by Dawn Edwards
‘How long are you in town for?’ I asked them.
‘We just flew in, the plane is on standby at the airport, and we have a few viewings set up over the next two days down in London,’ Breton told me. ‘I have to meet with my employer, get all my work visa shit sorted out, security clearances and all that.’
‘We were hoping you would come with us tonight, show us around London, what to look for, where to avoid,’ Steve said, hopeful.
I smiled. ‘Like Brett doesn’t already know where not to live and where to get the best subs.’
‘But I know nothing of curries…’
I looked over to Ali, who looked pleased with what was transpiring. Not because he wanted me gone, but because he saw that I was wanted, I wasn’t a lost boy. I’d found my place in the world, and the fact that Steve and Breton came here personally, proved to him and to me just how important I was to them.
I nodded. He was right, it was time. I took a deep breath. ‘Fine, let me pack.’ I turned to Ali, ‘How pissed will your mom be if don’t say goodbye?’
He shrugged. ‘I’ll explain it all to her, go on.’
‘And our plans for New Year’s?’ I asked as I stood. New Year's Eve was in a few more days, and we had purchased tickets to a club with live music with a bunch of friends from university.
‘I’ll find someone to take,’ he assured me, nudging his head towards his room, where my bag and things were.
An hour later, I was boarding the private jet with Breton and Steve. I’d been working with the Cahills for almost a year and had never stepped foot on one of the planes, let alone flown in one. This was small but had a few seats and tables at the front of the plane, and two sofas at the back, that looked as if they folded down into beds to sleep in.
I looked around, impressed and feeling a bit out of my element. Steve told me where to sit, and the flight attendant took the one bag I had, and stored it in the back of the plane, as there were no overhead compartments, I noticed, giving the place more headspace to move around in.
I sat in a seat across from Breton. ‘A bit nicer than commercial,’ he said.
I pretended I wasn’t impressed. ‘Much, but the real issue is, do they have peanuts?’
‘I think it can be arranged.’
I sat back in the leather seat and buckled myself in.
‘What was the contingency plan if I’d said no?’ I asked during take-off.
‘Fly back with some of my new special ops co-workers, drug and kidnap you,’ Breton joked, but given the description of the job he’d told me about over dinner, I wasn’t too sure.
CHAPTER 6
DREW
I stayed with Steve and Colleen for the first few days when I arrived back to Boston. They both seemed like different people from the couple I’d left only six weeks ago. We talked a lot about the future. Steve wanted to sponsor me for a proper work visa and permanent residence. Not only were they excited for the renovations, but they also had a bunch of ideas for the beach house.
Colleen was put together and clearly no longer on sedatives, Steve looked as if he’d been sleeping, and they both had a renewed purpose in life.
I hoped it would all rub off on me. I could still feel I wasn’t myself and didn’t want to face the fact that this might be my new normal. I was sad and still depressed, but I was starting to accept the fact that Jessa was well and truly gone, and I needed to get on with my life, no matter how much it hurt to do so.
If her parents could do it, then I should be able to also.
Turns out, while I was brooding, Steve had been arranging and lining up a bunch of projects that would keep me more than busy over the next year. I’d have to hire a small team and find subcontractors for some of the more difficult jobs he wanted, his colleagues had requested, and for the major renovations that were going to be undertaken at the departures terminal next to Cahill Global headquarters.
My mood was slightly lifted when I was with them, seeing their new lease on life. I spent New Year's Eve in Boston with Breton and a bunch of his university friends that I’d never met before. It was his send-off party, of sorts.
On New Year's Day, I drove out to the beach house that was still in a state. I couldn’t believe I’d been living in it before I left. It just went to show how out of it I really had been. It had running water, but just barely. I had the fridge in the garage and no working stove due to electrical wiring, but I did have a toaster oven, a microwave, and the GrubHub app on my main screen on my phone.
I had kept one of the mattresses and a sofa from when the Koplands moved out a few months ago and was using them at the moment in a small room upstairs I hadn’t touched yet. On my first day back, I spent the entire day organizing my schedule and came up with a plan to get this house somewhat livable for the short-term for myself. After I ordered a pizza for dinner, I contacted Joe, who, thankfully, had been handling the few things we had on the go.
Joe and I spent the entire next day drawing up a plan to tackle the first floor of the reno house and ordering the supplies to be delivered over the next few days. It would take some time, but together—we, along with subcontractors for things like electrical and plumbing—we’d get the structural things completed within a month, then I could chip away at the cosmetic side of things when time permitted.
That evening, I drove to the bar. Lisa was long overdue for an apology.
She was behind the bar and wasn’t pleased to see me as she usually had been. I understood her stare. I was a dick last time I saw her, I knew that, and clearly, she hadn’t forgotten over the past 6 weeks. I’d flirted with her in the past, but I’d never actually come on to her. I’d never actually made a woman to touch me before, either. It was low, and I couldn’t excuse my behavior, I could only apologize.
I took a seat at one of my usual stools at the bar and took a menu, hoping that they may have changed or added to it since I’d been gone, but luck wasn’t on my side tonight.
