Someone to Love

by Melissa de la Cruz

  Get real. Zach Park is asking me out on a date?

  I’m so stunned that I don’t answer right away, but then the silence starts getting awkward so I blurt out a hurried “I do.”

  Sam’s sitting over on the bench waiting for me. I haven’t answered his question about tonight. Will Nina care? Does she know Sam and I have kissed before? He’s tilting his head to the side, wanting to know who I’m talking to on the phone.

  “Can we talk about this later?” I ask, then pause and bite my lip. I look over at the harbor, at all the uncertainty floating out there. What will Sam think?

  “Oh sure,” he says. The poor guy sounds confused.

  “I’m glad you called. I really am,” I say, then hang up.

  Christ. The guy I’ve had a crush on for two years has just asked me out and now I’m trying to rush him off the phone. This is definitely not how I imagined this moment.

  Returning to the bench, I’m really trying not to look excited even though I want to burst. I don’t want Sam to feel rejected. And I don’t want things to get weird between us.

  “Who was that?” Sam asks.

  “Zach,” I say. “He asked me out.”

  “Oh,” Sam says, fiddling with the button on his cargo shorts. “When?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

  Is he upset that Zach and I are going to go on a date? I can’t tell whether he cares or not.

  Sam looks up at me. “Do you still want to hang out tonight? We could catch a movie or something.”

  “Of course!” I say, trying to reassure him. Just because Zach asked me on a date doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with Sam. I hope he doesn’t think I’m replacing him.

  “Right,” Sam says. There’s an awkward silence between us. I can’t help but wonder whether Sam was actually trying to ask me out on a date when Zach called. “How does six o’clock sound?”

  f i f t e e n

  “Among my stillness was a pounding heart.”

  —Shannon A. Thompson

  I’m sitting next to Mom on the couch, watching a house hunting show, when she turns to me with this concerned look on her face. “How are you doing, Liv?”

  It’s been a few hours since I got back from the marina with Sam and I can’t stop thinking about Zach. I keep wondering when I should call him back. I don’t want to seem too eager or desperate.

  “I’m okay,” I say, staring at the couple on the screen demoing a wall. It’s amazing how they’re all so good-looking and never seem to get dirty even though they’re doing construction. “School’s all right. Antonia and I still aren’t really talking.”

  “You never told me what happened.” Mom turns down the volume. “You know you can talk to me, honey. I feel like you’ve been kind of distant since this summer.”

  I don’t look at her. Her words make me feel guilty for not being a good daughter. For swinging between being depressed at home all the time or getting into trouble.

  “It was a stupid fight,” I say, not explaining further. “Junior year’s kind of the worst. I feel like I’m failing everything.”

  “Your grades are decent,” she says, confused. “We’re not getting any calls home about anything. I think you need to be a little less hard on yourself.”

  “Less hard on myself? Since when?” Now I’m the confused one. I’ve been expected to be perfect for as long as I can remember.

  “I’m worried about you, Liv. You go to bed so late it’s hard to wake you up in the morning.” It’s true. I haven’t really been sleeping well. Anxiety—over doing well in school, over getting my portfolio together, over my body—keeps me up late. I usually don’t fall asleep until well after midnight. And I’m always hungry.

  “You and Dad expect me to get good grades, so that’s what I have to do,” I say, trying to place all the blame on school even though I know part of the problem is that I’m not eating normally. “I have four AP classes. Of course I’m tired.”

  “I just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I never see you take a lunch to school,” Mom continues without skipping a beat. “Don’t wait all day to eat. You need to eat to be able to concentrate to do well. I want you to be healthy.”

  My phone buzzes. I look down and smile.

  It’s Zach.

  “Sorry, Mom,” I say, excusing myself from the room. “I have to take this. It’ll be just a minute.”

  “Guess where I am?” Zach asks.

  I love hearing his voice. It’s deep and musical.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “At home?”

  “Try again,” he says.

  My heart skips a beat. He must be on his way to see me. It’s easy enough to figure out where I live without having to ask anyone, because of Dad’s job.

  “Figure it out yet?”

  “I think so,” I say, smiling. “Are you here already?”

  “I’m waiting outside in my car. I wanted to surprise you.”

  I’m totally not dressed up to go anywhere, but I don’t care. I just want to see him. I tell Zach I’ll be outside in a couple minutes after I grab a couple things.

  “What’s wrong?” Mom asks when I return to the living room.

  “Just boy stuff.”

  “I hope it’s good news,” she says.

  “The best,” I say. “I gotta go. Is that okay?”

  “Where are you going? Remember your curfew.”

  “I know. I’ll be home on time. I’m not sure where we’re going. He said he wanted to surprise me, but I’m sure I won’t be out for that long. Just a date.”

  “I didn’t know you were dating someone,” Mom says. She gets a questioning look on her face. “You don’t have to ask permission, but I’d at least like to know his name.”

  I’m holding the knob at the front door, anxious to get out of the house. “Zach Park,” I say. “Can I go now? He’s waiting outside.”

  Her eyebrows go up. “The one from Sisters & Mothers?”

  She watches the show too.

  I nod and smile. Come on, Mom.

