Everything is Fine: The funny, feel-good and uplifting page-turner you won't be able to put down!

by Gillian Harvey

  ‘Oh …’ Jessica wished there was something she could say. ‘Oh Bea.’

  ‘And that’s another problem,’ Bea said, meeting her eyes again. ‘Work sent me home today. Said to take some personal time. But I’m not sure I can ever go back to that job again.’

  ‘But you’re so good at it!’

  ‘So I’ve lost everything,’ Bea said, ignoring her. ‘My profession, my … my baby. Mark and I are barely clinging together. And I’ve just been called into the school because Lewis and Lucas have been messing about in class. And I don’t blame them. Because for most of their lives their mother has been preoccupied with something else.’

  ‘Hey,’ Jessica reached her hand out. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’

  ‘Thanks. But it’s true. I’ve been a crap mother.’

  ‘Well, on that front, welcome to the club,’ Jessica said with a tiny, brief grin. ‘There are plenty crap mothers about, believe me!’

  Bea grinned a little through the tears. ‘Not to mention crap friends.’

  ‘Or friends that go through awful, life-changing treatment and don’t even mention it to their so-called best friends …’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry.’

  Jessica thought for a moment. ‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘When we met at the pub, didn’t you have an enormous glass of red?’

  ‘Blackcurrant. I wasn’t ready to say anything yet … couldn’t face the whole “why aren’t you drinking?” convo. Sorry. What an idiot, eh.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ Jessica said, walking around the breakfast bar and grabbing her friend in a bear hug. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.’

  Fit at 30

  I’ll be honest. We all like a treat from time to time. And I’m no different from the rest. A bit of hummus with carrot sticks is a great way to refuel. And I’m no stranger to a handful of sunflower seeds.

  So when I was sent some Nutty Nut Bars, I wasn’t really in the market for another snack option. But, on reading the details, I was blown away. Nutty Nut Bars have fewer calories than a celery stick, with twice the protein of a chicken breast! What’s not to love!

  Super excited, too, to be working with the lovely Tamzin from Dagenham and Diamante – a real inspiration to anyone who wants to know how to raise their butt cheeks to the next level. She’s already shared her secret crunch exercise with me, which I’ll reveal next time.

  Love to you all,

  Jessica

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ‘Of course I’m coming to the quiz – we’re engaged, after all,’ Dave chortled on the phone, making Jessica grip the receiver even more tightly. How could she actually ask him whether the engagement was fake?

  If it wasn’t, she might blow the whole thing; if it was, then he might worry that she was entertaining false hope about their relationship.

  ‘Yeah, ha ha,’ she replied, feeling her cheeks redden and putting up a hand to hide her face from the others in the office. ‘Well, thanks. I mean, I really appreciate it.’

  She hadn’t meant to tell him about the quiz at all – trying to keep her guard up among all those parents with Liz there, would be hard enough. But that was the problem with blogging – anyone could read about your life. Even your fake fiancé.

  Given the chance, she’d have given it a miss and gone to see Bea. She might have smiled a little before she left yesterday, but Jessica could see that it was going to take a long time for her friend to get over what she’d been through, to move on.

  But Bea was having a family night, cooking a meal for Mark and the boys. She’d promised she’d be fine. ‘Besides,’ she’d said on the phone, sounding a little like her old self again. ‘I know how much you’re looking forward to doing that quiz. What sort of friend would I be if I made you miss such a wonderful evening?’

  ‘Well, it starts at seven – shall I meet you there?’ Jess said now, uncertainly, to Dave.

  ‘Sure, I can get in a quick session after work then I’ll get over there. Don’t suppose you want to join me at the gym?’

  ‘Um … not this time, if that’s OK?’

  ‘Right, but I meant what I said. We’re going to have to get you back on track.’ Another laugh. Another ambiguous moment.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said. She’d worry about it all after the quiz.

