The Coming

by Joe Haldeman

  Solo was staring at his name badge. "Oh."

  "That's right; I was on the other side. And here I am, a towel-head, arresting you. Is this a great country?" They pulled into the driveway at 5412.

  David said "release" and helped Solo out of the car. He chinned the microphone on his lapel. "This is Eakins. You got the owners on this B and E?"

  "Not yet," a distant voice said. "One's at lunch, the other's in transit."

  "Keep trying." He inserted a probe like Solo's into the Horton lock. Both locks snapped open instantly. "After you." He pushed Solo inside.

  "House," Rabin said, "this is the police."

  "I know," the house said.

  "Did this man take anything or do any physical damage to you?"

  "Yes, he broke a stained-glass window. The replacement cost will be six thousand four hundred and fifty dollars."

  David whistled. "Felony property. You should have done a different window. Or even used the door."

  "Like I said. The house locked up."

  "Hello?" someone said from the hall. "Police?"

  Norman

  A police car in the driveway and the door wide open. The holster with its illegal weapon felt heavy as a stone.

  Then he almost turned to stone when he saw Rabin. And then he recognized Solo. His voice almost squeaked. "What's going on here?"

  "I'm Lieutenant David Eakins and this is Sergeant Qabil Rabin. We apprehended this man fleeing after a robbery attempt."

  Solo looked straight at Norman. "I'm tellin' you I didn't rob nothin'. It was all a big mistake. I got trapped in here and panicked."

  "Have you ever seen this man before?" David asked.

  "I'm not sure," Norman said. "He looks familiar."

  "I don't know him from Adam," Solo said. "It's like I said—"

  "Shut up," Eakins said. "After he set off the alarm, he couldn't bust through the plastic doors, so he broke your stained-glass window to escape. The house says it's worth six thousand four hundred and fifty dollars."

  "More than that," Norman said slowly. "The artist was a friend, and he's dead now."

  "Ten grand," Solo said.

  Norman looked at him. "What?"

  "Look, I don't know much about law, but if me and him agrees, can't we like change venue from a criminal offense to like a civil one? Him bein' the only aggrieved party."

  "I don't know," Eakins said. "House, did you follow that?"

  "Searching," the house said. "Mason versus Holabird, 2022. If both parties agree on the settlement and there is no objection from the state."

  "Fifteen thousand," Norman said.

  "Twelve!" Solo said. "If I even got twelve." He pulled out his wallet and riffled through the bills, extracting the brick-red ones. "Nine … ten … eleven. I got eleven and some change."

  "That's a lot of money for an innocent bystander to be carrying around," Rabin said.

  "So my family don't believe in banks. That a crime now?"

  "He was armed," Eakins began.

  "Legal!" Solo said, holding out his wallet. "Look! I got a goddamn permit."

  Eakins waved him down. "You can get those permits in any truck stop in Georgia. What I mean, Professor Bell, is that his intent here might have been to do you harm. I wouldn't be too quick to let him buy his way out of it."

  "That's a good point," Norman said.

  "He has a jail record," Qabil said, "down in Tampa."

  "I was a kid," Solo said. "Look, let me use the phone. I can make it twenty. Like I say, I'm a private investigator. I can't take no jail term on my record. Adult jail."

  "This is getting kind of complicated," Norman said, taking a calculated chance. "I don't know. Twenty thousand would more than replace the window. But it's not as if we were poor. Maybe I ought to let you guys have him, for my own safety."

  "What, your safety? I don't mean you no harm."

  "He doesn't have another weapon?"

  "Not of metal," Rabin said. "I scanned him outside."

  "Tell you what," Norman said, taking the phone off his belt and handing it to Solo, "you guarantee me that twenty thousand, and then you and I will have a little talk. Agreed?"

  Solo gave him a look he'd seen over many a poker table: What the hell do you have in your hand? "Yeah, sure. I can use your john to make the call?"

  "Be my guest." Solo went down the hall toward a bathroom.

