One twenty-three-year-old woman who held a fairly junior position in an advertising firm nonetheless found a good media position with one of the networks, not only because of her skills and potential, but because of her ability to gauge a situation and react quickly on her feet. What happened? The interviewer began listing the qualifications necessary for the position that was available: “Self-starter, motivated, creative …” “Oh,” she said, after the executive paused, “you’ve just read my résumé!” That kind of confidence, and an ability to take risks not only amused the interviewer; it displayed some of the very skills the position required!
The fact that interactive chemistry plays such a large role in getting a job has both positive and negative aspects. The positive side is that a lack of experience doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get a particular job. Often, with the right basic education and life skills, you can make a strong enough impression based on who you are and how capable you seem that the employer may feel you are trainable for the job at hand. In my office, for example, we interviewed a number of experienced applicants for a secretarial position, only to choose a woman whose office skills were not as good as several others’, but who had the right chemistry, and who we felt would fit best into the existing system in the office. It’s often easier to teach or perfect the required skills than it is to try to force an interactive chemistry that just isn’t there. The downside of interactive chemistry is that even if you do have the required skills, you may be turned down if you don’t “click” with the interviewer. (Later, you will learn more about how to develop a positive rapport with an interviewer.)
Now use behavior rehearsal to imagine the interview itself. Sit back in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, breathe deeply … let your body grow limp and your mind let go. See the situation very clearly. What are you wearing? What does the office look like? Use all your senses to create the scenario. You are walking into the office. What does the interviewer say to you? How do you respond? See yourself in control—confident, relaxed. Develop this image clearly. Write down what you see:
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As you do this exercise, distracting thoughts may come into your mind. Let them pass. Eventually, your mind will drift back to the exercise. Use your deep breathing as a centering technique.
Appearance
Like it or not, appearance counts, especially in the workplace. Dressing appropriately and professionally is a minimum requirement when applying for a job. Do whatever you can do to make a favorable impression. Dressing appropriately is a way to say that you care about the interview, that it is important to you, and that you take it seriously. It also says you will make an effort to behave professionally once you are with the company. Keep in mind that you are owed nothing when you go on an interview. But behaving professionally by following appropriate business etiquette will nearly always gain you the courtesy of professional treatment in return.
The following ideas will help you be prepared to make the best impression possible. In previous exercises, you have examined your self-image. Now, look at yourself and get feedback from others on your overall appearance. Not only must you look neat and well groomed for a job interview, but: your overall image should be appropriate to the job, the company, and the industry you are hoping to enter. You can determine the appropriate image by observing the appearance and attitude of those currently in the area you are looking into. But even where casual attire is appropriate for those already in the workplace, clean, pressed clothes and a neat appearance will be appreciated. One young photographer I know of inquired about the style of dress at the newspaper he was interviewing with; informed that most people wore casual clothes, he chose to do the same. At the interview, the editor gently teased him about wearing jeans (she herself was in khaki pants and a sports shirt). “I guess your suit is at the cleaners,” she said, chuckling. But her point was made. Making the effort shows that you take the interview seriously.
Second, you should carry yourself as though you are confident and self-assured. Use self-help techniques such as internal coaching to tell yourself you can do it. Focus on your past successes, and hold your body as if you were unstoppable. Breathe deeply, with an abundance of self-confidence. Your goal is to convey an image of being comfortable with yourself in order to make the other person feel comfortable with you.
This time, use behavior rehearsal to focus on the way you will look during an interview. Sit back. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Picture yourself with the appropriate appearance for an interview. Imagine your posture. Now, write down a list of the things you might wear for an interview:
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Are there things you need to acquire (new shoes, a folio for notes)?
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Communication Skills
As most employers will tell you, performance is based upon your ability both to assess and to respond. You need to be able to assess the person you are speaking to in order to understand what his or her needs are, how the person makes decisions, and what he or she finds valuable. Then, you should be able to respond in an appropriate manner, pointing out your assets and how you could benefit the company were you to be hired.
In the workplace, social anxiety can impair a person’s memory and therefore communication skills. A pharmaceutical salesman in one of my groups said that when he made sales calls to the doctors in his territory, he would become anxious and find himself at a loss for words. He couldn’t communicate well because he was distracted, and he therefore sought to learn self-help strategies that would improve his sales ability.
