“I’ve bought some of my favourite graphic novels. I might find someone who can sign them for me. Some of the actors from the television adaptation are going to be there.” Lucy had a rucksack with her, crammed full.
“What else have you got in that thing?” Beth was travelling light and was worried that she should have brought stuff with her.
“Apart from the books, I have a bottle of water, a sandwich box, another T-shirt, make-up bag and my purse.”
“You brought sandwiches?”
“Food and drink at these places is usually really expensive. I don’t want to go hungry.”
“Oh my God, Lucy. I will treat us to lunch.”
“I don’t like to take advantage of you. You are always so generous. I made extra in case you wanted a sandwich. I’ve got cheese or ham.”
“We’ll keep those as emergency rations. I’d bet that we’ll be able to find a burger somewhere.”
“A nice juicy burger versus a ham or cheese sandwich? No contest.”
They parked the car, approached the entrance and stepped into a new world.
Chapter 38
Within seconds of entering the building, Beth and Lucy passed a couple of aliens. Well, people dressed as aliens. They had squealed several times since going into the convention and they had gone only about twenty steps. Clutching a leaflet that was a guide to the exhibits, they were already overwhelmed.
“Lucy, hang on. Let’s have a look at the map and decide on a plan. There’s so much here and I want to look at as much as possible.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted to go straight for the Retribution stuff?”
“I’d rather work up to it. If I go there first, I might get fixated and not see anything else.”
“Let’s do a spiral, go around the outside and then move into the middle.”
“Yes, a quick tour to get our bearings and then we can find the places to go back to and spend more time at.”
Things to look at, items to buy, people to meet – it was amazing. Beth knew where the Retribution memorabilia sales section was and there was no way she was leaving without having bought something. The credit card in her purse was begging to be used and she was not going to disappoint it.
There were a fair few people dressed up. Superheroes, aliens, characters from shows, costumes she did not recognise, and at last a man dressed as Retribution. Sadly, he was about fifty, but she still smiled and said hello to him. Turning to Lucy she grinned and gave the thumbs up.
A lot of the women who were dressed up had gone for skimpy outfits. Men were pointing and gawping at them. Beth thought that her and Lucy looked pretty cute, even if they were not showing so much flesh. Hopefully they would get chatting to some men during the day. Beth had decided it was high time that she got a boyfriend.
Her change of style had brought some attention at college. None of those who had made a tentative approach had been right for her. Chatting to them and a bit of flirting had just been rehearsals for when she met the right one. The only man in her life had been her murderous father, and she definitely didn’t want someone like him.
Her dad had been good-looking and confident. He had also been arrogant and bullying. Looks weren’t that important to Beth, it was more about character. Top of her list was kindness. Someone a bit geeky would be ideal. This was the type of place where her perfect man was likely to be.
Quickening her steps, Beth had reached the right-hand side of the hall. According to her map, Retribution goodies lay ahead.
“Oh. My. God.” Beth was faced with treasure.
Her hands were shaking as she reached for a signed photograph of the Retribution star, James Holloway. In his mask and mac, pointing a gun, it was the epitome of the character and all he represented. Her eyes then scanned along the table to see what other gems she could find.
There were some, rather modern-looking action figures, but Beth wasn’t worried about whether they were true collector’s items. She picked up one of them too. Totally absorbed in her search, she only responded to Lucy after a nudge in the ribs.
“I’m going to leave you here in your happy place. I’ll be trying to get my graphic novel signed by the author. I’ve marked on the map where I’ll be. Here you are.”
“Oh, okay. I could be here for a while, so I’ll catch up with you later.”
Oblivious to anything else, Beth carried on looking at the Retribution memorabilia. Unaware that she was being watched by two young men until one of them said hi.
“A big fan of Retribution, then?”
Beth looked up and saw the boys standing next to her. The one who had spoken was slightly overweight with light brown hair. Dressed in loose jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt, he was the epitome of average. The other one was totally different. Skinny blue jeans, pressed white shirt, dark brown hair, lovely blue eyes.
“I’ve loved the programme since I was a young child.”
“I’m Martin, and this is Alex.”
“I’m Beth.”
“What are you thinking of buying?” Martin was still the only one who had spoken.
“Oh, I want so much, but I need to be sensible. Definitely this signed photo, though. I know they’re modern, but I’m getting a mini Retribution too.”
Martin frowned, and Alex smiled and finally spoke. “I’m getting one of those.”
“They’re not really collector’s items,” Martin cautioned.
“I know. It’s a nice memento of the day,” Beth said, and Alex nodded in agreement.
More perusing and discussions followed, and then purchases were made. Carrying their swag, the three of them moved away from the stall. The boys were heading for the food stall and Beth had arranged to meet them there after she had found Lucy. This was turning into a good day.
Chapter 39
This was the hardest thing he had ever done. Tim had murdered his wife and then walked away, abandoning his daughter, with barely a backward glance. The cold-hearted killer was sticking by his partner as she battled against cancer. He would not run away from his responsibilities this time. Love for Caroline kept him at her side.
