Nax

by Carter, Sadie

  “And he said we can stay the night if we like. So you don’t have to worry about driving home.”

  She looked over at her mom then at Nax, her gaze narrowed. “When was this decided?”

  “This morning,” her mom said cheerfully. “You were still sleeping. You work too hard. Don’t you agree that she works too hard, Nax?”

  “Yes, I do,” he said quietly.

  “Not much choice,” she said.

  “You would not have to work so much if you did not have to pay to live here.” He looked around. “I do not understand how they can charge you money to live here.”

  “It’s not that bad,” she protested.

  He gave her a look of pure disbelief.

  “Nax is an odd name,” her mom said. “Are you a foreigner?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.” Her mom looked surprised, probably because he didn’t explain anything more. In fact, even she didn’t know where he came from.

  “Where are you from?” she asked.

  “That does not matter.” He stood abruptly. “I have to leave now.”

  “Oh. Of course. The pollution will get worse soon.” In fact, he needed to move quickly to get back home in time.

  He gave her a nod. “I will pick you both up tonight.”

  “I have a viewing in the early evening. I’m afraid we don’t really have time to go to dinner—”

  “Come after the viewing.”

  “Mom doesn’t do well in places she doesn’t know,” she said to him quietly.

  “She will be fine. And if she is not, we will bring her back here.” He made it sound so simple. “Is it not better that she visit and see the place she will be moving to?”

  She ground her teeth together. “Nax, we have discussed this. I am not moving in with you.”

  “You will.”

  “I can’t. Look, I like you and everything—”

  “There is that word again,” he rumbled.

  “And you’ve been very kind—”

  “Stars. Nice and kind? You are ruining my reputation.”

  She had to smile at the disgruntled note in his voice. “But I can’t move in with you.”

  “We have spent time together. Gotten to know each other as you wanted.” His gaze heated as he looked her over. “You want me. Desire me.”

  “But this isn’t about what I want. It’s what’s best for mom. And you.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. I told you. It wouldn’t be fair to you. Looking after Mom is going to take more and more of my time as she gets worse. And I won’t have enough left for you. You need someone who can be there for you.” She could feel her insides tearing apart at the thought of him with someone else.

  “And I told you that you worry about nothing. I will take care of you and your mother.”

  She went to speak and he held up his hand. “Enough. I am not arguing about this. There is nothing more to discuss.” He moved to the door. Her stomach ached. He was going. Giving up on her. It was for the best.

  “I will see you both tonight. Fair warning, Crista. You do not come, I come get you. And that is not the option you want to choose.”

  “Intense, isn’t he?” her mom asked as he left. He shut the door quietly but she winced nonetheless. He wasn’t happy with her. She sighed, rubbing her head.

  “I like him,” her mom proclaimed.

  “You do?” This was surprising. She wouldn’t call Nax a likeable guy. Intense and sexy, yes. Likeable, not so much.

  “Yes. I think he will be good for you. He won’t let you take too much on yourself. You always tried to do your very best in everything, but you push yourself too far. He won’t allow that to happen. Yes, I like him. Your dad was a strong man. It was sexy.”

  She grimaced. She didn’t really want to think about her dad as sexy.

  “I can’t be with him, Mom.”

  “Why not? If it’s because of me, I can move out. I can get a job.”

  Crista smiled sadly. Sometimes it almost felt worse, these days when her mom was aware, because it just showed Crista what she was missing.

  “It’s not you, Mom.” And it wasn’t. Not entirely. Part of it was because Crista was scared, terrified of getting in too deep, of falling in love and then losing him. She’d lost so much in such a short space of time. Her dad died of a heart attack about a year before her mom had started acting strangely. It had been a complete shock when he’d died. He’d been so healthy, seemed so young. One day he’d been there with his big, booming laugh, those arms that made her feel so much better when they surrounded her, squeezing tight. Then the next day he’d been gone.