On the Job
Leaders in business rank communication as the number-one skill needed for success. Once hired, you will use a variety of basic communication skills—the same ones you relied on during the interview process. What can interfere with good communication in the workplace? Stress. In my experience as a stress management consultant for various corporations, I have identified two primary types of stress issues. One type is exhibited by the person who is doing too much or is “burnt out”—suffering from attitudinal, emotional, or physical exhaustion. The solution? If stress management strategies do not provide significant relief, modifying the requirements of the job or even a new job may be the best answer. The second category is what I call being “understressed.” People suffering from this kind of stress usually have had the same job for many years and are no longer able to exert creativity or to feel a sense of challenge. For them, there is no positive energy flow where the job is concerned. Both types of stress are dangerous. Your stress level is a major component of the quality of your overall health and well-being.
One person I treated worked for a transit system checking the subway tracks. He made a decent living, but his job was not terribly challenging. He spent most of the time alone in his office, and actually got into the habit of bringing model airplane kits to work to occupy his time. In his case, having too little to do was extremely stressful. His self-esteem suffered, and he began having anxiety attacks on those occasions when he did have to interact. He would drink to calm his nerves, even in preparation for a game of golf—and he was an excellent golfer! In time, this man learned to seek out social contact on the job, and to ask for new challenges that made him feel more valued and productive. By adding to his repertoire of self-help techniques, he was able to get the most out of his interactions bo
th at work and in his personal life.
Use your self-help techniques to get the most out of your workplace interactions and take the risks that will enhance your productivity. Risks? Yes, communication with other people is a risk that all of us engage in every day. The degree of your success boils down to the quality of your communication in the daily business encounters that you choose to risk.
Getting More Out of Your Current Job
In spite of the potential payoffs, perhaps you have allowed interactive anxiety to stand in your way in the past, letting the fear of rejection on the job or in the business environment hold you back from career success. The suggestions below will provide you with ways to put the various social skills described in preceding chapters to use in helping you succeed in a variety of business situations. In today’s competitive climate, good communication skills are an absolutely vital part of getting and keeping a job. Without them, you have almost no chance for upward mobility within a given business structure.
If you would like to stay with your current company but want to move up and to feel comfortable doing so, you must face your anxiety and learn to become part of the interactive system in your workplace. One accountant for a large corporation remained stuck in his middle-management job for several years, worried about what his colleagues might think of him if they got to know him personally. He never had lunch with co-workers, and seldom inquired about them, except to follow up on work-related matters. The result was that four years later, he was exactly where he’d started, but miserable and stress-ridden to boot. Eventually, he left the company and made sure to address his anxiety issues in order to avoid a similar pattern the next time around.
If your anxiety is interfering with your motivation, ask yourself the following questions.
1. What specific payoffs can I get by improving my communication abilities on the job?
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2. How can I overcome any obstacles that may be standing in my way?
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3. What will it cost me financially and emotionally if I don’t?
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In five years? In twenty years?
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4. What will I miss out on in terms of job satisfaction or personal fulfillment?
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The more you focus on these questions, the greater your motivation will be to stretch beyond your current limits and actually put to use the interactive skills we are discussing.
Communication Skills and Career Success
Many people with social anxiety make the unfortunate mistake of assuming that if they communicate very little, they will be less likely to meet with failure. Exactly the opposite is usually the case. Often, people with significant social anxiety give very little of themselves and are therefore not a part of the effective chemistry necessary for overall productivity and fulfillment. Usually, their reticence is the result of an effort to blend in, but rightly or wrongly, such people are perceived by others as uninteresting and unimportant—the equivalent of death in the workplace. Instead of creating the desired safety net, the persona incognito provides the surest way to be ignored on the job and considered generally ineffective.
PERSONAL PROFILE FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Consider the following list of twelve characteristics that are central to communicating both in an interview and on the job. If you feel you are lacking in a particular category, you can use the explanations and suggestions given to enhance your interactive ability in the workplace.
1. Activation of PMA. Use positive thinking techniques such as internal coaching.
2. Physical appearance. Make sure to dress appropriately for the event. In most interviews, business attire (a suit or sport coat and tie for men; a suit, dress, or tailored pants for women) is recommended. What you wear to the interview communicates not only how important the event is to you but your ability to assess a situation and how you should behave in it. Appropriate grooming is essential, both in an interview and on the job.
