The Puzzle Within

by Aleisha Maree

  All I can do is shake my head. “Shit-meow-cluck-ha-nope-ha-meow-cluck-wanna fill me in,” I finally get out.

  “Well I was going to but looks like you have started there, Miss Cleo.” My body jumps as his voice sounds out so close behind me. I can smell him, sense him, and the tics start. I try so hard to suppress them by tensing my body as he slips down behind me. Scooping my hair from my shoulder, his fingers glide softly over my exposed skin, and it feels succulent. So damn alluring is this man’s touch alone.

  “How did that meeting go? And is the devil spawn still inside?” Cleo says to him.

  “Yes, god that bitch is like a jagged pill that you just can’t swallow,” Colton says, pulling me back into him. As he lies down on the lounger, he takes my apple from me and takes a huge bite, like this is just a causal, everyday affair.

  “She should have been swallowed,” Cleo says as they both break out in laughter.

  “Swallowed-ha-ha-devils-spawn-bitch-squad-crushing on Colton she is,” I tic out as Colton’s hand runs over mine while passing me back my apple. I finish it to help stop the tics.

  “Infatuated is more like it. She’s loved Colton since way before time, I’m sure of. She’s sick and twisted and I despise her,” Cleo says, throwing her core like a basketball player throwing for a basket.

  “She can love all she likes. I kinda like this one chick who’s sexy as sin, funny as hell and has this one habit that causes me to crack up.” He leans over me, looking into my eyes.

  “Really? I wonder who she is,” I say up to him, his hand on my hip sending fire though me.

  “Gross, you two,” Cleo says, shielding her eyes.

  “Gross is right. I wouldn’t get too comfortable there, bitch. Your days are numbered.” The bitter tone of Larissa sounds out causing my body to go still as an ice-cold chill hits me. Colton leans over me further to shield me.

  “I will tear you from this earth, bitch. You are ruining everything,” she spits at me.

  “Fuck off,” Cleo bites out, flicking her finger in her direction, dismissing her like hired staff.

  “I belong here,” she spits back.

  “And I’m over you,” Cleo comments, pulling her glasses over her eyes and turning back toward me.

  “You’re five million times better than this washed up wanna be queen, babes.”

  “Can’t train trash. No amount of heritage can fix ugly,” Cleo continues as Larissa walks closer and grabs a hunk of Cleo’s hair.

  “Oh no-bitch-meow-cluck-hands-off-meow-cluck-hoe-get-fly,” I tic out, jumping with a body tic toward Cleo.

  “Lucy, don’t,” Colton calls out, his hand grabbing my ankle as my body flies forward.

  “You’re a bitch, Cleo, just like ya hoe of a mother.”

  Before I can even think, my fist comes out in front of me, and I punch her right between her eyes. Blood sprays out all over her fake, tanned skin.

  Letting go of Cleo’s hair, her hands fly up to her nose and blood gushes over her clasped fingers. Cleo jumps up.

  “Whoa, where did that come from?” Colton asks.

  “Shit-shit-shit-wow-whoa-um-cluck-chirp-shit I don’t know,” I say to him as Cleo grabs the bitch squad queen and drags her back off toward the pool.

  “You bitch. You will pay,” she screams, kicking her legs out.

  “Shut up,” Cleo screams at her, dragging her back further.

  “Let me go, Cleo. You will pay,” she cries back as Cleo pulls her to a stop right up into her face.

  “Pay for what? My family owns this. All of this, baby. You’re just a buy in,” she says into the shocked and bloodied face of Larissa. “You’re replaceable,” she spits out, dropping her into the pool. “Now, wash ya self off, ya fake ass.” I stifle laughter as she wipes her hands and walks back to us, as Larissa screams and splashes. The pool boys run to her aid as she screams out at them for help.

  Cleo is grinning from ear to ear. “My work here is done. You have my vote, brother. Now, I’m out,” she says, kissing his cheek and smiling at me “Shits going to get rough, Lucy. Hope you’re strong enough. In the middle of it all, though, just know regardless of what you see, he’s a beautiful man. He will love you like his body depends on it and he won’t hurt you. But it’s dark, this life.”