  Both of her parents had been only children, and their parents had all died before she was born. So there had been just her and Mom left.

  And now it felt like she was losing a bit of Mom every day. What if she took a risk and let Nax in? Would she lose him too one day? Would he get sick of her? Would he start to resent her mother? Or would he one day be there and then gone? Her heart stuttered at the thought, her stomach dropping.

  She rubbed her forehead tiredly. This was a mess. And all she knew was that the more time she spent with him, the harder she was going to find it to say goodbye. She rested her head back against the sofa.

  “Crista?”

  She opened her eyes and looked up at her mom who stood in front of her. “Yes?”

  “You really like him, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. I do. But it isn’t going to work.”

  “Of course it can work. If you want something badly enough, you’ll make it work. You just do what you have to do.”

  She bit her lip. Her mom leaned down and patted her hand. “If he’s worth it, then you work out a way.”

  Was it worth it? Having him, even if just for a short while? Was it worth the heartache of losing him?

  Yeah, she thought, it was.

  “You’re a pretty wise woman, Mom.”

  “’Course I am. I’m your mother. It’s in the job description. Now, why don’t you go and have a shower? You look a bit tired.”

  She nodded and stood, pulling the blanket around her. “Mom? Do you remember anything from last night?”

  “No. Should I?”

  She shook her head. “No. It doesn’t matter.” She turned towards the bedroom to get some clothes from the wardrobe.

  “Although I did have some strange dreams. In them, there was this angel. But he wasn’t really angelic, if you know what I mean. More an avenging angel. He had these huge black wings. They were beautiful.”

  She froze. Then turned slowly. “An angel with black wings?”

  “Yes. Silly, huh?”

  Right. Silly. Of course it was. She shook off the funny feeling she had and made herself take a shower.

  15

  It wasn’t a good idea.

  It was a stupid, idiotic idea.

  And yet, she knew she was going to do it. She pulled her car up outside the alleyway where Killer had attacked her last night and sat there for a moment. She took a calming breath.

  Her viewing hadn’t gone that well. She’d only had a few people show and she was already upset. She didn’t need to be walking down a dark alleyway searching for…for something.

  Something like what? Proves Nax can grow big feathery wings?

  “Idiot. Idiot.” She smacked her head down on the steering wheel. “Of course he doesn’t grow wings. You imagined it and Mom just had some weird dream. It. Did. Not. Happen.”

  And yet this feeling that it did happen just wouldn’t go away. Did she really think he was some kind of angel? If he was, then he was the oddest angel she’d ever met.

  “That makes no sense. I’ve never met an angel. Because they’re not real. And I have really got to stop talking to myself. It’s weird.”

  If she was going to imagine an angel, it wouldn’t be Nax. Angels were meant to be, well, sweet and helpful and caring.

  Not giant pains in the butt.

  All right. So this is what she was
going to do. She was going to take a look in the alley, because she knew she couldn’t let this rest until she did. She wouldn’t find anything and she wouldn’t linger since it was growing dark. She’d get her butt back to her apartment, grab her mother and drive over to Nax’s place. He’d already called her to tell her she had an hour to get there before he came for her.

  She shivered as she remembered the dark promise in his voice when he’d told her that she didn’t want him to have to come get her. Yeah, she wasn’t so sure that she didn’t want exactly that.

  She climbed out of her car, locking it automatically even though she didn’t think anyone would want to steal her piece of shit car. She pulled out her phone and the pepper spray and switched the flashlight app on. The alleyway wasn’t pitch dark like it had been last night, but it was still darker than she’d have liked.

  “Right. So what are you looking for, Crista? A big sign saying an angel was here?” her voice bounced back off the walls on either side of her. She took one calming breath. Then another. Fear spread through her body, making her shake. She froze as she reached the spot where she’d come across Killer holding her mother. Her heart raced. Nausea threatened to have her emptying the contents of her stomach. Not that there was much to lose. She’d been too on edge today to eat much, her mind consumed with what had happened last night. And she wasn’t just talking about what had gone on in this alley.