3. Posture. Carry yourself with confidence. Let your posture communicate that you are a winner. Keep your face on a vertical plane, spine straight, shoulders comfortably back. By simply straightening up and using the diaphragmatic breathing you learned in Chapter 6 (which proper posture encourages), you will feel much better about yourself. Others will perceive you in a more positive light as well.
4. Rate of speech. Your rate of speech ought to be appropriate for the specific situation and person or persons it is intended for. Too fast is annoying, and too slow is boring. A good way to pace your speech is to speak at close to the rate of the person who is talking to you.
5. Eye contact. Absolutely essential for successful communication. Occasionally, you should avert your gaze briefly in order to avoid staring. But try not to look down at your lap or let your eyes wander all around the room as you speak. This suggests a lack of confidence and an inability to stay on track.
6. Facial expressions. You gain more credibility when you are open and expressive. The warmer personality will seem stronger and more confident. And perhaps most important, remember to smile in conversation. If you seem interested and enthusiastic, it will enhance the chemistry between you and the interviewer or your supervisor.
You can develop the ability to use facial expressions to your advantage through a kind of biofeedback that makes use of the mirror and continuously experimenting in real life. Look at your reflection for several minutes. Practice being relaxed and create the expressions that are appropriate. Do you look interested? Alert? Motivated? Practice responding to an interviewer. Impress the “muscle memory” of these expressions into your mind.
7. Energy. Your degree of personal energy and enthusiasm has a great deal to do with whether or not someone will want to hear the message you are trying to communicate. Believing in what you have to say also helps you to overcome interactive inhibition. If you care passionately about something, your life force will flow naturally, energizing you, and you will be able to focus better on getting the message out to others.
Before entering an interactive situation, try “turning yourself on.” Put yourself in a peak state of enthusiasm. This might involve playing a piece of music that makes you feel great or thinking back to a time when you felt absolutely unstoppable. By accessing memories of a time when you felt energetic, you can induce the same state again.
8. Pitch and tone of voice. Speaking in a monotone is a quick way to turn off any audience. Practice using a variety of vocal qualities in your speech. Try using a tape recorder to make sure your voice is pleasant to listen to, and that your message matches your tone of voice. People pick up more from the voice tone than from the actual words you use.
9. Animation and gestures. Don’t be afraid to use your body, especially your hands, to use moderate gestures during conversation. Gestures send signals of enthusiasm and energy. Whenever you speak, you are essentially on stage, and appropriate gesturing helps you to communicate.
10. Ability to hold interest of others. In an interview, be prepared to discuss a variety of topics—not just the job you are applying for. And be sure to ask questions (prepare some in advance if necessary).
11. Commitment. This attribute has to do with caring passionately—about yourself, the other person, and the message you are trying to convey. If you convey that you can make a positive difference in the prospective workplace, you are much more likely to influence the interviewer and leave him or her with a lasting positive impression of you.
12. Ability to make others feel comfortable. In order to make others comfortable, you must first appear comfortable yourself. Practice looking more comfortable and relaxed by watching yourself in the mirror.
Encouraging others to speak openly and freely also helps them to feel mo
re comfortable and at ease with you. Dominating a conversation makes others feel uncomfortable very quickly. Asking others for their opinions, feelings, and values opens them up to you equally quickly. In an interview situation, it is usually a good idea to let the interviewer do most of the talking. Again, prepare some questions to get a two-way conversation going.
All twelve elements are essential for good communication. They should work together in harmony, and each element should support the overall message you are communicating.
Taking Others In: Learning to Listen and Watch
Any new enterprise requires market research—analyzing the marketplace to determine whether there is a need among the public for a product or service. Similarly, the more you can take in about other people, the better you will be able to provide a message that they will find worth taking in. Listening and watching people allows you to find out more about them before you even say anything, in order to make sure that the message you give is one for which there is a demand, and to ensure that you can communicate successfully.
Up the Career Ladder
Developing your ability as a productive worker others can count on is the best way to move up the career ladder. And the more productive you are—interacting effectively with co-workers, serving as a valuable team member, getting the job done—the more rewarding your work is likely to be. If social anxiety has prevented you from being as productive and fulfilled as you could be, make a commitment to yourself to learn the strategies that will take you beyond interactive inhibition to a new level of success. Just as interactive chemistry is important one on one, group chemistry is important to those who work as part of an organization. What is group chemistry? In every workplace, there is a social system in place, and to be an effective employee, you need to perfect your skills of decoding and becoming a part of whatever system exists.
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