My nerves were back now. And as I stared at the food, my stomach tightened. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster and my emotions were along for the ride. I had no idea how I was going to feel from one minute to the next. But right now, I was incredibly aware of how strange it was to be sitting in a Chuck E Cheese while pretending to be a little girl.
"I'm not hungry..."
Olivia put down her piece and pulled a slice of pepperoni from the tray before dropping it onto my plate. "You need to eat. I don't want a cranky baby later."
I blushed at her words. But they didn't spur my appetite any. I just stared at the pizza on my plate while Olivia ate.
"You need to eat Alexia. Don't make me feed you."
Feed me? She wouldn't...
But even as I thought it, I knew her threat wasn't an idle one. She'd made good on all of her promises so far. With a sigh, I picked up my slice and nibbled on the end. But after a few seconds of my halfhearted attempt to eat, Olivia pushed my hand, and the slice of pizza, back to the plate.
She took my slice away and picked up a plastic knife. Half a minute later and finger sized slices of pizza covered my plate. When Olivia dropped the plate back in front of me, she pointed at the pizza with her knife.
"Eat."
With my food cut up like a toddler, I started eating. And after I slipped the third piece of pizza into my mouth, I had to admit, the smaller slices made the whole process a lot easier. While Olivia finished off all of her slices, I ate everything on my plate.
While she cleaned her hands with a napkin, Olivia smiled at me. "That wasn't so bad was it?"
I shook my head.
She slipped from the table and came over to my side. I wasn't sure what Olivia was doing until she brought her napkin to my chin, wiping away errant pizza sauce that I hadn't noticed. And when she finished cleaning my face, she wiped my hands clean. While she cleaned me, I watched kids run around like maniacs, and for the first time since we walked into the restaurant, I started to feel like I belonged here.
Can't even clean myself up. I need my Mommy to do it.
When Olivia finished, she kissed me on my forehead and pulled me out of the booth. She handed me the small cup of coins and pushed me towards the play floor.
"Go have some fun Alexia. We can talk again later."
"I like Lexi," I said without thinking.
Olivia tilted her head as she looked at me. "What?"
I smiled back at Olivia. "The name you called me in the laundry. Lexi. It's cuter than Alexia."
"Then I guess that's your name now," she said. "Go play Lexi. And don't come back until all those coins are gone."
I shook my cup, making the tokens rattle. "Okay Mommy."
Chapter Eight
It took me over an hour to burn through all of the tokens Olivia bought with our food. And the only time I stopped playing arcades games was to walk to our table so I could drink a little more water before scurrying back to the beeping machines.
I'd felt so out of place when we arrived, but all of those worries had drifted away as soon as I lost myself in a Mario Kart racing game. Half my tokens went to that machine alone. And as I raced around brightly colored tracks, playing as the baby version of Princess Peach, I found myself actually having fun for the first time in weeks. Maybe even months.
Growing up was hard. I left high school thinking I was ready for the real world, but I found out quickly that I was wrong. I barely scraped by in my first year of college. And when I managed to get a transfer to a better school two states away, dread followed me around everywhere. But I pushed it down inside and kept marching forward. Because that's what adults did.
Just yesterday, before I found the box of diapers sitting on my front porch, I'd been worrying about how I was going to pay my rent, my tuition, and manage to eat this month. I worried about how I was going to balance a full course load with a full-time job. I worried about making friends and fitting in.
But while I sat in a molded plastic seat in front of an arcade game, wearing a dress and a diaper with my hair up in pigtails, I wasn't worried about any of those things. None of my real world worries had taken care of themselves, but they just didn't matter so much anymore. The only thing I worried about was losing a race to the eight year old sitting next to me.
After my Mario Kart fun, I ended up playing Skee-ball until I had nearly two hundred tickets folded up on the floor beside me. Just like a kid, I felt a rush of excitement and worth every time my ball sank into the middle hole, causing more tickets to roll out of the machine. And when my arm was tired from rolling balls up the slope, I took my tickets and showed them gleefully to Olivia, who promised to keep them safe for me.