  “Well,” she says, near speechless. “He’s quite a...”

  “Yeah,” I say. “He is.”

  I start turning the knob.

  She nods at the front door. “All right. Just make sure you’re not back too late.”

  I slip out of the house, glad there’s no send-off with Dad and Mom and annoying older brothers, though I know Mom will want to meet Zach sooner than later.

  Sitting in the driver’s side of his black Audi, he’s everything I dreamed of. His gorgeous dark eyes examine me as I walk down the driveway toward him. He’s wearing a denim coat over a white T-shirt, and I’m practically melting before I get in the car.

  He’s unexpectedly quiet when I sit down. It’s almost like he’s nervous, which comes as a huge surprise to me. How could a guy who’s used to so much attention be nervous when I’m around?

  Zach starts the car. “You look amazing,” he says, looking over at me. “Like always.”

  “Yeah right.” Then I realize how ungrateful I sound. “Thanks. You do too.”

  I’m blushing like I’ve never been complimented before.

  He gives me a little smile, then pulls out of the driveway past the neighbors who are starting to put up Christmas lights. The holiday’s still almost a month away.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “Not telling... It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

  He drives down to Hollywood and parks next to someplace I can’t even see the name of because we’re going in the back. I can’t even tell what kind of business it is. A restaurant? A theater? A venue?

  Zach takes me through the unlocked back door. A woman greets him. She’s older than us, yet she speaks to him formally.

  “Mr. Park. I hope you’re doing well. Are yo
u ready?”

  “Ready for what?” I ask.

  “Sure, Genevieve,” Zach says. “Hope you don’t mind I brought a friend. This is Liv Blakely.”

  “Congressman Blakely’s daughter?” she asks. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  I shake her hand and smile pleasantly. Did Zach tell her who I am? I’m pretty used to people knowing me, but I’m sure I don’t get recognized nearly as much as he does.

  “Right this way,” Genevieve says, heading into a hall.

  I give Zach a look and he just chuckles and shrugs, pretending not to know where we’re going. I start to figure it out when I see a red light on outside a door. We pass by and come to another where the red light is off. Genevieve opens the door and in we go.

  There’s a guy inside I don’t recognize. He’s thin, has dreads and a nose piercing, and all kinds of the coolest rings and necklaces you’ve ever seen.

  “What’s up, Zach?” the guy says. They bump fists.

  “DJ Whuz,” Zach says. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

  “That’s ’cause you never come on the show. What’s up? No love for the Whuz?”

  “I love you,” Zach says. “I guess my agent had the real stars to promote.”

  “Zach, man. You’re the real deal. Up-and-comer. Who’s this lovely lady with you? She gonna be on the air too?”

  “Oh no, I’m just watching,” I say. “I don’t know how to do these things.”

  I recognize DJ Whuz from KLAB Radio. He runs a music segment, does interviews with all kinds of musicians and hot actors. He calls listeners who phone in his Lab Rats. He was one of the DJs at Coachella the last few years.

  “Come on. I don’t bite,” DJ Whuz says, holding up his hands to show his innocence. “We just gonna talk about what my buddy Zach’s up to. It’ll be great. No one can see you. We don’t even have to use your real name. Who you wanna be?”

  I look at Zach, totally embarrassed. Half the time, I feel like I’m floundering whenever I’m talking to Zach alone. How am I going to hold a decent conversation knowing that there are hundreds—maybe thousands—of people listening?

  “Up to you,” he says. “I think you’d be great.”

  “I won’t know what to say. What would I talk about?”

  “You just do what you’re doing now, angel,” DJ Whuz says. He winks at me, then makes a signal at his producer outside the glass window. “All right. Headphones on.”

  He points to a pair of headphones for me to grab and slips some on himself. So does Zach. When I put the headphones on, I immediately hear the radio. Some commercial is playing. There’s a microphone in front of me, and I’m terrified to even breathe next to it. I’ve been to a couple of radio stations with Dad. Boring talk radio. But I was never allowed in the studio. I always had to sit out in the lobby.

  Now I’m in a room with Zach Park, thousands of invisible listeners and basically the coolest-looking DJ radio show host you could ever meet. The commercial wraps and I suddenly hear intro music dancing around my ears. DJ Whuz comes to life. He really does. He’s animated, dancing, moving his hands all over the place, laughing, so into it that I’m trying not to laugh out loud.

  “KLAB experimenting on you... DJ Whuz in the house! All you Lab Rats listen in. We’ll play some music a little later on but in the first half hour we have a guest from the ratings-leading show Sisters & Mothers, just like I promised, probably the coolest heartthrob from the show...my own heart is leaping wildly right now like some kind of maniac, because right here, right now, feeling it with me, with you, is up-and-coming star...did I say star? I did. Welcome to the show, Zach Park. Yeah!”

  Zach laughs, because he just had the coolest intro ever and obviously knows it. “Thanks, Whuz. Always love to be on your show. Everything about it is current, the music, the guests, and you’re always helping out everyone, like when there’s a charity event, you seem to be the one rallying the troops.”

