The Supervillainy Saga (Book 5): he Tournament of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  Destruction gave a dismissive wave. “Come now, Gary, you know I’m right.”

  “If you’re right, why the hell did that imposter fill my bed!” I said, snarling and getting up before coming right up to Destruction’s face.

  “Because it was more interesting that way,” Destruction said, not looking remotely intimidated. “There’s nothing interesting about a happily married couple raising a family in safety as well as security. It’s why I usually kill the lovers off or erase the children. When I bring back Ultragod, I’ll probably do what you suggested and make him a younger hipper version. Get rid of the Polly Perkins romance. Not sure about getting rid of Ultragoddess. I tried doing that a few times but I think she’s got a few stories worth telling. Mind you, I’m loving what you’ve done with her. Making the sweet and innocent heir the world’s greatest hero into an adulteress and whore. She’ll have to miscarry, though, because no one wants a—”

  I punched Destruction in the face, growling in rage.

  “You son of a bitch, you stay away from my child!” I snapped.

  Destruction felt his jaw, making a few strange gestures with his mouth. “Huh, I actually felt that. That was unexpected.”

  “I’ll kill you if—” I was interrupted by mouth disappearing. My nostrils had also disappeared and I couldn’t breathe.

  Destruction put his arms to my side and stretched his back before I charged at him despite my inability to catch my breath and he just teleported out of the way. “Honestly, Gary, I don’t see what the big deal is. You are the only superperson who I thought could appreciate what I’ve been doing. There are so many boring universes out there. Places where heroes get killed and stay dead so you never get to see them in action again. Places where they retire or grow old. Places where they don’t get to be constantly pushed to the limits of morality or sanity.”

  “Mmph!” I screamed a string of obscenities at him before starting to black out.

  He restored my mouth and nostrils to me. “You’re telling me you’ve been screwing with the laws of reality in my world because otherwise it would be boring?”

  “Yes,” Destruction said, gazing down at me. “Honestly, did you really think the destruction of the old universe was because Diabloman and Entropicus had a real chance? No, it was to reset the game darker and edgier. I’m also the reason time keeps switching back and forth. You being a father to a five year old is a bit aging of you. I may have to make Leia your kid sister or an orphan you adopted off the street. You’re lucky she’s amusing. You don’t want to know what I did to the Amazing! Family.”

  “Is…was Mandy ever resurrected?” I asked, having a sinking feeling of horror about what Destruction may have done to my timeline.

  “Oh yes,” Destruction said, chuckling. “You brought her back but that’s way too happy ending. So I switched her souls and made it always that way. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re omnipotent.”

  I tried to blast him with fire from my hands but nothing came out. “You’re sick, man.”

  “Am I? Am I really? You’re playing the game because you love it just as much as I do,” Destruction said. “You wanted your loved ones back too. You also don’t really give a shit about saving lives or being a hero. The only reason you’re planning on trying to be a superhero is because it’s something new and exciting. I personally think it’s a good idea even if it’ll never stick. That’s why I retconned Merciful into being a deranged fascist by breaking him. You’d be surprised at how much suffering it took to drive him mad. He was much cooler that way than when he was a sickening good guy.”

  I stared at him. “How much have you done to me?”

  “Oh, my friend,” Destruction walked up close and put his finger on my nose. “That would be telling. Most of the time it’s just a whisper or a word. Gary can’t handle being Ultragoddess’ lover and will get himself killed. Being a supervillain is morally equivalent to being a superhero and the best way to honor your brother. It’d be better to lie about being his wife than reveal the truth and have no one to return in this life. That last bit was for Maria, the woman who is walking around in your wife’s corpse from the future. Wow, that’s a radioactive bit of continuity. Of course, I could be making all of this up too. You’d never know.”