  She still couldn’t believe she’d let Nax bathe her. Let him get her off. Twice.

  “Jesus. Jesus.”

  She forced her legs to move deeper into the alley. A funny noise made her still. What was that? Where was it coming from? Was someone in here with her? What if the cops had let Killer go? What if he was just lying in wait for her?

  She turned on her heel. She had to go. She shouldn’t have come here. She took in gulping gasps and started to run. Her foot slid out from under her and she crashed to the ground, her knees and the palms of her hands taking the brunt of the impact.

  Great. Just what she needed. More scrapes and bruises.

  She’d lost her cell phone as she’d fallen. It lay a few feet away; the flashlight app still on. She gained her feet and realized that the sound had stopped. She bit her lip as she limped her way towards the phone. The noise started again.

  Oh God, she was an idiot. She was the one making that pathetic noise that was half-whimper, half-moan. “Shit. Shit.”

  She picked up her phone and turned it around so the light was shining on the ground. And as she did, she saw it. A feather. It was half hidden under a dumpster. She might never have seen it if she hadn’t tripped and fallen. She leaned down and grabbed it.

  It was huge, by far the biggest feather she’d ever seen. And it wasn’t just black. It was a mix of dark blues and purples. There was no way this had come from any animal she’d ever seen.

  But it couldn’t have come from Nax? Right?

  * * *

  She had to smile as she heard Mom laugh. She couldn’t believe how at ease her mother was in different surroundings. She’d always figured that she preferred to stay in a place that was familiar. It was what the doctors had always told her. But maybe she’d been doing the wrong thing. After all, that apartment was hardly a palace. It was depressing and horrible and what if all this time the reason her mother kept leaving was because she hated it there?

  It hit her hard, and she just sat frozen, staring out into the Clacka’s backyard.

  She was sitting on a comfy outdoor sofa in their partially walled-in back porch. The evening was still warm and it was so comfortable sitting here. Hell, this sofa was a huge step up from the one she slept on in her apartment.

  When she’d arrived back at her apartment after finding the feather, she still hadn’t decided whether she was going to come here tonight. Part of her wanted to come to demand Nax to explain himself. A bigger part of her was far too chicken to do that. That part had wanted to hide in her apartment and try to figure out if what she’d found really did mean what she thought it did.

  Nax was an angel.

  She looked up at him. He was silent, his jaw firm, his face holding that stern look. He wasn’t giving his thoughts away, but then he never really did. As soon as they’d arrived at his house, he’d appeared at her side and hadn’t really left—other than when she went to the bathroom. And part of her had actually thought he was going to follow her in there. She wasn’t sure why he was sticking close by. He hadn’t really said that much to her. Well, other than to tell her he was pleased she’d decided to come.

  Her mom had been so excited about the idea of going out when she’d gotten home, she hadn’t had the heart to tell her they weren’t going. She felt terrible that she might have kept her mother in the apartment all this time when she would have rather been out, enjoying life.

  Idiot. Idiot.

  “Are you well?” Nax asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Crista. Honesty.”

  Honesty huh? Like he was being honest with her? The urge to whip the feather out of her handbag was hard to resist. She bit her lip. Now wasn’t the time. She wasn’t even sure if there was going to be a time. In all likelihood, she’d take the feather, which she’d had to bend to fit into her bag, back home with her tonight.

  “Just thinking that Mom is really enjoying herself.”

  Her mother was sitting with Eden on the other outdoor sofa. They were all looking on Eden’s tablet at baby clothing.

  “I told you she would.”

  “She’s not always this good,” she warned.

  “I know. But we will handle her bad days with her good.”

  We. She loved the sound of that. If only she could believe in it. It was easy to say, not so easy to do. Lots of her friends had promised to be there for her.

  “Crista.” He gently grasped hold of her chin, turning her face up to his. “It will all be well.”