  It was kind of exciting being engaged now that she had a ring on – an expensive one too, probably. She gazed at it now – at least a carat, set on a white gold band. But a carat of what? Cubic zirconia, or diamond? One of them was meant to reflect a range of colours in the light. The other wasn’t. But which was which? Perhaps she’d look it up.

  Not that she was particularly fussed – it was a beautiful ring. But if he’d spent a couple of months’ salary on it, then it would give her a clue about whether the engagement was real or not.

  She hadn’t really thought much about any long-term possibilities. Like whether or not she actually wanted to get married to Dave. It was too difficult to contemplate. What if she realised she really did want to spend the rest of her life with the man, then found out this engagement was all an invention? What if she realised she didn’t want to be with him but ended up so invested in the wedding that she went through it anyway? And when had her life become so complicated?

  And, even if it was a real engagement, was Dave actually interested in her, or just the Jessica Bradley, fitness fanatic, he’d first dated at the gym? Because while she wouldn’t mind toning up a little again, the whole strict diet, gym-bunny thing just wasn’t her. Not long-term.

  ‘OK, bride-to-be,’ more laughter.

  She laughed too, nervously.

  ‘But, look, I won’t come back after. Not yet, if that’s OK?’ he added.

  ‘OK?’ Not yet?

  ‘Yeah, I thought maybe we should tell everyone we’re waiting until after the wedding, or something. Before I move back.’

  ‘OK?’

  ‘And maybe wait until Anna’s a bit more sure about the idea.’

  ‘Yeah, good point.’ Anna hadn’t yet warmed to the idea of the potentially fake, potentially real wedding. Probably as Jessica had barely mentioned it – not knowing what to say.

  ‘But was he giving her excuses to use on others to keep the lie believable? Or was this really what he wanted to do? Her ring sparkled on, teasingly.

  Once she’d hung up, she found she had two hundred alerts on her Twitter app. Clicking on it, she found that Tamzin had tweeted the video proposal and tagged her in. Her notification list was full of congratulations. She shut it down with a groan.

  ‘Saw you on Twitter getting engaged!’ her phone beeped with Bea’s message. ‘Call me?’ Jessica put the phone on her desk; she’d do it later, when she knew what she wanted to say.

  After an afternoon of clearing her inbox of 176 emails – only three of which showed any promise whatsoever – she left Candice with a list of clients to call for updates and went to pick up Anna.

  ‘I don’t see why I can’t stay at home on my own,’ Anna said almost immediately when she heard she was going to her father’s for the night yet again.

  ‘I’m fine, thanks. How are you?’ Jessica replied sarcastically.

  ‘Well, you left me at home the other day!’ Anna continued, ignoring her.

  ‘What? When?’

  ‘You know, when you went to do Wakey Wakey! or whatever.’

  ‘Oh Anna, that was for a couple of hours at in the morning and Jenny’s mum picked you up for school. Leaving you alone for an evening is completely different.’

  ‘But I’m—’

  ‘I know you’re twelve. But one day you’ll realise that really isn’t so very old,’ she said, trying not to smile at Anna’s indignant face. ‘Anyway, Grahame, I mean, Dad, is looking forward to having an evening with you. He’s going to stream a movie or something.’

  ‘Great. A
nother one of Dad’s movies.’ It was the first time that Anna had spoken negatively about Grahame to Jessica in months. She tried to push down an ungenerous bit of pleasure at hearing that Anna wasn’t as in thrall of her other family as she’d thought.

  ‘Oh, come on, Anna. It’ll be fun,’ she said, giving her a nudge.

  An hour later, Jessica was cramming herself into her smartest black trousers, a grey silk blouse, a small pair of heels. Her hair, which was still in desperate need of a decent cut, was tucked back behind her ears and tamed with wax. She added a pair of diamond earrings to match her (possibly) diamond ring and stood back to admire the result.

  Staring back at her was a reasonably slim, professional-looking woman. Neither a dynamic, calorie-obsessed, muscle-honed inspiration nor an overweight couch potato. Just Jessica.

