Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  “We know who you are. Why don’t you begin with why you ran away,” Ryker interrupts.

  I take a sip of water to calm my nerves. “Well, when I met you the other day, I had no idea what or who was involved in the Rebellion. I didn’t know if I could trust you.” I look at Ryker. Nothing in his demeanor changes. I continue. “I just found something from my mom that was too important to leave in the hands of people I never met.” The instant the words come out of my mouth the energy in the room change. It’s almost electric. Even Adira looks at me differently. “You have the document,” she says, a mere whisper.

  “Yes,” I reply.

  Immediately Rod stands, “Let me see,” his hand is stretched in my direction.

  “Well, I don’t have it physically on me. I have it memorized.”

  “You what now?” Rod responds, his voice raised.

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  “Then it can’t be the document we were looking for.” Jude’s light voice is full of disappointment. “Were there really no papers that your parents left for you, honey? It would have been something like a formula. It wouldn’t have made sense to you, just a bunch of random letters and numbers. But it was of huge importance.”

  I cringe at the way she talks down to me. She must mirror what everyone, accept Adira, is thinking because it looks like the air has gone out of both Rod and Ryker. Rod turns around and looks at the map.

  “I might be young, but I’m not stupid. Do you think I wouldn’t know what formulas look like?” I turn my anger towards Jude. “I grew up with parents who were scientists.”

  Maybe Edward was right. These aren’t the right people for the recipe.

  “Do you truly have the whole document memorized?” Adira asks.

  I give her a small nod. Amazement plays in her eyes as she smiles at me. It gives me courage to speak up. I have everyone’s attention again. “I can write the recipe down for you, but what’s your plan? What will you do with it once you have it?” I turn my question toward Rod.

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  “That will be up to the directors of the Rebellion. My job is to get it in the right hands.” He nods towards Jude who immediately gives me a piece of paper and a pen. But I can tell she still doesn’t look convinced that I have what they are searching for.

  I lift the black pen from the table and roll it back and forth with my fingers. I look at Adira for guidance. We might not have known each other long, but she’s the only one in the room that I trust blindly. “I need to get some air. Will you come with me?” I ask.

  Adira gets up and walks to the door, few worded as usual.

  As the door closes behind us, I take a deep breath. The air is refreshing out here compared to the room. We stand next to each other for a second, both watching the treetops that spread out underneath the cliff. “What should I do?” I ask.

  “Why do you ask me? You have already decided,” she says.

  “No … I should obviously just write it down and then be done with all of this.”

  Adira stands in silence, waiting for me to continue.

  “But … I just don’t know if I can trust them. What’s to say that they wouldn’t get greedy and sell it? Or maybe they lose it? I mean, even if Rod or Ryker can be trusted to bring this to headquarters, I

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  would always wonder what happened. How can I just let something this important go? Something in me just tells me to take it all the way, that we need to broadcast it out to the public. Maybe someone will know how to finish the puzzle.”

  “There is a piece missing?” Adira says as she turns to look at me.

  “Mmhmm. One piece that my parents left out, even though I know they had it.” The last words are only a mumble.

  “Interesting …” she says.

  “So, what should I do?”

  “Follow your instincts,” Adira says, as she turns around and walks back into the house.

  Why does she have to talk in riddles? Annoyed that I didn’t get the answers I needed; I quickly follow her inside.

  “Come on. Time is of the essence. Write down what you have so we can get a group together and get going,” Rod says.

  Rod intimidates me, and I have a tough time meeting his never-wavering eye contact. “Sir, I have decided to not write down the formula,” I say, earning a raised eyebrow from Ryker. “The best chance we have is to transmit this recipe to the public, to get as many people on

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  it as possible. Otherwise, who knows who will steal it or try to sell it.”

  “That’s not an option,” Rod says. “We follow instructions. That’s the way it works here. The recipe goes to headquarters.”

  “Well, I’m not writing it down for you,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest. “You will have to take me to headquarters then. The best option is to send it out to all countries.”

  “What kind of radio contact do you think we have here, kid?” Rod says with a laugh. “That radio in the corner goes to headquarters, and headquarters only.”

  “Fine. I guess I’m going to headquarters then. Adira can take me.”

  “Eddie … I told you, I could only take you this far,” Adira says, with the slightest shake of her head.

  I was sure she would change her mind when she found out what kind of information I have. How can she not see how important this is? Why is she so determined to stay a hermit?

  Ryker straightens in his chair. “Requesting permission to take Eddie to headquarters, Sir.”

  Rod sits quietly, measuring me up to see if I will buckle under the pressure. I meet his gaze, determined to not back down or change

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  my mind. After what feels like forever, he stands abruptly. “Permission granted. You take her. It was your mission from the beginning anyway, Commander.” He rubs his large hands over his face, looking drained from the conversation not going his way. “You’ll leave at zero seven hundred hours,” he says before he walks out. Jude follows him, eager to get away.

