The Difference Between Somebody and Someone (The Difference Trilogy Book 1)

by Aly Martinez

  “Fine,” she huffed. “But whenever you’re ready to talk about her, I want to be the first to know. Tyson does not get the first call. Do you hear me?”

  I chuckled. “Loud and clear.”

  “Good. Now go Google how to make a decent burger so you don’t give the poor girl botulism.”

  Shaking my head, I grinned. “Love you too.”

  “I do love you. And in all seriousness, I’m proud of you. This is exciting. I hope your secret woman realizes how lucky she is.”

  Yeah. My sister loved me. But she was dead wrong. I was the lucky one. “I appreciate that.”

  “Have fun tonight.”

  “Will do.”

  After a round of byes, I hung up and sank onto the bed. Remi was supposed to arrive in an hour, and while I’d tidied up the back porch earlier in the day, I still had a few things to do around the house to get ready.

  Most importantly…

  I reached for the picture frame on the nightstand and traced my finger over the face behind the glass. Sally’s smile was bright and carefree as she sat on my lap, both of us tipsy on wine and drunk in love. It had been taken not long after we’d met, but in so many ways, it felt like a lifetime ago. We were all smiles and laughter in those days.

  After the plane crash, the picture had felt like a rusty blade lancing my soul. The what-could’ve-beens taunted me every time I caught sight of her face. Half the time, I kept it tucked away in a drawer so I didn’t have to look at it. There were days when the memories hurt too much for me to breathe. But then other times, I needed to see it. Her. I needed to remember the woman she’d been before she’d disappeared so I could be at peace knowing she was no longer living in a constant state of fear.

  She would have hated the way I’d shut down and allowed the darkness to consume me.

  She’d wanted me to be happy. She’d said it herself. Sometimes over and over.

  And this was my chance—Remi was my chance.

  Guilt churned in my stomach as I stared down at the woman who would always own a part of my heart. You didn’t travel through hell with someone for them not to become sewn into the fibers of your life.

  But those days were gone—just like Sally.

  If I had any hope of moving forward, I had to stop looking at the past. Life didn’t move in that direction.

  “I’ll find you again,” I whispered. “Somehow, someway. But until then, this has to be goodbye.” The image of her smiling back at me, a moment of immeasurable love and happiness, trapped in time. Where it would forever stay. Swallowing hard, I carried the frame to my closet and retrieved a box of her belongings tucked in the back. I’d thought about putting it away for good at least a hundred times.

  But today was different. I was different.

  For the first time, I had hope again. Maybe fate hadn’t wronged me after all.

  Without further hesitation, I opened the box and placed the picture inside on top of a stack of sweaters she’d bought for Sugar. It hurt like hell, and the fragile pieces of what was left of us in my heart crumbled, but the relief of letting go as I closed the lid—and ultimately the hardest chapter of my entire life—was overwhelming.

  I was free.

  We were free.

  Almost exactly an hour later, and fifteen minutes late, there was a knock at my front door. Grinning, I smoothed my Braves T-shirt down and took one last glance around the house to make sure everything was in place. Burgers were seasoned to perfection and molded into patties. Lettuce and tomatoes were prepped—no onions though. Brats had been soaked in beer, and the baked potatoes had been wrapped in foil and baked, ready to be crisped on the grill.

  The only thing missing was her.

  I pulled the door open and found Remi standing on the welcome mat, holding a six pack. She was wearing tight jeans, ripped at the knees, and a cropped, white Braves jersey showing off a mouth-watering strip of skin at her stomach. Her blond hair was braided into pigtails, the top covered by a backward navy-blue baseball cap. She was always sexy, but damn, she could pull off sporty too.

  Her smile grew as she took in my shirt. “I briefly panicked on the way over that you were a Red Sox fan and I’d never be able to speak to you again.”

  “My father would have disowned me if I was.”

  “I like him already.”

  She stepped inside, and then I shut the door behind her. Taking the beer from her, I slid my free hand around her waist, splaying my fingers across the warm bare skin on her back.

