Faded Dreams

by Kari Lemor

  Luke waved his hand toward where Elle had disappeared. “Will it make that better?”

  His mom’s face softened. “Many women get a little postpartum depression after having a baby. Some more than others. All you can do is be there for her. Remind Ellie how you feel about her. When was the last time you were both together without the baby?”

  Luke laughed. “Before Dawn was born.”

  Mom raised her eyes skyward. “When she’s finished nursing, if she’s willing, take her for a walk along the beach. Just the two of you. There are plenty of people here to watch Dawn.”

  “Like you. Are you sure this isn’t just a ploy to get your hands on your granddaughter again?”

  His mom’s lips twisted to the side. “I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation, Lukas. It’s an offer nonetheless.”

  “If Ellie goes for it, I’ll take you up on that offer.”

  It was another half hour before Elle returned, a sleeping baby in her arms. Luke intercepted her before she got into the family room.

  “She’s asleep? Good. Do you think my mom could watch her for us for a short while?”

  Elle’s eyes went on alert. “Why? Is something wrong?”

  “Yes.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I want some time alone with my wife. Would you take a walk along the shore path with me?”

  “Is anyone else going?” Her gaze darted around the room.

  “Why? Are you afraid to be alone with me?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  A real laugh drifted from her lips. “That would be nice. I could use a little time away from—I mean, I love our daughter, but—”

  “You’re with her every second of the day. Maybe it’s time to make sure you get some you time every now and then.”

  Elle sighed. “Not easy when you’re the food supply.”

  Luke led her to the couch where his mom sat. “But it can still be done, like now. Thanks, Mom.”

  Elle handed the baby off, and his mom smiled smugly. “Enjoy your walk. Don’t rush back. She won’t need to be fed for at least a few hours. Anything else that comes up, I can handle. I did raise four children who all managed to make it to adulthood.”

  Once outside, they skirted around the house and down the path that led to the ocean. As a kid, Luke and his siblings and cousins had played here often. He wanted Elle to love it as much as he did.

  As they strolled along the rocky shore, he told Elle about some of the antics they’d gotten up to when they were younger. He paused near a few large rocks and watched the waves roll in.

  “It’s absolutely gorgeous here, Luke. I’m glad we came. Especially for this walk. I needed it.”

  Taking her hand, he gathered her close. “I wanted my two best girls to see this place.”

  “I made one of two best? Wow.”

  Luke hated the doubt, but Elle was smiling. He needed to give her more assurance. “Dawn is my life, but her mother is equally as important to me. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Yes, you love our daughter. As you should.” She gazed out at the birds soaring in the sky.

  Twisting her to face him, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I do, more than anything. But I also love our daughter’s mother. You, Ellie. I love you. So very much.”

  He pressed his lips to hers, hoping she felt the emotion in his kiss. When he eased back, tears filled her eyes again. Yet the smile on her face was huge and stayed that way as they continued their stroll along the shore.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Make sure to continue taking the prenatal vitamins as well as this.” Dr. Chaudhri handed Elle a prescription for an iron supplement. “And rest when the baby rests. If this bleeding hasn’t stopped completely in the next few weeks, I want you back here for another visit. Promise?”

  Elle nodded and slid off the exam table. She’d just had her six-week post-natal checkup, and the doctor hadn’t been happy that she’d still been spotting heavier than she should be at this stage. Might be one reason she and Luke hadn’t had sex lately. She’d tried touching him sexually, and he’d responded with kisses and touches, but each time, he’d pulled her close and said, “You need to get some sleep, babe. Let me just hold you.”

  “I’ll try to take it easier.”

  In the past week, Luke had attempted to clean up after himself more, but he wasn’t always successful. Not to the point of clean Elle had been doing. She’d continued to take care of everything in the house as well as the baby. It was exhausting. Even with Dawn getting into a better napping schedule.

  “Don’t try, Elle. Do it. You’ve lost all your baby weight plus a few more pounds already, which is almost unheard of. I know you said you’ve been taking the baby for a walk, but not to the point of running yourself down. You won’t do your child any good if you collapse.”