  “It’s time for me to leave,” Adira says.

  All I want to do is get on my knees and beg her to stay, beg her to help me get to headquarters, to convince them of what we need to do. But I don’t. I know nothing I say will change her mind. “Can’t you just stay until tomorrow?” I ask instead.

  “No.”

  “Well, you should take Rose then. It will be faster for you to get home.”

  I don’t get up to walk her out, but as she passes me, she puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, “Your parents would have been so proud of you.”

  I quickly wipe away the single tear that falls from my eye. I know Ryker is watching me.

  As Adira closes the door behind her, I turn my whole focus on

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  studying the map behind Ryker, including all the small landmarks that show us where we are compared to the other stations, headquarters and city. Even small villages like Hope are marked on the detailed map.

  “Come on. I will show you where you can crash for tonight. We leave at first show of sunrise tomorrow. Please don’t try to run away this time,” Ryker says.

  “You basically kidnapped me before. What did you expect?” I don’t know why but Ryker just gets under my skin.

  My room is small and sparse, only a single bed and a chair as furniture. The sanded and empty stone walls give a cold feel. I wish Adira would have stayed. It’s lonely here without her calm presence. I stay in my room for a while, just sitting on the bed. I should go outside, get to know the game plan for tomorrow or try to locate some food. My stomach is growling, and I have a growing headache. I was never good on an empty stomach.

  Suddenly, a knock interrupts my self-pity. “Come in.”

  Phoenix opens and ducks to get his tall frame into through the small door. I can’t help but let out a laugh at the sight. He looks like a giant in this room where the roof is so low it makes it impossible for him to stand up straight. A genuine smile covers his face in response.

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  “The least
you can do is pretend to feel bad about leaving us in the middle of the fight like that,” he says while keeping the sparkle in his eyes.

  His words are not meant to hurt, but they feel like daggers. “Did anyone get injured?” I ask. I can’t even think about having more deaths on my conscious.

  “You think we couldn’t handle a few men with guns?” A huff escapes him. “A bullet grazed Gwennie’s arm, but it was just a flesh wound.”

  “Oh, that’s good. I mean, not that she got hurt, but that you all got away safely. I hate that I left you like that.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I get it, it’s not easy knowing who to trust these days. Plus, Gwennie didn’t liked you from the start anyway,” his laugh fills the room.

  “Great. She must really hate me now then.”

  Phoenix’ silence says it all. He sits down on the wooden chair in the corner, putting up his feet on the corner of my bed. “Rumor has it you are the golden ticket; that you have the one thing that can overthrow Tenebris.”

  “I don’t know if I would go that far. But if we are lucky, it might

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  change the power distribution. If people aren’t starving it will be easier to stand up for our rights.”

  “Speaking of starving, there’s a huge bonfire to celebrate. They are even cracking open the wine that we stole from the government not long ago. You’re quite the celebrity already.”

  I can’t help but cringe. “Can I just stay here until we leave?”

  “Sure, if you aren’t hungry,” Phoenix says while he stands up again. “Come on, don’t be such a baby.”

  Even though Phoenix has a youthful way about him, I guess he must be in his early thirties. Small hints of lines in his face give away his age.

  The sun has started to set, and the sky is full of warm colors. It reminds me of a watercolor painting we had hanging in the living room when I was a child.

  The bonfire is set up on the same square that previously held the training ground. The heat from the big flames along with the crowd in front of it is both inviting and foreign. There must be over thirty people here. Everyone is busy talking and laughing. But when Phoenix and I approach, the loud voices turn to whispers.

  I take a step closer to Phoenix, not liking the attention. Phoenix,

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  on the other hand, looks unbothered by it and walks with confidence over to a small crowd that’s gathered in the corner. I recognize Ryker right away. The way he stands up so straight and serious differs from the rest. Boston is in the middle of telling some joke and his energetic mannerisms fill the air. Gwennie, on the other hand, is observing everyone around her, sitting with her back against the corner.

  My palms are sweaty, my whole body is telling me to turn around. I doubt that everyone in this group will take me abandoning them as lightly as Phoenix.

  “Look who I found!” Phoenix says, with joy, as he pushes me forward.

  “Hey, it’s Eddie!” Boston’s smile is infectious. I can’t help but smile with him.

  Orland just nods in my direction and Gwennie and Ryker stay quiet.

  “Look, I’m sorry about leaving you. I just didn’t know who to trust,” I say, feeling the need to explain.

  “And a week in the real world has made you trust us?” Gwennie says sarcastically. “And how are we going to trust you?”

  Her question gives me pause. I have never thought about that it’s

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  a two-way street. “I don’t know …But you can trust we want the same thing,” I say.

