One To Watch: this summer's must-read romcom to fill the Love Island-shaped hole in your life

by Kate Stayman-London

  “It starts with the choice, just like your mom said. Here in this room, it seems to me you have a sense that you might want one of these fellas to be your family. If you want that, you can have it. But first, you have to tell them that’s what you want. Bean, you have to choose.”

  Bea was worried Lauren would be furious when she came back outside, but there was so much going on that her twenty-minute absence appeared to have escaped unnoticed.

  Bea scanned the busy yard looking for Asher—he was chatting with Duncan and Julia, all three of them laughing. Asher was holding baby Alice, booping her nose and puffing out his cheeks to make her smile. It was obvious that he was wonderful with children, and Bea wondered how he could be so natural with this little baby and yet so stilted with her. Duncan had an arm around Julia’s waist, and she leaned comfortably into her husband, the two of them easy in a way that sent a twist of pain through Bea’s chest. She wanted this. And if she kept on like she was, she would never, ever have it.

  Bea didn’t know if it was possible that she could fall in love on this show, but if she was going to try—really try—she knew this step had to come first, even if she was about to plunge headlong into utter humiliation.

  “Hey,” she said to Asher as she approached their group. “Can we talk for a second?”

  “Oh.” He looked apprehensive. “Sure. Of course.”

  He handed baby Alice back to Julia, and together they walked over to a quartet of Japanese maples Bob had planted when Bea was little—one for each of the four kids. The trees had been saplings then, but they were nearly twenty feet tall now, their branches long and twisted, leaves flashing crimson in the orange light before sunset.

  “Are you all right?” Asher looked concerned. “I didn’t think—I mean, I’m surprised you want to talk to me.”

  “Me too.” Bea laughed a little, mostly from nerves—but, she was amazed to discover, a little bit from joy. “I wanted to apologize, actually.”

  Now Asher looked downright wary. “What for?”

  “What you said on the boat,” Bea fumbled the words, “that you didn’t think I was here to fall in love. I was angry at you for saying it on camera, and for saying it at the end of such an awful day. But mostly, I was angry because you were right.”

  Understanding dawned on Asher’s face, and his expression softened.

  “When I came here, I was still, um, getting over someone. Who really hurt me, and—and I didn’t know if I was ready to meet someone new. Then on the first night, seeing all of you for the first time, that sealed it. I thought there was no way any of you could possibly have feelings for me, so why would I risk my heart for you? It didn’t seem worth it. Then at the museum, I thought maybe I was wrong, but then at the end of the night, when you … well.”

  Asher took a step toward her. “Bea, I need to tell you, about that night—”

  “Please,” she stopped him, “just let me get this out, okay? I need to say this.”

  He nodded. Her heart was pounding, and she thought for a second about changing her mind—but she knew, from somewhere deep, that she had to go on.

  “I don’t know why you didn’t want to kiss me,” she said quietly. “Maybe you’re not attracted to me, or maybe you sensed me holding back, or—I don’t know, something else. But I want to tell you, um. That I think you’re great. And I really like you. And if you can—I mean, if you want to—I want to try. That’s what I wanted to say.”

  Asher took another step forward, and for a moment she thought he was going to wrap his arms around her—he didn’t.

  But God, she wanted him to.

  “Bea, the reason I didn’t kiss you at the museum is because I have two children.”

  Bea gaped in disbelief. “I’m sorry. You what?”

  “I know.” He smiled sadly. “I should have told you. My son is the one who submitted me for this show; I never would have come here if it hadn’t meant so much to him. I thought there was no way I’d actually be interested in a woman I met on reality television of all places, that I’d be here for a week or two at most and come home with nothing more than a funny story to tell my students. But then I met you, and you were … nothing like I expected.”

  Bea felt anxious. “In a bad way?”

  “No.” Asher laughed. “In every way. You were so quick-witted with Johnny and the other men, and kind of mean and over this whole thing in the same way I was. I found myself wanting to spend more time with you, and I was furious you didn’t seem to want that too. Do you remember the first thing you said to me?”