  "I think you're making a mistake," Eakins said. "This jerk's a career criminal if I ever saw one. He just hasn't been caught before as an adult."

  "Or he's been caught," Norman said, "and bought his way out of it. Like now." He looked toward the bathroom. "You've got his weapon—I mean, you can keep it?"

  "By all means," Rabin said. "We have to send it to Jacksonville for an FBI check. That's a federal law, and his change of venue doesn't mean anything with them."

  "Why do you want to talk to him?" Eakins asked Norman.

  "I don't know. As you say, he probably didn't walk in off the street. Maybe I can find out what's going on."

  "We're paid to do that, sir," Eakins said. "If you really don't need the money, let us take him downtown. He's a felon now, and we can use drugs to make him talk."

  That would be really great. "He's a felon but he's a human being. If I decide to change the venue back—"

  Solo came back up the hall and handed Norm the telephone. "We done a direct credit exchange," he said. "Check your amount at the credit union. You're twenty grand richer."

  "Thought you didn't believe in banks," Eakins said.

  "Got friends who do."

  Norman took out his wallet and thumbed his bank card. He didn't actually remember how much had been in his liquid account, but $38,000 did seem like a lot. It was there; he held up the phone to the police. "Any trouble, I'll call you guys. Thanks."

  "I wish you'd reconsider," Eakins said, but they both headed for the door.

  "What about my gun?" Solo said.

  "You'll get it back eventually," Rabin said. "Just come by the station next week." He gave Norman one long look as they left.

  When the door clicked, Norman said, "House, we want privacy. Turn yourself off for thirty minutes, or until I push an alarm button."

  "Very well."

  Norman went to a sideboard and poured himself a glass of red wine. "You have a lot to explain. You can start with Sergeant Rabin."

  "Somebody else did that. Or else it was an accident. Surprised me, that's for sure."

  "I wonder. I saw him earlier today, myself."

  "Small town."

  "Not that small." He picked up the glass with his left hand and took a sip, staring at the man. "Did Willy Joe send you here to intimidate me?"

  "No more questions," Solo said, and stepped toward him. He froze when Norman pulled out the big revolver.

  "Just a few." He pointed the muzzle to the left. "Out in the garage."

  Solo had his hands up, walking slowly backward. "What's in the garage?"

  "Just easier to clean up. This is loaded with crab rounds, the kind that spin like a drill and pop out tiny claws when they hit. I think they make an awful mess."

  "Jesus! Hold on. What I do to you? I mean, the window, yeah, but—"

  "Open the door there." The garage was large and neat, two bicycles hanging from ceiling hooks, an orderly wall of tools over a workbench.

  "It's not what you did to me, or even what you intended to do to me. Have a seat."

  The only chair was a stool by the workbench. Solo climbed up on it.

  "When I was a young man I killed twenty-five other young men, just because they wore a uniform different from mine. Slightly darker skin. Whereas you broke into my house with the intention of terrorizing me, and destroyed a work of art that was dear to me.

  "I'm sorry about that. I'm really sorry."

  "It's hard for me to express how unimportant your feelings are in this matter. I'm just weighing practicalities."

  "It sure as hell wouldn't be practical for you to kill me." Sweat was p
opping out on his face. "You don't fuck with Willy Joe."

  "You may overestimate your importance to him. You haven't demonstrated a high degree of competence in this matter." Norman set down the wine and propped both elbows on the workbench, holding the pistol with two hands, steady on Solo's heart. "And don't even bring up the police. They'd thank me."

  "Now that isn't so. You'd go to trial, and they'd find out about…" Norman pulled the hammer back with a loud click.

  "You're in an unenviable situation right now. You know I'm a homosexual, and could ruin my life with a word. You're of no value to me, alive. Dead, you would be a powerful warning to Willy Joe."

  "You don't know him. He's crazy. He'd come kill you."

  "He might try. I'd still have five crab rounds left."

  Solo looked right and left, head jerking, about to flee. Norman's finger tightened on the trigger.

  Solo stared at the tool rack. "Wait. I got a good idea."

  "It's about time."

