Kathleen's Story

by Lurlene McDaniel

  “After only a few weeks as a volunteer? It’s a big world out there.”

  “This place is so … so alive. So exciting. I can’t even think about going into some dull, boring job after I graduate.”

  “Believe me, this place has some boring aspects too. And you still have two years of high school.”

  “I thought you’d like the idea of me following in your footsteps.”

  “Sweetie, of course, I do. I think you’d be a wonderful nurse. I just want you to be happy. And these days, there are so many choices in the field. I’ll help you check them out, if you’d like.”

  Placated, Raina resumed eating. “I’d like to know more about surgical nursing.”

  “Doctors have egos the size of the eastern time zone,” her mother said over the rim of a coffee mug. “It takes a thick skin to be in an OR with some of them.”

  “You can’t scare me. I’ve had Mr. Alvarez for math.”

  Their table was off in a corner, so Raina and her mother were alone. A few residents and interns drifted to a table in the center of the room. The cashier closed out her register and a janitor mopped the floor in a cordoned-off section. Vicki set down her mug. “And what about Hunter? What’s he think about your ambitions?”

  “He loves me no matter what.”

  “As he should. He’s a nice young man.” Vicki paused. “You two, um—” She searched for words. “I mean, you both are being careful, aren’t you?”

  Raina stared at her mother. “Did you just ask me what I think you did?”

  Vicki lifted her hands as if to ward off Raina’s shocked expression. “I’m not prying, Raina— honest. Just suggesting that you be careful. I wouldn’t want to see all your dreams fall apart.”

  “You’ve already prepared me,” Raina said, irritated. “Or have you forgotten?”

  “Birth control is prudent and you know it.”

  “Hunter respects me.”

  “Oh, now, let’s not fight,” Vicki said, her tone conciliatory. “How many mothers and daughters can talk as frankly as we do? I’m sorry if I offended you, honey.”

  Raina glanced away, took a breath. Her mother was right. None of her friends had a mother like hers. Why should she get angry about a few questions on a topic they’d discussed off and on since Raina had turned twelve? She hadn’t meant to get defensive. “It’s okay.”

  Vicki reached across the table and took her daughter’s hand. “I love you more than you can imagine, Raina. I want you to have everything you want without any roadblocks or glitches.”

  Raina cut her eyes sideways. “Do you love me better than chocolate?” This was something her mother had often said to her when she was a little girl and upset.

  “Better than chocolate?” Vicki feigned shock. “Well, maybe better than chocolate pudding, but I don’t know about chocolate kisses. I really love chocolate kisses.”

  They exchanged smiles. Her mother truly was special, Raina thought. In sixteen years, Vicki had overcome desertion by Raina’s father, raised Raina alone and managed to rise to the top of her profession, making a good income. Vicki St. James was a winner. Raina only hoped she could be as successful once she stepped out into the world.

  Kathleen was walking to the parking garage after her shift when she heard a horn honk and a voice call her name. She spun and stepped aside as a sleek silver Mercedes convertible stopped alongside her. Carson lifted his sunglasses and grinned. “Can I give you a ride?”

  Her heart beat crazily at the sight of him. His black hair was windswept, his tan had deepened, and his dark eyes shone. He looked…well, delicious. Her gaze swept over the shiny car.

  “My father’s,” he said, almost apologetically. “I drive a PT Cruiser, but it’s getting new tires today, so I’m stuck with Dad’s. Gaudy, huh?” He grinned. “So where are you going?”

  “I’m on my way to Raina’s car. She’s parked on level three.”

  “Come on and get in. I’ll drive you home.”

  She glanced around, hoping her friends might magically appear but knowing that she usually beat them to the parked car. “Raina takes me home every day.” Kathleen shifted nervously.

  “Leave a note on her car. Tell her I’m taking you home.”

  “I—I can’t.”

  He pulled the car into an empty spot, got out, leaned against the door and looked her over with audacity. “Well, then, talk to me until they show.”