My last tokens went to taking over the Guitar Hero machine near the entrance. I was nervous at first, being so visible to everyone who came in, but by the time my first song ended, I didn't care who saw me. I was having too much fun. And with the ambient noise, combined with the twin speakers pumping out music, I didn't have to worry about anyone hearing my diaper crinkle.
I was actually sad when I ran out of tokens. I wasn't ready to leave. I wanted to hold on to the care-free feeling that surrounded me. That's how I ended up barefoot, climbing through a maze of plastic pipes on my hands and knees. I loved the playgrounds at fast food restaurants when I was growing up, and now that I was making my way through one again, that love came rushing back. It was satisfying to crawl through a tunnel just to see where it led.
I didn't take the twisting slide back down until I crawled through every tube up top twice. I worried a little when I first climbed into the playground that someone would find out what I was wearing under my skirt, but as soon as I reached the top of the tubes, my fears died away. I had the playground all to myself. The other kids were more interested in the video games.
I reached the bottoms of the slide with a smile on my face and a giggle on my lips. And waiting for me at the bottom, with my sandals in hand, was Olivia. Before I could climb off the slide, she pointed her phone at me and snapped a picture.
"Time to go Lexi," she said as she held my shoes out towards me. "We have other things to do today."
I took my sandals from her with a pout. "Fine. But I get to pick a toy on the way out right?"
Olivia chuckled as she showed me a ticket slip. "I'm not bringing this home."
There was a line at the prize counter. And as we waited, Olivia took her phone out. She swiped through a few screens before holding the phone so I could see it. "See how cute you are?"
My mouth fell open as I looked at the picture she'd taken while I was still on the slide. My pigtails draped over my shoulders and a large smile stretched across my face. I sat with my arms behind me and my legs together. But in all my fun, I'd forgotten what I was wearing. And as I slid down the slide, my dress had pulled up enough that the bottom of my diaper was on clear display. I could make out three different blue and pink animals on the plastic.
"Delete that!" I said quickly.
Olivia giggled as she slid the phone back into her pocket. "Now why would I do that?"
"Because it's humiliating!"
She shrugged. "I don't see why. I think you look really cute in your diaper."
"Don't say that so loud!"
"Quit being such a baby," Olivia said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the prize counter. "Pick your prize so we can get going."
I wanted to say something else to her, but a worker stood behind the counter, waiting for me to point out what I wanted from behind the glass. I didn't have as many tickets as I thought I did so I ended up settling on a pink snap bracelet and a cherry Fun Dip. With my spoils in hand, Olivia led me back to the entrance. And before we left, the same worker who'd stamped my wrist had me hold my arm up once more so she could check to make sure my number matched Olivia's.
"Did you have fun?" she asked me as we stepped out into the midday sun.
I nodded as I slapped the bracelet onto my wrist. "Yep!"
"What did you
like the most?" she asked.
As Olivia unlocked the car, I thought about my answer. I really liked the games I'd played. The pizza wasn't bad either. I got to pick out prizes and I had the whole playground to myself. It was hard to decide which of those things I enjoyed the most. But as Olivia buckled me into the backseat, the answer came to me. As she settled into the driver's seat, I told her.
"I liked talking to you the most."
She turned around so she could look at me. "Really?"
I nodded. "Hearing about how you became a Mommy was really cool. When you sent me to go play, I was actually a little sad that we couldn't talk longer."
Olivia smiled before she turned back around. As she started backing up, she talked to me. "I told you we could talk again later. And I think it's later now, so..."
I had so many questions. I couldn't decide which one I wanted to ask first. So I said the first thing that popped into my head.
"Where are we going now?"
"The store," she replied. "We have to pick up some things."
"Like what?"