  Her smile faded as my mouth came down to cover hers.

  I had intentions of keeping it chaste. However, as her lips parted, her tongue gliding with mine, it seemed Remi had other plans.

  I had to admit that her approach was far superior.

  “Mmm,” she hummed into my mouth, linking her fingers behind my neck and bringing our bodies flush until her breasts pillowed between us. “I love that you don’t wait until the end of the night to kiss me.”

  “Patience is not a virtue I possess when it comes to you.”

  She nipped at my bottom lip. “Good. Don’t start now.” She pecked me one last time before releasing me.

  I watched as she strolled into the open living room, dining room, and kitchen area.

  She trailed her finger over the modern handcrafted mahogany end table. “I should have known better than to picture you having a cheesy bachelor pad, but I’m impressed.”

  I carried the beer to the kitchen and popped them into the fridge. “My sister’s an interior designer and insisted on decorating the place as soon as I bought it a few years back.” I pointed to the gray overstuffed sofa and love seat with built-in recliners. “Those are my style.” I swept a finger through the room, allowing it to linger on the abstract black-and-white canvases hanging on the walls and the red art deco floor lamp in the corner, which my sister claimed was the pop of color the room had been missing. “And the rest is what she thinks my style is.”

  She meandered over to the bar dividing the rooms and slanted her head. “If you don’t like it, why don’t you change it?”

  “Because she’s not wrong. It looks way better than anything I would’ve put together. You want to see something that is totally my style though?”

  “Absolutely.” Her eyes danced with a contagious excitement that spread through my chest.

  I scooped up the tray of raw burgers, balancing them on one hand, and then walked around the bar. “Come on. I should probably start cooking anyway.”

  Taking my free hand, she followed as I led her out the back door. While it wasn’t quite dark yet, the sun had sunk below the horizon, triggering the warm glow of solar lights draped from one end of the porch to the other.

  Cassidy had had a field day decorating my house, but I’d forbidden her from touching the outside. In Atlanta, finding a unicorn was more likely than stumbling across a large, secluded, partially wooded backyard. I’d fallen in love immediately, long before I had ever known I’d one day need a place to escape the devastation inside both the house and myself.

  What started as a simple covered porch had turned into a sanctuary. I had an outdoor kitchen, complete with a grill, a small built-in pizza oven, and a natural-stone wraparound bar. There was a seating area just outside of the covering, where I did the bulk of my reading—and grieving. Off to the right was a stone walkway leading to a smokeless firepit, and on the other end, mounted on the wall beside the door, was a fifty-inch TV. But my favorite part, especially after seeing Remi’s face light up when she saw it too, was the plush bed swing covered in a mountain of pillows.

  “Oh, wow,” she breathed. “This is gorgeous.”

  It was. One hundred percent. But having her there made it exponentially better.

  I jutted my chin toward the swing. “Remote’s over there. Turn on the TV and find the—”

  “Oh, God!” she screamed, scrambling backward in a panic.

  Her back slammed into my front, which popped the hat off her head and knocked the plate of burge
rs from my hand. I was too stunned by her sudden outburst to be able to catch them before they flipped to the ground. The plate let out a teeth-jarring crash as it shattered, but all of my attention was homed in on Remi as she scaled my body, frantic to get away from…what? I had no idea.

  Adrenaline surged through me, her flight response skyrocketing my fight. I looked up, ready to take on whatever fucking grizzly bear was so obviously headed our way, only to find Clyde trotting toward us.

  Acrid guilt hit my stomach.

  “Shit. I forgot. They’re not going to hurt you.” Hooking her around the waist, I guided her behind me and snapped my fingers at the dogs. “Sit.”

  Clyde immediately slowed, walking the rest of the way over. He picked up Remi’s hat in his mouth before dropping down on his ass in front of me. Sugar wasn’t far behind him, and manners were a work in progress for the little guy, so I bent down to scoop him up.

  I put my chin to my shoulder and peered back at her. “You okay?”