  She came closer, smoothed her hair self-consciously. Why hadn’t she brushed out the frizz before leaving the admissions office? “How have you been?” she asked.

  “Bored stupid. I’ve been in exile at my grandparents’. Have you missed me?”

  Say something cute. Say something clever, she told herself. “I thought you’d quit the program.” She grimaced at her lack of originality.

  “I can’t quit. You’re here.”

  She gave him a level look. “Good one.”

  “You don’t believe me?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Really, I came back so I could see you again.”

  “Do you give these lines to every girl you meet? Or did you single me out?”

  He threw up his hands. “I give up. What does it take to get you to accept me?”

  “Honesty,” she said softly.

  His gaze shifted from flirtatious to serious. “Fair enough. I honestly want to know you better, Kathleen.”

  “And what about Stephanie?” She had to ask because she couldn’t get the image of the two of them out of her head.

  He braced his hands behind him on the car door. “I owe you an apology about her. She was rude to you and I’m sorry.”

  “She was rude to you too,” Kathleen said, remembering how he’d been tossed into the pool at Stephanie’s bidding.

  “Our families are friends, and I’ve known her most of my life. She’s kind of mixed up. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. Sometimes I could choke her.” He grinned. “Not literally. I don’t want you to think I smack girls around. She’s a little crazy, so I cut her some slack.”

  “All right… I guess nobody can control the way someone else acts.”

  “You sure you won’t let me drive you home?”

  “Not today. But thanks anyway.”

  He straightened. “Well, then, how ’bout I take you out Saturday night?”

  Her heart skipped a beat. A date. He was asking her on a date. “I—I don’t know…”

  “It’s a yes-or-no question, Kathleen,” he said.

  His eyes were so intense that she felt they were boring holes in her. Color rose to her face and she felt hot all over. “Yes,” she mumbled.

  A grin broke out across his face. “I’m sort of on restriction, so if it’s okay with you, we’ll go to the country club on the island for dinner. Seven o’clock all right?”

  “Fine.”

  He got back in the car. “I’ll pick you up at six-thirty.”

  “Don’t you need my address?” she asked as he started the engine and backed out.

  He looked up at her, a wry smile lighting his eyes. “I know where you live.”

  “But I never—”

  He revved the engine and took off with a wave of his hand.

  eight

  “I’M DOOMED. I have nothing to wear and no money to buy anything,” Kathleen said as she fell backward onto her bed, her arms spread wide in resignation.

  “Don’t be pessimistic,” Holly told her. “We’ll come up with something.”

  “Are you sure you want to go out with him?” Raina asked. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor of Kathleen’s room, nibbling popcorn from a bowl.

  Kathleen raised up on her elbows. “Yes, I want to go.”

  “All you’ve ever said is that you don’t want to be around Carson. Then he corners you in a parking garage and you tumble.”

  “So sue me.”

  “Would you two stop it?” Holly said. “I’m trying to create.” She began shoving aside hangers in Kathleen’s closet. “Geez, Kathleen, don’t you ow
n anything except jeans?”

  “I like jeans.”

  “I count ten pair. Where are your dresses?”

  “In the very back, but they’re all older than dirt.”

  “Can’t you hit your mom up for something new?”

  “No, I can’t.” Kathleen wasn’t about to tack on the cost of a new dress to the already strained budget she and her mother maintained.

  “We can go thrifting. Lots of garage sales in the paper for this Saturday.”

  “Hel-lo, Holly. The date’s this Saturday night. I can’t wait until Saturday morning to find something to wear. And what if I can’t find anything?” Kathleen flopped back onto the bed. “I’m doomed. I’ll find him tomorrow and cancel.”

  Holly and Raina exchanged glances. Holly said, “Raina, how about that green sundress you bought last week? You’re both the same size.”

  Raina flipped a piece of popcorn at Kathleen. “You want to try it on? I’ll bring it over tonight.”

  “Your new dress? You haven’t worn it once. I—I can’t wear it first,” Kathleen protested.