  I fell to my knees. “My wife—”

  “My wife, my wife, my wife,” Destruction repeated, rolling his eyes. “I swear, I’m so glad i put you through the wringer on that because you were so insistent on being a good husband. It made me glad when you finally broke and became the cheating scumbag I always knew you could be. Mind you, technically, you were never married to Maria in the first place but I suppose I can retcon it all away anyway if you say please. Personally, I think a supervillain should never have any relationships that aren’t shallow and based on sex.”

  I grabbed him by the shirt. “Where is Mandy?”

  Destruction disappeared from my hands and appeared behind me. “You know, I’m starting to sense some hostility here. Still, I’m in a forgiving mood. I’ll send you to the spot where you want to go and let you see the people you’ve left behind. Maybe afterward you’ll be in a better mood to appreciate all I’ve done for you.”

  He vanished.

  I looked around the forest and noticed a signpost with three arrows on it. One pointed to “Heroes”, another “Villains”, and third “Sexy Cosplay Convention.”

  “As tempting as the last may be, I’m going with heroes,” I said, following the sign’s direction in hopes of finding some damn answers. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t having some sort of dying dream or last minute hallucination but if I began to question all the insanity of my life then I wouldn’t believe in anything at all. I mean, what was more likely, that I was the plaything of omnipotent omniscient monsters who wanted to play with us like action figures or I was insane? Obviously, it was the former.

  What awaited me a few acres away down a yellow brick road was one that caused me to almost fall to the ground weeping. I couldn’t believe what my eyes told me but in the face of truth, the soul recognized what was real.

  There, in another grove, was Mandy wearing a pair of gym shorts and a tank top practicing archery. She was standing on a picnic table cloth, shooting arrows into a round target with an English longbow. She was still pale but no longer a vampire, looking as alive and fresh as the day she…died.

  God in Heaven.

  Beyond her, I could see other people I recognized. There was Moses Anders, sitting at a picnic table, carving a turkey for a group of people dressed in 40th-century costumes. Stephen was sitting next to a beautiful woman who was dressed like a stereotypical member of the French Resistance during WW2. I also saw Lancel, standing there in full-costume, looking brooding. I also saw other people in civilian attire that I didn’t recognize. I wanted to visit with all of them before realizing there was only person I needed to speak with.

  “Mandy!” I said, running up to her and embracing her before trying to kiss her.

  She stopped me.

  “Mandy?” I asked, pausing.

  Mandy smiled brightly. “Gary, I know where your mouth has been in the past hour.”

  I blinked. “Oh shit.”

  Mandy laughed then kissed me anyway. “You’re not dead, right? I saw you take a pretty nasty beating from Entropicus. Time doesn’t have much meaning here.”

  “Not yet,” I said, hugging her tight. “Hopefully, not ever.”

  “Death holds few mysteries,” Mandy said, staring at me. “Even though it should.”

  “Wait, what?” I said, looking around. “I mean, this is great. Destruction was telling the truth. You guys are alive-ish and are coming back! It’s enough to get me to almost forgive the fact he threatened my dau…actually, no, fuck that guy. However, I hate him slightly less than before. Wait, you don’t even know who Leia is, do you? Crap, this is going to be awkward but—”

  “I know about your daughters, Gary.”

  “Daughters?” I asked, stunned.


  Mandy’s expression was sad. “I know how history is supposed to go, Gary. You’re meant to have a happy and joy-filled life.”

  “How can I have that without you?” I asked, looking at her.

  “I’ve never left you, Gary,” Mandy said, putting her hand over my heart. “However, Destruction has made a mockery of life. Returning superheroes to life only to let thousands of people die at the hands of murderers who can’t be incarcerated or killed forever. Time, itself, is slowing down and possibly even stopping.”

  “Yes, that is totally Destruction’s fault,” I said, pausing. “Not at all me.”

  “It’s not you, Gary,” Mandy said, looking at me with a sad expression on her face. “But you need to bring an end to this.”

  “Wait, what?” I said, pulling away. “An end to what?”

  “The cycle,” Mandy said. “That’s why Death chose you as your champion? She knows Destruction would be fascinated by you but that you can choose to be different than what he believes. That you can convince him to let time move on.”