  Gwennie doesn’t answer, but just gets up from the ground and walks over to Ryker. “This is not a good idea. We should get someone else to be her bodyguards.” She doesn’t bother lowering her voice. She wants me to hear.

  “It’s our orders, we don’t question them,” Ryker responds with authority.

  Gwennie gives Ryker a look of defiance before she stomps off.

  “Good old Gwennie, never disappoints. Let’s get some food and drinks, shall we?” Phoenix says while clapping his hands together.

  The evening gives way to night and the crowd around the big fire slowly grows smaller. I’m left sitting next to Boston and Phoenix. The rest of the crew has gone back to their rooms. Gwennie left almost immediately after eating, like she couldn’t stand being in my presence.

  Boston and Phoenix are slightly intoxicated from the wine. Boston keeps nodding off during conversations and Phoenix’ otherwise light small talk has taken a more serious note.

  “I’m slightly jealous that you got to spend time with General Tasumi, you know. She’s legendary,” Phoenix says, while offering me

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  some wine.

  “No thanks. Why is she legendary? What did she do?” I ask.

  “What didn’t she do?” He laughs. “She was the most successful spy the Rebellion had. She was able to work closely for Tenebris for years while she kept recruiting people for our cause within his organization, constantly feeding us useful information. She’s the one that got your parents involved.”

  “She recruited them?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What happened? Why did she stop?”

  Boston snores next to me. He has passed out on the ground now.

  “When her operation went sour, she dropped out; disappeared to the woods She didn’t want anything to do with us.”

  “Was she the one responsible for getting my parents killed?” I finally give words to the question that has been in my mind so long. I hold my breath waiting for Phoenix to answer.

  “I don’t know the details; few do. All I have heard is that she used to have a family, a son of her own. Now she doesn’t,” he says, taking another sip from the bottle.

  “Why didn’t she tell me?” I mumble, mostly to myself.

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  “We all have luggage we rarely talk about, don’t we…?” Phoenix puts his arm around me in a brotherly way.

  “I guess we do…Have you lost someone as well?” I ask.

  Phoenix clears his throat. “Not in the same way you have. I guess I have been lucky. My family is still alive.” Nothing about the way he speaks shows any sign of happiness. “We grew up poor. I had four little sisters and one twin sister. Can you imagine the craziness? I came close to losing one of them from starvation once when we had a bad winter. I did my best to try to help bring in food, but my twin, Dalia, was the smart one. Her scientific mind was always looking for ways to improve our life. According to me, it was a useless way to spend her time. But I guess I was wrong.” He finishes the bottle in his hand in one sip. “She got a job for the government, started out small and then moved up. She got so valuable she could afford to bring all of us into the City. Suddenly we had a whole new life, never had to struggle.”

  “How did you end up here?”

  “I couldn’t forget. How could I live with no worries, with heat and electricity when my friends were barely surviving, rationing their food, making do with scraps? That is, if they didn’t starve. I had to do something, even if it meant saying goodbye to the people I loved the

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  most.”

  “But can’t you still see them? Or can’t your sister help the Rebellion?” I ask. I can’t see the situation as hopeless as Phoenix does. His family is still alive. He can still have them in his life. He should.

  “No, my Dalia would never risk the life of my parents and sisters. And I wouldn’t let her. You know the price you pay for betraying Tenebris,” he says as he looks at me. It’s true. I do know the price. And if I had a chance to get my parents back and keep them safe, I would.

  Phoenix stands and stretches out his long body. He nudges Boston with his foot. “Come on. Let’s get to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.”

  The night sky glitters with stars and the moon shines bright, making it easy to navigate the road to our temporary rooms. I’m still bothered walking so close to the edge of the cliff. The way Boston sways in his steps makes me even more nervous. I grab t
he back of his shirt just in case, he’s too tired and drunk to notice.

  Phoenix makes sure I get to my room safely before he walks off to where the rest of the crew is crashing.

  A small oil lamp on the wall illuminates the room in a warm

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  glow and a portable heater in the corner keeps the cold at bay. I lie down on the bed and I fall asleep in an instant.

  I don’t know how long I sleep, but I wake up from hearing a small noise. My oil lamp has burnt out and left the room in total darkness. Was I dreaming? I roll over in bed. I need to get some sleep. I’m not a kid anymore. There are no monsters just because the room is dark.

  I close my eyes and try to think about happier times. Right when I do, I hear a swift movement on the floor and then suddenly a hand is covering my mouth. I’m about to scream when a cold blade is pressed on my neck. In one second, my whole body freezes to ice.

  “Do not make a sound or you’re dead,” Morrick whispers in my ear.

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  Chapter 18

  Please, please let this be a bad dream. This can’t be real. It just can’t. I shut my eyes again trying to wake up from this nightmare. This is not possible; he couldn’t have found me. But I don’t wake up. The blade from Morrick’s knife is still cold against my skin. He’s so close to me that I can smell fire and forest on him.