Heart of Defiance

by Ryan Kirk

  “You think I should have fought the questioner?”

  Hien shrugged. “I don’t have any answers for you, Bai. All I know is that surrendering is never the answer. You know I’ve spent much of my life smuggling women and girls out of rough situations, right?”

  Bai nodded. Hien had spoken briefly of it.

  “You know the difference between a woman I can save and one I can’t?”

  Bai shook her head.

  “I can only save the ones willing to fight to save themselves.”

  Bai wasn’t sure how to respond, but Hien continued. “It was something I learned early on. A lot of people talk about doing something. They whisper and they plot and maybe they start, just a little. But that’s where most people stop. To actually make a change, they need to do more, but few do.” The warrior paused. “I don’t think I need to tell you this, but you have more choices than you once did. Don’t choose to surrender.”

  Bai felt her ire rise. She hadn’t chosen surrender. She had been sacrificing herself for the village. Why didn’t Hien see that?

  She stood, and Bai saw Hien notice her distress. But Hien made no effort to comfort or soothe her. Instead, she asked, “What will you do now? Your questioner didn’t make the meeting.”

  Bai paced the small room twice more before returning to kneel next to Hien. “You know I fought with the monks down below?”

  Hien nodded. “To hear it told, it was quite the sight.”

  Bai hesitated. She’d been wondering this since the night before, and hoped Hien could help her. “It felt good to fight.”

  Across the bed, Ling’s eyes flashed with disapproval. Hien laughed softly, grunting with the pain as she did. “Yes, it does, doesn’t it?” Hien gazed at Bai for a moment, missing nothing. “That scares you, does it?”

  Bai bowed her head, ashamed.

  “There’s nothing wrong with fighting,” Hien said. “You must know why you fight, though.”

  Bai’s brows furrowed. “Why I fight?”

  Ling, glaring but silent, stood and left the two of them alone. Hien watched her go, a hint of pain in her eyes. Then she turned back to Bai. “Fighting to defend a village, or to protect those who can’t protect themselves—those are good reasons to fight. Fighting to exert your will over others, or to intimidate… those are poor reasons. Violence is a tool, nothing else.”

  Bai digested the philosophy slowly.

  “So, why will you fight?” Hien asked, assuming Bai’s choice to fight was already made.

  Bai thought of Hien and Daiyu, two women with completely different outlooks, yet both content with their choices. She thought of Lei, willing to fight off two monks as Hien brought a stranger into the village. She was jealous of all of them, who seemed to know what they wanted from life. She’d never even thought to ask herself the question.

  Bai ran her fingers over her mother’s bracelet. All her life, she’d been taught that the highest she could aspire to was to remain unnoticed. Even now, the thought of running away tempted her.

  Invisibility was the dream of the weak.

  Bai didn’t believe there was a single right answer. But Lei, Hien, and Daiyu all had something in common. They had asked themselves what they wanted from life and had found an answer.

  Meaning was the dream of the strong.

  She lifted her finger from the bracelet. Her mother had spent her entire life hiding. She’d been miserable, and had died for nothing. If Bai could prevent one other person from growing up like her, or like her mother, life would have meaning.

  She looked down at Hien. “I’m not sure exactly what I will do, but I know why I will do it.” Her voice rang with conviction. “I promise you, Hien, I will never surrender again.”

  Hien gave her a weak smile. “Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I could really use some rest.”

  Bai reached out and gave Hien’s hand a squeeze. “Rest. You’ve done more than enough. Thank you.”

  Hien’s eyes were closed by the time Bai stepped to the door. She stopped short when she saw Ling standing silently on the balcony. Their gazes met and Bai saw that the woman had been crying. “I hate that she believes so deeply,” Ling said. “One day, she’ll leave and not return.”

  “But you wouldn’t love her if she didn’t leave.” Bai’s leap was intuitive.

  “I was one of the women she rescued, a long time ago.”

  Bai wasn’t sure what to say to that.