  “Well, there are conditions,” Raina said. While her friends waited for her to name her terms, Raina tossed another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

  “What conditions?” Holly asked, tired of waiting.

  “That from now on Kathleen is honest with her best friends. That when one of us asks if she likes someone, she doesn’t deny it if it’s true.”

  Kathleen’s face flared red. “I don’t know if I like him. I don’t know him well enough yet.”

  “He’s been on your mind since that first day at orientation, but you blew us off every time we asked you about him. Why do you have to be so secretive about your feelings? It’s not like either of us is going to post it in a chat room.”

  Kathleen saw the hurt look on Raina’s face and felt guilty. She had been secretive. She hadn’t wanted to share her silly crush with them. She thought back to sixth and seventh grades, when they would lie around and tell each other their innermost thoughts and desires. Of course, then their fantasies had been childish and simple, centering on movie stars and athletes. “I didn’t want you to tease me,” she mumbled.

  “Why would we have teased you?” Raina asked.

  “Because whenever Carson’s name was even mentioned, everyone had some kind of warning for me about him.”

  “People were just making comments, not judgments against your feelings—which no one knew about in the first place.”

  “What would you have told me?”

  “To follow your heart.”

  The two friends stared at each other and Kathleen saw sincerity in Raina’s eyes. She said, “I didn’t mean to cut my friends out. I’ll be more open in the future.”

  Holly, who had been watching the exchange, cleared her throat. “Are we finished making up? Because if so, we need to get going on this dress project.”

  Kathleen and Raina burst out laughing at the petulant expression on Holly’s face. “I’ll bring the dress over after supper,” Raina said.

  “Pick me up before you come,” Holly demanded.

  “Well, of course,” Raina said.

  Kathleen hugged them both and walked them to the front door. She had just closed it when she heard the electric whir of her mother’s wheelchair come up behind her. “What’s up?” Mary Ellen asked. “The three of you have been hiding in your room for hours.”

  It had been hardly an hour, but Kathleen didn’t correct Mary Ellen. “I, um, have a date this Saturday night, and we were deciding what I should wear.” Kathleen held her breath, waiting for her mother’s reaction to the news.

  “Oh. Who is he?”

  “His name is Carson and he’s taking me to his parents’ country club for dinner. I met him in the volunteer program.”

  “A country club. He sounds wealthy.”

  “I don’t care about that.”

  “Is he nice?”

  “He’s nice to me.”

  “Because that’s important, you know. A boy should treat you nice.”

  Kathleen could tell by the rigid way her mother was holding herself that she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Kathleen’s dating. “Raina’s coming by later with a dress for me to try on, and Saturday night, Holly’s doing my hair.”

  “I used to do your hair.”

  “Not since I was ten, Mom.”

  “So what will you wear?”

  “Raina’s loaning me a dress.”

  Mary Ellen considered that and finally said, “I’m sorry I can’t buy you a new one.”

  “I don’t need a new dress, Mom. I’m borrowing Raina’s.”

  “I just wish…” Mary Ellen left the sentence unfinished. “You won’t stay out too late, will you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “He won’t drive like a maniac, will he?”

  “He’s a safe driver.”

  “You watch your beverage glass. I see on TV about boys who slip drugs into their dates’ glasses.”

  “Mom! It’s just a simple date, not a kidnapping. You watch too much television.”

  Mary Ellen looked stricken, and Kathleen regretted her outburst. “I’ll make sure your dinner’s ready before I go.”

  “I think I can heat a frozen dinner without your supervision. I’m not helpless.”

  This was her mother’s way of laying guilt on her—her way of saying, “I’m fine. I don’t need you,” when they both knew she did.

  “Then I’ll go start dinner for tonight.”

  “I’m not hungry,” Mary Ellen said. She backed up her wheelchair and returned to the family room and her TV schedule.

  “You look fab,” Holly said. She was standing behind Kathleen in the bathroom with a can of hair spray and a brush.