  She nodded again, embarrassed to have this conversation with her doctor. “I know. I have people who keep offering to help. I guess I should take them up on it.”

  Dr. Chaudhri patted her arm and smiled, then exited the room. Quickly, Elle slipped her clothes back on and left the office. Most likely, Dawn would need to eat soon. She’d left a small bottle of formula at the house that she’d gotten as a free sample. Hopefully, Gina wouldn’t need to use it.

  During the drive home, Elle found herself humming. As much as she’d worried about Luke not wanting to have sex, she was so tired it had been a relief at times. And he’d been so solicitous in so many other ways. Like telling her he loved her. She couldn’t hear that often enough. Maybe she could slow down, and it wouldn’t matter.

  As she pulled into the driveway, Gina walked onto the front porch with Dawn wrapped in a blanket. Had something happened? Elle rushed up the stairs, but Gina waved her off.

  “Nothing’s wrong. She just woke up a few minutes ago, and since it’s such a beautiful day, I thought we’d sit on the porch swing for a while.”

  Gina ambled to the swing and settled down, still holding the baby. Elle sat next to her.

  “Do you need to get back home, Gina?” Elle pressed on her foot to get the swing swaying gently back and forth.

  “Not really. Felix already put supper in the crock pot, as usual, and I’m way ahead of the project I’m working on. Unless you miss your baby so much and want to hold her.”

  Elle inhaled a deep breath of fresh air and let it out slowly. “The doctor said I should let people help me more.”

  Gina’s brows inched together. “Why did she say that? Is everything okay?”

  Rolling her eyes, Elle shrugged. “It’s mostly fine. I’m still bleeding a bit.”

  Gina made a face. “At six weeks postpartum? Please tell me that isn’t normal.”

  “It’s not, though the doctor said it’s common enough in mothers with several children. I only have one.”

  Gina snorted, causing Dawn to startle, but the gentle swaying of the swing got her back to sleep quickly. “You have Luke, though. He’s kind of a big kid. Probably as bad as a dozen or more little ones.”

  “You’re right, and maybe I’ve been trying to do more than I should. I don’t want…” She stopped short, realizing what she was about to divulge.

  Gina didn’t push, just smiled and waited.

  This was her sister-in-law. One who’d been so friendly and welcoming every step of the way in her messy relationship with Luke. Not to mention non-judgmental. Gina was aware of most of Luke’s flaws. Maybe more so than Elle herself as Luke had lived with the couple for a while.

  Swallowing hard, she decided to trust. “I don’t want to do anything that’ll make Luke leave me.”

  Gina tipped her head, and her eyes softened. “Oh, honey, I don’t think you have to worry about that. I’ve seen the way the man looks at you. He adores you.”

  “He says he does, and I know he’s in love with this little girl more than anything else. It’s simply my old fears of abandonment coming back to haunt me.”

  She and Gina had shared their stories of absentee parents as they’
d bonded these past few months. Gina knew about Elle’s fears. She’d lived some herself.

  Gina shifted Dawn in her arms and reached for Elle’s hand. “I honestly don’t think you have to worry about Luke. But I promise you this, if anything ever happens, you’ve got me as a lifelong sister and friend. I’m pretty sure the rest of the Storm family has your back, too.”

  “Thank you. It’s good to know.” She squeezed Gina’s hand just as Luke’s Camaro roared up the road, then turned into the driveway.

  As he got out of the car and swaggered up the walkway, Elle couldn’t help but appreciate her husband and his gorgeous physique. He spotted her ogling him and smirked.

  Ignoring Gina and the baby, he bent and kissed her. Passionately. “Hey, babe. Miss me?”

  Gina stood and laughed. “Should I take Dawn to my house for a while so you can finish that?”

  Luke raised one eyebrow and cocked his head. “Your call, Ellie.”

  “Lord, you two are ridiculous. Our daughter will need to eat soon, and Gina doesn’t have the right food yet.”

  After handing Dawn over to Luke, Gina patted her tummy, which had just started getting rounder. “Not yet. Soon, though. I’ll let you all get fed and find my husband. I’m sure he has our dinner just about ready.”

