by Dawn Edwards
‘Not that much, I hope you know how hot you are already,’ he told me, taking a bite of his burger.
I didn’t know how to take that comment, unless he was bi-sexual.
In all the time we had known each other, he hadn't asked me many personal questions, for which I was rather grateful. I liked him and felt a friendship forming. I would hate to have to blatantly lie to him.
After the shopping trip, Marcus and I started spending more time together and often went on excursions whenever he had a day off. I started to do my own thing in terms of training with the direction of Marcus, and took days off whenever the opportunity to leave the resort presented itself. He opened up more about himself as the month went on, and we ended up spending the Christmas holidays together the week the retreat was closed, flying to New Zealand so I could spend some time exploring that country. He didn’t have much family he was close to, and the ones he did have were not kind to him and his mother during her illness, so he didn't have time for them in his life.
I was having a hard time being away from my family. After my near meltdown at Thanksgiving, I knew I needed a distraction for my first Christmas ever away from my family. I was hoping it would be my last, but likely it wouldn’t be.
When I mentioned my plan to travel over Christmas to him soon after our shopping trip, he asked if I would mind if he tagged along. I welcomed his company.
During one of our nights out in New Zealand, I’d seen him checking a girl out, which confirmed to me that he was bi-sexual. After a few drinks, I had enough drunk courage to ask him, ‘Do you think I’m pretty?’
‘Sarah, you, my darling, are smoking hot,’ he wrapped one of his perfectly sculptured arms around my shoulder.
‘Then why don’t you look at me like you just looked at her,’ I pointed to the leggy blonde with a tall sexy man. ‘Or him for that matter?’
‘Because I have the feeling you are off limits,’ he replied, looking straight into my eyes. ‘Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll fuck you tonight.’
I sighed, he was right. ‘I thought so, I figured you have a man you plan to go home to, but he’s not the man you have left…’ He took another drink of his margarita. ‘I also don’t think your name is Sarah.’
‘It’s what my ID says…’ I stated, starting to panic.
‘I don’t care, all I know is that you are an awesome girl, you are tough as hell, and I hope that when you are finally ready to leave the resort, that you keep in touch, because I really do like you and want to be your friend.’
‘I promise, I will,’ I hugged him. ‘Maybe you can come to visit me someday too.’
‘In Bermuda?’ Shit, did he know that was a lie? I had a Bermudian passport and had said I was from there but went to school in Canada. Surely, I no longer looked like the pictures that my family had circulating of me. I had purposely picked the most unflattering pics of myself, ones that didn’t really look all that much like me, that Breton had given to the news and media to use.
When we returned to the resort in the New Year, I really kicked up my training, working on toning my muscles, not just losing the fat. I’d lost a bunch of weight, and I was lucky that the elasticity in my skin was on my side. I was still losing weight, but not as fast as I had before, due to gaining muscle mass.
I started to do a lot more yoga, something I already discovered this past summer that I enjoyed it, when Amber had hired Breton’s friend Leah to led us in some yoga on the beach for us and some of our friends.
I continued to speak with Breton, who was liking his new job and was slowly settling into life in London. He hadn't been working very hard on our case over the past few months as he was busy trying to finish his thesis and defend it to finally graduate.
Breton now worked for Keating Security Solutions, in their cybersecurity division. He was headhunted by Nyall, a guy he had ‘met’ on the dark web, and one of the guys who actually ended up personally helping me in my great escape. He’d been a part of the British special forces and now worked for one of the largest special security firms in the world. The thing was, Breton was now working over eighty hours a week and didn’t have all that much time to dedicate to getting more evidence.
But on the brighter side of things, my father had convinced Drew to return to Boston. From what Breton told me, Drew was still struggling, maybe not as much as before, but it didn’t lessen my need of wanting to reach out to him, as I did with my parents at Thanksgiving.
The hope of one day being with him again was keeping me going.
CHAPTER 10
JESSA
I reached the point where I was ready to move on from the retreat and venture back into the real world. In total, I spent five months sequestered away, working on my mind and body. When I felt I was ready to move on, I spent my final month in Australia traveling, as I didn't know if or when I'd ever have the chance to get back to this beautiful place.
I flew to Western Australia for a week, saw Sandy Turner and Hugo, two of my new favorites perform in concert. Then flew to Melbourne, where I spent a few days exploring the city, taking in the sights before taking a long-ass bus ride up to the Great Barrier Reef where Marcus met me and we spent a few days being tourists and going out on two guided excursions.
It was harder than I had thought to say goodbye to Marcus. He had been such a great friend to me and the support that I needed over the past six months. The conversations we had about life had really hit home with me.
While I didn't appreciate it at the time, I was thankful for him pushing me every day. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn't look the way I finally felt, confident and proud. I was still working on who I was and what I wanted out of life, but I now felt that at least I had somewhat of an idea. For a while now, I had been putting ideas down in a journal and coming up with ideas for a business case of a project to explore when I got back home. Whenever that might be.
I spent my final week of Australia in Sydney pampering myself. I had my hair cut and professionally colored and styled. I had microblading done to my eyebrows, my teeth whitened and areas of my body lasered for hair removal.