  With that she walks off and I am left looking after her as Colton’s hands wrap around me, pulling me back into him. The sun is warm on my skin. His breath just as hot, awakening a feeling inside of me that I don’t wanna ever lose.

  “Can you promise me you won’t run, my love?” he whispers in my ear.

  “I promise,” I answer instantly.

  “We can be powerful, baby. You just have to trust.” His breath licks over my skin as he showers it in tiny kisses.

  “I will love you like I have never been afraid, Colton. You can lay all you have on me and I promise that I will take it all.”

  I woke up this morning, lazily stretching out in my bed as the sun warms my skin, shining through the black mesh, net curtain covering my bay window. I don’t move, I just bask in the warm light. My body is still so cold from that forest. It’s like the mist had seeped into my veins, sinking into my bones.

  My eyes stay closed as I stretch again. When I feel someone watching me, I know right away who it is.

  “Did you even leave?” I ask him, my long black lashes resting on my cheeks.

  “Yes, but I couldn’t stay away,” he replies, his tone low and sensual. “I needed to be near you,” he says again.

  I open my eyes and roll onto my stomach, pushing my arms under my pillows, staring at Colton. He sits in the silverarmchair next to the bay window. His eyes locked on mine, and I feel it in my core; ownership and belonging. Something has shifted.

  “I don’t like it when you leave me,” I say openly.

  “I was so worried that you wouldn’t want me for the trouble that I am and that she would have got into your head.”

  I hate being this raw and open with him; it’s vulnerable. “Hypocrite-bitch-meow-hush-bang-shit-so-so-sorry.” I shake my head into the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut.

  “You don’t have to be sorry around me, little dove,” he whispers. My eyes flutter open, he has shifted, leaning with his arms on his knees. Leaning down lower, he’s looking right into my soul.

  “I don’t like it either. Leaving you, not being with you,” he said getting up and leaning down in front of me at the side of the bed. His hand finds my cheek, touching it so gently, as if I am about to fade into ashes before him.

  “I want you next to me at all of the time, my dove.”

  I lean into his touch wondering why he is calling me this. “Dove-little-me-cluck-sniff-puff-jolt-queen-me-Colton-weeeee-oooooo-why-now-yes-help,” I tic so long and so loud that it surprises even me. Colton’s hand comes out, grasping the nape of my neck and pulling me onto my side. I can’t breathe around him, and it has nothing to do with the way he grabs me, pulling me from more than myself. He sets me on fire and the grip on my neck sends more than just black dots behind my eyes.

  The air changes, and there’s no longer so much as a hair separating our bodies.

  “Stop thinking so much.” He runs the pad of his thumb over my furrowed brows. “You’re going to be mine, but your lazy ass needs to get up. We have plans to make.” A smile spreads across his face as he pulls the blankets off me. A small scream leaves my body as a whoosh of chilling air ripples over me. Laughter falls from my mouth as I try and pull the blankets back up over me. Colton’s grip doesn’t let up as he pulls them back and, before I know it, he is falling on top of me. In a puff of air, blankets and a whoosh of his cologne mixed with my bodywash hits my senses and fills the small space around us. Colton drops his baseball cap to the floor and grips my face between each one of his strong hands.

  “You’re so captivating, Lucy. So beautiful yet alluring.” His nose runs along my jaw, up the side of my face, and comes to rest touching the tip of mine.
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  I find myself craving him in this moment. Like shit is moving downstairs, and I like the warmth and the feeling of butterflies.

  I feel his eyes on every inch of me as he pulls back, sucking his lip between his teeth. A low rumble rises up his body and out through his bitten, bottom lip. He makes me feel desired and naked with one look, and I like it.

  “Fuck-me-big-boy-chip-click-meow-naked-now-big-dick.” Burning desire is replaced with embarrassment as his sandy blond hair falls over his eyes and a grin breaks out on his now released lip.

  “You’re stunning, and I will fuck you. Yes, my dick is big, but now, dove, you need to get up,” he says, winking at me as he lowers his mouth to mine. Sucking my bottom lip between his teeth, he bites down as I suck in a deep, harsh breath. The sensual fire near causes me to pass out.

  “Promise?” I mumble out through the lip that is clutched between his teeth. He releases it with a pop that sends tingles over my flushed skin.