  Together, they looked out on the village. Finally, Bai smiled. “She does need to be on bed rest for at least a few weeks. By then the worst of this should have passed. So long as you don’t let her fight her way out, she’ll miss this storm.”

  Ling nodded. Bai knew the comfort wasn’t enough, but it was all she could offer. She climbed down the ladder.

  She still wasn’t sure what she was going to do with her gift, but she knew she needed to join the meeting between Delun and Lei. More than most, those two would decide the course of the valley.

  Bai didn’t intend to be left out.

  32

  Delun followed Lei into the building that apparently served as part tavern, part common room for the village. When they stepped inside, conversations quieted and eyes fixed on them. Even Delun, used to being a stranger, felt more like an outsider than usual. They all saw Lei, though, so their expressions were more curious than concerned, even though Delun wore the white robes of a monk. Within a few moments, the conversations returned to normal, as though Delun wasn’t even there.

  Perhaps that, more than anything, was remarkable. They trusted Lei so much that he could come in here with a monk and cause nothing but a brief ripple of curiosity. Few men had that kind of respect from others. The monks certainly didn’t.

  Delun was certain Lei had earned the trust. Though the older man walked in front of Delun, exposing his back, Delun saw no openings for attack. Lei radiated a sense of calm, but Delun didn’t think he had ever met a man who stood his hairs on end in quite the same way. Lei’s hand never moved far from a dagger tucked into his belt. He had let Delun into his village, but he remained wary. If Delun summoned even a bit of his energy, he suspected he would be signing his own death sentence.

  The two of them sat at an empty table and Lei ordered tea and beer. Delun raised an eyebrow.

  Lei smiled cryptically in response. “I enjoy tea more than I once did, but beer is still my preferred beverage.”

  Delun shook his head. He had no doubt that at some point in time, Lei had lived in a monastery. And yet he didn’t have many of the familiar mannerisms of a monk. Seeing Lei’s ease, and seeing the respect of the locals, Delun didn’t wonder if he was looking at the answer to the monasteries’ problems.

  He found the thought both intriguing and disturbing.

  Their drinks arrived and Delun took a sip, his eyes widening slightly. “That’s really good.”

  Lei’s smile became genuine, and Delun thought he saw a hint of the true man underneath the mask of peace. “Thank you. One of our residents has a small plot of land about half a league away. It’s apparently ideal for this plant, and our tea leaves come from him. He would be pleased to hear you enjoy it.” Lei’s pride in the villager was plainly evident. How often were the monks proud of those they supposedly served? Delun couldn’t help but let his mind wander in that direction.

  Delun took another sip. The first notes of the tea were grassy, but gave way to a pleasant sweetness. He’d traveled much of the empire and he couldn’t remember having a better cup. Jihan, the capital that claimed to be the height of civilization, certainly didn’t have anything of this quality. At least not that Delun had ever tried.

  Delun set the cup down and watched Lei take a sip of beer. Even though the other man looked relaxed, Delun wasn’t fooled. Lei was still ready to fight if Delun displayed even a hint of threat. It almost made Delun want to try, just because of the challenge.

  The monk couldn’t help himself. He took another sip of tea, then asked, “Who are you?”

 
; Lei gently shook his head. “Who I am isn’t very important. All that matters is I live here now, and I’m doing my best to live in peace.”

  It wasn’t that the statement was a lie. Delun believed Lei wanted to believe what he said, but the monk couldn’t accept the statement at face value. “And yet you’re harboring a member of the Golden Leaf, an assassin who tried to kill me.”

  Lei grimaced. “I’m harboring Hien, a woman who sometimes makes choices I wish she wouldn’t. But I owe her a debt.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Mostly, to be left alone.”

  “You’ve been training the woman?” It was a guess, but Delun trusted his instincts.

  Lei nodded. “Bai. Since you chased her up here, yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I sensed some degree of her ability. I had a suspicion about what happened in Galan. Part of me wanted to make sure she learned control so that would never happen again. But as I discovered what she was capable of, I became driven by curiosity.”