The surgery had been done with the minimum of fuss, but it was what came after that was the most disturbing. Rounds of chemotherapy, which made Caroline sick and weak. The hair loss distressed her much more than it did Tim. It would grow back when she was better, he told her on a regular basis.
Ryan had visited a couple of times and that had helped. Caroline perked up a bit when he was there. Putting on a brave face to protect him from knowing how much she was really suffering. As she slept, Ryan and Tim talked.
“Are you alright, Hugh? You need to keep yourself well. It’s no good both of you being ill.”
“Just tired, Ryan. I’m working and then coming home and looking after your mum. I’m not complaining, but it does catch up with you. The weekend gives me a chance to rest up a bit and then I’m ready to face another working week.”
“I know she’s pretending to be okay for me. Chemo can be hard, but I do worry. She looks completely wiped out. What do the doctors say?”
“As you know, they were happy with the surgery, but now it’s a case of wait and see. Finish the course of chemo and then they will do more tests. It’s difficult to read what they think the prognosis is. They are very neutral, which makes me think that it’s quite bad. No positive statements are coming from them.”
“You must ask them what’s going on.”
“I know. I’ve been burying my head in the sand, to be honest. The big conversation will happen soon. I’m dreading it.”
“I thank you every time I talk to you, but I’m going to do it again. You have been great with Mum, Hugh. Caring for her, making her laugh, dealing with all the tough stuff.”
“I never knew I had it in me. That’s what happens when you love someone. It just feels right to do what needs to be done. Your visits have helped her. She loves seeing you and definitely brightens up when you are around.”
Meeting Carolin
e had been a blessing and a curse. Tim had met someone that he loved, but that had awoken his feelings, a process which had been started when he cared for the real Hugh, and he was having to face up to his past actions. His former work colleague had been helpless on occasion and Tim had to assist him.
Living in the same space had forced him into acting when the original Hugh had been passed out drunk. Cooking, shopping, washing: all of these things had become his responsibility. Resentful at first, he had adapted and the extra duties became part of his routine. Now, he was willingly running around doing everything he could for Caroline. What a change from how he had acted during his marriage.
He could do nothing about Alison, she was gone. But what about Beth? When Caroline was better, Tim would have the time to search for his daughter. He wouldn’t actually go out and try to find her, it would be done via the internet. What was she doing? How was she? Where was she? These were the things that he needed to know to set his mind at rest.
There would never be a time when he would be able to meet his daughter. Still a wanted man, he had to live as Hugh for the rest of his life. Approaching his daughter would mean revealing who he really was. And what would Beth’s reaction be? He had killed her mother, and he suspected that he was not her favourite person.
Thinking about the years when she was growing up, Tim knew that he had not been a good father. His disastrous marriage had made him feel trapped, and he had behaved badly as a result. Anger had sometimes been directed at Beth, although he had never hit her. Anger or indifference. That was all he had offered his child.
Beth must have felt confused and hurt by his actions. On the rare occasions that they had spent some pleasant time together, Tim could picture his daughter looking up at him with adoration. Girls and their fathers often had a special bond. If he had tried harder, he could have been close to her. At the very least he wanted to find out how she was.
The days were endured rather than lived. Tim was glad to be at work a lot of the time. It stopped him thinking about Caroline when he was busy. The chemotherapy was coming to an end and a battery of tests were being done. An appointment had been made for them to see the consultant, and they headed to the hospital to find out Caroline’s fate.
Chapter 40
The wait for the appointment felt like hours, but was only fifteen minutes. Caroline had a scarf stylishly wound around her head. Dark rings circled her eyes and her clothes were hanging off her. Other patients in the waiting room directed sympathetic smiles her way, or avoided looking at her.
The waiting room was full of people who obviously didn’t think Caroline was doing too well. After fidgeting for fifteen minutes, they hesitated when Caroline’s name was called. Standing up first, Tim reached back for his girlfriend’s hand and they made their way to the doctor’s office.
There were no smiles from the consultant or the nurse who was also in the room. Her presence unnerved them rather than reassured. Tim set his jaw and tried to muster all his courage. He needed to be strong for Caroline, but that was proving very hard to do. Before a word was spoken, they knew.
“The surgery removed the cancer in your right breast. Indications from the tests we have carried out show that, despite the mastectomy and chemotherapy, your cancer has spread. We can discuss further treatment, but it will be about extending your life for a long as we can and keeping your pain at a minimum. A cure is not possible, I’m afraid.”
The room fell silent and, once he had established some control over his emotions, Tim spoke.
“How long?” The sentence had to be short or his voice would have broken.
“Six months to a year.”
The consultant was going for the ripping-off-the-sticking-plaster approach. Get the information out there quickly, without the sugar coating. Tim was grateful for that. Knowing exactly where they stood was good. The doctor gave details of the available treatments and the nurse handed over leaflets.