  Her chest heaved and her hand, fisted in the back of my shirt, loosened a fraction. “I, uh, think so?”

  “Okay, well, take a deep breath. You are a hundred percent safe. I’ll put them both in the house, but I need you to move over to the swing so I can get to the door. Can you do that for me?”

  “Y-yeah,” she stammered, but even as she started shuffling over, she held my shirt, turning me with her, using me like a shield.

  Tugging the hat from his teeth, I caught Clyde by the collar, his tail wagging full throttle, and I waited for Remi to release me before guiding him around the broken plate and spilled meat and into the house. I needed to lock them up in the guest room, but I wanted to check on her first. So, once they were inside, I quickly shut the door, grabbed the entire doormat, folded it in half, and dumped the shards of glass and the majority of our dinner into the trash can by the grill. Then I gave my full attention back to her.

  Pale-faced and wide-eyed, she had crawled into the stack of pillows, only her shoulders and head sticking out. I would have laughed if the adrenaline ebbing in my system had left me able to process anything other than her fear.

  “Jesus, Remi. I am so sorry.” I tossed her slobbery hat onto the bar and then sank down on the edge of the swing and started digging her out. “I wasn’t thinking… I—”

  “No. It’s fine. I should have warned you. There was a huge dog next door when I was growing up. He used to get out all the time and chase me into the house.” She tugged the neck of her shirt to the side, revealing a flat white scar several inches long. “He finally caught me once when I was twelve. Scared the absolute shit out of me. There was blood everywhere. I thought I was dying. It didn’t end up being too bad, but I’ve never been comfortable around dogs since. Especially if they sneak up on me.”

  As if on cue, there was a thud at the back door and she let out a squeak, once again ducking back behind the fluffy cushions.

  Clyde had squeezed his large body under the blinds on the door and had his snout pressed against the glass. Sugar joined the circus, tap-dancing on his back legs while attempting to paw his way out. Honestly, I felt bad for the poor guys. All they wanted was to slather her in kisses—I knew the feeling—but all of us would have to wait for that.

  “Easy,” I breathed, catching her hand. “They’re just checking you out.”

  She peeked her head up and smiled unconvincingly. “They’re…cute.”

  I barked a laugh, my heart finally slowing as I collapsed flat onto my back, my feet still on the floor. “C’mere,” I rumbled, giving her hand a tug.

  “Are you sure they can’t get out?”

  “Positive. The only thing safer would be if I put the vacuum in the doorway. They’re terrified of the damn thing.”

  “It’s not the worst idea you’ve had, then.” Still nervously staring at the door, she scooted down to lie beside me, but after the heart attack we’d both narrowly avoided for completely different reasons, she wasn’t nearly close enough. She didn’t argue as I dragged her against my side.

  “Well, that was an eventful start to the evening,” I said.

  She rested her head on my shoulder and gave me a warm squeeze. “I ruined your burgers.”

  “The floor does seem to catch a lot of food when you’re around.”

  She pinched my side. “No teasing me right now. I feel awful.”

  I pinched her right back. “Nah. We still have brats. My sister thought I’d scare you away with my burgers anyway. She claims that I can be—and I quote—‘a little heavy-handed with the seasoning.’”

  Her head popped up, her gaze finding mine. Color had returned to her face, but surprise was still very much present. “You told your sister about me?”

  Technically yes and no.

  I smoothed down the unruly blond hairs attempting to free themselves from the confines of her braids. “Is there something wrong with that?”

  “Not at all.” She grinned, biting her lip in a failed attempt to hide it.

  “What about you? Have you told anyone about me yet?”

  She crinkled her nose and grimaced. “Mark’s been working a lot, so I haven’t seen him much since you stopped glowering at me all the time.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t glower at you.”

  “Fine. Smolder. Is that better?”

  “Marginally.”