Lisa was serving and chatting with another regular, and after some time, she made her way over to me. ‘What can I get you?’ There was no warmth or welcome in her voice tonight. Can’t say I blamed her for that.
‘Forgiveness?’ I asked her, putting on my saddest puppy face.
She rolled her eyes at me. ‘I don’t recall that being on the menu.’
‘I’m sorry for the way I acted last time,’ I looked at her, truly sorry. ‘I crossed a line. You’ve been nothing but great to me.’
She nodded, looking down at the bar.
‘I’ll get a chicken burger with a coke,’ I told her, and she looked up at me.
‘New Year's resolution?’ she dug.
I smiled at her, ‘Something like that.’
‘Didn’t know your body was capable of drinking anything non-alcoholic.’
‘I feel it’s time I turn a new leaf. I have few friends, and I cannot alienate the ones I have.’
When she came back with my drink a few minutes later, she leaned over. ‘See? That wasn’t so hard to do, was it?’
I looked at her, now fully understanding where she was going with that. ‘What wasn’t?’
‘The apology, it took you long enough.’
I ran a hand through my hair, embarrassed. I had made her wait a while for it, and that wasn’t fair on my part. ‘I’m really sorry,’ I looked up to her. ‘I was so fucked up, I just needed to get away, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, literally. The morning after I saw you last, I just tossed in the towel and went home...or well, back to England.’
‘Ahh, I see,’ she nodded. ‘You have a nice Christmas with your family then?’
I took in a deep breath and a drink of my coke. I wasn’t about to get into it, so I just nodded as I drank. ‘You?’ I asked, deflecting.
In between serving me my food and tending after the few other people in the bar, Lisa told me about some of the office Christmas parties that went on, Christmas with her family, then the big New Year’s Eve bash. It was nice to be having a normal,
sober conversation with her for a change.
January was cold and I spent a lot of time working on the inside of the house, with Joe helping when he wasn’t working on some other projects he’d been contracted to do. The first thing I did was to sort out the downstairs kitchen and living areas. I built walls for the kitchen and finished the downstairs bedroom with en suite bathroom. Everything was roughed in, with a new energy-efficient window and insulation within the month. I had an enclosed bedroom on the first floor with a working shower, sink and toilet. The walls weren’t painted, and the floor was bare pressed wood, as was the rest of the first floor.
The kitchen was still a work in progress as I didn’t have any cupboards or counters yet. Colleen, who was now surprisingly pretty hands on with the renovations, had custom-built ones being installed next month. In the meantime, I had to finish the drywall in the dining room before I could lay all the hardwood floor Colleen had also picked out for the first floor.
I moved the fridge back into the house, and I had the small appliances on the old table in the interim. I rewarded myself by purchasing a large TV when I finished the wall and fireplace in the living room.
Most days since I came back, it was the same thing. I’d put in a twelve-hour workday, and then either fall asleep watching TV on the old sofa before making it to my bed in the middle of the night. Or when I was in the mood to be social, I’d make my way to the Bar, one of the few bars that stayed open during the winter months close to me. I had come to find out pretty much everything slowed down or stopped completely on the Cape between October and April. It truly was a seasonal town.
Luckily, it was also where one of my only friends worked almost every night. Lisa’s family owns the place, her father and uncle opened it years ago, but after her uncle passed and her father got on in age, he now only did the books and some oversight of the place. Lisa managed it all, from the orders, the staffing and working the floor also.
Since clearing the air, she was always nice to me, even when I didn’t want to talk, which wasn’t as much as it had been before I’d taken my break and buggered off to England. Since coming back to the Cape, I’d been making an effort to be nicer to people, including her. Over the past few weeks, I’d even been flirting with her to both our amazement—and I was doing it sober. I occasionally had a beer, but only one. I was conscious now about my drinking, as I had never been before.
Lisa understood how hard it was when Jessa went missing. It wasn’t like she knew I had been involved with her, but she knew we were friends and how close I was to the Cahill family. Breton had told everyone that I’d been working with Steve for a while in the summer, so it didn’t appear that I just happened upon the family. People would be jealous, as so many wanted an opportunity to work for him or his company.
I didn't understand at the time just how big of a prize I had won in the Cahill lottery when Steve hired me.
Lisa didn’t know all the details, so she could never fully understand how alone and lost I felt. Even five months later, with Matt’s trial underway, while I had accepted that Jessa was no longer with us, I hadn’t actually come to terms with the fact that the love of my life was in all likelihood not actually living any longer.
I’d never been one for casual dating. I’d always gravitated to relationships if the right person came along. I hadn’t had many girlfriends, but the ones I’d had were more than casual company or someone to fuck. But I didn’t think I was ready for a relationship; I certainly wasn’t actively seeking one out or thought about dating. I was horny, but nothing my hand couldn’t take care of.
Lisa made me smile and feel welcomed. She was someone to talk to at the end of a long day, after spending it lost inside my head. As the weeks went on, January turned into February, and I felt myself wanting to be at the bar most nights and flirting with her more often than not. I was lonely and she was there.