I also had to do some shopping, as I had few clothing that fit me. I kept it simple and didn't go wild. I had limited space in the one piece of checked luggage I was taking with me. It was hard to resist, as I was finally able to shop for brands and styles I had always wanted.
I boarded a flight to London, with a few hours’ stopover in Abu Dhabi; it was over a day of flying. I was dead on my feet when I finally arrived at London Heathrow airport. I traveled in the conservative dress that I had originally worn when I flew to Australia 7 months ago.
I cleared passport control without incident, thanks to Breton’s ‘skills,’ with the one suitcase with my new clothing for the spring and summer in London. I’d be living with Breton in his new condo for the foreseeable future. It had always been the plan, which was why he had purchased a three-bedroom place. He was giving me the master room, while he took the two other rooms and bathroom on the other side of the large condo, one to sleep in, and one was his home office.
I gathered my bag, rolled it and my small carry-on to the line of black cabs and gave the driver my new address, knowing my cousin would be waiting for me in the lobby. I couldn’t wait to see him. The flight had felt like a month, rather than a day, and the drive from the airport just as long. I paid the cabbie with cash, giving him a big tip, and hurried out of the cab when I saw Breton sitting on a bench outside the building doing something on his phone.
It was just after nine in the evening. He looked up when I got out of the cab and started running towards him.
I threw my arms around him and literally broke down crying. He was the first piece of familiarity in so long and I didn't want to let him go. All the emotions that I had experienced over the past few months were coming out right now. I was happy to see him, sad at everything I had given up, upset with what I had missed, and heartbroken that I couldn't be with the one I loved.
I think Bre
ton felt it too because he held onto me tighter and longer than he ever had in the past.
The cab driver must have just left the bags next to us because when I pulled away from Breton, my bags were next to me and the cab was nowhere in sight.
‘Let’s get inside, I’m sure the security guard is going to wonder why I’m hugging a woman in a full Islamic dress.’
I laughed and sobbed all at the same time, looking down and reminded of what the sight must look like.
He rolled my suitcase and I picked up my backpack and carryon from the ground, following him into the building.
‘You hungry?’ Breton asked me when we were in the elevator.
I shook my head, ‘No, too tired to be hungry. Besides, they fed us well; thanks for the first-class upgrade, made all the difference this time.’
He smiled at me, ‘Yeah, it’s such a hardship to fly economy.’ I shrugged, and he laughed, ‘Oh please, I know you hate it.’
I rolled my eyes under the veil, ‘I totally do.’
He unlocked his door and I walked into an open-concept living room and dining room, with a small kitchen off to the side.
There was a large big-screen TV and leather sectional in the living room, a glass coffee table and Turkish-style rug.
I looked around, taking it all in. ‘I paid a designer…’ he told me, rolling my suitcases into a room off the dining room, turning on the light. ‘This is your room. I had the cleaning lady change all the bedding this week, not that anyone has slept here, but they are clean and fresh, same with the towels in your bathroom.
I placed my backpack on the queen-sized bed with wooden headboard and a light purple duvet.
I took off my veil and headscarf in one swift move, undoing my ponytail that was keeping my shoulder-length hair out of my face and ran my fingers through it, sighing at how good it felt.
I had on a long-sleeve black shirt and a pair of yoga pants under the long black dress. I took the dress off and tossed it on the bed, kicking my sneakers off also. It felt so good to be out of the dress. All I wanted to do now was take a shower, brush my teeth and sleep for the next four days.
I looked at Breton, who stood a few feet from me with his mouth hung open and a surprised look on his face.
‘Jessa,’ he whispered. ‘Like…’
I smiled and looked at myself. ‘What did you expect? I lived at a weight-loss resort for months.’
‘Not that…’ He looked me over, again and again. Not in a sexual way, but just trying to make sure it was real.
‘Seventy pounds and five dress sizes.’ I turned around.
‘Shit, that’s a lot of work.’
‘Damn right it is, and let me tell you, I feel so much better, physically and mentally.’
He turned and left the room. ‘Come, I’ll show you around. I’ll be gone before you’re up tomorrow.’ He had already told me he left for work early and stayed late most nights.
After the tour, he led me back to my room and gave me a big hug. ‘I’m so happy to have you back, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you,’ he told me, looking at me.
‘Me too Brett,’ I hugged him back. ‘Me too.’
Menu planning, I had learned, was a big part of not only weight loss, but maintenance. I set a plan for the week that Breton was gone and stuck to it.
It didn’t take long for my new life in London to settle into a routine. Each day consisted of the gym and preparing healthy meals. Some days I’d run errands, others I’d work on my business case, or simply just lounge around, reading, streaming, or stalking Miley’s blog. Recently I’d been trying my hand at baking. Most of my experiments to try and make it healthy were a fail, but once in a while, it turned out edible, less often than that it was actually good.
One rainy day, after returning from the gym, showering and eating, I had decided to stay in for the rest of the day. I was browsing Facebook on Breton’s account that he let me use to keep up to date on the social musings of my friends back home. I hadn’t logged on to my own account since the morning I boarded the yacht.