  Bea flushed with horror at the memory of how cold she’d been to Asher on the night of the premiere, still reeling that the man before him had simply walked offstage.

  “I told you to go ahead and leave.”

  Asher nodded. “I told myself I’d stick around long enough to get to know you, see if there might be an attraction between us. Then, at the museum … I can’t remember the last time I felt like that. I wanted—well, I think you know what I wanted.”

  “I didn’t, Asher. I thought you were repulsed by me.”

  His face fell in dismay. “You can’t be serious.”

  She nodded, and he took her hand.

  “Bea, I am so sorry.”

  “Me too,” she whispered.

  He lifted her hand to his chest so she could feel his heart pounding, leaned down so his face was inches from hers.

  “When I walked out of that museum,” he said softly, “I thought I was protecting my kids. They know how it feels to be abandoned, and with the way this show is set up, the odds of us actually pursuing a relationship outside of it? The idea of risking their hopes—and mine—seemed indefensible.”

  Bea’s breath was shallow. “And now?”

  “Now I think the only indefensible action would be to let you go.”

  Then his hands were in her hair and he was kissing her, a hard, fast release and there was nothing false about it, nothing pretend and nothing safe, swirling laughter and panic and comfort and free fall and every, every second captured on the whirring cameras, their bodies warm and intertwined against the chill spring air.

  It felt like terror. It felt like freedom.

  It felt like the beginning.

  TRANSCRIPT OF PRODUCER INTERVIEW WITH BEA’S MOTHER, SUE

  Time stamp: 3:17pm

  Producer: I understand you spoke with Nash and Cooper in the kitchen earlier today. What did you three chat about?

  Sue: Oh, the real estate agent! And that surfer, I wish he would wash his hair. We had a lice outbreak in my class this year, and we learned how important it is to check your scalp regularly. If that Cooper doesn’t watch himself, he could be absolutely covered in lice.

  Producer: That’s good advice, Sue. Is that what you talked about?

  Sue: Yes, as a matter of fact! Oh, and then I asked those nice boys if they would run out and get some ice cream for the group. I thought the kids would love that. I certainly would have picked some up if I’d been allowed to cater this affair.

  Producer: Sue, we’ve been all through this, the production uses outside catering for our events. We can’t have you cooking all day, we need you free to talk to us, like you’re doing now!

  Sue: That’s fine, but I would have picked up some ice cream.

  Producer: So you sent Nash and Cooper to the grocery store?

  Sue: Heavens, no! We only buy from the nice dairy farm up the road. It’s the most marvelous place, you can see all the cows, and they make the ice cream fresh every day! I sent them there with Tim.

  Producer: But Tim is here, playing capture the flag. And Nash and Cooper aren’t back.

  Sue: Well, that’s ridiculous. They went together. If Tim’s back, they’re all back. Maybe you should check again.

  TRANSCRIPT OF PRODUCER INTERVIEW WITH CONTESTANTS NASH AND COOPER

  Time stamp: 6:41pm

  Producer: When did you have a sense that something might be wrong?

  Nash: It seemed weird that they wante
d us to go get food. Like, aren’t there assistants for that? We’re on the show.

  Producer: So why did you go?

  Cooper: I don’t know, man. Bea’s brother was there, and he’s so fucking creepy. He was waving the truck keys at us. We just got in.

  Producer: What happened then?

  Nash: He said the place was just up the road, but he didn’t mention it was this long, winding backcountry dirt road with maybe fifteen turnoffs. And when we got there … the smell.

  Cooper: I’ve never seen so many cows in my life. The stench, the manure … it was so much.

  Producer: So did you get the ice cream?

  Cooper: No, man! Tim dropped us off at some random gate, said we just had to walk through the cows and the ice cream shop was right there, that he was gonna go park. Then he fucking took off! We had to wade through a literal field of shit. A field. Of. Shit.

  Producer: (laughs)

  Nash: Hey, fuck you, man. It was not funny.

  Producer: Come on, guys. It’s kind of funny.

  Nash: We were in the middle of nowhere, with no humans, no directions, no phones—

  Producer: No cameras.

  Cooper: Exactly! It took us, what, three hours to find our way back to civilization?