  “Oh, baby, believe me. I promise all right.” With that, him and his big dick leave my body, and I miss the closeness and that hard member prodding into my groin instantly.

  “Up,” he says, throwing me my clothes.

  “Wait, what… these aren’t mine.”

  He throws me a look over his shoulder walking from my room.

  “They are now.”

  Stepping from his GTO in the carpark at school, I feel so out of place. Standing against the car, I pull at my black, skinny leg, ripped jeans that are paired with boots just like Colton’s but black. I have a red, checkered top on with a black singlet underneath. My long hair is tied back in a high ponytail. Nerves fly as I sense all eyes on me.

  Colton steps in front of me, blocking me from Larissa who is advancing on me. “God, give it up,” I hear Tenley say from over Larissa’s shoulder.

  I jut my chin up to show him and them that it doesn’t matter; their snickers, glares, comments, but deep down, it does, it cuts deep.

  Colton grabs my chin between his thumb and forefinger, his grip tight, painful almost. I don’t move, I don’t flinch away from it, I use it. Use the power he gives me. I melt into it and give myself up to him.

  “It’s in you, baby. It’s in your fiber. You were put in my path like a wildfire and you will burn reckless at the start, but I will tame you. You will take her out first, I know it. And then you will see that you belong, for you’re my chosen one. If only you could see, dove, that you hold all the power. If you only knew that you could use your power for evil. In time you will, and then we, as men, as the se7en will be so fucked. For, Lucy, you, my dove, are all se7en deadly sins in one beautiful human.”

  I am unable to move or even breathe as his fingers link with mine. My desire for this man is so painful, yet the power to rule with him so strong. I take in what he said as the boys move to the side. I went into that forest as a broken girl and came out a woman with a passion for fucking shit up.

  Colton steps to my side as the hurricane known as Tenley, and my best friend, arrives. Having a best friend like her, who doesn’t see me as the ‘weird girl’, is strange but something I want to believe will continue. I kinda know it will as she walks up to us, her smile wide but her eyes narrowed, looking at me and then the guys. My mind is running in over dive.

  “Feel it and take it, Dove,” Colton says into my ear as he leans down. My eyes find my best friends just as she opens her non-filtered mouth.

  “Girl, you weren’t lying about the Colton thing. Dang, look at you two all loved up and shit.” Tenley’s word vomit spews faster than one of my tics on a good day. The boys all stifle laughs.

  “Club secret, how are you fine looking boys today?” she blurts out, not missing a beat.

  They all just nod and say in unison, “Tenley,” which causes her to laugh at them, and I can’t help but join her. “Good. Shit, all of you had your robot pills this morning. Wouldn’t want you to break the mould of secrecy.” I love this no fucks given attitude she has.

  Larissa, on the other hand, doesn’t.

  “Get lost, bitches. You don’t belong,” she snaps, sliding up against Colton like he just swiped her right into his DMs. I roll my eyes at her.

  “Fuck off, Lissa,” Colton seethes.

  My fingers link through his as I stare her down. Tenley steps to my side and Micah steps to her side. I have seen the way they look at each other.

  “You’re not required here any longer, Larissa. If you need to discuss anything about the se7en then wait until you’re around whomever runs this show. Colton is off limits to you all from now on.”

  Her jaw drops open and team bitch club behind her all gasp as I lean forward, placing my forefinger under her chin and shutting her mouth.

  “Ha, my girl found her claws, bitch. Better step away,” Tenley says, stepping forward as Micah’s hand finds her waist.

  “Easy, Pitbull. Back down,” he says into Tenley’s shocked eyes, pulling her back in line with him.

  Colton breaks the trance-like stare I have with Larissa.

  “Let’s go, babe.” With that we all walk away. Colton and I in front, Micah and Tenley behind us, and the rest of the se7en forming a triangle behind. As we all walk toward the school gates, the crowds that have formed all fall away to the sides, parting like the Red Sea. The sense of power and belonging has me feeling all types of wondrous things.

  The bell ringing breaks the concentrated silence in the classroom after it died down from whispering about, yup you guessed it, me. At least it wasn’t tic related.

  I gather my books and pick up my pen, placing it on the top.