  On the way to the quiz, an envelope of questions skidding around the passenger seat, she began to feel a bit nervous. She might be able to chat away in her professional role, but when it came to just being herself, things like this could feel a bit nerve-racking. Liz had mentioned a microphone and – worse – a stage. The idea of standing on display, reading quiz questions to a bunch of folk from the PTA, didn’t fill her with delight.

  Seeing Dave waiting outside was quite a relief; it made her realise how much she’d missed having him around these past couple of weeks. Just having someone who was definitely on your side, who would come along to things like this was great (even if that person thought you’d piled on rather too many pounds recently).

  ‘Ready?’ he said, giving her an ambiguous peck on the cheek. Who knew so many things could be ambiguous?

  ‘Just about,’ she replied with a grin.

  ‘You look nice,’ he said. ‘That blouse really hides your spare tyre.’ He smiled at her, clearly expecting her to react to his flattery.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said. He meant it as a compliment, she told herself. He meant it as a compliment.

  Inside, Liz – her mane so glossy that at one point Jessica had to look away or risk blindness – met them with a smile. ‘I’ve got to pop off to a thing in a bit,’ she said, vaguely. ‘But I thought I’d just come and see that you have everything you need.’

  Hang on a minute, thought Jessica. I thought this was a joint enterprise? That I was just providing and reading out a few of the questions. Not running the whole thing!

  ‘There’s quite a good turnout,’ Liz grinned. ‘But don’t worry, the ladies will take all the money at the door,’ she gestured to a group of rather harassed-looking women poring over a cash box. ‘Hi there, ladies!’ she trilled as she passed them.

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘Oh, hi Liz!’

  They basked in her brief attention before returning to the collection of 20p coins they seemed to be arranging into piles.

  ‘And this is you,’ said Liz as they entered the school hall. On the stage at the end was a microphone next to a table that held two glasses of water.

  ‘Up there?’

  ‘Yes! Gives everyone the best view, and you can keep an eye out for anyone with a mobile phone,’ came the reply. ‘You know,’ Liz said, lowering her voice conspiratorially, ‘there’s one cheater every year, I find. Don’t make a fuss, just make sure that table doesn’t win and – if necessary – give them your best glare.’

  ‘Right.’

  Dave poked the small of Jessica’s back lightly as they walked, which she took to mean that he was finding the whole thing hilarious in some way (or perhaps he was seeing how many inches she needed to lose).

  ‘So, that’s me!’ said Liz, checking her watch. ‘I’ll be back at the end to help get things packed away. Susan and Dan are in charge of the drinks – just make sure it’s no more than two bottles of wine per table, if poss? Toilets are at the back – I’d use the staff ones if I were you. Any questions?’

  ‘No, no, I think you’ve covered everything.’

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t introduce myself properly,’ Liz said, as if finally noticing Dave’s presence. ‘I’m Liz, of course. And you must be the lovely Dave! Jessica’s … er boyfriend!’

  ‘Fiancé, actually.’

  ‘Wow, congratulations!’ Liz said, her eyes darting down to look at Jessica’s ring finger. ‘And what a fabulous diamond! You’ll have to tell me all about it later, Jessica. Goodness, you do have an exciting life!’

  And with that, she was off, her long black coat billowing out – witch-like – behind her.

  ‘So that’s Liz!’ Dave said.

  ‘Yes!’ Jessica replied, treating him to a grimace.

  Various people started filing into the hall and setting themselves up around some of the tables and the room gradually filled with noise.

  After about ten minutes, one of the cash-box ladies came to the back of the hall and shut the doors. She gave a nod to Jessica, which seemed to indicate that it was time to start.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ Jessica said into the microphone. ‘Welcome to the quiz. Funds for tonight will be going to the St Augustus Academy minibus fund.’

  There was polite applause.

  ‘If you could choose your team names and just write them clearly at the top of the paper to start,’ she continued, reading from the script that Liz had given her.