  He reached slowly toward the tools. "Con permiso. I take this hatchet and—"

  "Stop it!"

  "Okay, okay!" He froze in position. "I was gonna say, like I chop off one of my fingers. Tell him you made me do it, at gunpoint."

  "You'd do that?" Of course it could be grown back, for a price.

  "I just want to walk outta here, man."

  Norman considered it. "Use the hammer." He pointed with the pistol. "The iron mallet there. Break your gun hand, the right one."

  "I'm left-handed."

  "Then I'm doing you a favor. Do the right." He'd reached for the tools with his right hand.

  He slowly removed the hammer from the hook and hefted it, not looking at Norman.

  "Don't even think of throwing it at me. Bullet's a lot faster." He raised his point of aim to the man's face. "Now put the mallet in your left hand and put your right hand on the anvil—"

  He'd already put his right hand on the table, fingers splayed, and with his eyes closed, chopped down with the mallet. It smashed the knuckles of the first and second finger. The mallet clattered across the table, and for a moment he cradled the broken hand silently. Then he sank to the concrete floor, keening, and rolled into a ball.

  Norman cringed, but kept the gun pointed at him. Then an old and remorseless feeling crawled over him. Go on. One round. Simplify your life.

  The phone on his belt beeped. He stepped back into the kitchen, closing the door, keeping an eye on Solo through the window.

  He clumsily extricated the phone with his left hand. "Buenas."

  "Sweetheart, what's going on there?" Rory said. "I got back from lunch and there was a message from the police. We were broken into?"

  "It's more complicated than that. The burglar was actually a blackmailer. He knew about Rabin."

  Aurora

  "Rabin?" She put two fingers over the speaking end of the wand. "Would you excuse me? This is personal."

  "Of course. I can get back to you later." The man who'd been waiting for her got up and left. A local politician, she'd thought, or some kind of lawyer, holding a business card.

  "It's not something we should talk about over the phone," he said.

  "That's right."

  "The situation's more or less under control."

  "You paid?"

  "Not exactly. Check our balance. I'll explain when you get home. Right now I have to fix a broken window, before the bugs get in."

  "Broken … okay, later. I'm on camera in ten minutes. Adios."

  Pepe was leaning on the door. "Who was that?"

  "On the phone? Norman."

  "No, no. The suit who was in that chair and just now left without saying anything."

  "He didn't say who he was?"

  "That's why I'm asking you, Hawking. He must have walked in while I was in the john."

  She waved it away. "Probably some studio guy. You ready for this?"

  "I'm ready, yeah. You could use some makeup, though. You're bright pink."

  "Just let me get my breath." She crossed the room and got a cup of ice water, then sat back down and tried to breathe normally. Break-in, blackmail.

  "You don't look too good. Want me to get Marya and reschedule it?"

  "No, look … our house was broken into; there was a message from the police. But I talked to Norman and he says things are under control, whatever that means. A broken window, but I think the only breakable windows in the house are the stained glass ones in the living room and kitchen."

  "Hope not," Pepe said. "They're beautiful."

  "And irreplaceable, literally. They were by old man Charlie what's-his-name, died a couple of years ago." She massaged her temples. "I'll be all right."

  Pepe checked his watch. "Why don't we go down early? Get a Coke from the machine."

  "Marya says that's a bad idea. You might burp."

  "So they edit it out."

  "It's live, Pepe." She got up. "I'll risk it, though."

  He ushered her through the door. "Burping on camera will make you seem more human."

  "Oh, please." They walked down the corridor to the converted lecture hall. Just outside it, Rory stopped at the machine, slid her credit card, and got them a Coke and a root beer.

  Marya was helping a cameraman arrange an improvised drape over a whiteboard, for a backdrop. They exchanged hellos.

  "Look," Pepe said. "You don't need me here. Why don't I run over and see whether I can help Norm?"

  Rory hesitated. "Help him?" She looked disoriented. She was always a little nervous with the cameras, even with nothing else on her mind.

  "The broken window? You know, rain?"