  Producer: And you smell like cows.

  Cooper: (turns to Nash) Hey—do you think they did this because you called Bea a cow?

  Nash: (realizes) Motherfucker.

  EPISODE 5

  “DESERTED”

  (5 men left)

  Shot on location in Marrakesh, Morocco

  TRANSCRIPT OF CHAT FROM #SQUEEZE-MAINIACS SLACK CHANNEL

  NickiG: Has everyone seen last night’s ep yet?? Bc I am ACTUALLY DYING here I don’t want to spoil but I need to discuss!!!!

  Enna-Jay: Hard same

  Beth.Malone: Hey, you guys know we don’t spoil any episodes until noon PT on Wednesdays, that’s the policy

  NickiG: BETH CAN WE MAKE AN EXCEPTION

  KeyboardCat: I’ve watched! Beth, have you?

  Beth.Malone: I have, which I guess just leaves Colin. Colin, did you watch yet?

  Colin7784: What, like I’m so into the show I watch it immediately, you think I have nothing better to do on a Monday night?

  Beth.Malone:

  Colin7784: Yeah, I watched

  NickiG: GREAT, so Asher has kids?!?! Omg who saw this coming??

  Enna-Jay: He was obviously hiding something

  Enna-Jay: But this is like, so endearing

  NickiG: Is it?? Or is he just abandoning his children to be kind of a douche to a nice lady on TV?

  KeyboardCat: His son is the one who submitted him in the first place!

  NickiG: Please Cat you’re a well-documented Asher apologist

  KeyboardCat: Maybe I’m just a Bea stan and Asher is lit’rally her only viable option

  Beth.Malone: Ummmmmm beg to differ how cute was her kiss with Luc?

  KeyboardCat: Wait come on you don’t actually think Luc is there ~for the right reasons~ do you?

  Beth.Malone: He’s the hot French chef we need in these dark times and I stand by him

  Colin7784: Does Bea actually want to be an insta-mom tho?

  Enna-Jay: She did say she wanted kids eventually

  Colin7784: Sure, but eventually is different from like, right now

  Beth.Malone: That’s actually a really good point

  Colin7784: Wow Beth did it hurt you inside to say that

  KeyboardCat: But also can I get a hallelujah that Nash and Cooper are finally gone?????

  Enna-Jay: I know, how nice is it going to be to watch this show without any villains left? Just guys who ACTUALLY like Bea?

  NickiG: What I don’t get is it’s not like Nash and Cooper were even that hot—they had good bodies and everything but their faces were okay at best

  KeyboardCat: Isn’t that always the way tho??? It’s the not-hot guys who are fucking obsessed with dating the hottest possible women to validate their existences

  Colin7784: Okay actually, in men’s defense—

  Beth.Malone: No. Colin. No.

  MAIN SQUEEZE CAST SPOTTED BOARDING FLIGHT TO MARRAKESH

  posted on TMZ.com

  JOHN F. KENNEDY AIRPORT, NEW YORK CITY: The cast and crew of Main Squeeze were spotted boarding a flight to Marrakesh at New York’s Kennedy Airport. TMZ can exclusively confirm that Bea Schumacher was eating a Cinnabon at the flight’s gate—guess she really does ignore her critics! (CLICK THROUGH FOR PHOTOS OF BEA WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING ON HER CHIN.) If you’re reading this from Marrakesh and see the cast and crew around town, send your descriptions and photos to tips@tmz.com.

  “So”—Lauren twisted the cap off a bottle of iced tea with a sharp pop—“it seems like you’ve fully abandoned our plan not to go falling for any of these men.”

  “I guess that’s true.” Bea tried to look contrite, but couldn’t quite muster it—her lips kept quaking into a smile as she luxuriated in her first-class seat on their transatlantic flight to Morocco. “How were last night’s ratings?”

  “Huge, obviously.” Lauren grinned. “People love that romance shit. But you realize we have a new problem now? If you’re going to try to make things work for real with Asher, you need to do the same with the other four men.”

  “What?” Bea was incredulous. “Why?”