  “Who is she?”

  “A seamstress.”

  Delun shook his head. “What is she?”

  Lei shrugged. “That I do not know. The next step? Her abilities are truly special.”

  With a start, Delun realized he had become relaxed. The delicious tea, Lei’s demeanor, and the atmosphere of the common room all eased his mind. Delun blinked and sat up straighter, remembering the events that had brought him here. Still, he found he enjoyed Lei’s company. Talking with the man seemed so easy, their relative abilities making them at once familiar and strangers.

  “She’s the perfect enemy for the monasteries.”

  “The thought occurred to me. But what she does is up to her.” Lei turned the conversation back to Delun. “What about you? I get the impression that your claim about wanting to bring down a monastery was more than a statement to give you access to the village.”

  The monk sipped at his tea. “You know Lord Xun is marching an army toward Kulat?”

  Lei nodded.

  “The two forces can’t be allowed to fight. Not only would the battle itself be a disaster, but it could be the beginning of the end for the empire.”

  Lei leaned back in his chair. “The situation has become that dire?”

  It was Delun’s turn to nod. “The monasteries have isolated themselves for too long. We’ve turned inward, spending more of our time studying our own powers and less time involved in the empire. It’s bred resentment on both sides. The monasteries feel attacked and the citizens feel as though they are no longer protected. I’ve spent years quelling minor insurrections, but this is beyond anything I’ve faced.”

  Lei looked around the room, his eyes pausing as the door opened. Delun, curious, turned around in his seat to see Bai enter. His heart sped up as he saw her, a reminder of how she’d beaten him once before. She saw them and approached. “May I join?”

  Lei nodded and Delun followed suit. Bai sat down next to Lei.

  “We were just discussing Delun’s request,” Lei said.

  “Good,” Bai said. “I want to hear what he has to say, too.”

  Lei looked at Delun expectantly.

  The monk wasn’t sure how he felt about Bai taking part in the conversation. It was Lei’s help that he wanted. But he supposed there was no harm in her listening in.

  “I need to remove Guanyu from power at his monastery,” Delun started. “I’m not sure how deep his ideas have taken root, but he cannot remain the abbot of Kulat. He desires power, and his desires will destroy us all.”

  “He’s a strong warrior,” Lei said. “That much I know. He’s mastered techniques that few have. Without a weapon, I think he and I would have a close battle on our hands. I’ve also heard rumors of the devotion he’s inspired in his monks. Many of them have come to Kulat from other monasteries after hearing of him.”

  Some of Lei’s information was new. Delun hadn’t guessed Guanyu was so powerful. It made sense—a group of warrior monks would hardly follow a weakling, but he’d sensed no great power when standing next to the abbot. Delun acknowledged the points. “It may be a fight. But I know no other way. Do you?”

  Lei shook his head.

  “That’s why I came here. You’ve seen my strength. But I’m no match for that entire monastery if it comes to a fight.” Delun fixed his eyes on Lei. “But if you were to help, I’m certain I could prevent more bloodshed than necessary. I also believe you alone value monastic life as I do.”

  Delun wanted to say more. He wanted to persuade Lei of the necessity of the man’s help, wanted to emphasize the importance of the next few days.

  But Lei knew Delun’s arguments already, and Lei didn’t seem like the type of man who appreciated more words than were necessary. So Delun held his tongue, sipping at his tea to give himself something to do while he waited, his weight leaning forward.

  Bai seemed equally curious. She looked back and forth between the two men, as though judging something for herself.

  Lei took a deep breath, and Delun leaned in even closer.

  “I will not help you.”

  Delun almost doubled over from the verbal punch. Without Lei, he’d have to hope not all the monks at Kulat were as traitorous as Guanyu. From what little he’d seen, Delun knew that was unlikely. Lei had essentially condemned him to death.

  “Is there nothing I can say that will persuade you?”