Leaving the office, a tearful Caroline kept her head down. The pitying glances from those waiting would be too much to bear. Tim needed to get her home. All of the information from the doctor had to be discussed and decisions had to be made. They would contact the oncology department after deciding what to do next.
It was a few days before Caroline broached the subject which had been hanging over them.
“I have been thinking about our visit to the consultant.” Caroline was calm and collected as she began to speak. “I know that you are a part of my life, but this decision has to be mine.”
“Okay,” Tim agreed reluctantly.
“I’m going to die. The only question is, will it be sooner or later. If delaying my death means more chemotherapy and feeling terrible, well, I’m not keen on that. I’d rather enjoy a few months with you, than a year of suffering.”
“I understand. I won’t even argue with you. I’m sure I would feel the same. There will come a time, though, when you are ill and in pain, and we should plan for that.”
“I know. Give me a few weeks to think about that. I just want to have some time to eat good food, without feeling sick, go for walks and relax a little.”
“Of course. Everything at your pace. Do you want me to talk to Ryan, or will you do that?”
Caroline had wanted to wait until she had got her head around the news before she spoke to Ryan. But her partner was right, her son needed to know how little time there was left.
“I’ll call him now.”
Caroline left the room to have her devastating conversation with her son. Tim put his head in his hands and more tears fell. He had thought that he was all cried out, but it never stopped. Not surprised by Caroline’s decision, he thought about things they could do in the next few months that would be enjoyable. Opening his laptop, he searched for highly recommended restaurants in the area.
Chapter 41
Lying on the sofa, covered with a blanket, Caroline looked around her. Hugh had gone off to work, but he had put everything she might need within reach. The television remote control, a jug of water and a glass, a few pieces of fruit, her fully charged mobile phone, magazines and a book.
Hugh would call her later in the morning and then late afternoon. That gave her time to sleep, if necessary, without being disturbed. Tablets were lined up ready for her to take, although she really didn’t see the point of them at this stage. Caroline would take them anyway, more for Hugh than for her.
Last time she had been afflicted, apart from visits from Ryan, she had faced it alone. Yes, work colleagues and friends had been around and supportive, but it was being at home every night, wondering when her husband would finally put in an appearance, that hurt. When he did show up, there were cursory questions before he retreated to another room.
Things could not be more different. Hugh was kind and attentive. But it was not just that. He knew her moods and acted accordingly, staying out of the way when he needed to, or finding a way to make her laugh. How ironic that she had met a wonderful man and now she was going to die.
The term “soulmates” had always sounded so trite. What did it even mean? Well, now she knew. Hugh was the perfect man for her. There were sides of him that she would never see, Caroline knew that. Perhaps that was for the best. If she only saw the good, true, loving Hugh then that was okay.
Every hospital appointment, he had been by her side. Each decision she had made, he had endorsed. Sometimes he tried a little too hard or acted all macho about things. Small annoyances in the scheme of things. They didn’t argue, they never had, but Caroline would find herself being short tempered at times. Tiredness and pain did that to you. Hugh understood.
While she had been able, they went out whenever they could. Walking by the beach, eating at good restaurants, even a concert in a park. Now, that was no longer possible. Was she becoming a burden? Would Hugh get fed up with sitting at home all the time? It didn’t seem likely, but there was still worry.
It would not be long now. Every day, Caroline was tired and the pain was constant
. Not one to complain, she didn’t voice her discomfort, but Hugh could see it on her face. A discussion about what would happen next was already overdue.
“I’m going to need more medical attention, painkillers and things. The time is coming when I won’t be able to stay at home anymore.”
“You know that I will look after you for as long as I can, but we have to be practical.”
“I don’t want to end up with you bringing me a bedpan and spoon feeding me mush.”
“You paint such a pretty picture,” Hugh said, and they both laughed.
“Seriously, I want to retain my dignity, and that means bringing in the professionals. I’m going to call the hospice that the consultant told us about.”
Hugh’s face was trying its best to do the plucky, reassuring smile, and was failing miserably. Caroline squeezed his hand and struggled up out of the chair. Hovering nearby in case she stumbled, Hugh backed off once she was up and moving. Quite right that he should let her do it while she still could.
By the end of the week the move was underway. Caroline settled into her room and felt good about the change. No more pressure to keep it all together. No more worries about asking Hugh to do things above and beyond the call of duty. Lie back, be looked after, and wait to die.
Chapter 42
Beth had spent about ten minutes trying to find Lucy. The massive hall in the entertainment centre where the convention was being held had a maze of walkways weaving around the various stalls and exhibits. At last, Lucy was spotted having her book signed by one of her favourite authors. A broad grin was spread across her face as Lucy turned and saw her friend.
“Look. He signed it.” Lucy was hopping up and down again. “What did you buy at the Retribution stall? Did you get the picture? Did you get anything else?”
“Let me look at your book. ‘To Lucy, best wishes.’ Wow, you must be delighted. Yes, I did get the picture, and I got a couple more things. Two guys.”
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