  There was a pause while teams discussed which whimsical name would suit them best. Jessica turned to Dave and clicked off the mic. ‘All right?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes,’ he grinned. ‘You look good tonight, by the way. Have I told you that?’

  ‘Yes,’ she replied, suddenly unable to stop herself responding to his earlier comment. ‘Well, we fat girls can scrub up all right when we want to! Spare tyres and all!’

  ‘Oh don’t be like that,’ he seemed genuinely put out. ‘You’re not that fat.’

  ‘Don’t be like what?’

  ‘You know. All defensive. I thought you’d thank me for pointing it out. You know, it’s a slippery slope once you start to let things go.’

  ‘Well,’ she began to feel a little indignant. ‘I’m sorry I don’t live up to your idea of perfection! Ten pounds I put on, at best, and you walk out the door!’

  ‘Come on, I’ve explained all that.’ He put his arm out as if to tuck it behind her back, but she was suddenly, inexplicably, angry. ‘I didn’t want you to affect my regime. I’ve been working on my body for months! I dunno. I felt betrayed, I suppose.’

  Betrayed? ‘Well, plenty of people like me just the way I am,’ she snapped, pulling out the first stack of cards and sorting out the questions into piles.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘I’m just saying, I’ve got options.’

  ‘Oh really? Like who?’ He seemed genuinely jealous, and she didn’t know whether to be secretly flattered or whether to twist the knife a little more.

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe an author I’m working with?’ she thought of Robert and the kiss in the car. The little stomach somersault that had accompanied it.

  ‘What, that little rat-faced man who I saw on the TV?’

  ‘Hey, he’s a great guy!’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘I’m just saying,’ she said, walking back to the little table and switching off the mic. ‘You might not want to shag me at the moment, but there are plenty of people who would love to get into my knickers.’

  The hall that had been rumbling with the low tones of conversation suddenly fell silent. Each and every participant turned their face to look directly at her.

  And with a rising feel of panic, Jessica realised that she hadn’t turned the mic off.

  She’d turned it on.

  Fit at 30

  Keeping up the regime

  People often ask me how I manage to get everything done. Being a mother and running my own business, it would be easy to let the gym slide. But it’s so important to keep up a routine, or you’
ll easily slip back into bad habits.

  Sometimes it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day – from volunteering to run a quiz at my daughter’s school, to catching up with clients, it can be hard to imagine hitting the treadmill or lapping the pool on top of a busy schedule.

  But schedule is the key. Get out your diary and mark in where you have a spare hour, or even half an hour, for fitness. Planning your week in advance means you’ll definitely find the moment you need to keep yourself in shape.

  And ring in the changes too – this week I’m trying a new venue for my workout in the hope it will improve my motivation. Wish me luck!

  #FitforLife

  COMMENTS

  Sally

  You are such an inspiration.

  Victoria

  Good for you!

  Chapter Thirty

  ‘You have one message,’ Jessica’s mobile phone answering service informed her as she walked to her car. She clicked ‘1’ as prompted and hoped to God that she wasn’t about to hear anything more about the quiz last night.

  After the initial silence that had followed her microphone faux-pas, the room had erupted with noise. Some tables had descended into heated conversation, others had roared with laughter. Jessica, standing there in her most professional-looking get-up, had blushed to her roots.

  ‘Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen,’ she’d said. ‘I hadn’t meant to turn it on. Turn on the microphone, I mean,’ she’d added for clarity.

  It hadn’t helped much.

  She’d limped through the quiz with the help of Dave, who veered between chuckling to himself at the fact his fake or real fiancée had embarrassed herself in front of a room of parents and teachers, and sulking at what she’d said. When Liz had breezed in at the end and thanked them for their help, Jessica had accepted the praise graciously and slunk off into the dark car park as soon as humanly possible.

  Mind you, Anna had given her a kiss this morning. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she’d said.

  ‘What for?’

  ‘You know, the quiz.’