  Gina sauntered off the porch and across the grass to her house. Luke swayed back and forth, the baby cooing in his arms. Yeah, he could charm all the ladies. Even the young ones.

  “What’s her schedule?”

  Elle shrugged. “Not sure. I only got back from my doctor’s appointment about twenty minutes ago. At a guess, she’ll want to eat in the next half hour. I’m sorry, I didn’t get a chance to put anything on for supper yet. I really need to get Alex to train me in dinner prep.”

  “No, you don’t need to be as anal as my brother. For tonight, simply open the passenger door of my car.”

  Elle skipped down the stairs and peeked in the window of the sports car. Her head swiveled back in time to see Luke smirk. After opening the door, she grabbed the large bag of food and carried it back. “You got Chinese. How did you know I’d been craving that lately?”

  “You used to love it, and we haven’t had any since we’ve been together. You still like crab rangoon, right?”

  “Oh, yes. Please tell me you got some.” She followed Luke into the house to the kitchen.

  After placing the bag on the table, she pulled out some dishes and utensils.

  “I love it, too, so I got two orders. Better make sure you eat it up.”

  Elle held her arms out for the baby. “Let me take her and feed her. You start eating.”

  “Nope.” Luke rocked back and forth. “She’s calm for now. Fill your plate and chow down. I can eat any time.”

  “Are you sure?” Her hands tore into the boxes, and she dumped rice, chow mein, and spare ribs on her plate. She had one crab rangoon gone before Luke even responded.

  “Absolutely. Right, Dawn Marie? Mommy can’t feed you if she’s hungry.”

  Elle hated to shove the food in her mouth so quickly, but their daughter might start screaming for her own supper any time. If the baby got too worked up it was more difficult to get her latched on.

  Luke sat opposite her and placed the baby in his lap, facing out. Dawn managed to find the edge of the table and seemed happy tapping away.

  “How was the appointment today?” Luke asked after nibbling on a chicken finger with his free hand. “Is everything all right with you?”

  Elle kept her eyes on her plate and mumbled something incoherent. He was most likely only asking out of good manners.

  “Ellie, babe? Everything is okay, right?” His eyes held concern. Real concern.

  “Mostly all right. She gave me a prescription for an iron supplement, because I’m anemic at the moment. It should help me so I’m not so tired anymore.”

  “Anything else I need to know?”

  Elle shrugged. Might as well tell him everything. “She wants me to rest more and continue taking the pre-natal vitamins I took before I had Dawn. But I’ve lost all the weight I gained, so that’s good. Even if I do still have a flabby belly. Maybe some sit-ups or crunches will work.”

  Luke reached across the table and took her hand. “Or maybe you need to stop trying so hard. I’m not worried about your weight, babe. Every part of you is beautiful. I worry that you’ll get sick. If I’m not doing enough around the house, let me know. I can pitch in and do more. I don’t always see what needs to be cleaned, but if you tell me, I’ll do it. Deal? You’ll tell me when it’s too much for you?”

  God, she loved this man. “Yes, thank you, Luke. I’ll tell you right now though…this crab rangoon—” she bit into her fourth piece “—is not too much for me.”

  The breeze ruffled Elle’s hair as they drove over the Sagamore Bridge onto Cape Cod. Adjusting the rearview mirror, she peeked at Dawn, who was still snoozing in the back seat. Thank God the motion of the car seemed to lull her to sleep.

  “Everything okay back there?” Luke asked, his eyes on the heavy Saturday afternoon traffic. Typical for July.

  “She’s sucking on her thumb like it might disappear if she lets go.” Elle chuckled. Dawn had found her thumb recently and had used it often to soothe herself. She and Luke had been ecstatic at the extra hour or two they’d gotten of sleep each night. Not that Luke ever fed her, but he’d been trying to be supportive. He changed Dawn’s diaper and set her back in the bassinet once she’d been fed, then stroked her head or arm until she fell back asleep.

  “It’s another twenty minutes or so to TJ’s house. Think she’ll make it?”