  “Aaron’s usually my go-to guy for all things dating when I meet someone new. But he’s been going through a lot with the settlement and all. It hasn’t been the right time.” Something facetious spread across her features. “Besides, despite your mouth being magnetized by mine, I’m not sure what there is to tell him yet. It’s not like I know anything about his accounting professionals or anything. But that’s neither here nor there. What’d you say to your sister?”

  I relaxed deeper into the mattress. “Just that I met a woman with a foliage fetish who flashed me at the courthouse and then tried to kill me with peanut butter cookies.”

  “Mmm,” she hummed. “So only the good stuff?”

  Laughing, I tickled her side. “It’s all been good stuff.”

  She dissolved into giggles while batting my hands away. “Bowen, stop.”

  Sugar let out a loud yip and we both turned to look. At the attention, he started playing pattycake with the door again.

  “How long have you had them?” she asked.

  “Clyde, the big one, I’ve had since shortly after I graduated college. I’ve only had Sugar for about a year though. There’s still a lot of puppy in him.”

  “Him?” She sat all the way up and crisscrossed her legs between us, both of her knees touching my side. “You named a boy dog Sugar?”

  I shifted uncomfortably. Fuck. I hated the constant tiptoeing around my life. She was going to get quiet and apologize, which would make me feel like a grade-A asshole again. And hell, maybe I was. But if I wanted to keep her—and I did, desperately so—I needed to start opening up.

  “He was Sally’s dog.”

  Her eyes flared, but I had to give her credit. She was quick to cover it. “Was that your fiancée?”

  Bringing us back to eye level, I sat up and used the pillows to prop myself up. With one swift push off the ground, I sent the swing gliding. “Yeah.”

  “That makes more sense.”

  I wasn’t sure if she realized she did it, but her gaze flashed around the porch, a silent inspection of sorts. She didn’t need to ask the question for me to know what she was thinking.

  “She never lived here,” I stated. “In case that’s what you’re wondering.”

  Remorse filled her eyes as they once again landed on me. “I wasn’t going to pry.”

  “I know. But I wanted to tell you. Maybe crack the door for a minute.” I willed myself to let the moment happen, to open up just enough. “Before the crash, she lived through the unimaginable, Remi. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fix the world for her. I’d love to tell you more about her, but in order to do that, I’d have to tell you
all the ways I’d failed her. So let’s make a deal. You can ask me anything you want about Sally or the plane crash. But if I can’t answer you right away, we put it on pause and come back to it when I can.”

  I expected her brilliant smile.

  I expected her to look me in the eye and tell me none of it mattered—even though we both knew it did.

  I even expected a barrage of questions she’d been mulling over all week.

  But I never thought the first thing to come out of her mouth would be, “I’m not sure not being able to fix the world for someone counts as a failure. That’s a tall order even for a man like you, Bowen.”

  My heart stopped as she inched closer, the crickets serenading us as the sun lazily slipped away.

  “It may not have turned out the way you hoped, but—in my opinion—loving someone through, despite, and after the impossible is quite literally the definition of success in a relationship.”

  My chest burned as I stared into her sapphire eyes. I’d heard similar words before from my mom, my sister… Hell, even Tyson had tried his hand at the pep talk thing a time or two. But they were my family and thus required to be my biggest cheerleaders, reassuring me I’d done everything right no matter if it was the truth or not.

  It was different coming from her. It meant so much more.

  The constant pressure building inside me eased, as though a boulder had been removed from my chest.

  This wasn’t the first time Remi had given me back the ability to breathe. Her smile. Her laugh. Just the sight of her, even when I was trying to convince myself I couldn’t have her, was oxygen for a man on the verge of suffocation.

  And she wanted me. Why? I would never understand.

  But I was also a smart enough man to know that when the world hands you a miracle, you don’t take it for granted by asking questions.

  “Look.” She shook her head, misreading my silence. “I don’t know what happened, so please don’t think I’m speaking out of turn. But—”

  Snaking a hand out, I palmed the back of her head. “Stop talking.”

  Guilt painted her beautiful face. “Bowen, I—”

  “Stop.” I leaned in closer with every word. “Fucking. Talking.”