  “Thank god it’s finally lunch. This morning has near killed me.” Tenley flicks her long curls over her shoulder. I roll my eyes at her as we begin to walk from the room. “It did!” She pouts dramatically.

  “You say that like every class,” I state the facts to her.

  “Yeah, but this time all I wanted was to hear the deets about you and the shit storm you’re now creating after I said to hang in the back of this secret club, devil-lover image shit these dude and dudettes have going on.” Her tone is teasing but still heavy with worry.

  “And I told you I had it under control.” Looking in her eyes I see that she knows I am far from in control.

  “Keep lying to yaself, doll face. At least I got you so I can like ask questions and hound the demons when you go missing,” she snorts out as we walk into the cafeteria. “Oh, and this party that’s on Friday night? We are going, okay?” I stop and look at her. I am starving, all I had was a damn apple yesterday and Colton threw me a gross protein bar this morning from the glovebox of his car.

  “This Friday night party is tonight, right?” I say into her over excited face.

  “Yes. And it’s at their party pad, baby,” she practically squeals out, squeezing her long-painted nails around my arm. “What?” she says as I just stare at her. The whole occupants of this damn cafeteria are all looking at us. “It won’t be like crashing. Everyone is going and you’re pretty much royalty now. I hear that Colton and his band are playing for some random reason,” she continues as I grab a filled roll and bottle of water and continue to walk toward the doors that take you outside. I need air and a place to think before another tic overload kicks in. It’s all the people and so many sounds and sensory overloads that set me off. It’s the Asperger’s that effects most of my tics. It causes me to overthink, over analyze and just plain panic. This shit is so tiring. I am so over it.

  “Hey, where you going?” Tenley grabs my arm.

  “Outside,” I snap at her, my eyes narrowing as I watch shadows fall over the front of the doors leading to the peace that my mind seeks. Larissa’s minions. Great. They equal overload.

  I stalk over to them, done hiding.

  “Look, I ain’t going to even say sorry for any of it. I ain’t going to pussyfoot around a bunch of quack-meow-quack-meow-arrghh-whoop-nope-eek-yup-shit. Look, I’ll start again. I’m here. She’s here.
You’re here. They are here. Fuck, we all are here. She will never be me and I will never wanna be her. We aren’t going to be friends and I don’t want your status. So here’s what you can do. Go back and bitch about me because I have one statement for you meow-quack-meow-shitttttttt- just fuck you and fuck her,” I finally bite out to their faces. Handing Tenley my water and roll, I place both hands on either side of them and part them out the way, then I push the doors open and just walk away.

  Laying down on the grass in the middle of the field, it’s quiet and still. I watch the clouds dance around the ice blue sky as the rays from the sun kiss my skin. It’s perfect. I feel him approach. Tenley knew to leave me when she caught up and I just grabbed my roll and water and glared at her. Her hands went up as she retreated backwards. I silently thanked her, and she just nodded.

  “If my eyes could show my soul, you know they all would cry when they saw me smile,” I breathed out as his frame appeared in my vision. His feet at the top of my head, his hair hanging low over his eyes as he looks at me with concern.

  “You know I’m okay, right?” I say into the storm clouds that are his eyes at this moment. “They, well them, her, fuck, I’m not even going to try,” I say to him. I have no energy to even make excuses for the way they make me feel.”

  “You’re way too beautiful for all this,” he says to me as my eyes squint up into his.

  “Mmmmmm, glad you think so-mother-fucker-quack-duck-fuck.” Closing my eyes, I can’t do this.

  My lashes fall over my cheeks as Colton lays down next to me. His fingers reach out for mine and link together like a puzzle meant to be. He brings them up to his lips, softly kissing my knuckles.

  I feel tears well behind my closed lids and I will them not to fall. It doesn’t work. As tears spill freely down my cheeks, I don’t do anything to stop them. This is the one time I will allow myself to feel this way. I don’t cry, I am stronger than this. My heart feels like it’s caged in a vice, squeezing it tighter and tighter with each damn exhale. Strong hate slams through me. The hate, rage and damn ugly self-pity for being born this way. Inside this damn mental prison that has secretly held my soul captive is pressed fast to the forefront as these people and that damn devil spawn bring all these emotions bubbling to the surface.