  Elle crossed her fingers dramatically. “Let’s hope. Are you sure Sara doesn’t mind all of us staying with her right after having a baby?”

  Luke shrugged. “My mom’s been down helping her since Mary was born almost three weeks ago. I’m sure the house has been held to Molly Storm standards and Sara’s been treated like a queen.”

  “Hmm. Yeah, I’ve had some of that treatment, except your mom didn’t actually stay in our house. Should I feel fortunate or disappointed?”

  Luke snorted. “My mom means well, but I’m kind of glad she lives in the same town as us, so she goes home at night. But Sara is the only daughter in the family, so she and Mom are really close. I guess sometimes a girl just needs her mother.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Elle muttered toward the window, resentment at her mother’s desertion always close to the surface.

  “Oh, babe. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Luke grabbed her thigh and squeezed.

  “It’s okay. I had Aunt Sharon. It could have been worse.” She’d had this conversation with Tessa, who’d grown up in foster care, and Gina, whose mother hadn’t been all that motherly. Apparently, Darcy’s mother had been wasted most of her life. Elle considered herself fortunate she’d at least had a nice place to live and family who did care about her. Not exactly like a mother should, but better than nothing.

  “Who else is staying at Sara and TJ’s this weekend?”

  “Well, my mom has been there since Sara had the baby, and my dad came down a few days ago. Erik and Tessa will be there with the kids. Then, Alex and Gina.”

  “How big is this house?” Their Victorian was large and could hold all those people easily, but Sara and TJ had only been married a few years. The house had been TJ’s for years before that.

  “It’s huge. Five bedrooms and right on the beach. Remember, TJ wrote tons of famous songs that have made him lots of money.”

  “Yeah, that still blows my mind. He’s such a laid-back kind of guy. It’s hard to imagine him being the son of Abe Bannister and Celia Muñez. Those two are legendary. Will they be there this weekend?” She hadn’t even thought of that until now.

  “I think Sara said they would, but most likely not staying at the house. I’ve met them a few times. They like their luxuries. Like you said, TJ’s a casual guy and doesn’t have servants or staff waiting on them.”

  “I
wouldn’t mind having servants every now and then. Not living in the house, mind you. That would be weird. But having someone come in once a week to mop the bathroom floors and clean the toilets would sure be nice.”

  “Ellie, if the house is too much for you, we can look into getting someone to help. Nathaniel used to use a cleaning service for a while.”

  “What, now Darcy does all the cleaning?”

  Luke frowned. “Hmm, probably. I can ask him who he used.”

  Elle watched the emotions flickering over her husband’s face. What was he thinking?

  “With my maternity benefits running out soon, we might want to think of ways to conserve money instead of spending more. Now that Dawn’s beginning to nap somewhat regularly, I’m able to do a little more around the house.” It was just a very large house. Even though most rooms weren’t used, Elle still felt the need to dust them and keep them tidy.

  Luke’s hand patted her thigh again. “Our budget is fine, babe. Gina sold the house to us far below market value. I can pay the mortgage and other expenses easily with my salary. My National Guard money is total frosting.”

  Studying Luke’s face, she asked, “Will you get deployed again?”

  His jaw clenched. “I could. Hopefully, it won’t be for a few more years. Of course, I’m on my third contract with them. This one is up in a year. I don’t have to sign up again. It’s something we can certainly talk about.”

  “I know you joined right after high school to help pay for college. Why are you still in?”

  “I like it. The camaraderie with my unit, the physical challenge that keeps me in shape, the training I get above and beyond what I’ve learned as an engineer. I feel like I’m doing something for this country, for my family. Not to mention the benefits I’ll get if I put in twenty years. I’ve already got ten.”

  “Another ten years, huh? One weekend a month without you.”

  Luke laughed. “Hey, I know a bunch of guys in my unit who say their wives are thrilled when it’s their drill weekend. I’m sure you’ll get there someday.”

  This time, Elle reached out and touched his thigh. “I doubt it’ll be for a while. I like having you around, Lukas Storm.”