  “Sure. Course it will.” She smiled up at him.

  He frowned slightly. “Is something wrong?”

  “Wrong? What do you mean?”

  “You have been very quiet tonight. It is not like you.”

  “I don’t talk all the time.”

  He gave her a knowing look. Then he surprised her by nodding. He leaned in and spoke close to her ear. “That is true. You do not speak when you find your pleasure. Then you scream.”

  She looked around to make sure no one else had heard. Eden and her mom were still discussing baby stuff. Frankie and Sacaren were at the grill cooking. Ioin hadn’t made an appearance yet. Tecan was talking to Sacaren, and Brogan and Marcun were down the other end of the porch, talking quietly.

  “I can’t believe you just said that.”

  He gave her a small, knowing smile. “I intend to make you speechless more tonight. But unfortunately, my room is not sound proof so you will need to keep your screams down.”

  “I didn’t say I was going to spend the night. I need to get Mom home.”

  “Really? To me, it looks like she is home.”

  It hit her hard. This was more of a home than she could ever provide. More secure. More comfortable. With people around.

  “Crista?”

  “I better go get the table set up,” Eden said. “Crista, are you sure I can’t get you a drink?”

  “Actually, I would love one.” Crista slid out of Nax’s hold. “But let me come with you and help. Mom? Want to come?” She didn’t want to leave her mother on her own in a strange place.

  “What? Oh no, dear. You go and help. I’m looking at baby things.”

  She stared for a moment, not feeling that comfortable with letting her out of her sight.

  “I will watch her. She is fine,” Nax told her.

  She let out a deep breath and nodded, following Eden into the kitchen.

  “Your mom is so lovely,” Eden told her.

  “Yeah, she is. She’s having a good day today.”

  Eden patted her arm before moving over to the oven and opening it to check on whatever was coo
king inside. “I know she must have bad days. It has to be hard on you, not knowing what’s coming next.”

  “It can be.”

  “What would you like to drink? Wine? Juice? Something stronger?”

  “A glass of wine would be great. Thank you.”

  “No problem. We’re so glad you’re here tonight. Nax told us what happened last night. Are you doing okay? That must have been so scary.”

  “It was. I’m glad Nax arrived when he did.”

  He really cares about you. I know it’s hard to trust in your feelings when you haven’t known someone long. But, these guys, they do things a bit differently. And when they fall for someone, they fall hard. And when they find the right person, there is no one else.”

  “Eden, everything is well?”

  She turned to see Marcun walk into the kitchen. Eden smiled up at him as he drew close. He pulled her against him then turned to give Crista a nod. He wasn’t the friendliest of the group. He was quiet. Watchful. Although he’d said more to her than Brogan had. But she could see he adored Eden.

  “Food is almost ready. I was just going to ask Frankie and Sacaren if the meat was cooked.”

  “I will do that. You sit down and rest. You have done too much today.”

  He steered her over to a stool and stood there until she sat. Eden rolled her eyes at his back.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked Eden.

  “Me? I’m fine. I feel great actually. I had some morning sickness for a while, but that’s disappeared. Mostly, I’m just hungry. And sometimes a bit tired, although whatever you do, don’t tell Marcun that. He’s already trying to make me take afternoon naps; if he learns that I’ve actually started to need them he’ll have me spending the rest of this pregnancy in bed.”

  “He loves you. That’s clear to see.”

  Eden smiled. “He does. Sometimes these guys can be a bit overwhelming. Intense. But when they love, it’s with all of themselves. And there is no feeling quite like it.”

  * * *

  Eating with the Clacks was definitely a unique experience. She didn’t think she’d ever met a group of people who enjoyed their food more. The table had been laden with more food than she and Mom ate for a month–and with the sort of food she hadn’t eaten in years. And even then, it was sparingly. There were juicy steaks, racks of ribs, and pork sausages. Then bowls filled with potato and macaroni salad, along with potatoes that were roasted to perfection.