It was through Facebook that I discovered Drew was in a relationship with Lisa, one of the bartenders from the beach bar, and one of Breton’s old friends from school. I had seen her post a few pictures over the past few months with him in them, but I figured they were just friends and they were hanging out.
I stared at the updated relationship status; Lisa Richards changed her relationship status from single to in a relationship with Drew Cameron. I scrolled back through the photos, they were all adding up now. I failed to see it when she had first posted the pictures. At the time I was just delighted to be able to see recent photos of him. His hair was grown out, and he had a beard, in some photos it was better kept than in others. He looked the same, but different all at the same time. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, which held pain—pain I had caused.
I picked up the phone and dialed Breton's number. It went to voicemail, but I wasn’t taking his silence. He had to have known, which meant he intentionally kept it from me. I sent him a text message.
JESSA: I’m going to call you again right now, you better answer.
He answered on the first ring. ‘I’m at work,’ he snapped, sounding annoyed.
‘Ask me if I care…’ I bit back
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked me in a calm low voice.
‘How long have you known?’ I asked him, and he was silent on the other end of the line, confirming what I had thought.
‘It’s new,’ he let out.
‘But you’ve known, and you didn’t tell me,’ I accused him, and I felt the tears spill over my eyes.
‘They started seeing each other a few months ago,’ Breton started. ‘I didn’t think much of it at the time…’
‘But…’ I prompted.
‘Well, now that they’re moving in together…’
‘Moving in?’ I cried out, trying to catch my breath.
‘Shit,’ I heard him moan. ‘I thought that’s why you were calling.’
‘No, I just saw Lisa change her relationship status,’ I sobbed. This was much more serious.
He was supposed to be waiting for me, just as I was waiting for him. But that was ludicrous, even I knew that. The poor guy thought I was dead, and he was trying to move on with his life. I’d totally shot myself in the foot and potentially ruined any chance of a happy future with him.
‘I need to call him Breton,’ I insisted.
‘Fuck, we’ve been over this,’ he sounded frustrated.
‘I don’t fucking care, I’m not going to sit back and watch someone else move in with him,’ I was practically yelling into the phone. ‘He’s only doing this because he thinks I’m…’
‘Ok, you don’t need to say it,’ he warned me, cutting me off.
‘Give me his number,’ I demanded. I didn’t have his number, I had left my phone on the yacht in my purse. Which was a good thing, because there had been so many times I wanted to call him. So many times I’d been so lonely, a loneliness that I knew only he was able to fill; mentally, emotionally and physically.
The man I was in love with, was dating another woman, likely fucking her, and soon would be moving in together.
‘No way,’ Breton didn’t hesitate.
‘Either give me his fucking number now, or I’m getting on a plane.’ It wasn’t the first time I had threatened this action, but he must have sensed the real sincerity in the promise this time. I didn’t care about the risks this time. My heart was breaking all over again, and I needed Drew—at the very least, I needed him to know that I was alive.
‘Let me get him a secure phone first, like the ones I got your parents,’ Breton negotiated with me. ‘I’ll send him one this week.’ Breton had sent my parents new phones with enhanced securities that were nearly impenetrable, allowing us to talk whenever we wanted, now that I too had the same phone since moving to London.
‘When are they...moving in...together?’ I asked, nearly choking on the words.
‘May first,’ Breton replied. I still had three weeks to try and stop it.
Did Drew love Lisa? Did he not care enough for me to mourn me? It had only been seven months, but he was already shacking up with some chick. I was furious, sad, angry and hurting.
‘Will you really send him a phone?’ I pleaded.
‘Will it really keep your ass off an airplane?’ he asked, sounding annoyed.
‘For now,’ I sighed. ‘But I can’t stay here much longer.’
‘I know. I’ve come up with a plan, we can go over it when I’m back in a few days.’
I didn’t say anything. I was willing myself to stop crying, but I knew it wasn’t going to work. When I got in a mood like this, there was very little to get me to stop. And knowing that he could be with her right now, be inside her right now. Knowing that she’d had more of him than I ever had made me want to vomit.
But what did I really expect? He was hotter than hot, sexy as sin, and had the kindest heart of any man I’d ever met. A guy like him could only go without for so long. He hadn’t had sex the entire time we were ‘together,’ but that was all his doing. I wanted nothing more than to be with him in every way. But no matter how many times I asked, how often I tried to seduce him, he held out, thinking he’d be able to be with me sooner rather than later. Little did he know that it would need to be later, much later than either of us had initially thought—especially now seeing that Breton didn’t have as much time to help me as he did before. I’d been in London for almost a month now, and I didn’t know how long I would be out in no-man's-land.
If Drew only knew that I was alive, perhaps he’d be so overjoyed with the news that he’d change his relationship status without a second thought. But it could also backfire, and he’d be so pissed with me that I would further push him to her—but that was a risk I was willing to take. There wasn’t much I wouldn't do to get my man back.
She wasn’t even all that pretty, but then again, Drew never was a shallow man. He had fallen in love with me, despite our apparent physical differences. I was the one being petty now, jealousy never did look good on me, and for the first time, I was enraged with it.