  Kathleen had to admit that Holly’s magic fingers had done wonders with her mane of curly red hair. Partly up and clipped with a sparkly butterfly ornament, her hair framed her face in a nest of soft curls and tendrils. “Thanks,” she said, unable to think of a way to express more gratitude to her friend.

  Holly grinned and curtsied.

  Back in her bedroom, Raina finished pressing the sundress and handed it to Kathleen. “Great hair, Holly. How’s our time?”

  “Fifteen minutes,” Kathleen said, stepping into the dress, still warm from the iron. She was a bundle of nerves.

  Raina insisted that Kathleen dab green eye shadow on her eyelids and bronzer across her cheeks.

  “Too many freckles,” Kathleen said, hesitating.

  “Do it,” Raina said, then finished off the look with a bronze-toned lip gloss.

  Kathleen slipped on a pair of sandals and turned for her two friends.

  “Stunning,” Raina said, and gave Holly a high five.

  “Yes, and it only took two hours and three pairs of hands to get me this way,” Kathleen said, but she was pleased by her image in the mirror. The deep green of the sundress set off her slender neck and square shoulders. She wished again that her skin wasn’t covered with freckles, but then her friends weren’t miracle workers.

  “We’re out of here,” Raina said.

  “Do we have to go? We could wait until he comes and see his reaction,” Holly suggested.

  Raina grabbed her purse and Holly’s arm. “Carson doesn’t need to see us hanging around.”

  “True. We want him to think that this look is natural instead of the project it was,” Kathleen laughed.

  “Have fun and call us first thing tomorrow!” Holly called as Raina hauled her out of the bedroom and down the hall to the front door. “Call tonight if it’s not too late!” Holly was saying as the door shut behind her and Raina.

  At the last minute, Kathleen grabbed a lightweight sweater to cover her bare shoulders and went downstairs. She found her mother in the den, sitting in her wheelchair and nervously fluffing sofa pillows. “What do you think, Mom?” She twirled.

  “I think you’re beautiful,” Mary Ellen said after a long, lingering look. “He’s a lucky boy.”


  Kathleen beamed. “I made you some vanilla pudding. And there’s a new carton of ice cream too.”

  “I saw them.” Mary Ellen kept staring at Kathleen. “I wish your father could see you.”

  “Me too, Mom.”

  Both of them might have teared up but the doorbell rang. Kathleen gave her mother a quick kiss goodbye. Showtime. She went into the foyer and took a deep breath, then pulled open the door to what she hoped would be a whole new chapter of her life.

  “Did I tell you how pretty you look?”

  Kathleen glanced up from the menu to Carson, sitting across the table from her. “You did. But there’s no harm in hearing it again.”

  The ride across town to the country club had been accompanied by music from his CD player instead of conversation. When he asked about her mother, Kathleen told him briefly about Mary Ellen’s MS and the loss of her father. “So do you mostly take care of her?” Carson asked.

  “I do the day-to-day stuff, but she—we— have other help.”

  He had no more questions about Kathleen’s home life, which relieved her. It was complicated and she didn’t feel like going over the details with him. Not tonight. Dates rarely came her way. A junior boy had asked her to the Christmas dance last year, but once Kathleen heard that he and his girlfriend had split three days before the dance, she knew she was just a tool to make the old girlfriend jealous. It worked, because the boy had dropped Kathleen like a hot rock afterward. Raina dated. Kathleen and Holly looked on.

  “Sorry we’re stuck here instead of someplace fun,” Carson said.

  They were sitting on the patio of the club’s dining room, which was lit by glass lamps and candles. Their table held fine china and good linen, a small vase of fresh flowers and a votive candle. Moonlight spilled over the terrace from above and bathed the golf course in the distance in a soft white sheen. A few diners at other tables were talking, and elevator-style music played in the background. She realized that the club might be boring for him, but it wasn’t for her. Most of her friends started off their dating life with fast food and a movie. “I like it. Where else would we have gone?”

  “Clubbing.”