  “That’s because I am the troops. I’m DJ Whuz, everyone, in case you forgot who I am, and I’m here with Zach Park. You play Gina’s hilarious acoustic-guitar-toting, serenading boyfriend Beau on the show. Seriously, what’s that like?”

  “It’s fun really. I mean, I’m not on every episode, but my character is pretty important as one of the stable love interests. And he does a lot. He gets caught up in weird situations, and occasionally he sings, which means I get to sing, and I think that’s kind of the best part for me.”

  “I think it’s the best part for a lot of people,” DJ Whuz says. “With your voice, man? You should think about making a record.”

  “We’ll see,” Zach says, like he wants to tease the listeners, but I’m really wondering if he’s going to make an album too. That would be so amazing. To be honest, Zach is probably an even better singer than he is an actor.

  DJ Whuz spins around and turns his attention to me. “I see you brought with you a guest. A lovely creature. Is she a singer? Can she even speak?”

  “I can speak,” I say.

  “Oh she does! She does! Tell everyone your name. Sing it!”

  “Liv. Liv Blakely.”

  “Ay, yeah!” DJ Whuz screams. “Oh wait, I know who you are. No hiding now, congressman’s daughter. Tell your old man to come on the show. We’ll talk politics and get up all in America’s grill. But hold on, let me get back to Zach baby, because there’s a reason you’re on the show and it’s to talk about a charity appearance cast members from your show are doing to help out cancer-stricken mothers. Those of you Lab Rats who’ve been listening awhile know we take time out on KLAB to help the community raise money when the need arises and let me tell you there’s always a need...”

  I can’t believe that Zach took me on a public appearance. We’re moving so fast, but no one has ever done something so romantic for me. He’s handsome. Hilarious. Easygoing. Well-liked by everyone. How can I not fall for him?

  After the show on our way home, Zach and I are talking so much that I don’t even realize there’s a voice mail from Sam waiting on my phone until I get up to my room. A voice mail? Weird. No one leaves voice mails unless there’s something wrong. I press Play and cradle the phone next to my ear, wondering what it is. Sam’s voice comes over the speaker. I wince. Crap. I completely forgot that I told him I would come over tonight.

  He sounds a little bit flat, but there’s emotion bubbling underneath, like he’s trying not to sound upset. “I heard you on the radio with Zach,” he says. “I should have known you weren’t going to show up tonight. This is twice you’ve ditched me for him. I love you, but I refuse to be a pushover. You can’t just call me every time you need someone to rescue you, and then ignore me. Hope you and Zach had a great radio show. Please don’t call me back until you’re ready to tell me what’s going on with you.”

  s i x t e e n

  “I watched him with wonder like the stars watch the moon,

  falling in love with every crescent, dark side, and dream.”

  —Piper Payne

  I think I’m falling for Zach. Hard.

  We’ve been on a few dates now. He even took me to watch a taping of one of his shows at the studio and introduced me to the rest of the cast.

  Going out with Zach is my only break from school and the campaign, especially since I’ve ruined my relationships with Antonia and Sam. Zach’s chosen most of the places so far, but tonight I’m taking him out—or at least I’m telling him where to go since Mom and Dad have still been too busy to teach me how to drive.

  I haven’t called Sam. It’s probably for the best.

  Do friendships between men and women always end in hurt feelings? Maybe there’s a certain age you get to when you can’t be best friends with a guy anymore. Maybe those expectations have been there below the surface for a long time. I need to focus on myself anyway. After our date last week, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Zach has the c
onfidence to pursue his dreams outside of school without letting the rest of his life hold him back. Why can’t I do the same?

  When Zach knocks on the front door, I feel my stomach cramp. Or are those butterflies? Either way, Mom and Dad aren’t home. Early December means that the fund-raising process is gearing up before Dad announces his campaign in January. They know I’m going out with Zach in general, but they don’t know we’re going out tonight. Dad still doesn’t want me going out at night. I have to make sure I’m back before they get home.

  “Look at you,” Zach says, grabbing my fingers and guiding me through a twirl. It feels silly, but also so romantic I could melt. “You look fantastic.”

  I blush.

  “Have you always been this smooth?” I ask him, practically laughing. “Or did you have to practice?”

  “You ready?” He puts his arm around my waist and squeezes. I tense up for a moment, but I try to relax. I’m not used to people touching me. The air outside is chilly and being wrapped in his arms spreads warmth throughout my whole body.

  “Where are we going?” Zach asks.

  “It’s still a surprise,” I say. “Let’s go. I’ll give you directions.”

  Zach and I jump into his car. I look at the map on my phone while giving him directions. I end up taking him the long way just because I want to spend more time alone with him. I want to savor every moment. I want to memorize the lines on his hands as he grips the steering wheel and the sound of his laughter.

  Traffic’s busy on Wilshire as Zach navigates through Beverly Hills past the chic shops and the palm trees in the center divider wrapped in tiny glowing lights for the Christmas season. He keeps trying to trick me into telling him where we’re going, but I just tell him to keep driving. After what seems like forever, I direct Zach around a corner into LACMA’s underground parking garage. He starts laughing.

  “Of course you would take me to a museum,” he says, pinching my neck. “It’s kind of funny, but I’ve never been here. I’m always too busy.”