"Well, most of my babies are boys. And even though some of them like being little girls for me, I don't really have too many girly things at my house right now." Olivia looked back at me through the rear view mirror. "We need to stock up a bit."
My stomach bubbled at the thought. She was taking me to another public place. And this time, she'd be loading up a cart with baby supplies while I watched.
"How many clients do you have anyways?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Depends on the week. Overall though, I see a few dozen people. Most are in the city, but a few fly me out when they need some Mommy time."
My eyes went wide at the thought of her being in control of so many men. "And you don't have sex with any of them?"
She shook her head. "Not a one. Some of my babies don't like that, and I've been offered quite a bit to break my rules, but if I do that, then I lose the control. A lot of my clients would start misbehaving if that happened."
"So... why did you..."
Olivia finished my sentence. "Go down on you this morning?"
I nodded as my cheeks lit up. I wasn't sure why I was embarrassed right now, but I was.
"Well, you aren't exactly a client now are you? Normal rules don't really apply here."
The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. "What are we Olivia?"
She looked back at me through the mirror. The car took on a deathly silence. And for the next minute, neither one of us spoke. I stared down at my hands as I cursed myself for ruining the moment.
"I don't know what we are yet," Olivia said out of nowhere. "I... I haven't had a relationship with anyone for a few years now. I'm not even sure what a relationship would look like at this point." She looked back at me with worry in her eyes. "If you wanted a relationship... I mean, I kind of just barged into your life. I uhh..."
She's as freaked out as I am! I leaned forward, fighting against my seat belt so I could drop my hands onto Olivia's shoulders. As my fingers worked their way into her skin, I spoke softly behind her.
"I wouldn't mind seeing where this goes." I pushed my fingers harder against her stiff muscles. "If that's okay with you..."
"More than okay," she said as she pulled into a shopping center. As soon as she parked the car, she turned around and smiled at me. "I'd say we should take it slow, but that really hasn't been our speed so far."
I laughed at that. I sat back and patted the seat of my diaper. The sound of it filled the car. "You think?"
For the first time since I'd met her, I saw Olivia blush. She ran a hand through her hair as she stared at me. "Yeah, I came on a bit strong this morning. I'd apologize, but it seems to be working out."
"Strong is an understatement." I said as I unbuckled. "I'm pretty sure you broke a couple of laws this morning."
Olivia shrugged as she stepped out of the car. And when she opened the rear door, she was back to her normal self as she helped me out of the backseat. As soon as I was on my feet, she grabbed my hand tightly, leading me towards the store.
"You're still my baby girl," she said as she squeezed my hand. "No matter where this goes, I don't want that to change."
I listened to the sound of my diaper as we walked towards the entrance. I felt the thickness of the padding between my legs. And as we walked, my pig tails tickled my shoulders.
I'm her baby girl. She's my Mommy.
I squeezed Olivia's hand just as hard as she'd squeezed mine. "I'm your baby." I shivered even though it was nice and warm outside. "I think I'm ready."
Chapter Nine
I'd been in a big box store many times before. But ever since I'd let Olivia put me back into diapers this morning, everything seemed new. And as she grabbed a bright red shopping cart, tingles shot up and down my arms.
She stared at me with a serious expression on her face. "You stay with me while we're in the store, okay Lexi?"
I nodded "Yes Mommy."
She pulled me over and pressed my hand on the side of the cart. "You either hold my hand, or you hold the cart. I don't want you wandering off."
I nodded again, even as the humiliation started to build.
What if I run into someone I know here? I thought as I looked at all the people around. What if someone sees me?
It was a stupid worry. I didn't know anyone in the area. But the fear still coursed through me. It gathered in my stomach just like it had all day, festering in my gut as I tried to keep it under control.
At least, I thought it was fear. But as we walked into the store, we past a restroom to our left. That's when I realized there was more than just fear building in my gut. There was also a growing urge to pee.
I pulled on Olivia's arm. "Umm, Mommy?"
She stopped and looked down at me. "What is it sweetie?"