  “Time move on… how?” I asked, very carefully.

  Mandy lowered her gaze. “To let the dead, good or bad, stay dead.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way but….are you crazy?” I asked, stunned the conversation had turned out this way. “I just found you after years of spending time with someone wearing your skin. Your actual skin, I want to clean myself off with a Brillo pad.”

  “Spellbinder,” Mandy said.

  “What?”

  “Maria Gonzales, sister of Damien Gonzales a.k.a Diabloman,” Mandy said.

  “You are shitting me,” I said, blinking. “That’s his name?”

  “Yes, Gary,” Mandy said, moving her hand up to my face as if she was enjoying just touching it.

  “Why the hell would she not reveal who she was?” I asked, blinking. “I mean, to her brother if no one else.”

  Spellbinder being Fake Mandy was the kind of contrived coincidence I’d become used to since becoming Merciless. Spellbinder had rebelled against the evil cult that had raised her, used her demonically-granted gifts to help others, and had fallen in love with the Guitarist. She was a childhood friend of Gabrielle’s and someone who had died saving the world. It was hard to imagine her duplicitous enough to fool me for years. To fool her brother. Then again, I couldn’t imagine wanting to live another person’s life in place of my own.

  “Because her brother killed her,” Mandy said, sighing. “Also, because her silence was the price of her resurrection. When she sacrificed her life to destroy one of the Great Beasts, she found herself not reunited with the person she loved but was brought here. A celestial waiting room. She got to watch the Guitarist retconned out of existence and replaced with a murderous asshole who kills people with piano wire.”

  “Wouldn’t a guitar string be more appropriate?”

  “Focus, Gary.”

  “My parents thought I should be on medication for my problems with that. Clearly, they were mistaken.”

  “You should forgive her,” Mandy said.

  “Like hell I should,” I said, looking at her. “I should have known she wasn’t you. I did know she wasn’t you. She never acted like you. I just wanted to believe it was true.”

  “She was a hero,” Mandy said, pausing.

  “Stakes and holy water,” I said, my voice full of venom. “Because of her, I stopped looking to bring you back. Death hid it from me. I’m going to find out why.”

  “So you’d stop looking. So you’d come to this place. So I’d be here to tell you what you have to do.”

  “What?” I asked, looking at her. “You seriously want me to stop the people I love coming back from the dead?”

  “If you win the battle against Entropicus. You can wish for the multiverse to be free from the loops it’s caught in. Not all realities suffer from them but enough of them do. To make a mockery of heroism, sacrifice, and progress.”

  “Why the hell would I agree to that?” I asked. “Don’t mention all the people dying at the hands of immortal supervillains because superheroes are reactive than proactive. Screw those guys. I’d trade the entire world for you instead of them. I’m fine with the Ice Cream Man or Big Ben coming back from the dead perpetually if it means you’re beside me. I mean, I just killed the former again last week. At least I think it was him. Dude didn’t recognize me but sharpened teeth and acid tuti fruit is kind of unmistakable.”

  Mandy grabbed my arm. “Gary, he erased my daughter.”

  I stopped and stared. “Your daughter.”

  “The one Maria told you about,” Mandy said, a horrified expression on her face.

  I stared at her. “I thought that was just a story Maria made up. Even when I believed she was you, I couldn’t imagine you’d actually kept that a secret from me all those years.”

  “I wanted to go to New Albion to find her someday but I’m never going to be able to,” Mandy replied.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I can talk with her now but only in the realm of the dead. I might wake up tomorrow as a woman with no memory of who I was, with another past, or as a parody of my former self. We might have never met in my next life.”

  “I won’t let that happen.”

  “There’s only one way, especially if you want to protect your family.”

  I closed my eyes and cried. “Don’t ask me of this. I love you.”

  “I love you too and I want you to be happy.”

  “I…can’t.”

  “You have people who love you,” Mandy said, kissing me again. “Love them back.”

  I didn’t respond.