  "Oh, sure." She shook her head. "Sí, por favor."

  Pepe

  On his way down the hall, Pepe called for a cab to meet him across the street at Burgerman's. Before leaving the air conditioning, he buzzed Norm.

  It rang ten times before he answered. He was curiously hesitant; but said sure, he could use some help; come on over.

  There were two cabs waiting, illegally parked on the grass strip in front of the fast-food palace. He asked them and the second cab said it was his. He gave it the Bells' address and settled back for the short ride.

  This was a complicated business. He knew what role Aurora was supposed to play in the Coming, but Norman was an unknown factor. On the other hand, there was a personal side to it. Norm and Rory were more than just his friends.

  Two years before, he had made a real error in judgment, and wound up deeply involved with an undergraduate who turned out to be an extremely competent and calculating bitch.

  He had considered himself sophisticated; well schooled in the nuances of American society, but she was more sophisticated, and had set him up and knocked him down.

  They'd had sex once, and she had pictures of it. Pictures of them doing something that was technically illegal in the state of Florida. And she just an innocent girl, ten years younger than him.

  All she wanted was a passing grade. But she hadn't done any of the work.

  Just an innocent girl with a hidden camera, Rory and Norm pointed out, when he confessed to them over dinner at their place. And forget about the oral sex law; the house did a quick search and found that the law had never been enforced against heterosexuals except in connection with actual child abuse. This child was nineteen, going on forty.

  They got a copy of her transcript and made a few very discreet inquiries. It turned out that at least three of her high grades were gifts of love, with the help of a camera. One of the men, who had since left the university for a private firm, was eager to testify against her, before the dean, a jury, a firing squad, whatever.

  Rory did some administrative shuffling and made herself the girl's advisor. Then she called her in for "counseling" and presented the evidence, and told her she could either take an F and leave the university, or go to jail for extortion. She left.

  That had not just saved his academic life. Even if the girl's threats were empty, any kind of adverse publicity could h
ave cost him his blue card. It would be hard to monitor the Coming from Cuba.

  As the cab turned onto Fourteenth Avenue, he saw another cab parked in front of the Bells' house. A man in a suit, with a bandaged hand, got into it. The cab pulled away and Pepe's U-turned to take its space.

  He verified his credit number and went up the walk. When he stepped into the atrium, Norm opened the door and said, "Buenas."

  "So who was the guy with the bandage?"

  "That's a long story"—Norman let him in—"and a short one. The short one is that he's the man who broke the window."

  "The burglar? Why don't the cops have him—you just let him go?"

  "The cops were here. Turns out you can settle out of court, on the spot. He offered twenty big ones, more than twice the replacement cost."

  "Must be a lot of money in his line of work."

  "Whatever that is. Let's measure the thing." Pepe followed Norm into the kitchen, where he rummaged through a couple of drawers and came up with a tape measure. The broken window was 80-by-160 centimeters.

  "I've got some one-by-two-meter pressboard," he said. "It's ugly, but it'll do."

  They went into Norm's neat garage. The neatness made Pepe uneasy. His own garage, under the apartment, was a collection of random junk. There was actually room for a car in this one.

  Norm went to a rack that was mostly woodite and pressboard, but did have a few actual boards of fragrant pine. He tugged on a big sheet of pressboard. Pepe stepped over and helped him with it.

  The house chimed and said the privacy period was almost up. Norman asked for another thirty minutes. He worked silently for a few minutes, using the tape and a T square to measure out a rectangle on the pressboard. They carried the board over to the table saw.

  On the workbench next to it, an iron mallet and a splatter of blood. Norman saw Pepe staring at it. "That's part of the story, the long story."

  "You want to tell it?"

  "Not really, no." They wiggled the board and the table saw's guide until it was exact, the saw blade's kerf on the waste side of the drawn line. They cut off an eighty-by-two hundred rectangle, and then cut that to size.

  "You don't have to answer this," Norman said suddenly, "but we were talking a couple of years ago, after Rory went to bed. Talking about sex, homosex."