  Lei shook his head. “My heart wants to join your fight. But it is not my place. If I fight with you, I only bring more attention to myself and to my village. It also breaks a promise I made a long time ago.”

  Delun’s voice rose. “You could save thousands of lives. Tens of thousands!”

  Lei leaned back. “And there will always be another conflict. If the empire doesn’t collapse now, there will be another event five years from now, or ten. I can’t stop them all. But I can protect my village, and that I will do.”

  Delun felt anger building inside of him. Lei had the strength to do something, but he refused. The man was a coward and a disgrace.

  He was about to say so when Bai bowed toward him. “I will help.”

  Her action took the wind right out of him. He looked over at Lei, expecting him to protest, but the traitor just looked at her with curiosity in his eyes.

  “You’ll help?” Delun asked.

  Bai nodded. “I’ve spent most of my life being afraid of the monks of Kulat. They’ve scared everyone in our village, often. But no more. I need to face my fear. I need to do something to help.”

  Delun almost dismissed her out of hand. She was a woman, and one who had discovered her ability only a few weeks ago.

  He stopped himself. She had also beaten him handily in a fair fight. And he was stronger than most monks at Kulat.

  There was another argument in her favor, too.

  If she died while fighting against the monks at Kulat, then justice would be served. Either way, Delun accomplished something useful.

  The thought passed in a moment. Delun smiled. “Very well, I accept.”

  They both looked at Lei, as though he might disagree and attempt to prevent them from working together.

  Lei simply nodded, as if he’d seen this coming.

  They finished their drinks and discussed tactics. They’d made their choices, and their fates were now bound tightly. Together, Bai and Delun would take on the monastery at Kulat.

  33

  Bai glanced over, still struggling to believe she walked down the trail side-by-side with a monk. And not just any monk, but a monk who traveled the empire crushing dissent. The two of them had spent the rest of the day in Lei’s village, training together and attempting to understand their respective gifts and weaknesses. As they sparred under Lei’s careful supervision, they learned more about each other.

  Bai considered Delun to be a man with a deep well of passion, masked by layers upon layers of armor. He’d never spoken of the actual event, but something happened when he was young to create his devotion to the m
onasteries. He believed with his whole heart, but that fire was hidden underneath the placid mask of a monk.

  His true self came to the surface when he fought, though. Bai had felt it before when they dueled in Galan, but she’d had him on the defensive then. In their sparring matches, when he was prepared, he flourished against her. In battle he was careful, but aggressive and committed. Unlike Lei, he rarely feinted, relying instead on his years of training and experience to overwhelm opponents.

  He’d gotten the better of her a few times. He’d used attacks to trip her up, used the environment against her. She beat him more often than not, but he learned quickly and never gave up.

  In short, he was a monk you wanted on your side. As an enemy, he’d be fearsome indeed. Bai had been lucky to escape him as often as she had.

  Now they walked down the trail in something resembling a companionable silence. They weren’t friends, but necessity made them allies. She remained surprised that he seemed to hold her in a measure of respect.

  Bai, for one, was grateful for the silence. Her head filled with thoughts and doubts chasing one another.

  She still couldn’t say exactly why she agreed to help Delun. The decision had felt right at the time, and it still did. But it was also foolish. She knew her strength, but who was she to attack an entire monastery?

  She remembered her own fear, though. If she could protect another little girl or boy from that same terror, why shouldn’t she?

  In her heart, though, it wasn’t about protecting others. That was a story she told Delun and Lei.

  The truth was, she wanted to fight. After years of hiding and cowering and accepting the abuse, she wanted to kick, punch, and rage against those who had been part of the problem.

  Knowing her true reasons made her feel as though she was going mad. It was the height of foolishness to fight a monk, and worse yet to be the one who instigated that fight.

  But she wanted the fight.

  Her thoughts slowed and focused when Galan came into view. It was the first time she’d approached her old village this closely in the daylight since the incident. As much as she tried not to think of it as home, it was hard not to. This was the place where she had grown up, the place where she had lived with her mother.