I clenched my hands into fists. My cheeks turned red. "I need to use the bathroom."
A small smile past over Olivia's face. "And?"
"And?" Was she testing me? "And I need to go potty!"
Her smile grew wider. She pulled my hand back to the cart and started walking again.
"What are you doing?" I asked as I let go of the cart. "I said I need to go!"
Olivia sighed and grabbed my hand again. This time, she kept a firm grip on me as she pushed the cart with one hand.
"What are you wearing today Lexi?" she asked as we walked.
Before she said another word, I knew where this was heading. My stomach dropped. Oh no. No no no.
She squeezed my hand. "Well? You need to answer me when I ask you a question."
I didn't want to say. I stared down at the ground as I answered stubbornly. "A dress."
Olivia squeezed my hand. "What else Lexi?"
"Sandals," I shot back. I wouldn't say it. I couldn't.
She stopped pushing the cart. She tilted my head up so she could look me in the eyes. She wasn't smiling anymore. "What else?"
I shook my head. "I don't want-"
Olivia pressed a finger against my lips. "I don't want to hear you complain. I want you to tell Mommy what else you're wearing. You don't want to make Mommy mad do you?"
Just say it you big baby.
In a small voice, I finally answered Olivia. "A diaper..."
Her smile came back, bigger than ever. "And what do babies do in their diaper?"
My stomach tightened so hard I felt like throwing up. I answered her with a whisper. "Go pee..."
"What was that Lexi? Mommy couldn't hear you."
"They go pee," I repeated, louder this time. "Babies go pee in their diaper."
She pushed my hand back to the cart and started walking once more. "Glad we had this little talk."
I thought back to this morning. How I felt when I'd woken up to wet sheets and the smell of urine. I'd been so embarrassed. I convinced myself it was all an accident, and I promised it would never happen again. I told myself I was an adult. I fought against my own strange dreams of diapers.
<
br /> I'm going to piss myself.
I looked back at Olivia and shivered.
And this time I'll be awake. It won't be an accident. What the hell am I doing?
My promise of holding on to my adulthood this morning lasted less than an hour. I practically jumped at Olivia's offer to turn back the clock. What little resistance I put up I didn't hold onto. I begged her to make me her baby girl. And now I knew just how far she expected me to go.
The urge to pee grew stronger now that I was thinking about it. I could have held it for hours when we first walked into the store, but now I felt like I had minutes before I needed to come to a decision. And as Olivia piloted the cart into the baby section, I felt like I only had one choice.
She parked the cart by a wall of strollers, then grabbed my hand, walking me down one of the other aisles. My legs felt like lead and my heart raced as I thought about what I was about to do.
"Normally, I pick out all of this stuff for my clients," Olivia said as she pulled me in front of a wall of pacifiers and bottles. "But I think you should choose today Lexi."
I stared at the wall of baby supplies. "Anything I want?"
Olivia nodded and let go of my hand. "Anything you want. If I think you need something else, I'll pick it out, but I want you to make the call right now. Show me what you want Lexi."
I thought about the pack of bottles in the back seat of Olivia's car. When I'd seen them, I'd been so curious to try one out. But now all I could do was stare at all the different options in front of me. There were big bottles, small bottles, hard plastic, soft plastic. Latex nipples or silicone. Colored? Ones with patterns? Did I like butterflies designs more than fishies?
A wave of urgency rolled through my tummy. I pressed my knees together in an attempt to push away the need to pee for another few minutes, but I knew I was fighting a losing battle.
"So, what do you pick?" Asked Olivia as she stood right behind me. "Lots of cute choices."
I looked away from the bottles and moved onto the pacifiers. Dozens of different colors hung from hooks in little plastic packaging. And just like the bottles, there were choices here too. Once again, I had to decide between latex or silicone. And as I stared at all the different shield designs, I noticed sizes on the packaging. Some of the cutest designs were in the smallest size.
A Curious Baby Girl Page 7