  “Because you’re a terrible actress!” Lauren hissed, lowering her voice as a flight attendant walked by with warm washcloths. “If you’re genuinely falling for Asher, but just pretending to date the rest of the men, all of America will be able to see it. We’re only halfway through this season, and if everyone knows from this week on exactly who you plan to end up with, believe me, we will hemorrhage viewers. Not good for you—not tenable for me.”

  “Okay,” Bea conceded. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I know for a fact that Asher isn’t the only guy here who has feelings for you. In fact, I think any of the five guys you have left would be open to a serious relationship.”

  Bea raised an eyebrow. “Even Luc?”

  Lauren laughed. “Okay, well, inasmuch as Luc is capable of having a serious relationship with anyone, I think he’d be down to try with you. He likes you, Bea. How do you feel about him?”

  “I mean, I’m obviously super attracted to him, but I just don’t know if it could be anything long-term.” She glanced toward the back of the plane, though of course she couldn’t see Luc, who was somewhere in coach with the other four men and most of their crew. She conjured his image in her mind’s eye instead, feeling the firm way he’d raked his fingers through her hair when he kissed her.

  “Your chemistry is genuine, and that’s a good start,” Lauren was saying—Bea jerked her mind back to the present. “I’m gonna give you two a one-on-one this week. It’s been overdue since the premiere—you can get to know him better, and if nothing else, we’ll get some good making out on camera.”

  Bea smiled and shook her head. “It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”

  “Attagirl. What about Sam? You two got along so well on your date.”

  It was true; they had—but Bea had a difficult time believing she could build a serious relationship with a guy who was only twenty-four.

  “I guess I didn’t push myself to see if I could really develop feelings for Sam on our date,” Bea considered, “because his age made it easy for me to dismiss him, and at that point I was still trying not to fall for any of the men.”

  “But the attraction is there?”

  “I mean, I have eyes.”

  “I think you two could have real potential—and Marin thought so too, remember? I’m gonna cook up something special for your date with him this week. Can you do me—and him—the kindness of giving him a real chance?”

  “Yes.” Bea nodded. “I can do that.”

  “Great! So that just leaves Wyatt and Jefferson. Thoughts on them?”

  “I like them both as people—especially Wyatt.”

  “The qu
estion is who do I send on your third date of the week—you’re bringing two guys on that one.”

  “Does that mean I’ll need to eliminate one of those men on the date?” Bea asked with trepidation.

  “No. Since you’re only eliminating one man this week, we’ll save that for the big ceremony with all five of them.” Lauren drummed her fingers on the armrest between them. “You and Wyatt need more time for sure, but I can’t really justify giving him another date when you just had one last week. Particularly since I assume you’d like to spend more time with Asher?”

  Bea nodded, a flush creeping into her cheeks. She definitely wanted that.

  “What about Jefferson, then? Are you interested in him?”

  “I mean, when he showed up on the first night, I thought, Oh thank God, a man who looks like someone I could actually see myself ending up with.”

  Lauren looked up, eyes alert with interest. “You’re into him.”

  Bea shrugged. “A little.”

  “That’s settled, then—he’ll go on the third date along with Asher.” Lauren grinned at Bea, but her smile faded.

  “What is it?” Bea asked. “Is something wrong?”

  “Bea, I’ve been around for a lot of seasons of this show, and I’ve seen people get really hurt by the way things go down. I think you know how much I like you and respect you—at least, I hope you do.”

  Bea gave a small nod.

  “So before we go ahead with all this, I want to make sure you understand what you’re doing,” Lauren cautioned. “Before, I was the one manufacturing the show’s twists and turns. But the more you invest in these men—and them in you—the more the show will depend on your emotional highs and lows. Your elation. Your heartbreak. I know this process hasn’t been easy on you, but I’ve had this job for five years, and I know how much harder things can get. And I just—I want to make sure you’re ready for that.”

  Bea wasn’t remotely convinced that she was, but what was the alternative? Lying to Asher, ignoring the others? Spending a whole life as the only single person at family gatherings and telling herself it didn’t make her miserable? Lying alone in bed night after night with the memory of Ray’s body beside her instead of the actuality of someone else’s?