  Instead, the two of us went over to meet with the other superheroes that were caught in limbo.

  Lancel objected to being hugged.

  Apparently, you couldn’t do that to the Nightwalker.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  OLD FRIENDS LONG GONE

  “Stop hugging me, Gary,” Lancel said, as he stood there in stoic fashion.

  “No,” I said, holding my best friend. “You’re the Nightwalker, not No Hugs Man.”

  “I can be both,” Lancel said. “I will curse you if you don’t.”

  “Worth it,” I said, keeping my arms around him.

  Lancel pushed me away by my forehead like a toddler by his father. “Move.”

  I’d taken a moment to speak with the rest of the people hanging around here in Limbo because I wanted to be absolutely, perfectly, and completely clear about what exactly everyone wanted. Mostly, I was hoping any of the morally perfect heroes present here would have an argument as to why Mandy’s idea was insane and we should abandon it.

  I didn’t get it. “Are you sure your guys are all on board with this?”

  Moses Anders nodded. “Life is meant to end, Gary, and I believe in a universe after this. Coming back again and again to fight the same fights over and over again invalidates the purpose of them.”

  “The world needs Ultragod,” I said, looking at him. “You were a beacon of hope and inspiration to people. We’re living in a time when Luke Skywalker and Optimus Prime are being corrupted by circumstance. When the paladin and Lawful Good are being derided as unrealistic heroes. When Dirty Harry is bigger than—”

  “I believe in humanity, Gary,” Moses said, reaching over and putting his hand on my shoulder. “I believe while the power of darkness seems all-consuming, that a single match can hold it back. Good will always create new heroes to fight the darkness and the world is greater than any one man’s legacy.”

  I tried to think of a good argument. “The world is a very crappy place, Moses.”

  “Then make it better,” Moses said, nodding. “The only way that will happen if consequences happen for good and evil. I promised when I became a hero that I would look after the little guy. How can I say that’s true when I’m receiving special treatment? That I come back and more die on the ground.”

  “Ever see the Third Man?” Stephen Soldiers said.

  “In
college, yeah,” I said, wanting to hear his take on it.

  All of the men in the audience looked at me in horror but, well, they were all veterans of World War 2.

  “It’s a movie about the early Cold War,” Stephen said. “One of the most famous scenes is the villain, which too many people took a liking to, said that all of humanity was just a bunch of dots and if someone paid you for every dot you made to disappear then you’d start thinking about how many you’d be willing to sacrifice. The thing is, if we’re all a bunch of dots, then that makes protecting each other all the more important.”

  “That’s surprisingly nihilistic for a patriotic hero,” I said.

  “I prefer anti-nihilistic,” Stephen said, blinking. “We’re all part of God, the universe, and everything.”

  “42,” I said.

  Complete blank expression from everyone but Mandy who rolled her eyes.

  “Were you raised by a television set, Gary?” Moses asked.

  “No, I had comic books and video games too,” I said. “Also, the public library, which is what the pre-electronic internet was called.”

  That actually brought a smile to some of the heroes’ faces.

  I looked over at the women. “You okay with this Polly?”

  Polly Perkins was an intrepid reporter who had been Ultragod’s lover and closest confidant for the majority of the 20th century. It was doubly impressive since she was of Mexican descent and there were plenty of times when their relationship had been illegal under United States law. True love had won out in the end, though, and Gabrielle had been the product of their relationship. I wasn’t about to bring up the fact I’d knocked up her daughter if she wasn’t but I could tell she knew.

  Stupid omniscient ghosts.

  “I am,” Polly Perkins replied. “I’m glad to be united with my husband but I don’t want to return to life if it means being subjected to the whims of an idiot man-child from a higher dimension. Destruction took the form of a leprechaun to torment my husband a few times and often to strike at our love.”

  “A leprec…you know, screw it, I don’t want to know.”

  “Probably for the best,” Ultragod said, shaking his head. “You can’t recycle what is good forever but create new stories and legends to inspire each generation of heroes.”