‘Do you have an early start tomorrow?’ Lisa asked me one night in early February while I sat at the bar with her working around me. I had started to feel bad that while she worked, I just sat around. That night, I started to help her with closing. Aside from when I was either in Boston or had an early start, I stayed to help her.
Besides, her car was on the fritz more often than not these days. I hated her waiting and paying for a cab when I could easily drive her. But I couldn't lend her any of my vehicles on a permanent or even semi-permanent basis. They weren’t mine, they were the Cahills’ and the Audi was Jessa’s. I always felt bad any time I had Lisa in her car.
‘Nope,’ I told her, walking behind the bar as the last of the customers left, about forty-five minutes before closing time. The kitchen had closed an hour before and the two staff were long gone.
‘Good, can you drive me home?’
‘Of course,’ I told her, grabbing a spray bottle and a new clean cloth to wipe all the tables down. ‘I’ll be out of town for the rest of the week for pre-trial meetings with Abby and the defence.’
I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the week, or the end of the month when I’d be put on the witness stand. I still wasn't sure what I was going to say or how I was going to deal with seeing Matt in the courtroom. I was afraid I’d be in the cell in his place for murdering him.
More than that, I was terrified of facing my feelings that I still hadn't come to terms with. Jessa was gone and Matt was on trial for killing her.
I knew Lisa’s cleaning routine from all the time I was hanging around the bar, I’d probably picked up on them when I was too drunk to drive and needed to wait on her. I had been such an ass back then, just watching her do all the work. It wasn’t all that hard, but it took time and involved physical effort. I’d wipe down the table and then flip the chairs on top when I was done. Lisa came behind me with a broom, and when I was done wiping them down, I followed her with a mop. By the time I was done, it was just past nine at night, with it being winter and the bar was operating on winter hours, I switched off the open sign and locked the front door while she was finishing up at the bar.
The first time I had tried to help her, she objected, but when she saw that it got her out of here half an hour earlier, she didn’t complain the next time I tried to help or any time after that.
‘Do you mind grabbing my purse and jacket from the back?’ she asked me as I rolled the mop and bucket back.
I came back with her things, having turned off the lights and made sure the back door was closed and locked.
‘All set?’
‘Just another minute,’ she told me not looking up, but recording something on a bank slip. I knew we’d be making a deposit at the bank tonight.
Holding her things, I stood behind the bar as she did her final task, counting the till and closing out the machines.
‘Can you toss me my keys in my purse?’ she asked, bending down to the safe that was under the cash register.
I unzipped her purse and looked in, there was a book that I pulled out, and with it a condom fell onto the counter.
Her mouth hung open when she saw it fall to the ground, when I bent over to pick it up, I saw her staring at me. ‘Safety first,’ she joked.
I looked at her, not really knowing what to say, so I put it back in her purse and dug around for her keys, finding a few other condoms. ‘Did Costco have a sale?’ I joked back, finally finding her keys and passing them to her.
‘Ha. Ha,’ she stated, accenting her words.
‘I didn’t know…’ shit, I started it. ‘I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.’
She unlocked the safe with her keys, put the money in, locked it, and stood up to face me. ‘I’m not, I’m just hoping that one day you’ll act on all the flirting we’ve been doing, you dumb ass.’
My eyes went wide, it was now my turn for my mouth to hang open. I didn't think she’d be this forward. We’d been dancing around each other for a few weeks now. I really shouldn’t be surprised, I saw her checking me out, and the flirting was undeniable, but she never got me hard. I never jacked off
to the image of her doing things to me. It was still always Jessa.
It was morbid, I knew that, to be getting off to a dead woman, but she was still the only thing that did it for me.
‘You got me a gift.’ I reached back in her bag and pulled out a golden foil packet. I would humor her, she’d put herself out there, it’d be a dick move to turn her down, especially since I felt my groin finally start to stir. It was itching to go, it knew what was on offer and it was a hell of a lot more appealing than my hand in the shower.
‘I’m your gift,’ she grabbed the condom out of my hand, ‘this is your ticket.’
‘A golden ticket, as it were.’ I smirked at the literary reference.
She put her hands on her hips and looked down over her body. ‘Welcome to your factory of fun.’
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t horny as hell. It had been a year since I’d had sex. But I hadn’t really thought of Lisa in that way, even though we’d been spending a lot of time together and I’d seen her checking me out.
My dick was hardening as she walked towards me. I hooked my hand around her back, pulling her against me as I leaned down to kiss her, an act she was all too eager to reciprocate. She opened for me at once and didn’t hold back in showing me just what she wanted.
Her hands slipped under my shirt and brushed over my stomach before getting right to business, undoing the button on my jeans, not wasting any time.
I took her hands in mine, looking around the bar. ‘Right here?’
‘My parents are home,’ she unzipped my pants and reached down to take my length in her other hand. ‘We can start here and finish back at your place.’
I don't know why, but it just didn’t feel right to bring her back to the reno house. First of all, it wasn’t in a presentable state as it really was still a work in progress. Second, it should have been Jessa’s place, and knowing her parents’ traditional stance on co-ed sleepovers, it just didn’t seem right.