life.
“Adam has taken everything from me a thousand times, but that night I thought he might truly have broken me,” Lucifer said, his voice distant as he recalled his own memories. “You vanished, leaving behind only a trail of blood, and I knew it was bad. I managed to track you to Jophiel, but by then it was too late. She told me you were both gone.” His hands tightened around me, pressing me harder against him. “I’m very familiar with grief after watching you die so many times, but this...this was different. It was unbearable. I could barely think straight, and Jophiel was able to overpower me and remove my memories. Perhaps I didn’t fight it too hard. Perhaps oblivion seemed preferable.”
I sensed the great depths of grief inside Lucifer, akin to my own, even though he was good at hiding it from his face. “I wanted the same thing. It seemed easier at the time to forget.”
“But now the pain is back, just as raw, and you want to tear the world apart,” he finished for me.
Emotion made my throat tight. He knew me so well after hundreds of lifetimes together, no matter what body I was in. “Yes.”
He cupped my cheek in his hand, his eyes intense as he gazed into mine. “Then return to Las Vegas with me as my dark queen, and together we’ll burn the world down and rebuild it from the ashes.”
I stepped back from him and glanced around the flower shop that had once meant so much to me. Now all I wanted was for Adam to pay. I wouldn’t find justice if I stayed here in Hannah’s life. I wouldn’t find peace either, if such a thing was possible. But leaving this place behind was harder than I expected. For the last five years, this had been my life. Real or not, it was everything I’d known...until I’d met Lucifer.
I turned back to him, my decision made. “I’ll go with you, but just because I’m returning doesn’t mean I forgive you for what you did. If you want me to be your queen, you have to start treating me as your equal. You can’t keep making decisions that turn my whole world upside down without discussing them with me first.”
His eyes narrowed. “I already explained why I had to kill you the way I did. You’re welcome to be mad at me for the next few hundred years, but I stand by my actions.”
“But you didn’t give me a choice! Just like Jophiel, you took away my options and had all the power in the situation. I know you had your reasons, but I still can’t accept that this was the only way, and I’m not sure how to move on from it. You killed me, Lucifer. With your own hands.”
He scowled at that, his jaw clenching, but after a moment he managed to say, “I suppose I’m so used to making all the decisions on my own after ruling the demons for thousands of years, and most of that time without you by my side. I will do my best to consult with you in the future.”
It wasn’t an apology, but it was something. An acknowledgment that maybe he’d fucked up a little at least. I wasn’t sure Lucifer could really change at this point, but he was my mate. The two of us were inevitable, and I couldn’t escape him even if I wanted to. Which meant I had to find a way to live with him. More than that, I wanted to find a way. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“What will you do about the shop?” he asked.
“Close it, I guess. It was never really mine anyway. Jophiel is the real owner.”
He rested a hand on my shoulder possessively. “I’ll send someone to deal with it. My people will handle everythi
ng.”
I nodded and looked around the place for what was probably the last time, and all I felt was an aching hollowness deep inside me. “I’m ready.”
9
Lucifer
Hannah was silent the entire drive back to her friend Brandy’s house. I couldn’t blame her. She’d been through a lot these past few days, but now she would return home to Vegas where she belonged, and together we would get through this. It was clear Hannah needed time, and I had plenty to give her—we had forever, after all.
But first, she wished to say goodbye her to her friend and collect her things. We left the limo behind and approached the front door of the quaint little house, while Zel waited in the Lamborghini. I was probably going to have to send Jophiel a bill for that car, since my mate seemed to have claimed it as her own. Or, if Hannah preferred, I’d buy her a new one in every color if that would make her happy. I owed her that much.
“Oh,” Brandy said, when she opened the door and caught sight of me. She didn’t shrink back, but her eyes got huge when she realized the devil was standing on her front porch. We’d met once before, when I’d rescued her from an abandoned motel in the middle of the desert where she was being held captive by shifters. Needless to say, I’d made a strong impression.
“I believe you’ve met Lucifer,” Hannah said, gesturing at me.
I took Brandy’s hand and kissed it, which only made her look more shocked, much to my amusement. “A pleasure to see you again. You seem to have recovered nicely from your ordeal.”
“Thank you again for saving us.” Brandy stepped back and allowed us entry into her home. “Please come in.”
I followed Hannah inside and surveyed the living room with furniture that had obviously seen better days. A rug that curled slightly at the end. A couch with arms worn thin from use. A pillow with frayed edges. But most shocking of all was Asmodeus standing in the center of the room in his black suit, somehow looking as though he belonged there.
Devilish Mate: Claimed By Lucifer Book Two Page 5